we’re a problem

Hi, Kat.

I get your point and I’m sorry you have felt judged so many times but you also need to understand where everyone of those who say that are coming from.

For every teen mom who eventually raises great kids and becomes a doctor or a lawyer, there are teen moms who end up on welfare and don’t even finish school and end up being a burden on both society and their families.

Yes, motherhood is difficult whatever the age but a woman who has a job and takes motherhood seriously probably has a better chance of putting her kid through school as compared to a teenager who still has to go to school herself. Also, a person who gets pregnant after having finished school and is in fact working at a career and is hopefully married can provide a more stable home environment for a child. It’s a wonder though why some idiots who have jobs and are married still can’t manage that but that’s another story.

I guess the main issue here is that motherhood is not just a matter of being there and cuddling your kids, making formula and changing diapers. It really includes buying formula, buying diapers, making sure there’s money for school stuff, exposing the child to stuff that will make him/her a better person, etc. Yes, all that costs money and a person with a job has more control over money. We’re not all heirs to the Hilton fortune so we can’t all mess up and still be a celebrity like Paris.

It’s not even all about money, either. A person who takes life seriously doesn’t play around too much. All of us when we’re young focus on ourselves because that’s exactly what we’re supposed to be doing. That’s when we discover ourselves. When we’re secure with that, then that’s when we are more capable of letting another person into our lives.

Too many of us think that having kids is great and it is especially when they’re all cute and cuddly. It’s different when we get our own teenagers (that’s history’s way of getting back at us) and they think that they always know what’s best for them and that their parents know jack shit about what it is about being teenagers.

I guess the long and short of this is, yes, parenthood is really tough so why make it tougher on yourself by being parents so early when what you’re supposed to be doing is discovering yourself and having fun?

I don’t want to belittle the women here who have been good parents and have worked their asses off trying to be the best parents they can be and they try and help others to do the same. There’s Meg, Kandi and Nikki to name a few who have been truly remarkable here but I think they will agree with me when I say that kids and teens shouldn’t try to be parents so early. It’s hard enough as it is and it’s scary to hear people around 15 years old saying "they can do the baby thing". Let’s just all imagine what it would be like to be just 30 years old (I’m 37) and getting ready to be a grandparent because your 15-year old son/daughter is about to become a parent like you were when you were 15. Is that what we want for them?

Lastly, because I am a guy anyway, I suppose those of us here who know guys in their early twenties but have been parents already notice something: more often than not, these guys (not men) would much rather play basketball or drink with their buddies rather than take care of their kids. Yes, there are exceptions but would any of the girls here want to risk finding out if their guy is father material at the age of 17 or thereabouts?

There are simply too many sad stories of teenage pregnancies out there that it’s hard for those who are making an honest go at it to survive. You have no choice then but to finish school, get a good job, raise that child of yours and provide a wholesome family environment hopefully including a husband . There’s no other way of shutting up society about you than that. On the bright side, once you start working and you have a career, people will notice your work and your having been a teenage mom will just be one of the details of your life story.

Take care.

Erick

I think you are making an awesome point that not all teen moms are a burden…I feel that the teen moms out there who are living off of others and having their kids taken away are setting a bad example…the horrible stories you hear about children of young moms being neglected and the statistics of teen drop outs related to pregnancy overwhelm those who don’t know what it is like to be in that position and sadly it makes a stereotype of "teen moms"….I was not a teen mom but it doesn’t mean I couldn’t have been….I just didn’t end up pregnant until 19 and had my first at 20….but I was an unwed mother of two and I know what it feels like to be looked down on….I chose to "Break the Cycle" I stopped having sex and made the choice to remain abstinent until my wedding night…I quit going to the bar and I didn’t ask people for financial help…I only received financial assistance through the state the first month after each baby was born and one other time when I broke my foot and was unable to work for a short season…I received food stamps and state medical but I was also working and paying into the tax money that supports the system…I didn’t want to be the stereotypical "unwed mother" so I made a choice and I Stood on it….don’t let the world drag you down….you understand that not every teen mom is looked down on…not every teen mom drops out…and not every teen mom is a bad mom….maybe others need to understand that more..but…don’t take everything so personal either…because not every teen mom is doing as well as you are…not every teen mom finishes school…not every teen mom Stand Up and takes responsibility…set yourself apart and love those who judge you and show them that you are not one of the "stereotypes" I don’t wish being an unwed mother on anyone…it was a very difficult 4 1/2 years of my life and my kids had to go through it without dads and it was hard on them as well….I also don’t condone unwed girls especially when they are not done with school TRYING to get pregnant…that shows irresponsibility and a lack of patience….patience is the second most important thing in my opinion other than love when you are a parent….but…to all the other girls like my self who "accidentally" got pregnant….I praise you for keeping your babies and Standing Up against all odds and for doing the very best you can to be a mommy….show the world that you are not one of the typical teen moms that they look down on…show them that you are a 100% Stand Up Girl….Love Meg

Hey, Kat!

Thanks for the reply. It’s just that, in a way, been there, done that and when I was a college teacher, I saw how hard it was for my students who got pregnant and how brazen some of my male students were even insensitive they could be to their children and the mother of their children.

Teenage pregnancy is not something I’d want my girls to get into as much as possible. I guess that’s where family comes in. If they do (knock on wood), my wife and I will really be there to support them and not force abortion on them. I’d really just rather that girls in their teens concentrate on themselves and finding out what’s the best thing they can do with their lives, contributing positively to the community and all that before they start with being a mom.

Hey, I’m from the Philippines and am practically your neighbor. God willing, I may be able to get my ass to Australia during the next World Youth Day in 2008. I know I’m a bit old for that, but hey, it’s another excuse to go there.

Take care of that son of yours! Jeez, those babies grow so fast. My son is now 12 and my wife and I are having difficulties remembering how small he was. He’s even preparing for a school dance! Enjoy yourself!

Erick