scared and confused

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      I don’t know what to do…..I know that I said I wouldn’t have an abortion again, but I’m just so scared that I may one day end up regretting my child and I don’t want that. I’m scared that I won’t finish school or accomplish all the goals that I have set for myself. Most of all I don’t want to disappoint my mom or my family. She has put so much time and money into my college education and she expects so much of me I don’t want to hurt her. I still want to do all the things I want to do with my life and having a child now at 21 when I’m so close to being finished with school and pursuing my goals, is scaring and confusing the hell outta me. My boyfriend is 25 and wants this child very much, but I’m not sure if i’m ready and I don’t believe in carrying a child for 9 months than giving it up for adoption, that I could never forgive myself for. I just don’t know what to do. I see so many girls on here with there beautiful babies and then I began to think of the one that’s growing inside of me and I just wonder what he or she will look and be like. I’m scared, how will I be able to do this when there is so much that I have yet to experience, how can I teach my child anything when I won’t know anything. I just don’t know…I need some advice and quick.


        Dear Scared and Confused,

        This certainly sounds like a difficult time for you, but please know you are not alone. You mention that your mother has helped you and supported you so far in life, and even if she is momentarily upset to hear about your pregnancy, she ultimately loves you and cares for you and wants what is best for you. She will not want you to suffer the mental or physical anguish of enduring another abortion. I would encourage you to talk to someone about this in person. Here is a website that lists Crisis Pregnancy Centers for people in situations like yours: Most Crisis Pregnancy Centers offer free counseling and resources and are a place to talk to people who will listen to you and help you come to the best decision for you. A child may not seem like the best thing for your life right now, but looking back, many mothers will confess that their children have been the best thing of their entire life. I wish you the very best and will continue to keep you in my thoughts.


          Hi there, my name is Meagan and I help out on the site, I came across your post and I really understand how you feel. I am pregnant with my third child and I still feel scared and incapable of giving this child what he/she needs, it is a normal reaction. It is also the kind of reaction that shows great love for your unborn baby…it shows that you love this child so much that you just want the very best for him/her and the fear of not being able to perform that is huge…it doesn’t mean however that you will fail. There may be times of failure in certain circumstances but your womb has been opened to this baby, no matter your age, school or marital status, what your family thinks, etc… that means that you are going to be everything that baby needs in a mommy or you would not have been chosen to carry this baby…Many girls dream of having a boyfriend who would be a man and Stand by their side through pregnancy, you have that…please do not take it for granted, this is his baby too and if he wants to be a daddy then you should give your child the chance that many don’t have…to be loved by the father…I say the same thing when it is the guy who wants the abortion, it is your baby and if he doesn’t want to be involved then his loss…the tough part is that you have o choice but to be involved by carrying the baby, but what you may not see at this tough stressful moment is that it is a blessing to have that baby in your womb, it may not feel like it when you are throwing up or getting bigger or having doubts and fears but I can promise you that you will not regret your baby’s life…I have never heard one person tell me that they regretted keeping their baby but on the other hand I have heard many many many women share their regret of abortion and it sounds like you have already been in that boat from your first sentence…I want so badly for you to not make decisions based on fear…the fear of failure, disappointing your mom, not being able to financially support the baby, not living your life to the fullest…etc…my life began when I had my daughter, I was 19 when I got pregnant and 20 when I had her…she was my rock, the only thing in this life that had been worth it up to that point, I almost aborted her for the same reasons along with fear of losing her dad which I did anyways in the end and he was not worth taking her life, I would have ended up with a broken heart and nothing to show for it but instead I have her, she was worth it, I was on my own and I had no job, when I was 3 1/2 months pregnant my mom took her own life and I found her, had I not been pregnant I would have had no good reason to keep living myself, my daughter saved me life in so many ways, she just lost her first tooth today by the way, she is a big girl now 5 years old almost 6, the tough times of single parenting and getting shut off notices seem like a bad dream that has been long gone, just get through this and you will find that this baby could very well be your saving grace, just like mine have been to me…You can still go to school, many have done it with more than one child, your boyfriend sounds like a Stand Up Guy,he wants this baby, you are 21 and he is 25, you are adults, you are very capable of making a life together and succeeding with great odds in your favor…just take a moment to search your heart and you will know that if so many have done it with the odds against them that you can do this with flying colors…the question is can you live with yourself and not hold resentment against your mom for wanting to please her and taking the life of your child to do it?? She may be disappointed but she will get over it, she loves you…did you know abortion was legal when she was pregnant with you?? So she has put a lot of money and effort into your education, show her you can have this baby and do school and she will be twice as proud, I have not even gone to college but there is a whole lot I can teach my children…that puts you ahead of me in that department as well, give yourself more credit than that, If all you can do is provide love, food ,clothing and a place to live then your child will have it better than any kid in a third world country and better than many here even in the US, my kids wear hand me downs but they smile, we eat mac n cheese for dinner when we have to make it to the next pay check and they love the stuff, I get WIC, milk, cheese, eggs, peanut butter, juice, cereal for free, I am on state medical and I even qualify being married, there are so many resources out there, after you have kids your goals sometimes change so don;t freak out about not finishing certain goals, I am glad I didn’t, one of them was to go to every heavy metal concert I could and meet as many bads as I could and party with them, where would I be now if I had done that, probably strung out with AIDS…you may switch careers, there are a few girls on this site who have switched directions because of how much their kids inspire them to do better than they had intended in the first place…you may get married and want to be a stay home mom and that is good too, I help babysit sometimes for single moms because I know how hard it was to work and leave your kids with someone else, no matter how your life changes you will not regret this baby, but either way this baby is yours and you will be a mom, the thing is do you want to enjoy the fruits of your labor by following through with this life, the heart that is already beating, this baby that will have your eyes or nose or ears, or do you want to always wonder and have the what ifs?? If you go through with the abortion there is a huge chance that you will give up those goals and dreams out of guilt that they were more important than this baby, you may hate your mom or your boyfriend, but keeping this baby will bring more success and encouragement to make it through to the other side and you will only be looking forward with hope, not behind with regret…Sorry it is so long but my heart really goes out to you, I would say that you have a very tough choice to make but I just don’t like the sound of that, you already made a choice, you had sex, whether protected or not, it is not like you can choose to give this baby life,I have heard those words come out of my mouth before and they are not accurate, we don’t give life to the baby he/she already has life, the choice you have to make is are you going to take that life away, I want the best for you and after watching my sister go through 3 abortions I would have to say the best for you would be to tough it out and prove the world wrong, you can do this, you have support here and from your boyfriend, you are a big girl, a mature adult woman, you have the world at your fingertips, reach out and take hold of this life you have and me the mom you have been called to be, protect this baby that you already care so much about and Stand your ground even when you are afraid…the only thing to fear is fear itself….I am here if you need to talk…I hope I helped you out a bit too…Love Meg

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