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Hey,
I don’t know whether or not you are pregnant, but if you think you are I suggest you take pregnancy test to be sure.I was concerned by your post. The pain that you are describing during sex is something you need to go to the doctor for. It might not be anything but it might be the sign of something serious. Make an appointment today.
Much love.
I think if I were you I would talk to a doctor. It is not advisable to take Plan B when you are already on chemical birth control. Plan B is about a 4 times higher dosage of some types of chemical birth control. You have taken a lot of hormones. I would call a doctor and explain the situation.
My friend, have you considered waiting until you are married to have sex. It is clear that you don’t want to get pregnant. Whenever you have sex there is ALWAYS a chance for pregnancy – even if you are on birth control. Nothing is fool proof.
Sex is good for a while but the consequences catch up with you. There is nothing wrong with explaining to your boyfriend that you only want to have sex with your husband. If he can’t understand that, he is not a man for you. You deserve better.
I would not go if I were you. You need to trust your feelings. Not going is playing it safe. You have nothing to lose, but if you go and something does happen you will kick yourself. Don’t go.
Your situation sounds really tough. I don’t think I would get an abortion because it sounds like you are undecided. Abortion is permanent. I have never heard anyone say that they regretted having their child, but I have heard thousands say they regretted their abortion.
Having a baby does not mean that your life is over. Your life will be different, but different is not bad. In fact, many women go to college and raise a child. It is absolutely not out of the question. You can do it.
It is not easy, but the most rewarding work never is. I think you can be a great mother. You have what it takes.
Hey Girl,
I’m sorry to hear about this terrible situation you’re in. Do you know for sure that you are pregnant?If you are, in fact, pregnant don’t stress out. You can do this! I just want you to know that you will be ok. I’m not sure that getting an abortion behind your parent’s back is a good idea. It it PAINFUL to tell the truth, but most of the time, telling the truth is the best situation.
If you have an abortion behind their back, just think about carrying that secret around with you for the rest of your life. I can’t imagine what that would even feel like.
An abortion is something that is not easily hidden. The truth of the matter is that your parents will eventually find out one way or the other. It’s hard to keep something that big a secret. When they find out they will have two things to be mad at you for. They will be mad that you got pregnant and mad that you had an abortion, but if you own up to it now and are honest with them, they will only be mad about being pregnant.
Telling your parents is hard, and they will most likely be very mad at first. But you are their daughter, so they will be angry, but they will not stay that way forever. In time they will get over it. Soon they will start to think about holding their grandchild in their arms and be happy that they have him or her.
You know, many doctors say that a baby is going to die or be very sick and that is not always the case. My friend was pregnant this past year and the doctors gave her baby a 0% chance to live – literally a 0% chance. You know what, she didn’t listen to the doctors and not she has a wonderful son that is 3 months old. All he needed was a pacemaker. He is totally fine with no problems whatsoever.
If I were you I would at least wait until you are far enough along to get an ultrasound. An ultrasound is a much better way to tell whether or not a baby will be sick than the doctors opinion.
There is nothing wrong with canceling the abortion procedure to take some time to think. Abortion is a permanent decision.
Hi,
It’s always nice meeting new people on the site.I sounds like you have really thought about this and done a lot of planning. I’m happy that your parents are supportive.
Have your parents encouraged you to get married? I can tell that you and your bf are really in love and it would seem that marriage would be the next logical step.
If it were me, I would not throw the cart before the horse, so to speak. You and your bf have a great relationship so why not get married and then have a child.
Getting married first would benefit all those involved. You and your boy can start to establish your life together and your home. Then when you bring a child in you are prepared. Not only that there is research that shows that children born into families where the mother and father are married are set up for success in their life.
Give the best to yourself, and your child. If your parents support you getting pregnant, it would seem that they would also support you getting married.
I’m not sure what you mean by “mens”, but if I understand what you are saying correctly, what you are experiencing may be more along the lines of a sexually transmitted disease or a yeast infection. I would see your doctor immediately. What you are describing isn’t so much a pregnancy symptom.
The abortion pill (called RU 486) does not just “make you miscarry”. Let me tell you a little about it.
Most of the time, there are 3 trips to the doctor. The first pill you take ends the life of your baby.
3 days later you have to go back to the doctor. He/she will give you another medication that will cause your uterus to contract. The reason that you need this is because your baby, although not alive, has to come out. You are given this medication and then sent home. While you are expelling the contents of your uterus you will be at home and not under a doctor’s care. Most women say they experience a lot of bleeding, clotting, cramping, and so on.
The bleeding could last anywhere from 2 weeks to a month. After the bleeding stops, you will have to go back to the doctor for an ultrasound. The purpose of the ultrasound is to make sure that there is nothing of the baby left over inside of your uterus. If there is something left over and the doctor does not see it, it can be very serious.
6 people (I believe) have died from taking RU 486. This is not a cocktail of medications that I would recommend that anyone take.
I’m sure your situation is overwhelming. Hang in there though. You are a Stand Up Girl and you can deal with this. You can face it. You have what it takes.
Let me refer you to http://www.optionline.org. This website has a listing of pregnancy resource centers. They are free and confidential and they can help you with ALL of your pregnancy needs. I would encourage you to check it out. You have nothing to lose.
You can write me any time. I’m always available to talk.
Well, my hat is off to you for being a Stand Up Girl. Way to Stand Up for yourself and the life of your child. Your little baby is lucky to have a mother like you!
I’m sorry about your situation, but there is help. There are pregnancy resource centers that can help you. Everything they have is free and confidential. They can help you with maternity clothes, car seats, baby food, and housing if you have no place to go. Just go to http://www.optionline.org, click on “find a center”, and type in your zip code, a list of pregnancy resource centers will appear. Just call one and tell them your situation. They will be happy to help you.
You can make it through this. You never know, after 5 hours of fighting you might be through the hardest part. Just keep sticking to your guns. You’ll make it through ok.
Before I would start taking any medication I would consult my doctor. Is your aunt a doctor? I really would not take that medicine unless it was prescribed to me by a professional. You wouldn’t want to harm yourself just because your aunt says “there’s a baby in every bottle.”
When deciding the best time to start trying, I would look at the time in my life rather than the time of the month.
There has been a lot of research regarding a child’s development when born into a home where the parents are married and those who are not married. It benefits the child to live in a situation where the parents are married to each other.
It sounds to me that you and your bf love each other a lot (why would you want a baby), so why not consider marriage for your own good and for the good of your child?
Sure, the two of you could just live together (you may already be), but there is no substitute to the commitment of marriage.
I guess if it were me, I would want to give my child the best. I would ask myself what kind of a situation I would like to be born into and try to create that situation for my child.
I will always be grateful to my parents. They waited to get married until my dad had finished his doctorate to start trying for children. That way both my mom and my dad could give me and my sister their full attention and they could provide for us financially. That was such unselfish love! My parents put the needs of my sister and me above their own wants to have a child.
Waiting for marriage is a good choice for you and your future children and something that I do not think you would regret.
Every one has different definitions of what is hard and what is easy. I think a lot of it depends on the support your receive. Plenty of girls are forced to drop out of high school simply because they have no child care. Other girls are thrown out of their house entirely.
Keep in mind, too, that your former classmate might be been trying to impress you. You were at a class reunion where people try to one-up each other to show that they have their life together.
When you are pregnant in the first trimester your body produces a hormone called HCG. The amount of HCG doubles every two days. When you have an abortion, it is an abrupt stop to a natural process of your body. It takes some time (the amount of time varies from person to person) for your body to stabilize itself and for the HCG levels to fall. This is why if you take a pregnancy test after an abortion it might read positive.
As for becoming pregnant right after an abortion, it really just depends on the woman. To become pregnant you have to ovulate. As you know, sometimes because of stress your body will skip ovulation, this would cause you to not be able to become pregnant. I’m not a doctor but it would not seem any more likely to become pregnant after an abortion.
It is clear since you had an abortion that this is not a good time for you to become pregnant. My suggestion is that you stop having sex. If you don’t want to become pregnant not having sex is the only way to ensure that you won’t.
Birth control and condoms are not effective 100% of the time. Any time you have sex there is always a chance for pregnancy and there is always a chance to get a sexually transmitted disease.
Have you ever considered waiting until you are married to have sex? Maybe this is something that you have thought about before. Waiting until you are married is the best decision you can make for your body and for your life. There is a lot less heartache.
I would encourage you rather than just going on birth control and running the risk of getting pregnant again, to slow down and consider waiting until you are married for sex.
You definitely are not in this alone. Right now, things may look unclear and uncertain, but the overall feeling that I get from your post is that you really don’t want an abortion.
I think that is great. Yes, it is probably going to be weird and awkward with the baby’s father, but he will get over that. This might be a bumpy road for you at first, but you can do it.
You already are a mother and you know the ropes. I believe in you and I believe that you can do this.
*hugs*
Let us know how your doctors appointment turns out.
You may not be familiar with this, but there is a term called post abortion syndrome. Most women who have undergone an abortion will experience emotional side effects. The side effects can include things like depression, anger, denial, anxiety, alcohol abuse, suicide and trying to get pregnant immediately after the abortion.
Many women try to get pregnant right away to fill the place of the child that they lost. There is nothing wrong with wanting a child, but if it were me, I would wait a while and heal before you take steps to become a mother. You want to make sure that you can give your child-to-be the very best.
At pregnancy resource centers they have healing programs for women who have suffered an abortion. All you have to do is go to http://www.optionline.org, click on "find a center", type in your zip code and a list of pregnancy resource centers will appear. Just call one and ask about their post-abortion support programs. The program is free and there are so many people at the center who will be happy to help you.
In my opinion, right now, may not be the best time for you to have a child. When thinking about getting pregnant it’s good to think about what is best for your child. Over and over again research has shown that children do best when their parents are married to each other. It’s true.
I will always be grateful to my parents. They had both my sister and me when they were married. My dad and my mom waited until my dad had finished his doctorate to start a family. They knew that while he was still in school it would be so hard to provide for a family. I am so glad that they waited because my sister and I were raised in a situation where my parents could afford to raise us and give us the attention and care that we deserved.
These feelings that you are having are ok. It is normal. We all have maternal instincts.
Have you considered getting a job or volunteering at a daycare. I think that would be a great outlet. It would teach you so much about being a mother. Plus at the end of the day, you can leave the kids there!
It sounds like you and your bf have been together for a long time. You probably will be together for a while longer too!
Have you considered marriage? I know that you want a child, but marriage is the first step toward a child. You said in your post that a child is what YOU wanted. What do you think your child wants?
If it were me I would want to be born into a family where the mother and father were married. That would be giving your child the best. It would be the right thing to do for him or her.
Ask your parents before you get pregnant. If you do become pregnant, you will need their help and support more than anyone else’s (even more than your boyfriends). Make sure they are on-board first.
Consider the cost of a child as well. You might want to think about having a child after you graduate college and have a stable job that can support a child.
I agree with you. Women at a young age are capable of being a great mother to their child.
At this point in time, I would think about what would be best for your child. You’ve given a lot of reasons why this would be a good thing for you to have a baby, but why would this be a good time for a baby to be born to you?
I am so grateful for my parents. They were not girlfriend and boyfriend when they started having children. They were married. I am so grateful to them for that.
Not only did they wait until they were married, they waited until my dad was completely done with grad school before they started having children. They wanted to give the best to my sister and me. My dad knew that he would not be able to provide for us if he were still a student. Could he have provided for us as a student? Sure. But he wanted to do what was better (finish college). He loves my sister and me so much that he wanted to give us the BEST not second best.
I would sit down and think about what it means to give your baby the best. This means different things to different people. Ask yourself what kind of environment you would like to be born into.
Lastly, don’t forget to run this by your parents or his parents. If you choose to have a baby you will definitely need their help and support.
Love ya.
In my experience, men, at first, are really opposed to the thought of a child. It is just as much a shock to them as it is to you! He might just need some time right now to process things. After the initial shock wears off he might feel dramatically different. He might change his mind completely.
One of my friends decided to parent her child even though the baby’s father wanted her to get an abortion. He was in the delivery room with her when she gave birth and he thanked her for giving birth to their son! He did a 180 once he saw his child and got to hold him in his arms.
People change their minds all the time. Just because this is the way your boyfriend feels right now, that does not mean he will feel the same 9 months from now.
Regardless, your baby already has a mother who loves him or her. Keep your chin up!
