No help from my sons dad!

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      ok, well i really just need to vent because this situation bothers me A LOT! My sons fater and i are not together and he only helps me out like 5%. He always tells me "oh well your the mom and this is your job, not mine" and it hurts me more than angers me because my son, who is only 10 months, is not getting to spend time with his dad. Jerry, thats his daddy, his only about to be 17 but his young age does not make him less of a dad. He hardly sees Daren, our son, and when he does see him he looks at it like hes babysitting for me. it kinda pisses me off, but it hurts me soo much more because my son doesnt deserve not to see his daddy. He doesnt even help me out financially. I would say on average, jerry sees daren like 2-3 times a week. nothing i can say to jerry changes his ways; he doesnt even do it for our son. i just want my son to have a daddy too. i love him soooooooo much and i dont ever wanna see him get hurt when his a lil bit older because his dad doesnt wanna pick him up or spend time with him…….


        i can realate.. but my sons father has been in and out of his life since he was born.. i mean three days here, he’d take him for a weekend.. then go four months without seeing him.. complain that he dosnt see his son.. he spent MAYBE 300 bucks on his son in the last two years… and recently.. as in three months ago.. i had to set my foot down and tell him to go away.. because he just wlaks in and out and of his life.. and thats not right.. my son deserves someone steady.. so i told him that he has to go through the courts.. and prove he really wants to be a dad.. and not a sperm doner… its hard to deal with and if it keeps up like that.. you might have to take drastic mesures.. its not good for the baby.. it just shows him how un steady people are and he mght grow up to belelive its okay to be there only when he wants to.. i mean thats my perspective.. and i stand by it 100 percent.. so good luck.. hope he can step up and be a good dad before anyone has to make a drastic desiton! i wish the best of luck!


          You know I think a lot of young guys go, well Im 17. Thats the age my sons dad was when he became a ‘father’, and thats all I used to hear from people, ‘hes 17’.
          Your point? I mean, hes not much less of a dad if hes 17 or 70 is he? He made the child. I know a rare few of wonderful teen dads, and they dont go, well im young, im not gonna do anything, im just going to get drunk every day of the week, sit there without work, not see my kids and abuse the ** out of you whenever I happen to see you walking past. Like my ex.
          I was really calm before I read your post, and I just thought, that is so true, his age doesn’t make him any less of a dad.
          I really think one of the problems is that people tend to see it as okay, that hes young. But youre young, arent you?
          I think youre really going to need to put your foot down. That was the last thing I did with my ex — and that was the last I saw of him, and that was seven months ago. What he used to do was about every three months hed see me, start shouting at me that he wanted to see his son, wed have a blue, then id agree, and then hed meet us in the park for an hour or usually less, and hed sit there on a bench and stare at us like we were aliens and not even talk to his son once. Very strange lad if you ask me, and i just dont think ‘im 17’ is a good enough excuse for that sort of behaviour.
          As my son got older, I said, look, this cant keep up; well have to work out a timetable where you see him every week for an hour, or else Alex will get hurt.
          And then he left. That was the last I saw of him. If you ask me, truthfully. it was a good riddance. That is not a father. That is just a sperm donor that I needed to stand up to a long time ago.


            well my sons dad says "oh i want to be a dad you just wont let me" because one i wont take my son to his girflriends house.. or wherever he’s staying for the night… TWO.. because i told him he cant drink or smoke with my son around… three.. because i told him that he would have to see him regularly.. not just once every three months.. once in a whiel.. when he has time.. when he has a ride.. when he has money WHATEVER.. i told him to just idisapear if he cant make a commitment to his own son.. well he still calls me about once a month.. and it coming up on my son second birthday.. in about a week.. and i know hes going to call wanting to see him.. and i have to face up, and tell him no.. and i hate it because i always feel guilty.. what if my son blames ME for HIM not standing up and being a dad.. you know?


              I reckon…and this is wat I said to myself if my sons dad comes round n starts demanding things…that before I let him see my son, Ill tell him i need to meet up with him one on one and talk….and I reckon you should tell him all those things…put your foot down, and if he wont abide by it, then itll be HIS fault…I reckon itd be cool to set up a timetable where you both agree on a set time each week when he sees his son…otherwise its just going to be hurting and damaging your son…i need it would have damaged mine…I mean, that sort of come/go relationship really makes a child feel abandoned and unloved…
              Also, I think that if you do that, and make sure you act rational, if it ever comes down to going to court, or even facing up to your sons questions about his dad, then youll be able to show…well, this is what I did, I was being rational and reasonable…I keep a diary that Ill show my son when he gets older…that way, theres no finger pointing years later about the details


                i hope things work out for you… my son is 16 and when he’s 18 i will help him find his father if he wants to.
                we split up when i was pregnant, and by mutual agreement we decided to have no contact and i wanted no financial assistance. i wanted his family to have no kind of hold over me whatsoever.
                it has not been easy- but when i look back at those times i know it was the right decision to make.


                  Hey sweedy, how you keeping up?
                  Well i’m not in the same boat, but my nephew is 🙁
                  My bro was 17 when His became a dad,and so was the mom and at that time he changed his life around, he stoped drinking and pulled his act togather.
                  You could see the love he had for his son, as years went by my bro and his ex were fighting alot and stuff. they broke up and he was still in his sons life, he wouldnt let anyone tell him different, then last year, he met someone who he now has married. And he wrote his son off, told us that he had test done and that the child is not his, he always knew but now he had enough and wants nothing to do with his son. But the mom to him to caurt and they had test done "again" the test came out possitve. The kiddie IS MY BRO"S son. But he still wants nothing to do with him. And the worse thing is the kiddie is only 5 now. What my bro is doing is damaging that poor baby. It brakes my heart.
                  the reast of the family is still involved in his life. We love him to bits. And i always said that i dont care if his our blood or not he was brought into our lives for a reason and we have no right taking him out of our lives.

                  My point is, rather get things sorted out NOW, dont wait untill your baby, know who his dad is and then his dad decideds he wants nothing to do with him. He will be more hurt when that happens. If the dad decideds to leave now, let him. Trust me, you saving your baby more pain if he leave now. I know because i see it in my nephew. He asked my mom one day is his mommy also going to leave him. You know how that hurt me knowing thats what he fears, he was 4 when my bro decided he wants nothing to do with them. At 4 they know but maybe they dont really understand, but they hurt and they do things to try and get attention because they affraid "that they did something" to make that person leave. All you need to do is let your baby know what is going on when they old enough, or the day they ask, where is my daddy. and telling them what happened at that time they ask, will hurt alot less than having their daddy walk out when his a little older


                    i know the feeling, well i dont have the fustration of the dad not helping cuz we split up before Tyler was born, he hasnt seen him or even attempted to be apart of his life!!, he was cheating on me before we split an got the girl pregnant so i think hes pretending my little boy dont exist!! I think u should tell him he either gives a 100% or nothing an let u raise the baby to the best of ur ability, u dont need him 2 confuse u an ur baby xx


                      This really pisses me off, he needs to take FULL responsibility for his child and help you out. Instead of being a deadbeat daddy you need to find a way to get his ass in gear by putting your foot down and maybe even taking some legal action and taking him to the courts and looking at custody options. It sucks but unfortunatley if a man doesn’t want to be apart of your child’s life he can decide not to and just fuck off. You can see if he truly is serious enough by taking certain actions but it seems like this guy is just not ready to be a dad and is only going to make a half hearted attempt. Good luck sweetie, lots of love,

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