Kit

How long ago has it been since you had sex? Have you missed a period yet? It is possible to get pregnant during your period, though often ovulation is normally most likely to occur in the middle of your cycle. If it has been less than 2 weeks it may be too early for a pregnancy test to detect a pregnancy. I would wait and see if you miss your next period, if it is late I would take a pregnancy test to find out for sure whether you are pregnant or not.

Kate

Britney,

I had my first child Aidan about 6 weeks ago. I wasn’t sure what to expect about labor and pain as well. I went into labor with the attitude that I would go into labor without an epidural or pain meds, but if the pain got too intense or the doctor recommended them I wouldn’t rule them out.

Overall labor for me was easier than I had imagined it would be. That’s not to say that it doesn’t involve pain, because quite frankly it is pretty painful, but it was a lot more managable than I had anticipated. I started having mild contractions around 6 pm on feb 12. By 1:00 they had gotten stronger and closer so we headed to the hospital. Labor progressed fairly quickly until it stalled at about seven centimeters. They decided to give me oxytocin to make the contractions harder and faster and hopefully speed up the labor. Well it made the contractions much much faster and more intense but it wasn’t making me dialate faster which was frustrating!!!! Also I felt the overwhelming urge to push with the contractions, but was told not to. The doctor recommended that I be given an epidural. At that point I thought that en epidural sounded pretty good and I didn’t object too much. However it took the anesthesiologist about 30-45 minutes to arrive. Before the gave the epidural they checked for progress and I had dialated to 9 centimeters so they decided NOT to do the epidural and decided to let me start pushing. Aidan was born probably an hour later (maybe less) at 12:03 pm on Feb 13th without an epidural or any pain meds!

The pain is not constant. It comes in waves with contractions. If it were constant it would probably be unbearable, but in bursts it is more manageable. Have you taken a lamaze class? The breathing techniques really did help. I don’t know if you are a Christian or believe in God, but although it may sound corny in my head during labor I prayed for God to help me through and reminded myself that I was strong because God was at my side giving me strength.

Each person is different and each delivery is different. Listen to your doctor and listen to your own body. I don’t know if this helps, but you will make it through and when you get to hold your baby the pain will be worth it. Good luck!

Kate

My parents are very conservative too. I had a couple of pregnancy scares in college and the thought of having to tell my family that I was pregnant terrified me! I have to admit that even though I considered myself to be pro-life the thought of abortion did cross my mind. I didn’t want to have to tell them. I didn’t want to be judged. I didn’t want to be lectured and yelled at or see their disappointment in me. I just wanted the problem to go away. It turned out luckily that I was not pregnant either of those times.

If the tests had come back positive I hope that I would have had the strength to face the negative reactions of my family and carry the child to life. Abortion may seem like an easy solution, may seem like a quick fix to make the problem go away without anyone having to know. However, it is not as simple as it seems on the surface. Before you decide to have an abortion I would encourage you to read the posts and stories from other girls who have had abortion and are now dealing with the pain, grief and guilt or even physical health consequences of the past abortion.

If the time is not right for you to have a child I would encourage you to consider adoption, rather than abortion. That way your child would be given life and you and your boyfriend can move on with your lives and wait to raise children until you are ready for parenthood. It is very normal to be scared! I completely understand, but don’t let fear drive you into snap or rash decisions that you may regret later. Please consider all options before rushing into abortion. Perhaps your family will be more supportive than you might have imagined.

Kate

I have never had to deal with the pain of miscarriage. (At least that I am aware of – there was one time that I suspect that I maybe may have had an early miscarriage, but I don’t know if I was pregnant of not.)

However, I have had friends and relatives that have had to deal with the pain of miscarriage. The pain and grief is very real. I don’t know what to tell her specifically. It is very unlikely that the miscarriage was her fault. She shouldn’t be made to feel guilty, but it is a common emotion with miscarriage. Tell her you that you are here for her if she needs a friend, an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. Tell her that you care about her. You sound like a very good friend to me.

Kate

I don’t think that being pregnant before makes it more likely to get pregnant again (except that you know that you don’t have any problems with fertility or conception). I’m not sure if you are pregnant or not, but if you suspect that you might be perhaps you should take a pregnancy test to find out for sure.

KAte

Ash,

I wouldn’t panic too much yet if you are only 3 days late. The symptoms you are describing could be pregnancy symptoms, but they could also be related to PMS, stress, a cold, or other cause. I know that it might be frightening, but the best way to find out for sure is to take a pregnancy test. If your period is more than a week late than I would take a test. In the meantime try not to panic too much. Either way things will work out okay. Best wishes.

Kate

Heidi,

Is he the father of your other two children, or just this baby? If he walked out on you because of the pregnancy it does create a barrier to the level of trust in the relationship. It shounds like maybe he panicked and maybe wants to do the right thing now. I would be cautious, but would consider giving him a second chance (but not necessarily a third). I would let him know how you felt hurt and betrayed and that you need to know that you can trust him and count on him to be there for you and for your children.

Kate

I’m sorry to hear how your ex is treating you. If I were you I would not try to patch up or pursue a relationship with him anymore. He has already shown that he won’t be there for you or the baby and it is not likely to change. You deserve much better. If you decide to keep the baby you could press for child support coverage from him, even if unfortunately he won’t be emotionally responsible in the child’s life. As far as whether to keep the child or give it up for adoption, that is up to you. There are plusses and minuses to both options and neither will be easy. Get as much information as you can on your options and pray and listen to what your heart tells you is best for you and for your baby. