alexanders_mama

Congrats on the baby!:))
Maybe he’s just afraid of how his life will change after the baby’s born?
I really don’t think he’ll commit suicide, that’s a really common thing guys say to make girls have abortions, I’ve never of a case where they actually carried through with their actions.
Give him time to rest on it, but I’d also suggest go out and beginning to make sure you have a strong support network right now.
Hope that helped. All the best xx.

I know, it’s hard being single. I sometimes feel like the I am falling, like my knees are buckling.
But you know what — not once have they actually buckled. I don’t know where us mothers get the strength from, but somehow we do, and i belive in God.
The most important thing to remember is that there are bad times in life and good times. This is one of those bad times. It had nothign to do with the fact that you’re too young blablabla I sometimes feel I can’t say anything because ppl jump to conclusions…this is one of those bad times, and there’ll be good times ahead.
Just keep taking it day by day; and remember, the worst off on this site are the ones that don’t have their babies in their arms anymore. Remember that. Compared to them, we are blessed indeed.

Of course she’s your baby, of course you could raise her. 18 is adult age, and lots of women 200 years ago had children far before then, and managed to do a damn good job at raising their kids. And lots of women who have children in their teens these days do a damn good job at raising them too (I for one can’t think of myself as a bad mother, and I had my son at 17).
You probably will not be able to cope with working and going to college at the same time, you will have to pick one. But wouldn’t that be a good enough sacrifice for your daughter to be able to be raised and near her real birth mother everyday?
I know college and children are possible, because I cope. And what’s more, i enjoy it, and I could never imagine not having my son near me everyday, and I’m sure he wouldn’t imagine it either. Other women do it too, and they’re not superwomen either.
Whatever you put your mind to, you can do.:)
I wish you all the best. Follow your heart.

Hi!
I know how you feel…
Well, maybe this reply is going to be long, but I have a lot of say about your situation.
May I ask what background you are from? I am Russian, and my first boyfriend was two — but our families hated each other.
We dated in secret, but soon everyone knew about it, and it was a lot of troulbe.
After a month of going out (I wasn’t really living at my paren’t at the time, I’d just turned 16), I was returned to my parent’s house, as I often was after hiding at one or another friend’s place, and they asked me what my boyfriend’s name was. I told them I didn’t have one. I knew that they knew, and they knew who it was, you know how it is in communities, everyone knows everything and everybody else’s business.
Anyway, they said they knew I had a boyfriend, and they wanted to know what his name was. I told them I didn’t have a boyfriend.
They beat me for an hour, ripped off my shirt and made me stand on my knees in the corner of the room while they beat me, demanding to know his name, even though they knew it already. All they wanted to hear from me was his name, so that they could tell him how horrible he was, and forbid me from seeing him.
After an hour, I was still silent, so they sent me to bed.
It was hard. His mother would always yell at me prostitute! and whore everytime I was on the phone to him and she would find out, she tried to stop us at every point possible, and so did my parents.
There were horrible things I would hear in the community about myself, about how promiscous I was, and an aboslute slut that would spread my legs for anyone, even though he was the first boy I had ever kissed!
Anyway, I moved back home on the day I fell pregnant, after five months of going out with him (it doesn’t sound like long, but it was very full-on).
My parents took a different approach this time — a little bit more cunning I’d say.
They befriended him, and then started setting us up against each other.
After I fell pregnant, it was much easier for them to do their work — plus, I don’t think he wanted the baby anyway.
But when they found out, 17 days later his dad suddenly died, (he didn’t know about my pregnancy), and my parents were kicking me out, trying to force him to move in with me.
Our parents just set us against each other; when his mother found out, she went hysterical, and a day later (I was five months pregnant) he disappeared — by this time we were renting a place together, in which only I lived, and he would hardly see me.
I had to track him down, and this was Valentine’s Day; it was also the day of the ultrasound, and the day when I had to have my photo ID taken for home schooling (I was doing Year twelve that year). I still look at that photo and I look so funny, I look like someone’s just hit me on the head with something very heavy! Lol.
I think that was a Monday or Tuesday. It was 2005 anyway.
My parents forbid me from crying or talking about him, and they told me that the less I talked about him, the more respectable i would come across to society. So I did that. On Thursday, I went to Russian school in the afternoon, donned on high heels, in a nice outfit (you couldn’t really see my stomach, i was small), make-up and the biggest smile. I wouldn’t let them see how much I loved him, because he’d left me.
It was hard when I knew everyone was talking about me — even harder when people pretended they didn’t know anything so I would tell them more. My girlfriends were the biggest support group then, but it was hard with the whispers around me.
After an hour I had to leave, because I was about to cry. I didn’t eat for a week, and I just lay in my bed or sat on the couch for a month crying. I woulnd’t talk to anyone for a very long time.
After a month i stopped crying, and all I did was sit on my couch and look at the walls; that’s all I did, other than schoolwork. My parents always put me down; and it was hard, being forbidden to mention my ex-boyfriend.
Alexander was born, and my parents toned down their hatred of my ex just a little bit, because here was their grandchild, and his son all together in one. My ex’s mother is still a little loony though, and my ex doesn’t see his son.
So that’s how it all panned out….My little tragic story…But I’m glad I had my son, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. And the first love of my life taught me invaluable lessons about the world.
And at the end of the day, if you ask me, would I go through it again, would I still not listen to my parents, I would say yes. Because my situation didn’t work out, but many situations do.
And in the end, it’s better to love than not to love at all. Parents deserve respect, and family is very important; and I would of course listen to them and hear them out, I’m not saying I wouldn’t, maybe I would behave a bit more maturely these days (although that’s sometimes hard in some ethnic families, you know) try to discuss the issue with them; [i]but at the end of the day, it’s your heart, and nobody can tell it what to do. [/i]You’ll only end up miserable if you don’t listen to it….
ps. sorry for my long story, I just felt like telling you my story after I read your post, because I can truly understand what a forbidden relationship is like…

