Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
The first time I had a yeast infection I was horrified and humiliated, I even had to have a pelvic exam and I was mortified, I didn’t know I was pregnant at the time but I was 5 weeks along, yeast infections can be common during pregnancy, if you cannot get into your doctor then call the office and ask a question, I am X weeks along and my due date is ___, I have a yeast infection and I cannot be seen for two weeks but is there an over the counter treatment that is safe to use with how far along I am? There are many topical treatments that you could use also, I am not a doctor but you can also ask the pharmacist, I would think that it is safe to use topical treatment (an external cream for relief of itching or burning) just do not use any kind of internal treatment (suppositories, pills, douche, or any medicine inserted into your vagina) until you get the ok from your doctor, you should not have to be seen to get the ok to use a medicine to treat this…I had a urinary track infection last week and I called my doctor, I went in, gave a urine sample and they called in a prescription for antibiotics, I never even saw my doctor….many yeast infection treatments are ok during pregnancy just make sure you hear from a doctor which kind to use…I hope this helps, it sucks to be pregnant with this kind of infection it can be very uncomfortable I have been there so I feel for you, just hang in there and call your doctors office, they should be able to tell you the info without a visit…Love Meg
First off congratulations on your new arrival…I can’t wait to have a new born in my arms again, they grow so quickly…I think it is great that you and your friend became an item, he must be a great guy to Stand by your side in the situation you are in, my husband loves my kids as his own and I think it is a more special kind of love than it takes to love even your own birth children, I think your relationship with him has the greatest potential first because it was built on an existing friendship and second because you have not had sex yet after all these months of being together….do not take that for granted, if sex is something that was not happening when you couldn’t get pregnant (because you already were) then why chance it now that you can?? I mean you mentioned getting on birth control at your 6 week visit but I think you have the greatest form you need for the moment, a Stand Up Guy who has not pressured you to have sex, who has already accepted your daughter as his own, and who has already shown a great deal of commitment to you by taking responsibility in a situation that he didn’t HAVE to, he chose to and that shows great love and respect….why risk things now?? It took me two kids on my own to realize that I should wait till marriage to have sex, he stood by you with someone else’s child in your womb but you know what?? I dated my sons dad while I was pregnant with my daughter, about a year and half after she was born we hooked back up and I got pregnant, he bailed in a heart beat…he was there for me when he was not obligated to be but once reality hit the fan and he was now in a spot to Stand Up and be a man he ran off with his tail between his legs, I say this not to predict that your boyfriend would do the same but to let you know that it can happen….I personally think you should wait until you have a wedding date set to get on birth control, that is what I did…I remained abstinent for two years until my wedding night, it was so much better than any of my past experiences, just think about meeting him at the altar in a white gown, sharing vows in front of your proud family and friends and then eating and dancing and celebrating…then the two of you go to your honeymoon suite, it is just the two of you and the only thing separating you is your WEDDING clothes, it will be a moment that you have never experienced with each other, you will have something new and mysterious to begin your marriage with, not just coming up with a new position for that special night, or just wearing sexy lingerie that he has not already seen, there is something so unforgettable, indescribable and that will leave you breathless about sharing your first time having sex as a married couple…Please just think about it, I know you want to have sex…not a lot of people don’t want to after they know what it is like, but you also know what it is like to have a child out of wedlock, I know what it is like times two and to get pregnant by the one who stood by me in pregnancy when he didn’t have to and then to be ditched when I got pregnant with his child…I think this boyfriend of yours is great, respectful and will eventually marry you if he has stuck by you through all of this, but please, do you, him, and your daughter a favor, save the complications and risks, just wait till your married to have sex with him, you have nothing to loose by doing that and yet so much to gain, and then in the opposite light you have so much to loose by having sex now and only a few things to gain which would be another child and possible heartache….You can do this, you are strong, prove the world wrong and give yourself the blessing of knowing what it is like to give yourself to him as his wife…Love Meg meg@standupgirl.com
First off was it your OB doctor that told you you have high blood pressure or was it from a regular doctor or even one of those health-o-meters at the store?? If it was your OB he/she should give you instructions to follow and if not you need to let him/her know about the high blood pressure, medication is not always needed but just make sure you talk with your baby doctor with ANY concerns and if you are unsure of instructions given by him/her then ask again…you don’t want to mess around with high blood pressure while pregnant…Love Meg
Hey Courtney, I think it is exciting to talk about marriage and to head that direction and from the sounds of it that could be reality in the near future, How long have you been with him?? Some of the symptoms you named can very well be pregnancy symptoms but can also be attributed to other things such as diet, anemia, and natural hormone changes…our bodies don’t only change at puberty but they continue to change until we die…I would for sure go to the doctor just to ensure your health, tiredness and thirst can be from anemia where you have an iron deficiency and the other symptoms if not caused my pregnancy could be a chemical imbalance…I think what queenB was talking about when she mentioned waiting for marriage is that until you have that ring on your finger with an I DO nothing is for certain…I was engaged for over a year and already had a child with one of my ex’s when we split up, also a friend of mine was engaged and living with her soon to be husband when they got pregnant, they postponed the wedding due to her wanting to fit into her dress and never ended up getting married, once a baby is here then the money gets tighter and the stress level rises and especially for women we tend to change dramatically even during pregnancy and much more after birth, I am not aiming this next comment at your boyfriend but at guys in general from my own experiences but a lot of times we tend to think certain things our guys do are cute or we are ok with certain choices and behaviors acted on by them but once a baby comes into the picture and we have developed this strong maternal bond for our children we tend to not think what they do is ok and it causes a lot of fighting and it can tear a relationship apart….as an example there are some guys who like to play video games and smoke pot a lot, that is