14 and pregnant, I don’t have a choice!

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      I just found out i am pregnant, i havn’t had my period in 2 months and 4 positive tests. If i tell my mother she will make me keep it. If i tell my step dad he will kill me im positive. if i tell them both i she will support anything he does. I cant get out of this house im not allowed anywhere. No matter what i do i am going to loose. i want an abortion but i cant do it. i cant do anything. help?


        Hi Coty,

        I know what you’re going through right now, and most of the girls here too.

        In my own opinion, you should tell this first to your mom. Life is precious, so don’t get an abortion and so far the very best option to do. You’re dad will most likely to kill you at first, but I don’t think so. He’ll get angry at first but that won’t last. He is still you’re father and I know he loves you, and so does your mother. They’ll be very supportive of you and your parents love you. Hey, they’re having there very first grandchild. Cheer-up!


          Hey there sweetie….You are definitely in a tough spot….I want you to do something for yourself though, slow down for a few minutes, clear your mind to the best of your ability and think about you….you are in a perfect world, you have the means to support your baby, you will face no criticism from your family, you are free to make your own decisions without judgment or fear of the unknown….what do you do? What makes you want to keep your baby? What makes you not want to keep your baby? Ultimately this is YOUR decision, it should not be based on fear, threats, money, living situations….fears come and go, same with threats, living situations and finances can change overnight, this decision needs to be based on who you are, what you Stand for, are you responsible? Do you Stand for equality, love and life? Your mom is not guaranteed to be here for you tomorrow, your step-dad is not either, you cannot make a decision based on what THEY want, this is about YOU, you have 3 options, parenting, adoption and abortion, I caution you though, they are all permanent life changing decisions but only one of them is irreversible…you can never take it back and that is abortion….you can keep your baby, change your mind and then place him/her for adoption, you can place your baby with a family and still have flex time to take that decision back, you can go with open adoption and be an active part of your baby’s life, abortion is the only permanently shut door…Now you seem smart to me, you have a problem that is over your head, you know you need help, you took action and you have sought advice, you sound like a problem solver to me, someone who is willing to learn, grow and change, pregnancy and parenting is all about learning, growing and changing….I believe in you and I know that if you set your mind to this and put your heart into it that you can make a very responsible decision, one that carries no regrets…don’t look at your age or your circumstances and relationships, look deep inside yourself and ask, can I really live with the decision to abort? Do not make a fast decision, those tend to be the ones we regret most…I am here for you and I would love to communicate with you more and help you make the best decision for you, but trust me when I say that abortion is NEVER the best decision, it leads to death and regret and you deserve so much more than that….please write me…Love Meg, meg@standupgirl.com


            You both have good points but i KNOW
            a) if my step dad finds out he will kill me, i’m not jus being a drama ho he scares me and my mom does anything he says is ok. he does not love me and makes sure i know it all the time.
            b) if i tell my mom she will make me feel like crap and then try and keep it from him so she can make me keep it she is like super religious and stuff.
            all i want is to be me again i didnt ask to be pregnant or have sex and now im thrown into this situation where no matter what i do or choose i feel like i am loose. if i find a way to have an abortion i might get breast cancer or feel bad my whole life from what ive read. but if i dont then i could die or end up being stuck raising a baby if i’m lucky thatll be the best resault i guess


              hi i no the situation you are in but mine was the other way around i was scared to tell my mom but not to botherd about my dad i think you should talk to your mom first when ur dads not around and then take things from there when my mom found out she went mad but the next day she was fine she came and appologised to me and then listened to what i wanted the longer you leave it the worse your going to feel about telling them xx


                hey jst relax evrytin will turn out fine thee bible says the trials u go through will turn to blessings


                  You do have a choice. 9 months is a short time to sacrifice to let your baby continue to live. My husband and I would love to be parents to your baby. I don’t live far from you. Adoption is the best choice to let your baby live. I can’t have children and would love to be a mother. You are so young and have your whole life ahead of you. Make the decision for yourself. You can withstand your step-father. It might be difficult. But fear is a horrible reason to abort your baby. It will tear you up inside forever.


                    There is always a choice. Talk to your doctor, or some other adult you can trust about your fears. And when you tell them, don’t go it alone, bring a trusted adult with you to help calm the storm. There are lots of resources that can help you. You do not have to have an abortion out of fear. Try talking to a local social worker, and find someone to help you with your home situation. There is lots of help for young mothers out there if you just go looking. Even if you don’t want to keep it, or think you can’t handle looking after a baby and all the responsibility that comes with it while you’re so young, seriously consider adoption. You can hand-pick a family and even discuss getting updates, and keeping in contact with the family and your baby. If you decide to keep it, there are lots of ways and resources you can get help from. You can give that baby the best life if you want to. And everyone here at SUG can give you advice and guidance. There are lots of people where you can draw strength and support from. You just have to go looking, it won’t take long, hun.


                      I was also going to suggest adoption. It’s a wonderful choice if you can’t take care of a baby right now.:) Choose life!


                        no abortion please.god has a plan for you and that baby so please keep the baby.please


                          I too agree!! DO NOT abort this baby. There are so many women out there…like me, who can’t have anymore children and we are going to start the adoption process soon. You will feel so much better about it in the end. I know. I have a few girlfriends who gave up there babies years ago and now the children are living with wonderful families..enjoying LIFE!!!!


                            No one can force you to do anything but yourself. Their opinions and actions affect the outcome but should never affect your choice. This baby is yours, only you know what is the best choice for this baby. :cheer:


                              Hi – I’m sure what you are going through is pretty scarey. Do you have a support system in your life – close family member or friend to lean on as well? You had mentioned not wanting to abort. Have you considered adoption? If you ever want to talk, I’m here. Prayers to you – Sandy


                                Would you be interested in putting the baby up for adoption?



                                  I am new to this site and saw your message. Since your posting, what is your situation now? I see several women have given you their thoughts and encouragement, but I would like to know what has occured since their last writing? Did you tell your mom? Please let me know.



                                    Hello –

                                    My heart goes out to you and know that I have walked in your shoes. Like you, I was afraid to tell my mom and especially my dad. I thought that if I told them that I was pregnant, I would make them really mad and that they would never talk to me again. Because I was so ashamed of myself for getting pregnant I just was not able to look at them and tell them what I had done. I was a total mess mentally and emotionally and just did not know who to turn to. I told a girlfriend and she suggested that I go see a councilor at an abortion clinic. I did not like the sound of that idea. After many sleepless nights pondering what to do, I took an overdose of pills and tried to end my life; that was not successful, so I decided that I was going to have an abortion. Little did I know what an abortion entailed nor did anyone explain it to me. I had no idea that post-abortion would affect me mentally, physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually the rest of my life! For most of my adult life, I lived in guilt, anxiety and emptiness inside. At the age of 55, I finally decided it was time to come to terms with having the abortion. I contacted an organization called Rachel’s Vineyard and it was the best thing I could have done for myself. You might want to google Rachel’s Vineyard and contact them and ask for advice. If I had known what I know now, I would have never had the abortion. As hindsight, I should have been honest to myself and my baby by being open and upfront with my parents. I should have had the baby and then made a decision of either raising it or giving it up for adoption, but I did not even give myself that option. Honesty is always the best policy and I am sorry I was not honest and open with my parents. If there is anyway that you could get an appt. to talk to a professional at a clinic that is set-up to talk to you about your pregnancy, you may feel better equiped about making the best decision for you and the baby. Do you have a close relative that you could confide in about your situation? Could you go and live with a caring relative to help you thru this? Please respond and let me know how you are doing at this writing. Please let me know if you contact Rachel’s Vineyard and what they can do for you.

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