Should I tell her mother?

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  • #22367
    I promise myself

      Hi girls,

      My best friend is four months pregnant – yet she has not told anyone but me and the father. She has not gone for any check ups or seen a doctor. By this time she should have, she is putting off telling her mom – and this is really endangering her life and the baby´s. I have been supportive and given her as much as possible advice. The father on the other hand is another story he is abusive and he has an over hand on her she just won´t stand up to him. I spoke to my mom and we think Its time we should talk to her family – we have been friends since we were little girls she is 20 old enough to take care of this baby – I dont know if I should tell her mom – I will ruin our friendship and trust or I can just keep quite and stand the chance of losing her or see her going thru pain. I really dont know what to do. Any advice?


        You might want to talk to your friend and tell her that you are concerned about her health and her baby’s health. Offer to tell her Mom or to help her tell her.
        It’s good that you talked to your Mom about it… Moms usually have good advice. 😉
        I know what it’s like to be in your position, and it’s hard.
        Here are some things that you should think about…
        1. Is not telling her Mom or going to a doctor really endangering her life?
        2. If she is over 18 and you have given her good advice, it is her responsibility what she does.
        3. I know that it is hard to stand by, but would telling her Mom really change anything?

        Does she have any health problems that make her pregnancy more risky than normal?
        Why hasn’t she gone to the doctor? If she is 20 I assume that she is the one that takes care of making appointments for herself and not her mom?

        Really, I don’t have any advice… You’re in a really hard place. I’ll be praying that God would give you wisdom of what to do. 🙂


          Why don’t you offer to go to the Doctor’s with her. Then once she is on the prenatal medication and under a Doctor’s care your worries are taken care of. I would say that’s probably as far as you should go with it, just try to convince her that you will go with her and no one will know. I think it is her job to tell her mom when she is ready. Best of Luck. Jessica


            maybe u should suggest going with her 2 tell her mom for moral n emotional support, or maybe ask ur mom to talk 2 her, if she doesn wana break the news jus yet then hold bak, let her do it wen she is ready, but let her know that her mom is gonna find out eventually… but ur ryt she does need 2 go 2 the doc…u should offer 2 go with her n remind her that its best 4 her n baby… well wish u all the best, let us kno wat u decide…


              As you said, she is twenty years of age, she is old enough to go without her mother to a doctor’s appointment. If she won’t go by herself or with her boyfriend, why don’t you offer to go with her?

              I hope she understands how much she is endangering the baby’s and her life by not going to the doctors. All the best xo

              Baby Girl101

                [size=1]You should tell her family. If she gets mad at you its okay. She’ll thank you for it later. Because if you don’t then you could loose her and the baby. She also needs to stand up to the father of the baby. I know how it is to be in a abusive relation ship. I’ve been through several. Let me tell you its hard to know that your friends know and they say nothing. If my friends had said something to my parents then we could’ve prevented my life from going down hill into anger problems.[/size]


                  Honnestly your a very good friend for being concerned about your friend so good for you.
                  secondly.. i dont think its your decision to make to tell her mother but you should
                  1- offer to go with her and tell her mother so she has someone with her
                  2- offer to take her to her doctors. tell her exactly how you feel.

                  and if all fails you should possibly tell her mother. but i think that your friend is still in denial i mean yes she knows shes pregnant but maybe she doesnt want to believe it or maybe she thinks if she ignores it it’ll just go away.. there might be something deeper that you wouldnt know. I’d talk to her about everything and just remind her that you’re there for her.


                    ok, theres a few things that really bothered me about this post and some of the replys…

                    The main one being “her and her baby could be hurt or die!” I hate to tell you, but women have been having babies for millions of years without doctors, and the vast majority were fine (else we wouldnt exist).

                    I think it is important that she has family support, but only if she wants it. Choosing not to tell her mother isnt selfish, nor dangerous, especially at 20. She is an adult who makes her own choices, and has her own life. If your really worried, take a deep breath, because sooon enough she will be showing, and her mother will find out anyway.

                    The only thing you can do is ask her if she is taking pregnancy vitamins, and seeing some form of healthy care provider (midwife or doctor). Its completely up to here when and IF she tells her mother. For all you know, she may never want her mother to know, and raise the baby without that influence. Its not your call to make to tell her family. By all means offer to go with her, or help her write a letter, but telling them you will only cause misstrust between your friend and her family, and most likely she will never want to see you again.


                      Im glad that you care about your friend and if i was you i would talk to her about it. She needs to be getting check ups and taking her vitamins everyday to have a healthy baby. Tell her that she needs to tell her parents if nor your going to tell them. First of all she needs to tell her parents everything so that they can start making plans so when they baby comes everything is planned out and its not a surprise you know!


                        You could always send an anonymous letter to her mother however, that would probably back fire.

                        I would talk to your friend. Show her information concerning the importance of going to the doctor and just be the loving and caring friend that you already are. Sometimes we just have to let our friends make mistakes and be there to help them up when they fall.


                          i think you should most definitly tell er mom ..
                          but talk to her first nd tell her how
                          you are going to tell her mom
                          nd have a plan
                          dont just show up there nd talk


                            I know you are in a bad position but it is not your responsibility to tell her mother. I agree with Merla 100%. My friend told her mom I was pregnant, and her mom is best friends with my mom. Needless to say my mom found out because of my friend and I no longer talk to this friend. I will never forgive her and that’s that. It would be a different story if your friend was under 18 but she’s not.


                              its not your place to tell her mother. talk to her you can be there as support i suppose.. but put yourself in her place if she told your mother. if i was a mother and my daughters friend told me id be dissapointed that my own daughter couldnt tell me.. it is not a bad thing you care for your friend but if your a friend can you imagine the care and help and support she can get from her family… but stay with her sometimes its easier to tell a friend but help her to tell her mother..


                                I am a 16 year old guy and i need some help with a situation. i like the advice you gave this person. me and my girlfriend just found out she may be pregnant. i love her dearly and i cant stand to see her get hurt. if we tell her parents her dad will beat her till he kills our baby. he said himself i f i get her pregnant before 18 he would. i love my baby even tho it is not born i love him or her. please help me i know im a guy but still we all need help.


                                  Hi Stephen!
                                  Yikes, that’s a tough situation! I would say that you should wait to say anything until you know for SURE that your gf is pregnant. Then you might want to tell her parents in public (like a restaurant or something) so that they cannot hurt her in the first reaction. Also, your gf might want to contact someone, not sure who, maybe a councilor at school or something and tell them about her dad’s threat.
                                  Oh, and by the way, if you want more people to reply to your question, click on “new thread” at the top of this “personal experiences” section. Then your post will not appear as a reply. 🙂
                                  Good luck, keep us updated, ok?

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