fine and dandy until you are pregnant and need him to get a job and not spend his money on weed but diapers, that happened to me with my daughters dad…I loved hanging out with him all day and getting stoned but once I was pregnant and then once the baby was born it was not so fun anymore…make sure that you guys are on the same page with these things before getting married and having babies…I guess in one sense you are already married, to become one (have sex) with another person binds you to them and in God’s eyes once you do that you are married, the difference is that it is not legal because you have not been recognized in the courts eyes as a married couple…but in Gods eyes you are married and if you two split up then it is just as bad as divorce in God’s eyes…what you can do though to benefit yourselves and to honor what is right is you can get legally married in the courts eyes and then save up for that big wedding that you cannot afford right now…I know people who have done that, I guess one way I look at it is this, the "typical" wedding is the bride wears a white dress symbolizing purity/virginity, she stands with her groom before God and men and they vow their love and commitment to one another until death and they celebrate with food and drinks and sometimes dancing, it is a real fun time at weddings…then they go off in a car that everyone draws on with shoe polish and attaches cans to the bumper,etc…they go to the honeymoon sweet to do what??? Have sex, right?? Well what is the fun in doing all of that when you have already had sex?? sure it is picture perfect to be in wedding clothes and people will look at you and ohh and ahh on your way to the room but there is nothing kept secret for that moment, I was not a virgin when I got married, it is a rare thing anymore but I had kept my body a secret to my husband and his to me, we waited until our wedding night and it was worth the wait, we had something to share that we had not yet known about each other and it was more than just a thing you do on your wedding night, it was a special moment where we got to reap the reward of our waiting….like I said I was not a virgin but it was the most memorable sexual moment of my life…now you can say that you have already had sex so what is the point of stopping now?? I had a friend who found herself in that spot…she ended up pregnant, they decided to get married but our pastor said he wouldn’t perform the ceremony unless they remained abstinent until their wedding night…she was pregnant and had all the reason to say, why stop having sex?? But they listened and waited until their wedding night and she told me that she was really shocked at how different it was to separate for that time and season and then come back together on their wedding night, she said it was as though it was their first time all over again and that it was so worth it…now don’t take offense at my saying any of this because I have not one finger to point at anyone who has had or is having sex before marriage but I have experienced both sides now, I remained abstinent for 2 1/2 years until my wedding night but I already had two kids from two dads and had been sexually active for ten years…the choice is yours but so are the consequences…I still live with mine…I guess if nothing else it will reveal your boyfriends true colors, can he go the next two years without sex?? Are you worth waiting for to him?? If he can’t wait for your wedding night to have sex with you will he wait if you are on bedrest for the last two months of pregnancy and then for the next 6 weeks following birth?? You are old enough to get married without your parents permission, if he is the one and you know it go to the court house and pay 50 bucks for a marriage license, stand before the justice of the peace, then save up for that dream wedding but know that you are having sex in marriage not out of it…if you are not ready for marriage yet then you should really take a step back form having sex, you mention that it doesn’t affect your relationship, well it should, sex isn’t something to just taken for granted, it should be a part of a marriage relationship that brings strength and bonding, and to say you don’t make a big deal out of it just shows that you are not getting from it what you are meant to and I don’t think people do unless they are married, it binds your souls to one another and causes the two to become one, if you are doing it outside of marriage then you are selling yourself short of the blessings that come from it….You are more than entitled to disagree with me but I know the difference between sex before and in marriage…there is a cause and effect to everything and I have found much better, healthier, and pleasurable effects with sex in marriage then outside of it…Love Meg
I sometimes wonder off in thought about the same kind of stuff, it is kind of strange looking at our kids and stopping long enough to realize that they came out of our bodies and were formed from hardly anything, life and birth is truly a mysterious miracle…we used to be that one egg in our mothers ovary, that just blows my mind, it’s one thing looking at our kids and thinking that but to look at yourself in the mirror and see yourself that way just about makes you dizzy…It is a good reminder that not one single person on the face of this earth (even those in the womb currently) was just a "mistake", we are not here by chance or accident, we were selected and chosen even those who were brought forth by rape or tough circumstances, if not then we would not be here, the act of conception is so hard to achieve…others like myself who seem to be baby machines may disagree but really the chances of that one sperm meeting that one egg on the right day at the right time and safely implanting and carrying to full term is not a likely thing to happen, God has made each one of us for a specific reason, even the babyies in our wombs right now, He has a plan and a purpose for us and them and it may be hard to see that on a bad day or in extremely difficult circumstances but the "odd thought" that inspired this post is what we need to focus on…our children are gifts, made from practically nothing yet they look like us and bring us so much joy, how could this little "egg" be capable of that on it’s own?? Well it is not just the sperm that completes the transition from egg to baby, it is the Hand of the Creator Himself,He is the One who Gives life and creates that adorable personality, He is the One who gives her that cheeky grin and that indescribable giggle, He is the One who gives the dreams we have and the drive to do something with our lives, that is not found in an egg or a sperm, those are just the genetic physical blueprints….the inner person, the soul is given from God and we ought to stop a moment, thank Him and give it right back to Him for all the blessings that have been poured out on us, Thank you for sharing your thought and helping me to remember that we are all here by purpose, not by chance or mistake, it is a good reminder in a tough season of life…Love Meg