Well, I would never have an abortion. My mother had eight and I would never go that way. Every time one of my brothers or sisters were killed, when I was old enough to know about it, Id cry.
When I fell pregnant, abortion was just not an option. I wouldnt even hear of it.
Thats just the way I decided upon it. So yeah…I guess you’ve got my simple answer lol…

Hi,
I hope that after the initial shock wears off shell be behind your 100%. thats wat happen in 99.99 precent of cases. I wish you all the luck possible.

You know I think a lot of young guys go, well Im 17. Thats the age my sons dad was when he became a ‘father’, and thats all I used to hear from people, ‘hes 17’.
Your point? I mean, hes not much less of a dad if hes 17 or 70 is he? He made the child. I know a rare few of wonderful teen dads, and they dont go, well im young, im not gonna do anything, im just going to get drunk every day of the week, sit there without work, not see my kids and abuse the ** out of you whenever I happen to see you walking past. Like my ex.
I was really calm before I read your post, and I just thought, that is so true, his age doesn’t make him any less of a dad.
I really think one of the problems is that people tend to see it as okay, that hes young. But youre young, arent you?
I think youre really going to need to put your foot down. That was the last thing I did with my ex — and that was the last I saw of him, and that was seven months ago. What he used to do was about every three months hed see me, start shouting at me that he wanted to see his son, wed have a blue, then id agree, and then hed meet us in the park for an hour or usually less, and hed sit there on a bench and stare at us like we were aliens and not even talk to his son once. Very strange lad if you ask me, and i just dont think ‘im 17’ is a good enough excuse for that sort of behaviour.
As my son got older, I said, look, this cant keep up; well have to work out a timetable where you see him every week for an hour, or else Alex will get hurt.
You knwo what he said. HE DOESNT LIKE TO PLAN THINGS LIKE THAT AND HE DOESNT HAVE ENOUGH TIME ANYWAY.
And then he left. That was the last I saw of him. If you ask me, truthfully. it was a good riddance. That is not a father. That is just a sperm donor that I needed to stand up to a long time ago.

You’re a wonderful man to stick by her. It takes a male to impregnate a girl, it takes a man to step up to the responsibility. Its not an easy road — or so ive heard, me being a girl, i wouldnt know — but I really admire you for what youre doing. Keep that spirit alive!:)

:cheer: :cheer: Congrats!:cheer: :cheer:

Yeah, I’m actually enjoying his age lol! Well he’s two today!:D I’m a single mum, oh well, all guys don’t turn out to be princes i guess ay, and I’m at uni, really wish I could finish sooner and get a better income lol. How bout you!
P.s. I love your kid’s names. They are so awesome. They’re some of my fav names lol

I completely agree with you guys.
I really believe that if a girl gets pregnant, no matter what age, she should keep the baby — God gave her a baby for a reason.
But to be trying for a baby when both of you are 14….I don’t know, it was ok in the middle ages when people got married then and that’s what society did…but right now it’s so bloody hard, why do it?
I’m fine with a girl who’s already married, even if she’s 17 or 18 or whatever, trying for a baby with her HUSBAND, but just with some dude when neither person can stand on their two feet…..well, can’t you just wait people is what i’d like to say to them. But yeah, everyone’s entitled to their opinions I suppose.