Meg11

Ugh, I feel ya….Look with him just going to school this year he is in a WHOLE NEW ENVIRONMENT….The stress of fitting in with other kids, learning in a new way, sitting in his chair, using scissors, being exposed to kids that you do not know, have no control over what happens in THEIR homes etc…that is a lot to have on his plate….My best advice is this, Made your home a safe haven for him, some kids are so mean and when he comes home you need to provide a safety net, loving, warm, offer him a snack etc…DO NOT, repeat DO NOT by any means tolerate his hitting and bad behavior, encourage him with positive things, when he shares make a big deal of it, Thank you for sharing with your brother, How kind of you to do that…take him on a date once in a while with just you, get him a dollar scoop of ice cream and ask him how he is liking school….when you discipline him be SOLID….do NOT back down, he is looking for your weakness, he is testing you, he WANTS you to win….You are his safety net, at school he may have issues with security, he may feel picked on or that he doesn’t fit in, he is testing to see if you will treat him the same way, what is his favorite toy? Does he play video games, all I have to do is threaten my son with his games and he gets right in gear, the reason is because I HAVE taken them away and I did NOT back down, give them back early or just threaten….God will cover the Friday the 13th thing, just be more cautious of what people have around him when it is in your ability and pray that God covers the rest….I have rules about time out, if you are in time out your time does NOT start until you are quiet, if you goof off or talk, your time starts over from the beginning….no turning around, nose in the corner, hands behind your back, If I take a toy away or a privilege I set a time, day, week, hour etc and I stick to it no matter how fast the behavior improves…if I spank and I do….I make it hurt….I do NOT bruise my kids, I do NOT spank when I am angry, I sit them down lovingly and explain why they are getting a spanking, I tell them I will only spank you ONE time if you lay across my lap and allow me to spank you, if you kick and scream and make me fight you I will give you two, if they start squirming and freaking out before I spank then I calmly say, 2, if they keep it up 3 then I will say, How many spankings do you want? I use a bamboo spoon and I give one hard firm swat on a bare butt that is ALL it takes, if they try to cover with their hands I tell them that is worth an additional spanking as well….with my kids, I have 4, I RARELY EVER have to spank them anymore, they are used to it, when you spank a kid hard enough for them to cry REAL tears they want to be held loved and restored, so at first you are the bad guy but then they want you to hold them, it allows for a good ending to a spanking and the fact that you followed through with it and made it hurt will show them that next time you mean it and they will be much less likely to require spankings in the future…TRUST ME….I am a commando mom, I don’t mess around but EVERY-TIME I am out in public I have AT LEAST one person who will tell me, Wow, your kids are so well behaved, they are so good, you have great kids…etc….I go through the battles at home so we can enjoy our times out….They love me, they have a healthy fear/respect for me and it is because I FOLLOW THROUGH….Just gear up because its like breaking a wild horse…there will be a HUGE fight, there will be many tears, spankings, time outs etc….but once you show him whos boss and stick with it he will learn….Much Love, Meg…. meg@standupgirl.com

Hey there, Welcome to the site…Look…Being a Christian means KNOWING that we are not perfect, KNOWING that we mess up, KNOWING that we NEED a Savior…If your mom is a true believer in Christ then she will welcome you with arms of love, forgiveness and restoration….She will be disappointed and that may come out through means that are not very “Christ like”, She may be angry, she may even say things that she will later regret, but hey, you know what it is like to mess up, so give her the grace back that you so want from her right now…Hang in there…I was a Christian when I got pregnant with my second child…I was at church one day and a lady came up to me all excited…She was like, Oh honey, when did you get married, with a huge smile on her face…I looked around to see who she was talking to, I then realized she was talking to me, I looked at her all confused and I was like, I didn’t get married????? Then she turned beet red and was like, I am sooo sorry…I thought you were pregnant….I looked at her and said…I am…it was pretty embarrassing, I think more for her than me…LOL…Being a Christian doesn’t mean you will never mess up or make mistakes, it means that when you come to the point in which you realize you went off on the wrong road you will evaluate your decision making, look to the Cross and turn the other way…Two wrongs don’t make a right, you just have to walk on with your head held high, you cannot change what has happened, you just have to move forward and learn from this…I always say, I thank God for giving me children rather than AIDS….Children are a blessing, sure, it will be hard, there are going to be consequences for your actions but Children are a pretty awesome consequence if you ask me…I am here if you ever need to talk and I am open to emailing with your mom as well if you need someone in your court…You can make it through this and you can still find many blessings in this life….You just need to sit her down and tell her, make a plan, decide what you want to do in your new circumstances, there is plenty of time to finish your classes before baby is here, I hope to talk to you soon…Love Meg, meg@standupgirl.com

Well hey, at least you know what is going on with your body and not lost in wonder….may I ask why you and your bf are trying for a baby? Just curious…when I got married I had two kids and my hubby had one, with you two not having any yet your wedding would be A LOT easier to plan and pull off without child care etc…anyways, its not always a bad idea to do things the “old fashioned way” First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage….so anyways if you feel like sharing I would like to talk more…Love Meg

🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 So proud of you honey!

I would just set up appropriate boundaries with him, let him know that you are nervous about getting involved right away, that you will forever be tied to your baby’s father and he will have to accept that without active jealousy or interfering with the decisions the two of you (father and mother) will have to make, he has to earn that place in your life, he cannot just walk in, be your bf and make parenting decisions, if he wants to marry you down the road and you accept then you will have to allow him to make parenting decisions at that time so make sure that ANYONE you look to having a relationship is the kind of person who will ALWAYS put your childs best interest FIRST, not his feelings about you being on the phone with bio dad or having bio dad show up at school play etc….if you are comfortable having your guy friend in the room with you to hold your hand then invite him, that would put him to the real test real fast…LOL….I do caution you though, obviously we all know how we end up pregnant to begin with, let this tough pregnancy and the permanent consequences of being tied to a jerk for the rest of your life teach you to be very guarded physically in a relationship at least until there is a very firm commitment, but preferably marriage….I learned the hard way twice, I have 3 kids from 3 dads, my third is with my husband of 4 years, we are going strong and happy but we do have a lot of issues with the other kids dads, they are flaky and it is hard on the kids….our daughter has to suffer too because every other year her siblings are either gone for Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, or Christmas…and when they leave for a weekend she misses them, so choose very carefully who you will have sex with (if you insist on it before you are married) I feel ya, I went through two pregnancies alone and although I had people in the room with me with my son, I did not have his father by my side, my oldest daughters dad was by my side but we were not together, I actually had a restraining order on him at the time and once the hospital found out they did not allow him around me….I am here anytime! I have read some of your blogs and I am sooooo proud of you! Love Meg

Just go to your doctor, it is better to be honest with them and ask for practical and physical help than to risk using during your pregnancy….they may have something that is safe for baby that will help you transfer meds until you can wean off or something like that…I am here if you need me, I have overcome a lot of issues including drug use so please, write to me and we can trouble shoot your situation…Love Meg meg@standupgirl.com

Wow, you already got two great responses from two very wise girls here, not sure if there if much more to add other than I agree with them, parenting and adoption are reversible, you can choose to place your baby with a family and back out, sure it is hard on the prospective parents but this is YOUR baby, not theirs until the papers are signed, even after baby is places there is still a legal time frame in which you can change your mind, parenting is reversible, you will fall in love with your baby and connect with him/her while in the womb, go through the amazing process of child birth and be excited about being a mommy, then life will hit the fan and you may decide that you want for the baby to have what you are unable or think you are unable to provide, you can then look into adoption, abortion is permanent, you can NEVER get the baby back, you can NEVER know what your baby would look like, once they begin the procedure they HAVE to finish it or you could die…I know a girl who took RU486, she took the first pill and had INSTANT regret, her baby was not even dead yet and she already wanted to change her mind, there was no way she could, she already took the pill, I know another girl who had a surgical abortion, she was on the table, they had just inserted the instruments and began the procedure, she told them to stop but enough damage had been done that her life would have been at more risk for them to stop, she had to lay there with INSTANT regret while they finished taking the life of her child that she no longer regretted being pregnant with….I also know girls who have placed their children with other families and I know girls who have parented at young ages, 14-15 and been successful, all this to say, you have so many options before you but only one is permanent and that is also the option that has the most regrets and risks involved…I know you can do this and if you are considering adoption as a first resort then here is a website that can give you tons of info and advice http://loveschoice.com/ ,I am here for you anytime you need to talk and I hope and pray that you will think long term with a rational mind rather than short term with fear….Love Meg meg@standupgirl.com