Hi there, my name is Meagan and I help out on the site, I came across your post and I really understand how you feel. I am pregnant with my third child and I still feel scared and incapable of giving this child what he/she needs, it is a normal reaction. It is also the kind of reaction that shows great love for your unborn baby…it shows that you love this child so much that you just want the very best for him/her and the fear of not being able to perform that is huge…it doesn’t mean however that you will fail. There may be times of failure in certain circumstances but your womb has been opened to this baby, no matter your age, school or marital status, what your family thinks, etc… that means that you are going to be everything that baby needs in a mommy or you would not have been chosen to carry this baby…Many girls dream of having a boyfriend who would be a man and Stand by their side through pregnancy, you have that…please do not take it for granted, this is his baby too and if he wants to be a daddy then you should give your child the chance that many don’t have…to be loved by the father…I say the same thing when it is the guy who wants the abortion, it is your baby and if he doesn’t want to be involved then his loss…the tough part is that you have o choice but to be involved by carrying the baby, but what you may not see at this tough stressful moment is that it is a blessing to have that baby in your womb, it may not feel like it when you are throwing up or getting bigger or having doubts and fears but I can promise you that you will not regret your baby’s life…I have never heard one person tell me that they regretted keeping their baby but on the other hand I have heard many many many women share their regret of abortion and it sounds like you have already been in that boat from your first sentence…I want so badly for you to not make decisions based on fear…the fear of failure, disappointing your mom, not being able to financially support the baby, not living your life to the fullest…etc…my life began when I had my daughter, I was 19 when I got pregnant and 20 when I had her…she was my rock, the only thing in this life that had been worth it up to that point, I almost aborted her for the same reasons along with fear of losing her dad which I did anyways in the end and he was not worth taking her life, I would have ended up with a broken heart and nothing to show for it but instead I have her, she was worth it, I was on my own and I had no job, when I was 3 1/2 months pregnant my mom took her own life and I found her, had I not been pregnant I would have had no good reason to keep living myself, my daughter saved me life in so many ways, she just lost her first tooth today by the way, she is a big girl now 5 years old almost 6, the tough times of single parenting and getting shut off notices seem like a bad dream that has been long gone, just get through this and you will find that this baby could very well be your saving grace, just like mine have been to me…You can still go to school, many have done it with more than one child, your boyfriend sounds like a Stand Up Guy,he wants this baby, you are 21 and he is 25, you are adults, you are very capable of making a life together and succeeding with great odds in your favor…just take a moment to search your heart and you will know that if so many have done it with the odds against them that you can do this with flying colors…the question is can you live with yourself and not hold resentment against your mom for wanting to please her and taking the life of your child to do it?? She may be disappointed but she will get over it, she loves you…did you know abortion was legal when she was pregnant with you?? So she has put a lot of money and effort into your education, show her you can have this baby and do school and she will be twice as proud, I have not even gone to college but there is a whole lot I can teach my children…that puts you ahead of me in that department as well, give yourself more credit than that, If all you can do is provide love, food ,clothing and a place to live then your child will have it better than any kid in a third world country and better than many here even in the US, my kids wear hand me downs but they smile, we eat mac n cheese for dinner when we have to make it to the next pay check and they love the stuff, I get WIC, milk, cheese, eggs, peanut butter, juice, cereal for free, I am on state medical and I even qualify being married, there are so many resources out there, after you have kids your goals sometimes change so don;t freak out about not finishing certain goals, I am glad I didn’t, one of them was to go to every heavy metal concert I could and meet as many bads as I could and party with them, where would I be now if I had done that, probably strung out with AIDS…you may switch careers, there are a few girls on this site who have switched directions because of how much their kids inspire them to do better than they had intended in the first place…you may get married and want to be a stay home mom and that is good too, I help babysit sometimes for single moms because I know how hard it was to work and leave your kids with someone else, no matter how your life changes you will not regret this baby, but either way this baby is yours and you will be a mom, the thing is do you want to enjoy the fruits of your labor by following through with this life, the heart that is already beating, this baby that will have your eyes or nose or ears, or do you want to always wonder and have the what ifs?? If you go through with the abortion there is a huge chance that you will give up those goals and dreams out of guilt that they were more important than this baby, you may hate your mom or your boyfriend, but keeping this baby will bring more success and encouragement to make it through to the other side and you will only be looking forward with hope, not behind with regret…Sorry it is so long but my heart really goes out to you, I would say that you have a very tough choice to make but I just don’t like the sound of that, you already made a choice, you had sex, whether protected or not, it is not like you can choose to give this baby life,I have heard those words come out of my mouth before and they are not accurate, we don’t give life to the baby he/she already has life, the choice you have to make is are you going to take that life away, I want the best for you and after watching my sister go through 3 abortions I would have to say the best for you would be to tough it out and prove the world wrong, you can do this, you have support here and from your boyfriend, you are a big girl, a mature adult woman, you have the world at your fingertips, reach out and take hold of this life you have and me the mom you have been called to be, protect this baby that you already care so much about and Stand your ground even when you are afraid…the only thing to fear is fear itself….I am here if you need to talk…I hope I helped you out a bit too…Love Meg
I am not a doctor but I am a mom and pregnant with my third and I would say it is safe to say that it is your baby that you are feeling, I am a few weeks behind you and have been feeling the baby for a few weeks now, I guess I just know what to expect cause it is the third time for me but it wont be much longer before you feel hard kicks and can even see little elbows and knees stick out and move across your tummy like a little alien in there…LOL…it is sooo fun…my baby has kicked hard enough to be felt from the outside like 3 times, I just had my husband put his hand on the spot and apply a little pressure and he could feel the tiny little thump but for me it was much harder…so no, you are not crazy and it is not too early to feel that little baby disco dancing in there…LOL…also your baby can hear you, if you read books with a lower mellow voice your baby will grow familiar to your voice and recognize it after birth, it is a good way for daddy to bond with baby while in the womb…Meg
Hey Sweetie, I know where you are at and the really sad but truthful thing is that you cannot make him change, My stepmom had a cat named Oliver and he was really cool but was not the snuggly cuddly kind of cat, I would always try to hold him and he would run, one day she was not home and I took him in my room and made him sit with me while I watched a movie, after being trapped in my room for hours he took his chance at escape when I opened the door, he got outside and ran, we never saw him again…it is just an example of what can and will happen if you make someone be there when they don’t want to be, your boyfriend will either grow up and take responsibility or he wont, only time will tell but even though you deserve to have him there for you in this time you really can’t demand him to report his every move to you, if he stays by your side and does the right thing by working and letting you go to school and helping with the baby once the baby is here just because he has no choice it will only last for so long before he runs and you never see him again, but if you give him space and let him learn from his mistakes (skipping school, not working, hanging out with the wrong people, missing out on time with you and baby, etc) then he will either learn to appreciate what he has (you and baby) and take responsibility or he will leave and you wont have such a big fall because your expectations were not so high and demanding…I hope you hear my heart behind my words, this guy is missing out on some very special moments and if he is being irresponsible and letting you take the whole burden of what took both of you to make then you are better off without him, just hang in there and let him make his choices, be there to love him and receive him when he wants to get his act together but don’t settle for less than you deserve and let his poor choices ruin this time of nesting in your pregnancy, take time for you and realize that you may end up doing this on your own and get used to it, not all guys stick around, my kids dads didn’t but God brought me a better man then they could have ever tried to be, you deserve the best, don;t let this guy make you miserable…I am here if you need to talk…Love Meg, meg@standupgirl.com
I know how it feels to have someone else push their thoughts, opinions, beliefs, expectations down your throat….I guess that is why when I share I try to do it in a way of suggesting with no expectation…we all need to make our own choices, we will have successes and failures but we will survive and learn form the things that didn’t turn out so well…it is not her job to tell you how to eat or what to drink or how to prepare for your baby, offering advice could be second nature especially if she has kids, we all do that here on Standupgirl too…once you have kids you naturally want to share what you know with someone who has not bee there yet, but she still needs to respect you and offer encouragement in a nice and helpful manner…I am on a middle/neutral ground here so I want you to just hear me out before you make a judgment call on me…I used to HATE people that went to church, they made me feel judged and looked down on and when I was pregnant with my daughter I would purposely dress in a way that would offend churchgoers..LOL…I would have my huge unwed belly hanging out for the world to see and I have a huge fairy tattoo on it…LOL…I wanted to give them a reason to give me the looks I got…however I did stop smoking and drinking and all the rest and I assume you have too, if not then that was your choice whether healthy or not and you will have to deal with that and no one else has to judge you for it…just because your family smokes or drinks doesn’t make them bad people, but you do need to look out for your baby’s health once he/she is born…my sons dad just recently stopped smoking, I am glad, my son would come home smelling like smoke and cough for like 3 solid days, it is not good for his lungs, when he is old enough to choose whether he smokes or not then that is his deal but until then I would rather not have him exposed to smoke…did I judge his dad…no…but I also didn’t like him smoking around our son…same with the drinking…more of a safety issue, is he going to be in a car with a drunk driver or get dropped or be in a house with a drug raid??? It is very hard having a child with someone who sees things different than you…it doesn’t mean one parent is better than the other it just means you see out of different eyes….this is your child and his sister should back off but when you are living there it gives her "claim" (in her own eyes) to boss you around, and or she is trying to teach you or encourage you in a way that is offensive rather than helpful…Your boyfriend needs a job, that is for sure but in the meantime have you applied for WIC, or food stamps, have you checked out maternity homes or womens shelters?? There is a ton of help out there, and also for you to set your mind at ease…99% of the time they will not take the baby from the mom, they don’t like to do that…the court normally doesn’t look at moral issues, it is not illegal to smoke or drink or have too many animals in a house with a child…if there is abuse or neglect or repettative illness as a result then issues will come up but as long as you are doing your best and the only housing option you have is with your family who smokes and drinks and had a few pets then the court normally will not take the child away from the mom…now the thing you have to consider is do you want to expose your child to those living conditions, you are looking at possible athsma or other breathing problems, are they willing to smoke outside?? Will you have a room of your own that you can keep clean of animal hair?? You can choose to live differently then the people you live with….I hate hearing of "churchgoing" people who like to judge and tear down and slander those who are not "clean, sober, smoke free, etc…" the reason is because it was those kind of "churchgoers" that kept me out of church for so long…I finally met some true believers, not just people who go to church and point out others faults…they helped me understand that not all people who go to church are Christians…going to the garage doesn’t make you a car either, going to Burger King doesn’t make you a Whopper…Don’t let this sister push you away from the One who will never judge you, don’t let her ruin the good names of many "churchgoers" who are there to love and help and encourage in a helpful way…you would be surprised how well you would be received in a good church and how nice it is to have a place to go to feel free form the problems in life like this sister is creating for you…just because someone goes to church doesn’t mean the court will let them take your baby…and it is an absolute shame and disgrace to the rest of us who do go to church to hear of a cold woman like this who is hindering you from the good things that God wants for you and to put you down in order to make herself feel better…you don’t need someone like that in your life and if your boyfriend can’t deal with that then you need to move on and do what is best for you and baby…even if that means living in a house where people smoke for a couple of months…like I said it is not physically healthy but sometimes it is better to be emotionally and spiritually healthy then to have a physically good environment…I am here to talk anytime without pointing a finger…I would have 3 pointing back at me anyways and this sister needs to realize that too…please look up maternity homes near you or call a womens shelter, they can be a great place to start fresh, but make sure you find the right one…Love Meg.. meg@standupgirl.com
Hey you…I just wanted to let you know that it is normal to question things such as should haves or what ifs…but the most important thing right now is that you DIDN’T have an abortion, you will get to see her face, hear her voice, watch her grow, you will have the strain and challenge of being a single mom (it is not impossible though) and you may have more sacrifices at your age than your friends but you will never have the what ifs and should haves like the mom who aborts her baby and that is something to be so thankful for…I don’t think you are horrible for having the thoughts and what ifs on it but once your baby is born and her little fingers wrap around one of yours those thoughts and your sacrifices will not compare to the love you will have for her and receive from her, the dad is not all that big of an issue, he may come around a lot at first with the hype and adrenalin of a new baby but he will either walk away and leave you alone or he will stick it out and be a good dad, either way it will work out for the best, I have one of each, my daughters dad doesn’t even look at her if we see him in the store and my sons dad is here every other weekend picking him up, if he stays away then you don’t have to deal with him and he still owes support, you wont have to worry about what she sees or hears when visiting and that in itself is worth it for me to not have to send my daughter with her dad…if he sticks it out and is easy to get along with that is good too, my sons dad told us yesterday with a smile that we should be getting child support soon, he was even excited that they took his tax return so he can owe less back support, I about fell over at his friendliness in the conversation but it is better than dealing with someone who wants to see their kid and not pay support…just take some deep breaths and know that no matter how he acts after she is born you have the upper hand and can make many of the important calls without him having a say…you can make it through, just don’t beat yourself up for having a momentary what if though pop up in your head…rather hold your head up high because you made a beautiful and honorable decision regarding bringing this precious little girl into the world and despite what happens after her birth you will be fine…You are strong and you can be proud of yourself…I hope this helps a bit…Meg
I just wanted to come on and give an update… I got a call from the doctor and the test came back normal..they have no idea why she had such a high volume of sugar in her urine but there doesn’t seem to be any obvious sign of diabetes…thank you so much for all who prayed for my daughter…I am so thankful to have a community of moms that understand when these things come up…Love Meg
Well it sounds like you could be pregnant, The best thing to do right now would be to call Optionline…1-800-395-HELP….you can call and they will give you the number and location of the closest Womens Pregnancy Center to you where you can get a FREE and CONFIDENTIAL test…That way you wont be alone when you find out too, they are trained very well in counseling girls who just find out they are pregnant and many of the workers in those centers have been there themselves in the past…that is why they do what they do…it will be free and if you are pregnant they can maybe give you a free ultrasound too…I am 17 weeks along with my third, I have enough breast for 3 women and I have experienced the cravings and the discharge as well…it really sounds like you could be but I am not a pregnancy test or a doctor so you should get to a pregnancy center ASAP to ensure that if you are you can get the best prenatal care you can and if you are not you can take the next step into finding out what is going on with your body…let us all know…we are here for you and you are not alone, take care…Love Meg
First off this jerk doesn’t deserve you…sorry for being so harsh with him being your daughters father and all but still he doesn’t deserve you….Second I am 100% thrilled, excited and proud of you for choosing abstinence for this long…You are doing the right thing and he is showing his true colors, just because you have a baby together and have had sex in the past doesn’t mean you have to lay your body down the second he tells you to, I don’t blame you for not wanting to have sex with him, you already know what having a baby is like, he has lost much of your trust and respect and also your want and desire to not have sex again till marriage is very honorable and you will be blessed in that pursuit…I was….I went 2 1/2 years and it was well worth the wait and it was better for my relationship…we knew we were getting married for the right reasons and I also knew that he respected me enough to wait…I would like for him to show me one mom out there who does everything right the first time and has no regrets in parenting…your daughter is healthy, alive, well dressed, clean, I am sure well fed and I can’t see you not giving her enough attention…he needs to get a grip…My daughter was almost 2 when I was 7 pounds away from hitting my original starting weight…I went and bought two pairs of size 5 jeans and felt like I was the cat’s meow!!! Then about a week later I found out I was pregnant…LOL…there goes the size 5’s and I haven’t been in them since and my son is 3….also I am pregnant with #3 so I am not wearing anything close to 5’s…LOL…when I start feeling fat or like I will never be small and cute again I think about Eve…as in Adam and Eve…the first woman EVER…There was not one other woman for her to compare herself to, I bet she had hairy legs, I am sure she got stretch marks and saggy boobs…she didn’t even have a bra!!! She had kids, one of which turned out to be a murderer to his brother…she didn’t have an easy life and she had no one else to compare herself to, she didn’t have a dysfunctional family that set a poor example to her growing up, she never grew up, she was just made as an adult woman, When I feel discouraged about my physical appearance (whether it is because of my own thoughts or others words) I just think about Eve…She didn’t have a scale or a mirror, she was just the way she was and she was the first woman to ever give birth, can you imagine how she felt going into labor not knowing what to expect…LOL…I along with many other girls on here can see your beauty, both physical and inward…don’t let this guy tear you down, he is not the one who carried a baby for 9 months and pushed her out of a tiny opening, I have never been anorexic or bulemic so I can’t pretend to understand what goes through your mind but if it helps at all just know that you are pretty, you look great for having a 3 month old and there is always going to be someone thinner and someone bigger than you…you just need to be you, your daughter sees you as just you, she doesn’t look at your body and judge you physically, she truly loves you, pure and unconditional love…I had a little girl at a wedding this weekend want to touch my tummy to feel the baby…she poked her finger around a minute and then said…it just feels like fat…LOL….and you know what, there is some left overs from my other two kids and she was telling the truth..LOL…I can let it break me down and ruin my day or I can look at my kids and know that they were worth the layer of fat and the stretch marks, nothing compares…I would take on more than that just to know that my kids love me and that I have done my best…even through all the mistakes…and there have been MANY MANY MANY of those…I bet Eve felt like a failure when her son killed his brother…that is life…we all have choices to make, do your best with what is given you and you will be fine…just ditch the jerk and Stand strong in your values and you will go very very far…I hope this helped…Love Meg..
Now that you describe her in that manner I can see what you are saying…I have just dealt with absolute neat freaks in my past but for her to hold you to a standard that she doesn’t keep and to only do it to mess with you is WAY out of line, I agree that you are being abused and it is not a healthy environment and that you should get out ASAP and until then avoid her at all lengths and try to get out of the house while your boyfriend is not home that way she can’t mess with you while he is gone…there are so many resources available like housing and food stamps and help with childcare and all the rest…do what you need to do to get on your feet in a healthy environment and take it step by step from there…Hang in there and I will keep you in my prayers…Meg
I was 5 weeks along with my first when a blood test showed negative, two weeks later a urine test showed positive and I was sent to the radiologist to find out I was 7 weeks along, I did not register on a blood test because my daughter was caught in my tube, miraculously she moved and replanted, it was very painful…with my second I was about two weeks late when I got a positive test and then this time around I was 12 days late with a positive test, this time the baby was stuck between my tube and my uterus and had it stayed there it could have killed me, thankfully it moved just like my daughter did and I am now going on 17 weeks….I used my first mornings urine every time I tested, I am one of those people who’s hormone level doesn’t rise quickly, every woman and every pregnancy is different, only time will tell but here is a number to call, Option line 1-800-395-HELP, call and they can give you the number and location of the closest womens pregnancy center to you and you can get a FREE and CONFIDENTIAL test, just hang in there and let us all know…Meg
I think you should have your own place to live, two women who get along wonderfully can still end up on each other’s last nerve when living together so the fact that there is bad blood between you only intensifies the situation, I can also relate to the mom though, I have had people stay with me before for extended amounts of time and some of who had kids, the difference is I warned them before they came to live with me that I am very picky on a few things and to not feel attacked if I tended to remind them of how something was needed to be done, or things their kids could not touch, etc…it is hard sharing your home with someone else especially because she is a mom and she is older she thinks that she knows best, I still think that she is in the wrong in many ways though…if she re-does things that you have done try to nicely ask her to show you how she would like it done, "If I am not meeting your standards please show me how you would like me to do it, I am in your home and I want to follow your rules but I also want to contribute and put in my fair share, I appreciate a place to stay and your help that you offer but when it comes to your home and your things let me learn to do it how you want me to and when it comes to my daughter let me do it my way, I am not asking you to raise her it is my right and responsibility as her mom and if I don’t put diapers on the way you think I should it really doesn’t matter because it is a diaper and it will get soiled and thrown in the garbage within a couple of hours and there are more important things to agree on than diapers and whether I put her shirt or pants on first, etc…" that would be a good outline to use when preparing to talk with her, don’t forget to thank her for opening her home and show willingness to share in the chores but let her know you want to be taught not cleaned up after, my only successful roommate experience was with a girl who was willing to learn how I wanted things done, she acknowledged that they were my dishes that she was cooking with and eating from and that I wanted them cared for in a certain manner and that I needed to keep my carpet vaccumed so my son could crawl around, etc… she may be the kind of person who like to be in control and in charge and they are the hardest to deal with but the best way to get them out of your hair is to learn how they do it and prove to them that you will uphold their standard in their home with their things…and in the meantime save up to move out, every time you want that 5 dollar thing that is not quite needed then put that 5 bucks in a jar, save your change and use less soap in each load of laundry to stretch it longer, so what you have to to save that extra buck…the sooner you are on your own the sooner you can be the woman of your own home and it does make a huge difference in your mood and confidence…hope this helps…Meg
I have read comments about it being unrealistic and I can see it to a point, I saw it this last weekend with a friend and we laughed so hard we were almost crying, I have met many girls like Juno and I was also a lot like her at that age, I mean A LOT LIKE HER, I think they did such a good job of giving her her character that it seems unreal but truly I think they did a good job of making it real…I was there, not as young but with no life experience and I took things so lightly just like she did, I cracked sick jokes and laughed at not so funny things just like she did…my mentality was very close to hers…I think the approach they took was very smart…it showed that no matter how old you are, whether you are in a relationship with the dad, whether you have an imperfect family, whether you are mature enough to handle it, whether you know how to take care or a baby or yourself through pregnancy that everyone can make good choices in bad circumstances….Juno was a real Stand Up kind of Girl even though she was kind of a space cadette and although it was just a movie there are a lot of girls just like her and if she could do it then no one else has an excuse left of why they cannot do it too, she chose adoption which is great but even she had what it took to be a mommy and so does anyone else who happens to be blessed with a baby right now…God doesn’t give us things we can’t handle, Meg
I know you are looking for answers from others in Australia mostly but I have had 2 with one on the way and have had different experiences with all three…what I have heard and experienced as normal is that you have your first ultrasound to confirm pregnancy and heart beat and safe positioning of the baby (making sure it’s not in your tubes and such) then the next time they do one is anywhere between 17 to 24 weeks, at that time is when they can more clearly check for things such as spina bifida and other visual defects and you can also choose to find out the sex of your baby but you don;t have to…we are not this time…at that point they don’t really have need to do more ultra sounds unless they have concerns, with my kids I have had many more ultrasounds than that because of complications, I have a heart shaped uterus and I carry the baby sideways, they do an ultrasound to check the positioning of the baby before and after they flip the baby to make sure the cord is not strangling the baby and that they are putting the head down not the bottom…I also had more ultrasounds in the beginning of this pregnancy because when they checked for a heartbeat and positioning both were bad, no heartbeat and the baby was caught in a dangerous place, by the time I went to the radiologist the baby had moved and had a visible heartbeat…I love seeing the baby on ultrasound but you can truly count it a blessing to not have a need to, it just means that your doctor is fine with how your pregnancy is progressing and that he/she has no major concerns…most of the time when you get your ultrasound at mid way through 17-24 weeks along they have you bring a video tape and you can record it, watching it when you are lonesome for your baby can help pass the time and make up for not seeing him/her until birth…I am not sure how much it differs from the US to AUS but that is how my experiences have been…I hope this helps…Love Meg
