TO MY BABY

Your so strong and brave. I wish i had kept my baby.

When deciding the best time to start trying, I would look at the time in my life rather than the time of the month.

There has been a lot of research regarding a child’s development when born into a home where the parents are married and those who are not married. It benefits the child to live in a situation where the parents are married to each other.

It sounds to me that you and your bf love each other a lot (why would you want a baby), so why not consider marriage for your own good and for the good of your child?

Sure, the two of you could just live together (you may already be), but there is no substitute to the commitment of marriage.

I guess if it were me, I would want to give my child the best. I would ask myself what kind of a situation I would like to be born into and try to create that situation for my child.

I will always be grateful to my parents. They waited to get married until my dad had finished his doctorate to start trying for children. That way both my mom and my dad could give me and my sister their full attention and they could provide for us financially. That was such unselfish love! My parents put the needs of my sister and me above their own wants to have a child.

Waiting for marriage is a good choice for you and your future children and something that I do not think you would regret.

Yes you can have a perfectly healthy baby and not be married and on the flip side you can be married and have a not so perfect and healthy baby, that is life…the issue at hand is that it has been proven and testified to over and over again that MOST not all but a vast majority of women who PURPOSEFULLY got pregnant before marriage and especially at a young age look back and see that it was a selfish and irresponsible choice…I do not place a woman who accidentally gets pregnant and keeps the baby in this same category, she faces her consequences head on and that is so honorable, but you are in a little different spot here…are you saying that you know better than the hundreds of thousands of women who had children out of wedlock on purpose who wish they would have listened and waited? Do you think that you are the one and only exception and that your life is going to be just peachy and perfect? The reason most people are getting divorced is that they want to do what they feel like regardless of what is best for them and because they think they know better than everyone else, they think they can just do what they want despite the warnings from the ones who are looking out for their best interest and then they find themselves in a failing marriage and they are not willing to do their part to solve the problem…it doesn’t work that way with kids…I watched a show called Platinum weddings while I was visiting family (I don’t have TV) this couple spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on this wedding and the last thing the bride said as the episode was over is “I think this will work out” If she is “thinking” that her marriage will work then she shouldn’t have gotten married, you should be confident that it will work and discard the D word from your vocabulary….I think the same thing about you trying for a baby, your are setting up a scenario that may not be the outcome…you are automatically assuming that you will have a perfectly healthy baby, you are saying that you don’t know if you and your boyfriend will get married and that just because not everyone else is either that it is just fine and dandy, at least a lot of the girls that are ttc are saying “we are going to get married one day” they at least have that goal in mind, if you are unsure if you will ever be married to him do you really want to purposely bring a child into the world together only to have tings not work out in the end and have your child be the one to suffer for it? Kids are not toys, or cute little dollies, they are little people who will grow up to be big people, you should really take to heart the encouragement you have received and start practicing loving your future children by waiting until you are madly in love with and married to their father, if you say you are madly in love but do not want to get married then I am sorry to have to say that I do not believe you, you cannot be totally in love with a person and have no desire to take his name as your own and if you are unsure about whether he will marry you then you should question his love for you and if it is something to question then why have a child together on purpose?? Sorry to be so blunt, I really do care and that is why I am so blunt. You need to take a step back and open your eyes and look at the statistics, yes there are exceptions to the rule in all situations but come on now, don’t be naive, if you never want to get married then why do you want a family? People are doing things so backwards these days (call me old it’s ok..LOL) what happened to first comes love, then comes marriage then comes the baby in the baby carriage? Is there something so wrong with doing things the old fashioned way?? I can tell you this much from experience that there are a lot less risks involved when doing things that way…I had two kids from two dads when I got married, I have been given a new chance to do things “right” I waited until our wedding night to have sex and have no regrets about it, I got to plan our child together and have my husband there by my side during delivery, he was there to help me out of bed in the middle of the night when I could hardly walk due to pregnancy complications, and he was there for me during the stressful and emotional outbursts due to the fact that we were told that our daughter might die shortly after birth and had she I knew he would stick around because he loves me enough to have committed to me in marriage but you know what? My other kids, the ones I had before marriage, although they have a daddy now they still have to deal with the rejection from their other families, they are the ones left with the pain and confusion…you need to think of your future children not your wants and dreams of a baby, a baby is going to grow up and ask you why? Why did you not care about my future? Why are you and dad not married? Why can’t I have a baby at 16 mom? You will have to answer all the questions and trust me they are not fun and bubbly, all the cute little baby clothes that you can dress your baby up are not cute enough to mop up your tears when your child tells you they hate you because their daddy is not around, the attention you get by being a young unmarried mom is not warm and fuzzy, I will end my ranting now but I assure you that you are making a selfish decision and that you do not have the best interest of your future children in mind, to purposefully plan a baby outside of marriage because you have wanted one since you were 8 is irresponsible, a baby is not an object to fulfill our wants, a baby is a person who will demand everything of you and often not meet the “quota” of love, attention, and satisfaction that you are going to require from him/her….