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Hey Hun,
I know this can be a scary time, especially since it was unplanned (although not unwanted), but now is the time to plan, and get organised. Your first steps will be go make a plan with your boyfriend, go to a doctor and get your bloods done (and a referal to a hospital), so you can show your parents that your being responsible. The next step is to talk to a councler about your education, maybe consider home schooling to finish, or a special young mums school, because finishing is important, and your parents will think that too.Sit down with your boyfriend and discuss how you are both going to handle this, will you move in together/stay with parents and save money? Will he get a job to help support the baby, all this needs to be discussed, so when you tell your parents whats going on, they will see that you have thought about it, and know what you want.
The first 14 weeks of pregnancy is hard, you have little to no energy, and quite often can feel sick. Get as much sleep as you can, and try and eat heathy food that dosnt make you throw up (green apples are great). Don’t worry though, it is normal, and it will pass.
Just stay positive, you have a little life growing inside of you, who you will love more than you ever thought possible. Look after that tiny baby by looking after yourself, eat well, rest when you need to, take some pregnancy vitamins, and you will be fine. Age really is only a number, and the reality is, your baby dosnt know how old its mum is, and it wont really care when it does.
ok, theres a few things that really bothered me about this post and some of the replys…
The main one being “her and her baby could be hurt or die!” I hate to tell you, but women have been having babies for millions of years without doctors, and the vast majority were fine (else we wouldnt exist).
I think it is important that she has family support, but only if she wants it. Choosing not to tell her mother isnt selfish, nor dangerous, especially at 20. She is an adult who makes her own choices, and has her own life. If your really worried, take a deep breath, because sooon enough she will be showing, and her mother will find out anyway.
The only thing you can do is ask her if she is taking pregnancy vitamins, and seeing some form of healthy care provider (midwife or doctor). Its completely up to here when and IF she tells her mother. For all you know, she may never want her mother to know, and raise the baby without that influence. Its not your call to make to tell her family. By all means offer to go with her, or help her write a letter, but telling them you will only cause misstrust between your friend and her family, and most likely she will never want to see you again.
The decision to keep this baby will be one that you will most likely never regret. There may be times in your life when you will look back and gone “oh I wish I had been older” or “I wish I had got to do this” but I can garentee you that you will never look back and go “I wish my son/daughter had never been born”.
Having an abortion is a decision that you WILL regret every day of you life, you will remember this baby as long as you live, trust me. Its a physically and emotionally painful procedure, and no good comes out of it. If you are prepared to go through the pain, than I urge you to carry this baby to term and then look at the adoption path if it is something that you still dont want.
A baby is a gift hun, and this one is yours. This baby growing in you is your son or daughter, they need you just like you needed your mum to live and grow, and they trust you with their life. Please dont betray the innocent trust of you child, its a decision that you will never forgive yourself for.
First thing in the morning is best. You should get an accurate result any day after your missed period (so you will get an accurate test if you test tomorrow morning)
Thanks everyone 🙂
We havnt set a date for the wedding yet, we just dont have the money to have the wedding that we want, and we want to buy some land before using significant amount of money on the wedding.
My ring arrives at the end week, unfortunatly there was some complications with the jewlers who was making it so we didnt have it intime for our one year 🙁 I promis I will post pictures up when it does arrive 🙂
I know how you feel… In my degree theres a lot of talk about abortion (along with embrionic stemcell research, and human cloning, but thats another story) and the majority of my classes are pro-choice. The discussion often comes up in the common room, and most of the time I just sit there and add peices of information, rather than discuss my views.
I feel sometimes that if I said what I really believe that id be attacked for it. Its not really fair, but there a choice. You can chose to say what you think and then you will find out which friends are ones that respect you. The biggest thing is to be able to support your claims with facts, figures and evidence. If you back up your views, present them in the approperate manner, and have lots of retaliation ready, then you should be good.
I came accross a similar thing today actually. I was having lunch with some new friends when the topic of having kids (now) came up. My 3 friends were all like "no way could I look after a kid (they are between 17 and 19), I couldnt do it, I barly look after myself. I dont want kids till im 30" Which struck me as rather interesting, as im the opposite. However, they all live at home with mum and dad, dont have there own transport (or drivers licences), nor jobs, and only one has a boyfriend. So I can kind of see where they were coming from in thinking they wernt ready to intentionally have children. Though I think they would have looked at me weirdly had I said I wanted a baby now…
Oh well.
Sorry for the ramble!
Hey honey,
Now before you go getting to worked up, there a few things that you should do/wait for. If your more than a few days late, you should take a home pregnancy test, they arnt very expensive and you can do them in the bathroom at the shops if your worried about someone finding it. Dont stress out until you know whats going on.
Your symptoms could simply be your period coming and a cold. Also nerves about possibly being pregnant can make you feel sick.
My first symptom was REALLY REALLY sore breasts, and was extreamly tired, however the tiredness didnt start until about 5 weeks (a week after I found out).
So dont stress yet hon. Take the test, and we are all here to help you with the results.
Hey honey,
I know what your feeling, I want a baby too, granted there is a fair difference in our age, thats besides the point. Wanting to have a child is normal, its a maternial feeling that a lot of women get, some get it when they are in there late 30’s, whilst others get it as soon as they hit puberty.
Im not here to tell you what you should and shouldnt do, however, consider the two senarios.
If you have a baby now, then you have to be pregnant for 9 months first, right? It makes you REALLY tired!, not to mention possible morning sickness, this can make even going to school whilst pregnant seem like a huge amount of effort. When your at school, you will have to deal with everyone too, lots of people can lose friends (the really good friends stick around, but quite a few dont), and people like to talk. Whilst this is something that you can deal with, and they should really mind there own buisness, it dosnt always happen. Do you want to deal with this by choice?
You will chose a time to take off school, once you far enough along, then have your bub, and when they are only 6 weeks old, you have to leave them every day for 8 hours (you could get home schooled, but then there loneliness issues, and whether your parents/education system would allow it). Could you leave your new born baby with someone else all day every day? Yes you could, but I wouldnt "want" to. Your alos reliant on your own parents to care/pay for your baby. You cant work, go to school, and raise your child (well you can, but you would be superwoman) are you ok with chosing to force your parents to support your child that you chose to have? When you get home tired from school you have your darling little one back, whos cranky, and hungry. So there goes your evening and your sleep. Then at 7am the next morning, its off to school again. Whilst all this is doable, and there are some amazing young women on here who do it everyday, and make fantastic mothers, would you want to make life harder for yourself?Senario two: Your 18 years old (yes, still a young mum), you have just finished highschool and moved out of home. Your boyfriend and you are talking about having a baby, and getting married sometime soon. So you both decide to take a couple of years off and start your family young, then go to college when your children start school. You get pregnant, your both so happy (your parents and familys will still have there own oppinions) your going to have the baby you have wanted for so long. So you keep working up until you take your leave so you have lots of money saved up. The girls at work talk a bit, but they are more interested in rubbing your belly and going mooshy over the baby clothes you have brought. You decorate the babys room the way you want. When they finally arrive, everyone is so happy, they are of course your darling baby. You have no pressure about when you want to go to college or start working again. If you want to spend 3 years at home with them you can, and if you want to get straight back into your degree you can to. Its still hard, but your supporting yourself, and you and your boyfriend are raising this child in a loving home that you have created together.
Think about it, its 5 years to wait, but is it worth the wait?
Congratulations Devyn!
Whilst your new bubba will never replace your daughter, I hope it brings you lots of happyness, and love. Im very happy for you 🙂
Hey, My first symptons were tiredness, headachs and really sore breasts, i also found that the vains were much easier to see (darker).
If you have had unprotected sex then are you trying to get pregnant? Anyway, sometimes tests can come out negative because its simply too early in the pregnancy to tell, so if your really nervous its worth getting another test done, home tests work pretty well if you want to save a doctors visit again. If it comes back negative (more than a week after your period was due) then your prob not pregnant.
Goodluck
To be quite honst i have very little symptoms at all… The main one was tiredness…
I was so exausted, even before I found out, i wanted to go to bed at 8pm, even though i didnt do much all day :p oh, and sore breasts, but that came later…
Im 18 very soon, and my boy is almost 20. We have our own appartment, and he makes more than enough money to support us. We are so excited, we have been talking about names already and i’m only 9 weeks!
Explain to her the exact procedure of an abortion, both D & C and suction. Theres a movie called "Silent scream" that you can look up on google and get her to watch. Information is the key. You wont be able to convince her to do anything by saying "its wrong, you cant kill them", but if you say "do you want your child to be ripped limb from limb with no anethetic whilst screaming and withering in pain?" you may get through a little bit more…
But she hasnt even confirmed her pregnancy yet, so wait and see.
Well ive always thought i was going to have a boy. Now im pregnant (only 7 weeks 2 days :p), i recon im going to have a boy. We have had a lot of people that we have told refering to bub as him, so maybe it is a boy? or maybe its just hopefull thinking 😛 either way i wont know for another 10 weeks.
You say that you hate your life, but would you ever wish that you had never existed? No matter how bad life gets, at least you had a change. The abortion procedure is horrible, they dont give the baby any painkillers either, so they are literally ripped appart alive.
If you love your baby, the let them live. The gouvernment should help you a little, you will be able to apply for gouvernment housing (which isnt very nice, but its a place of your own), and a single parents, or child allowence which will give you enough money to eat at least and pay bills, but things will be tight. Things like a car arnt that important, a lot of babys prefer prams anyway. And your local OP shop’s are a great place to buy cheap baby cloths (here you can get near new outfits for about $2 each) and things like prams and cots.
As for the father, yes you should take him into consideration, but think of it this way, if the babys born and he wants nothing to do with it, what difference does it make? he can run away and be a dead beat dad and not know about his child, it would be the same thing to him than if the baby was killed. If he wants to stick around, then great, but otherwise, make the decision thats righ for you and your tiny daughter or son.
Being a mother is a gift, many people wait too late to have a baby and never get the change, they regret it for the rest of their lives. You have been blessed with a little life, one that will change your life, but also give you something worth living for. You will have an innocent beautiful little life who depends on you, who loves you, who needs you. Your duty as their mummy is to protect them no matter the costs.
I know you said you grew up with just your mum and she wasnt a very good parent, i also grew up with just my mum (until she remarried an idiot 4 years ago), and yeah its not always ideal, but i never felt unloved or uncared for. You can learn from your mother mistakes, and not be like her.
Love your baby, put them before you, and when you see their little face in 7 or so months time, you will be so glad that you have them.
Sounds like you could be pregnant. Take the test once your a week late, and you should get an accurate result. Some of the tests say "test a day before your missed period", they are lieing, unless your having twins it will come up negative. My test came up positive 4 days after my missed period, and it was one of the "early result" ones. Test at 1 week late then tell us. Goodluck 🙂
Dont go to planned parenthood, your better off talking to a unbias source, like lifeline, or kids help line (they are australian ones anyway)or calling the pregnancy help line at the top of the site and asking them for nonbias information. What many people dont know about planned parenthood is that they actually run abortion clinic’s, so they are going to be pro choice, and given your age and situation will most likely try and convince you to terminate. What you need is someone who will discuss the best options for you, and how you will deal with this, not pressure you into something you will regret.
Have you been to your local doctor? I found my local GP was just great, they will do a blood test to confirm your pregnancy, and can often tell you how far along you are, they also test for a few other thing, like low iron, and certin things that can harm your baby.
Ju8st take a breather, have a look around this site, and talk to people, I know its scary, and your only young, but you can do it, theres heaps of girls here who have done it, with a partner or on their own, and their babys are growing up beautifully.
Goodluck girl, wherever life takes you.
If you have taken home tests and they have come up negative, its one of two things, your not pregnant, or your too early for it to be detected, which is common with some pregnancy tests. Quite a few tests that say "effective from day of missed period" are lieing, and they dont really show a clear result until about a week after your due. alternatly you could be one of the few people that the home tests just dont seem to work for, thought its unlikely. The hard stomach could be just that (lucky you), and burping, maybe you have had too much softdrink lately? Its worth going to the doctors because your late though, just get a blood test to put your mind a rest. If you start getting really sore boobs, incredibly tired, or feeling queezy/throwing up, then definatly go to a doctor as they are some of the earliest signs of pregnancy.
Hope that helped.
I did a little searching on the net about this too, and found this artical, It has the historic aspect, the medical reasons, and an account of the actual procedure. it may be worth a read?
http://www.noharmm.org/separated.htmI dont really see the point, as long as boys are taught to clean themselves correctly, there isnt a real need for it. When they get old enough they can decide if they want it done for themselves. There is also another side to it too, I have a mixture of friends who are circumsized and uncircumsized (I know this through various strange convosations), and some of the guys who are circumsized claim that they dont find sexual intercourse as pleasurable as the uncircumsized guys. I dont know if that was just the people ive spoken to, or if its fairly common, but its something to consider for your son’s futures….
I can completely understand where your coming from, My mum remarried a few years back, and my stepdad hated me, so i got stuck in a boarding school for my remaining year and a bit of highschool, with minimal contact with my mum and dad (who lives in a different state), the biggest side effect of this was how close i got to my boyfriend (still soon to be fiance :p), I got really clingy, because he was all i had, all i still have. We saw eachother everyday, but it was never enough, and now we are living together, we still miss eachother whenever we go off to work. Its ok to feel clingy on the one person that you trust. But you may want to sit down and talk to him and made sure that its not going to cause any problems, i was lucky because my boy is actually clingier than me (as difficult as that is to believe). The biggest thing that scares a lot of young women is that they rely on one person, and because dependent they actually end up driving them away.
If the clingyness is becoming a problem, try and dispurse it out a bit, become closer to some friends, and cling to your unborn child, because they are always there with you (least till they are born).
Goodluck! hope that helped a little…
Insulting his friend may not be the best course of action here…
Its fine if you dont like him, maybe have a chat to your boyfriend, that you want to see him more, and would like him to spend a bit more time with you and a little less time with his friend.
As far as the car and house and baby goes, wait, guys are full o empty promises if it means they get in your pants, dont fall for it. Once theres the house, and the car, and the ring, then try for the baby.
Be firm, yet dont get angry, yelling at him and calling him names wont help anything, if anything it will make things worse.
Two little eyes that will never see, a mouth that will never speak, and a person the world will never meet. One more heart that stoped beating.
Pray, pray hard, ask your son for forgivness, because you need it. He is in a good place now, he is safe, he is with god.
You will be forgiven, even if you may not deserve it, we never really deserve forgivness…
You had the support of everyone here, you read their storys, you listened to their advic, and yet you still gave into the pressure. your not a hero, you never will be. Heros are the wonderful young women who stood up to the pressure, and gave their babys life.
Goodluck wherever life takes you.
