Meg11

Hey there…I just wanted to make a few comments in regards to your question and in agreement with the answers so far…I was one of those girls that Eric is talking about…just figured I would have sex with them because they knew I had a kid already…sadly it worked a few times…my logic telling me that they know I have a kid they must really love me and want to be with me if they are willing to accept the responsibility of dating a girl with a kid…don’t believe that lie…it just leaves you feeling more alone and unloved int he end…I also agree with mommy6 to not look at the bars and the mall and other such places for the right "guy"….I went that route also…BIG MISTAKE…..you reap what you sow…if you fall for a guy that roams that mall with his immature friends…thats what he is going to do when you want to take your child to the park…if you get a sitter and make it to the bar one night and meet that "right guy" well next time you don’t have a sitter he will just go without you and meet someone else to go home with….I count myself extremely blessed and fortunate to have found my husband….I was at church one night and I was feeling guilty of the life I was living (sex, drugs, bar hopping, and oh yeah..church) that night a man got up and lead worship and as he sang and then closed in prayer I felt like a ton of bricks fell on my head and I heard that still small voice say "DUMMY!!! that is the kind of man you want in your life, not those boys a the bar…" I realized I needed to stop looking for a guy that might go to church with me sometime and look for a man that would go without me…I prayed that night that the Lord would transform me into the kind of woman who would attract a guy like that into my life…about two weeks later I found out I was preg with my second…no guy would ever want me know I thought..I chose to remain abstinent until marriage…one day at church I realized that the guy who lead worship that night was really nice…and kinda cute…I stayed far away because I was in no position to be looking for a boyfriend and I felt so unworthy to be with him…I soon found out that he was married….I am the most terrible person..I thought…I am pregnant and falling for a married man…well come to find out he was married for 3 months when his wife got pregnant and left saying "I never loved you and I don’t want to be married anymore" he had saved himself for marriage and she was the only woman he had ever been with..now I felt even more unworthy to ever consider being with him…I started praying for God to fix his family because he was such a nice guy and he didn’t deserve to be so heartbroken…I stayed away from him and never let on how I felt…I prayed for him for 2 1/2 years without him ever knowing how I felt…as I grew in the Lord and read my bible I felt like God was telling me that He was going to bring us together but to just wait and be patient….this whole time his wife was sleeping with different guys and he still remained married to her and willing to work things out and take her back…it just made me love him more for the way he chose to love her…finally one day we ended up talking about more than just church (I helped out in the children’s church and ended up being his partner) by the time we got off the phone we had our whole life planned out…we had both been attracted to each other by the way we both had been living…he saw me being a single mom of two and saw me growing in the Lord and was blessed for the way I had changed…I saw the way he made the choice to follow God’s directions even though it wasn’t easy…we had to wait a whole 10 months to be in a real relationship..sure we slipped sometimes and gave into the temptation of hanging out when we were not supposed to and we even got busted at Walmart together but we did our best to honor God…his wife finally divorced him and he was free…we began a relationship and she moved across the country with his son and got remarried to the guy who paid for the divorce…well it didn’t take long before she was pregnant and left the new guy also….my husband realized that he was not the one with the issues and he asked me to marry him and start over in life…we got married on 11-11-06 at 11:11 am….LOL…we have both had so much healing in our lives…I had two kids form two guys and I married the most Godly wonderful man I have ever met…not to mention that I am only the second person he has been with…we saved ourselves for our wedding night and that is something I never thought I would be able to say…I am sorry for making this so long but I just want you to know that there is someone out there..and like Eric said PRAY…I did for two and a half years…and it ended up being that man who was singing while I was praying for God to transform me into the kind of woman who would attract a good guy…miracles happen everyday…ask God to perform one in your life and expect for it to happen….I hope this brings encouragement to you and I hope to hear from you…Love Meg