Hey there, I know how freaked out you are and I can relate in so many ways…I had a 18 month old daughter when I found out I was pregnant with my second from a second dad, I was already struggling as a single mom, the dad bailed the moments he found out and didn’t even call or answer his phone for like 5 months…I was actively attending church and I was absolutely embarrassed and ashamed and abortion would have been the way to "fix" it and or "hide" my secret life…just like your screen name, I was too proud of a parent to do that and I think you know you are too…your daughter is 3 years old, she will be such a good sister and be more of a helper than you could ever imagine…sounds kind of crazy but really the second time around is much easier, the initial adjustment may be hard because you are doing everything and more for not only one but to kids and you have to learn to share your love and attention but once you get in the groove it is really enjoyable..let the dad be a jerk if he wants to be but don’t let his lack of responsibility and his immaturity ruin your little family…it is not like you will be having two babies, you have a big sister who will be overly charged to put diapers in the garbage and laundry in the basket and beg and beg to hold or feed the baby…if you are doing it now with one you are more than capable of doing it with two, don’t doubt your strength or second guess your ability to Stand Up…I bet the day you found out you were pregnant with her you would have never imagined having a screen name titled Proudparent, I bet you freaked out just like I did being 18-19 years old, but you have made it and you can this time too, I have not had an abortion but I know many who have had them…. including my sister who has had 3…it has crushed her and really messed up her confidence in raising the other 3 she has and her sense of value and self worth is usually on the rock bottom, I am going to leave you a link to a story on this very website from a girl who is not only a user but a dear friend of mine of 12 years…I have seen nothing but death, hurt, pain, regret, and trauma come from abortion and when it comes down to it and you really cannot have another baby then plesae consider adoption, I know a girl who is a birth mom and she knows that her baby is alive and that she did the right thing in a wrong situation…two wrongs never make a right, you can Stand Up, you already did 3 years ago and I know once you see your baby or even hear the heartbeat you will melt all over again and wonder why you would even consider abortion…you have right to be scared or nervous, we all get that way, I am on my third and I am married this time and I am more freaked out than the last two times… we are never fully ready for a baby but they are worth the sacrifice and they do such a wonderful and mysterious work in our lives and in our hearts, I would hate to see you robbed of that joy and fulfillment and have that void left full of pain and anguish at your own hand…You can do this, we are all here for you and just look at your daughter, look at your tummy, can you see her still in there, not knowing what her voice would sound like the first time she said "I love you mommy", her first birthday with cake all over her face, that moment you first held her and you wondered how you could love someone so much that you have just met after going through the most miserable pain in your life but yet you hold no grudge?? Please just hang in there, you your daughter and this baby deserve a fighting chance to be a happy family and you will be even if the dad is missing and you have to pinch pennies more often…it will not be that way forever but the love in your family will be, your kids will love you and you will love them no matter what…give this baby a chance at life, give your daughter the opportunity to be a big sissy…I am here for you if you have any questions or just need a shoulder, Love Meg, meg@standupgirl.com , here is the link to the story I would really like for you to read…. http://standupgirl.com/web/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=1967&Itemid=224
So is your son living there or just being babysat there?? If he is living there is it full time or every other week?? I know how hard it is to have the father’s girlfriend in the picture, especially when she doesn’t have children you tend to question even more if she is capable of taking care of your son…I am in the same boat, my son goes with his dad every other weekend and most of the time it is his girlfriend who picks him up, the thing you need to keep in mind is what is best for your son, does his dad drink, smoke, do drugs and if so does he do it around him?? Write a list of pro’s and cons about your family’s messy house versus the dad’s house, sometimes it is better to be in a dirty house then be exposed to bad things and other times it is better to trust a woman you want nothing to do with then have your child in a messy house, it all depends o the circumstances and what is best for your son, I just found out my sons dad and girlfriend got engaged, last time she dropped him off I had her come in and we talked, I told her I understood the difficulties of being a stepparent (I have a 3 year old stepson) I made myself available to her to ask questions without feeling criticized about not having kids and not knowing anything about them, I let her know that I want her and my son to have a healthy relationship and that if I can help in any way I would do so, we let his dad know the same thing, even though we do not agree fully with their choices and smoking around my son and all you have to pick and choose your battles, if you warm up to them and let your guard down it may take time but they will be more willing to work with you when it comes to areas you do not agree with, that is my approach at least, now that they don’t feel threatened by me I will bring up the smoking thing…also if you can try to set an example in your own house by keeping things clean and by gently expressing your feelings about a better way to treat your son, like rather than telling him what he can’t do all the time tell him what he can do, give suggestions of how you are raising him and how you felt as a kid if they don’t remember how they felt, make sure that you are keeping a good eye on your son and that he is not giving reason to be treated badly (not that any kids deserves to be treated badly but the more behaved they are the less it should happen)Other than that PRAY PRAY PRAY!!! I know how hard it is to be a single mom, I was for 4 1/2 years, this too shall pass and it will be on to the next hurdle in life, just try your best to make peace with all parties and it may take a while but they will eventually treat you and your son better and you will feel more comfortable about him being either place…this weekend I am sending my son with a care package, last time he was sick and they couldn’t take his temperature or go to the store because the girlfriend was at work and they only have one car, I am buying them a thermometer and some various meds and bandaids and stuff and rather than saying, here you go people who don’t know how to take care of kids I will say, I know how hard it is to not have a vehicle and have a sick kid, I hope this will bless you so that next time you don’t have to worry about getting to the store you can just stay home and rest…it is all about how you say things and the example you set…do it with a genuine heart and they will eventually follow your lead and if nothing else your son will see that and know that you did your best…Love Meg
Hey there, first off CONGRATULATIONS, I know this baby was kind of unexpected and out of the blue but as your boyfriend said this could just be meant to be, I am normally not to friendly and smiley about pregnancy before marriage but in your case you were not trying and I had the same thing happen to me twice, I was a single mother for 4 1/2 years without support from the fathers or family, where you are standing looks a lot better then where I was at and I passed through that season and came out in one piece with happy kids, listen to your won words, YOU DON’T WANT THE ABORTION, so don’t go on Saturday, instead plan on having your boyfriend over and talk to your parents with him, even though they are not SUPER strict they still may be shocked and upset but they will adjust and love your baby and be there for you, I would just cast out the thought of abortion, you seem to have a strong opinion about it and I along with many others here agree with you, you can do this, you can make it, you can and WILL be a GREAT MOM, you have what so many others don’t i this situation, a supportive boyfriend and supportive parents, don’t take that for granted, we all get nervous and jittery when we find out we are pregnant, I am on my third and this time I am married and I am still freaked out about being a good enough parent and worried about the future, take a deep breath and touch your tummy and see your baby’s smile, hear that heartbeat pounding, feel that maternal instinct already flowing through your veins and take a Stand and embrace the situation that you have gotten into, you can’t undo a pregnancy, many girls who get an abortion think that it will make it all go away or that it will be as though they were never pregnant and that is just not true, there are a lot worse things to find out like having cancer or AIDS or something to that effect but a baby will not be a baby forever, you will have wonderful moments of bonding