Your physical size and height have nothing to do with your ability to successfully birth a baby…it is about your internal sizes, your pelvic bones in particular, my mom was attempting to have my sister at home and she got stuck, her pelvic bone was in the way, turned out that my sister had the cord around her neck twice and that they had to help my mom hold her legs at a crooked angle to help my sister make it out….I don’t say this to scare you but I share it to tell you that worst case scenario there are all kinds of interventions that will assist in helping you and baby make it through labor and delivery safely….I didn’t get nervous with my first until I was in the hospital realizing I was not leaving until baby was out….you get that roller coaster feeling in your tummy, its exciting and scary all at the same time…just hang on for the ride, do you have anyone going with you or staying in the room with you? Most labor and delivery nurses are so wonderful, they are used to being with uncomfortable women who are in pain every day so they tend to be sensitive to your needs but it is always nice to have a friend, parent or whoever with you….You will be fine and I can’t wait to hear that you and baby are home recovering…Love Meg

I see some great advice already but I want to share as well…I will not lie, going from one to two is the hardest adjustment I ever made with my kids, I have 4….I clearly survived though..LOL…you will too, I had my oldest help me with diaper changes and she would take the diaper to the garbage for me, I had her start helping with little things, it helped me and made her feel important and gave us time for just us, she would fold wash cloths and put clothes on hangers, yes even at 2-3 years old she was very capable of that, you also have time to adjust because it is really the terrible 3s you need to worry about…hahahaha, 2 was nothing, 3 is HOLD ON FOR THE RIDE!!! LOL….just make sure you take time with the older one, go on little dates when you can, let her know she is still special to you and always will be…my oldest is now a little mommy, not literally as she is only 8 but she cooks, she can load and start the dishwasher and empty it as well, same with the washer and dryer, she is practically capable of operating the house when I am sick…she is awesome….I have no doubt in my mind that her drive and love for helping is because I trained her to do so when her brother came along, sometimes she will be a little resentful and complain about helping but that is normal with all kids but the vast majority of the time she is BEGGING me to let her cook dinner or give her sister a bath (she is 2)….be creative and have fun, just know that no matter how rough the rough patches are that the blessings will far outweigh them…I think 2-3 years is an ideal age separation…Love Meg

Well I guess in your circumstances a congratulations for not being pregnant is in order…Have you and your new boyfriend talked about what would happen if you turn out to be pregnant by him? I learned a little too late about pregnancy scares…LOL….I went to get on birth control and the lady asked me if I had had unprotected sex in the last 72 hours, I told her yeah and she then reached out and handed me a pill, she told me to take it, I looked at her and told her that if I happened to end up pregnant that it was not the baby’s fault and that two wrongs do not make a right….well I never started my period so I never started the pills, I WAS PREGNANT and just to early to show up on a test at that appt….I am so glad I did not take that pill, I LOVE my son, he is my little guy guy…I did learn a very important lesson though…after two kids from two dads I decided to wait until I was married to have sex again….I did…it was 2 1/2 years later that I married my husband and our first time was our wedding night…I knew he would be there in the morning, I knew if I got pregnant that he would Stand by me….sooo, with this new and fresh relationship it might be a good time to make a fresh start for yourself…it was the best decision I have ever made as far as relationships go!! I want the best for you and I am really glad you found this site and like it so much..Love Meg

I know its kind of late on the reply however something I have noticed, it could be because I live in a super small town though, is that we don’t often see children with downs syndrome, dwarfism, cleft lips, etc….I believe that it is because so many people are choosing to abort these days due to something like a physical but non-life threatening issues….I mean with the risk percentages of these types of issues you would think to see more babies with “defects” or special needs….I just want to give a thumbs up to your Aunt, I am sure that Poppy is and will continue to be a huge blessing in all of your lives despite her not so huge size…Thanks so much for sharing her story as well as a pic of Sophia!! Love Meg

So did you find out if you are pregnant? Love Meg

Hey there, my name is Meg, I can relate to your situation, I used to party a lot and end up in similar situations where I just didn’t know what happened, or if I had even had sex….My encouragement to you is to remain abstinent at least until you know for sure…I found myself at 22 with 2 kids from 2 dads and I knew that I had to make a lifestyle change or have my kids suffer….I made the choice to remain abstinent until my wedding night and I did….I met and married a wonderful man, I have not been drunk in almost 7 years now and we have a monogamous relationship…I never thought I would be able to say that about my life, honey, please for your future family, be careful, take care of yourself and make more responsible decisions….I am here if you ever want to talk or relate…Love Meg, meg@standupgirl.com