Way to go Stand Up Girl…I know what that fight is like…I have not had and abortion but I have had to fight for my life (joy, peace, happieness, self esteem, etc.etc.) when you make that choice to Stand Up and you are purposing to climb those mountains you will see healing begin and you will find a new motivation to keep walking…you mentioned that you are praying to God that He would hear your cries…well He does…if you have faith as a mustard seed and say to that mountain..be cast into the sea…then it shall be done…hold tight to that faith that you have and you will not only climb over those mountains but you will eventually cast them into the sea…I know how hard it is to forgive your mom…you feel like she should have been the one to protect you but she is the one who has hurt you deeper than anyone else ever could…my mom took her own life when I was 3 1/2 months pregnant with my first…I found her body…I was so angry that she would do something like that and leave her body for me to find…I was angry that my baby was not enough for her to stick around to see…I was so lost and hurt and I felt dissplaced…that body that I came out of no longer existed (cremation)…forgiving my mom was one of the hardest things I have ever done…she wasn’t even here to ask forgiveness and to give forgiveness to…she will never know that I found her, she will never know what she did to me that day…she doesn’t have to carry that but I did for a long time….I finally got to the point that I Stood Up and I told myself that it wasn’t my fault and I forgave her for what she did, after all, she must have hurt so badly in order to do that, she must have felt abandoned by the world, I will never know what the last thing that went through her head was…but I forgive her and I have made the choice to NEVER put my kids through something like that…I have struggled with suicidal thought on and off for my whole life but I have made the choice to not follow those foot steps because I know what it does to those left behind…I don’t know you or your mom so I couldn’t tell you the best way to go about this whole forgiveness issue but I can tell you most of my healing has taken place after I forgave my mom….I am so excited to see what kind of amazing things will happen in your life now that you are taking it back…I am so happy for you…let me know if you ever need to chat….Love Meg

Well I am glad that he doesn’t hurt you or treat you outwardly bad…I can’t tell you what you should do because you are the one who needs to make that choice…but I can offer some questions to make you think…if he is a good dad and he treats you good and provides for you then why don’t you love him and want to be with him??? Has he asked you to marry him?? If he did would it make you love him?? If he was willing to be closer to your family would it change your heart?? Just some questions to help you search your heart…one thing I do want to comment on though is you being afraid of him hurting himself….has he threatened or is this just a random fear??? Pennie’s dad threatened to hurt himself and he did it to keep me around….I didn’t want to be responsible for his injury or death…Keep in mind that my mom killed herself when I was 3 1/2 months pregnant and I found her body so his threats hit too close to home…I finally had to realize that if he was going to leave me for getting a job , well, at least the bills would get paid and I wouldn’t have to take his verbal beatings anymore I was to the point that I would have rather starved to death with me and my daughter homeless than to be with him one more day…so I made the choice and left him…a week later he told me that I could get a job but that he wanted to get back together…"he had changed" not another week went by before I left him again for good…he took the laundry soap, shampoo, dish soap, etc.etc.etc. and gave me 20 dollars…all of the bills were past due and I had no food or milk or gas in my car (all of those hour long drives) his grandma picked him up and he took all of his stuff….well I got a job within a week and my friends from church (the ones that I had not been allowed to talk to, and the church I was not allowed to go to) brought me food and supplies to hold me over till my first check came in…leaving him was the hardest choice I have ever made..that I can think of…I was so scared…he had convinced me that no one would ever hire me, that no one would ever love me, I would lose my house and car and that he would take my daughter from me and prove me to be unfit to raise her. I had to take a leap of faith….I had to let go of what I knew reality to be and I had to survive…ultimately I became a Stand Up Girl…I quit having sex when I got pregnant with my son and I remained abstinent for 3 1/2 years until my wedding night, I only spent money on what I NEEDED, and I fought so hard to be a good mom even though I didn’t have an example set for me….I have been married now for 7 months and I have a happy family….all of the things her dad told me were lies….I have had great jobs (I don’t work now by choice) I have people who love me and I actually just tore down my house and put a manufactured home on the property and I ended up with a better car…that one blew up on the side of the freeway when I was 3 months pregnant…that’s another story LOL….so I hope that answered your question of how I got out…I look back and I can’t believe that that was really my life…I lived that way every day and dealt with the abuse…he never even calls to check on his daughter (good thing) much less fought to take her away….deep down he is a scared insecure little boy and all he can do is bully someone else who hurts to make himself feel better…don’t let anyone do that to you ever….love Meg…