and learning who each other are, then you will get puked on but you get over it, then they go to school, and get friends and join sports or other clubs and you will beg them to just snuggle you, then they graduate and get married and you look at how fast it went, being pregnant is not the end of your life but the beginning, I really don’t recommend purposely getting pregnant before marriage but the fact is it still happens when we are not paying attention, you already have this little life living off of you, embrace the moment and walk on with your head up knowing that two wrongs don’t make a right, give this baby the chance to enjoy the things in life that you and I have the right and ability to, you will never regret it, just like you mentioned yourself, you may grieve at times for your past choices but you can’t change that now, it may be tough at times because of the timing of this but if I have made it then you can too, just don’t run off and do something that you cannot change in attempts to change something you cannot…whether you keep the baby, adopt or abort there will still be a baby and you will still be a mom, do you want the benefits that come along with parenting or adoption or do you want the grief and suffering of a woman who has a dead child at their own hands?? I am here along with many others, You are a Stand Up Girl and I think you know that deep down, please don’t go on Saturday unless you intend to go tell the other girls in that waiting room to leave while they can….Love Meg, meg@standupgirl.com
Birth control messes with your hormones, if you take one a day late or a couple hours late depending on which set of pills it will have a whole different effect, I personally think that if you are on birth control that you are saying "I am not ready for a baby" or "I don’t want to get pregnant right now" if that is the case you are still putting yourself at risk to get pregnant if you are having sex with or without protection, Abstinence is the only method of birth control that is 100% effective besides permanent sterilization, and even that can fail, my aunt had two kids after her tubes were tied, and my mom had a tubal pregnancy after she had her tubes tied and another friend of mine had a baby after her husband had a vasectomy (yes…she really turned out to be his child)…Abstinence is truly the best way to go if you are not married…I am sorry if this comes off wrong but if you play with fire you are eventually gonna get burned, if you are so worried about being pregnant then you really need to take a step back and evaluate your decisions…stop having sex, then you can get off birth control and save yourself the expense and the hormone problems and still not have to worry about pregnancy…it is a win win situation, and if you are not that worried about getting pregnant even when you are on birth control then you still need to take a long look at your choices because a baby deserves both parents and there is no guarantee that id you get pregnant out of wedlock that the dad will stick around, I know…I had two kids out of wedlock and one of the dads has not made contact in years and the other is a terrible example and I have no choice but to send my son to his house every other weekend to come home smelling like smoke and using bad words he learned…I hope you read this as a wake up call to reality, a baby is a life and you don’t raise kids, you are really raising an adult, if you are worried about getting pregnant and raising a future adult to be responsible for in many ways, financially, emotionally, spiritually, legally, etc…then stop having sex…it took me two times around to learn that and my kids have paid the higher price… not me, I have a wonderful husband now and we waited until our wedding night to have sex, I have been given a new start but my kids are still in that boat and will be their whole lives because of my choices…I will never regret keeping them, I think abortion should never be the way to go, but I hope that when they are old enough to understand why they have such a tough set of circumstances that they will forgive me for being so dumb when I was younger and that they will not choose to follow in my foot steps of that time but rather see where it got me and them and choose to follow the new ones I have placed while making good choices…I am pregnant with my third baby from a third dad but this time there will be no issues of child support, or weekend visits, or who gets him/her for Thanksgiving or Christmas and what time to switch back because I saw the hurt I created from my past choices and waited this time until I was married to not only have sex but waited until my family had adjusted to the changes of having a dad and being a stay home mom and not having to go to day care to try for a baby, this time I was told congratulations rather than WHAT!!! Like I said, sorry to be so blunt but sometimes the truth hurts, you need to think of your future kids and start making better choices now or they will be the ones to suffer long term, not you…I don’t judge people who are having sex before marriage, I used to be one and I understand the want and desire to be sexually involved but in the long run it is not worth the consequences that you will inflict on your future kids, this baby I am carrying now will still have to suffer for my past, he/she will never spend Thanksgiving and Christmas together in the same year, it will be every other year with out siblings…just take some time to think and ask yourself if these types of consequences are worth 20 minutes of enjoyment a few times a week and the rest of the month stressing about it???? Love Meg
At the church I used to go to there was always a group of women who were pregnant at the same time, a friend of mine who went to a different church joked and said it was something in the water, her and her husband were trying for a baby with no luck at that point, I was unmarried and ended up pregnant…OOOOOPS!!! I told her I drank the water..LOL…I have grown and changed a lot since then and I remained abstinent for 2 1/2 years before my wedding night and was a single mom for 4 1/2 years..lit was tough…but anyways I am pregnant now with my mine and my husbands first baby together and there is once again a whole group of woman at my old church who are pregnant and then also at the new church I go to and one of my friends daughters is pregnant too, I don’t think it is in the water this time though, I think there is something in the air…forgive me for this horrible joke but I think that the thing in the air that is getting people pregnant is LEGS!!!…LOL…no seriously I think when you are close with a group of girl your periods tend to change to the same week, you know what I mean?? If you take a group of healthy girls that all have their periods around the same time then their ovulation time can tend to be the same too, I could be wrong but that is my guess on why we get pregnant in groups…Love Meg, and ps…I am so proud of you and your friends for sticking together and keeping your babies….
My first question would be, are all of these cats and the mean dog yours?? Do you live with parents or friends?? If they are yours and you have rule over what happens with them then put your baby first and make them all out door animals, if not then the next best thing would be to take the kitties to a store and give them away to people or sell them to a pet store, I do not know the risks of toxoplasmosis for an infant but I sure hope you are not cleaning the box right now being pregnant still…I do have one concern about having the momma cat or even other adult cats around the baby, especially if you are going to breastfeed then the cats really like to lick the baby’s face to find traces of milk, there have been cases where the baby will die from suffocation because the cat was looking for leftover milk on the face and mouth and then fell asleep too close to the baby’s face…I had cats when my daughter was a newborn and they were always trying to lay right next to her face for the milk and they just love babies, I had to constantly watch to make sure they were not on her head and many times they would lay on her face and I would catch them right as they did it…it might be best to keep all the cats out of your room for a while…I hope this helps a little, I know how it is to be attached to a cat, I have had many wonderful cat friends in my life but when it comes down to it your baby’s health is more important and if the owners of these animals cannot see that then it might be a good idea to look for another place to live or to find a way to compromise without putting your baby at risk…Love Meg, I hope you have a wonderful labor and that you and baby stay healthy through it all, let us know when you POP!!!