I just wanted to tell both of you ladies that your relationships sound a lot like the one I was in for over a year…one of the worst relationships I was ever in…he was controlling and all but physically abusive…I was not allowed to talk to my own sister who lived in the same house with us….yes I agree that it is important to have a mom and a dad but it is more important to be surrounded by love and to teach your children right and wrong…if these guys are disrespecting you and controlling you it will affect your kids down the road…especially if you have boys…they will most likely grow up to do the same thing to their wives…God made Eve from Adams side not from under his foot and not from above his head…all that to say that we are no better or worse than a man…you need to be loved and honored and cherished…you should put your kids first…when you are married you are supposed to put your husband before the child but you are not held to that if you are not married to these boys…don’t let them get away with putting you down and making you feel less important all the time…if you are not married then you are not held accountable to stay in that relationship…if at all possible let them maintain a healthy relationship with their kids but please know that you are selling yourself short…if you don’t love him you are not doing either one of you a favor by staying with him…it is always best for both parents to work it out and get married and stay together but when there is abuse of any form involved (which in both of your cases there is) it will ultimately hurt your child, hurt yourself and tell the abuser that it is ok to treat a woman that way….he doesn’t own you…if you want to freely give your love then that is different but don’t force it if your not married…if you need to…leave and be with your family…I never saw the extent of the abuse in my relationship until I was out of it….I am free now and I am married to a wonderful man who loves both of my kids as his own and he would never in a million years tell me I can’t talk with a family member or that I cant go to the store without him or tell me "get me this or that" Don’t let these guys treat you like property…you are beautiful women with so much love to give….wait a while and give your love to someone who will give it back in a healthy way….Love Meg

I think you are making an awesome point that not all teen moms are a burden…I feel that the teen moms out there who are living off of others and having their kids taken away are setting a bad example…the horrible stories you hear about children of young moms being neglected and the statistics of teen drop outs related to pregnancy overwhelm those who don’t know what it is like to be in that position and sadly it makes a stereotype of "teen moms"….I was not a teen mom but it doesn’t mean I couldn’t have been….I just didn’t end up pregnant until 19 and had my first at 20….but I was an unwed mother of two and I know what it feels like to be looked down on….I chose to "Break the Cycle" I stopped having sex and made the choice to remain abstinent until my wedding night…I quit going to the bar and I didn’t ask people for financial help…I only received financial assistance through the state the first month after each baby was born and one other time when I broke my foot and was unable to work for a short season…I received food stamps and state medical but I was also working and paying into the tax money that supports the system…I didn’t want to be the stereotypical "unwed mother" so I made a choice and I Stood on it….don’t let the world drag you down….you understand that not every teen mom is looked down on…not every teen mom drops out…and not every teen mom is a bad mom….maybe others need to understand that more..but…don’t take everything so personal either…because not every teen mom is doing as well as you are…not every teen mom finishes school…not every teen mom Stand Up and takes responsibility…set yourself apart and love those who judge you and show them that you are not one of the "stereotypes" I don’t wish being an unwed mother on anyone…it was a very difficult 4 1/2 years of my life and my kids had to go through it without dads and it was hard on them as well….I also don’t condone unwed girls especially when they are not done with school TRYING to get pregnant…that shows irresponsibility and a lack of patience….patience is the second most important thing in my opinion other than love when you are a parent….but…to all the other girls like my self who "accidentally" got pregnant….I praise you for keeping your babies and Standing Up against all odds and for doing the very best you can to be a mommy….show the world that you are not one of the typical teen moms that they look down on…show them that you are a 100% Stand Up Girl….Love Meg

Hi there…I am Meagan with Stand Up Girl…I read this post and it just broke my heart. I am so sorry that you feel like you have no one to turn to and I am so glad that you came here for help. I wanted to first let you know to please not take any "pills" to make sure you are not pregnant, I have heard many stories about girls getting very ill and even dying from those pills. I was offered the morning after pill a couple of years ago and had I taken them I would have killed my son. He is now 2 1/2 and he has changed my life so much. I don’t know where you live but I know that most places have a local Pregnancy Resource Center. They are free and confidential. You can go there and take a free test. If you find the number in the phone book maybe they could possibly arrange for transportation…you never know???? I couldn’t think of a better place to go to find out the most important thing in your life. If you are pregnant they are well trained and educated in how to counsel you and they will take the time to love on you and make sure you are ok before you leave….most of them now have ultrasounds so you can even see your baby the same day. If you are not pregnant then you will have the peace of mind and the stress relieved with no payment due and your parents wont find out. My concern for you is this boyfriend. How many girls has he slept with with out protection??? Honey…you deserve WAY BETTER than that. Don’t give your precious body to some guy who is not respectful enough to treat you like a lady. It took me a long time and many heartbreaks and even 2 kids to learn that lesson…I would hate to see you go through the same thing. If you turn out to be pregnant I am sure your parents will be dissapointed or even hurt…they might feel like they failed at raising you properly…just be prepared to feel the heat a little bit. They love you and they want the best for you. No matter what anyone else tells you to do even if they threaten to take things away or throw you out….if you end up being pregnant…Please don’t consider abortion!!!! My daughters dad wanted me to get one and I almost did. She is my princess, my angel, and she never fails to bring a smile to my face. I had to do it alone and I went through many difficulties but I had her to help me through and I will never regret keeping her. Even the thought that I considered killing her still haunts me….when I look at her sleeping and watch her breathe I have to live with the fact that I almost prevented her from ever taking a single breath. I would encourage you to find a Pregnancy Resource Center ASAP, research and educate yourself about what abortion REALLY is and what it will do to your emotions and body for life (truthnet.org) and finally, tell the boyfriend, "No more sex, if you love me then you will wait" I hope you let us all know how this turns out and remember that if you are pregnant we are here for you and we will be by your side even if no one else is.Be a Stand Up Girl, you wont regret it…Lots of Love….Meagan

Hello My name is Meagan….I was wondering if you have gone through with your decision yet??? If you have not then please reconsider…you can do this…being a mom is not the worst thing in the world in fact it is the best thing that could have happened to me…I was on a road to destruction in my life and my daughter saved my life…her dad wanted me to get an abortion but thankfully I chose not to….if you are afraid of doing the mommy thing on your own please know that there are so many resources out there for single moms….they will help you with grants to finish school if that is the direction you choose and there are many single moms who stay home and do child care for their source of income…if your family doesn’t support you and wants you to kill your baby they can’t force you to do it either…there is so much help out there…there are maternity homes where you can stay up till the baby is a year old….and if nothing else you can choose open adoption….someone out there would love your baby as their own….someone out there cannot have their own children….your baby could be the answer to that families prayer….just please reconsider this….chose life for your baby….your mom did for you…..last but not least I was a single mom for 4 1/2 years and for two of those years I was a mom of 2…I felt like I would never find a nice guy who would want me and 2 kids…I was wrong…I have been married for close to 7 months now….having a baby may bring more responsibilities but they grow up and move out and you wish that they were still with you…but….an abortion stops a beating heart and the memory will be with you always along with the what ifs….I am praying for you and I hope that you educate yourself before making any solid choices….Love Meg

Hi Carla…in my past I had to deal with alot of mood swings also….the little one inside of you could be a huge source of the problem right now…..after you have the baby you should talk to your doctor about post partum depression…..I wouldn’t recommend taking anything for it but just educate your self about it so that you will understand better why you feel the way you do…as for right now….you are 15 and pregnant…that can bring alot of stress and worry into your life…if things are not so well with the dad then that just builds it up even more….problems with your parents as a result of pregnancy just tips the whole stress pile over on top of you….I wish there was an easy answer or something to do that would just make the mood swings go away but this is life…it’s not easy but that is what this community is here for….we are here to encourage each other that even if the problem doesn’t stop or even if the sun doesn’t come out tomorrow that you are not alone….I lost my mom to suicide when I was 3 1/2 months pregnant with my first….I still remember the moment that I was sitting on the edge of her bathtub holding her body out of the water…I felt so much of my built up stress …resentment …pride …past anger and hurt…etc.etc..just leave my body….I was so hurt and broken and empty in that moment….that is the day that my everyday mood swings that dissrupted the lives around me just went away….the little things just don’t affect me the same way anymore….how I wish I would have experienced that sooner…I look back at my relationship with my mom and how my moods affected it and I wish that I would have let those little things go and enjoyed her while she was with me….I just hope and pray that you will find a way to channel your emotions in a healthy way…it is ok to cry, if you need to just go sit alone in your room and take a few minutes to breathe, if you can’t come to an agreement in an argument then take a time out before you get stressed, if you are having a hard time right now just tell those around you and ask them to help you in this…you can always say…I am really moody right now and I don’t want to chew you out, could I have a little time to myself please…if they don’t respect that then take the next step by telling them…this conversation is over for now, or I will be in my room when you are ready to hear me out, or go on a walk…you are not alone…your hormones are out of whack as it is at 15…pregnancy just intensifies them even more….remember that we are here for you and that you are going through alot right now…don’t expect to make everyone happy at once..keep your focus on you and baby…I hope I helped and I am here if you need to talk or have questions..Love and Prayers..Meg

Hi there…I am very sorry for your loss…I could never imagine being in your shoes…the question that you are asking is, Why did God give you this baby and why did He take her away??? I don’t know the reasons why God allows specific trials and hurts in our lives but I do know why He allows us trials and hurts in general. God wants us to see Him as our Father, He wants us to run to Him when things go wrong. He has promised to never leave us or forsake us and when things go wrong it is not punishment, those are the times when He is the closest. I can’t tell you why He took your little baby home, but I can tell you that she is in His loving arms. I can’t tell you why He is allowing you to hurt, but I can tell you that He will comfort you in this time. I can’t tell you what He wants to work into your heart through this, but I can tell you that His thoughts towards you are of good and not of evil to give you a future and a hope. Reading your post brought a song to my mind and I would like to share some of the lyrics with you…Blessed be Your name, when the suns shining down on me, when the worlds all as it should be, Blessed be Your name. Blessed be Your name when the road’s marked with suffering, when there’s pain in the offering, Blessed be Your name. Every Blessing you pour out I’ll turn back to praise, when the darkness closes in Lord still I will say, Blessed be the name of the Lord, Blessed be Your name, Blessed be the name of the Lord, Blessed be your glorious name. You give and take away, You give and take away, my heart will choose to say, Lord Blessed be Your name…..I am not telling you that you should stop grieving , I am not telling you that you have no room to question God….when you are questioning Him that means you are talking to Him and He wants a relationship with you….ask Him to heal your heart, ask Him for answers, and expect Him to meet you in your deepest times of sorrow…He is there for you and He loves you…sometimes things just happen, we can’t always figure out why, but it is better to walk through the valley with Jesus then to walk on the hill tops without Him…cling to Him and let Him carry you though this difficult time….with all my Love and Prayers…Meg

The answer is yes…you can get pregnant the first time you have sex…….my guess is that the bleeding and the pain is from loosing your virginity…just think about it this way….you are 18….for 18 years your body has been untouched/undisturbed down there…and you have now had sex 1 time….5-6 days ago…that is trauma to your female parts down there….at this point you are a few days late which isn’t that abnormal for just putting your body through a new experience and also if you are stressed about being pregnant that can make you late as well…but…there is a chance that you could be pregnant…..yes your parents will be dissapointed…you are their princess…you have made it 18 years through all of the peer pressure, you have kept your virginity for so much longer than most girls do these days, that is something that you can’t get back now….if you are pregnant then it will be time to face the music for your actions….having a baby is not the end of the world though…I don’t recommend purposefully conceiving before marriage but in your case…you slipped you stumbled and ended up having sex…there are a lot worse things you could end up with as a result of having sex like STD’s or AIDS…..and on that note I would like to encourage you to go back to abstinence before you get caught in the horrible cycle I was in….I lost my virginity at 13…and for 10 years following I was sexually active, I had my heart ripped out so many times, I felt used, rejected, unwanted, unworthy, and I felt like I could never end up with a good guy because I was just used up trash….on top of that I had had two kids from two dads…when I was pregnant with my second I made the choice to remain abstinent until my wedding night…3 1/2 years later was that night….I feel so loved and wanted by my husband unlike how I felt with the other guys I had been with….He loved me enough to wait until our wedding night to have me in that way…My encouragement for you is to make that choice….just because you have already given yourself to your boyfriend doesn’t mean you have to keep doing it…he doesn’t own your body…and even if you are pregnant you can make it through, I went through two pregnancies by myself and was a single mom for 4 1/2 years and I made it…if this guy loves you he will marry you and wait until that night to have you again…and also…I think your parents will understand…talk with them and tell them how you feel….take a pregnancy test or go to the doctor for a blood test so there is no questions about accuracy….please let us know how this turns out and just know that if you are pregnant that there is a lot of help out there…you don’t have to do it alone….babies are blessings….Love and Prayers..Meg

Well Brandi, if you and your husband have been trying for a baby and you are having some symptoms then there is a chance that you could be pregnant…..have you taken any tests yet??? Some HPT’s are sensitive up to like 4-5 days before you are supposed to start your period. Just try not to stress out….if you stress too much it might cause a miss carriage and you will never know if you were pregnant or not….also if you think about it too much then your mind will start playing games with your body and make you think that you are pregnant…..wait a few days and take a test….if you are late and the test says negative then get a blood test….there is always the option of you and your husband going to the doctor to see if they can give you advise on conceiveing….I hope you find out soon….Meg

I was extremely leaky with both of my pregnancies….it it most likely colosterum…does it have a slight yellow or orange tint….I started leaking at like 4 months with both kids….I never found anything to help……it is kind of embarassing but just remember….pregnant ladies get away with everything….no one looks at you like you are a hog if you are first in line for food or if you go back for fourths LOL if you leak in public from your eyes or even your breasts most people just say to themselves….shes pregnant, thats supposed to happen… after having two kids nothing really embarasses me anymore…except them LOL….as for staining…get a bottle of spray n wash you will need it…..Love and Prayers…Meg

Yes you could be pregnant….the only form of birth control that prevents pregnancy 100% is abstinence…..you should take a pregnancy test or even go to the doctors to get a blood test…..also if you beleived that you miss carried a few months back you should go to the doctor to make sure that you dont have any (forgive me for lack of a better word) leftovers inside of you….if you miss carry and it is not handled in the right way you could end up with an infection or worse…..please go to the doctor and get checked out and please consider abstinence…..think ahead a few years down the road…..if you end up with a baby before marriage the chances of the babys dad sticking around are slim and being able to financially provide for this child is slim also….you are a precious gem in the eyes of God and He would want you to be treated like one…..stop letting your boyfriend have sex with you untill he says I do….you are worth more than that…..I hope that you find answers soon and I will be praying for you……I was sexually active for 10 years and had two kids from two dads before I tried abstinence….I remained abstinent for 3 1/2 years until my wedding night….it was so worth it…I never had to think I was pregnant, and I never had to worry about STD’s or AIDS….I hope that you will make the same choice and that you will receive the same abundant blessings that come along with it……Love and Prayers…Meg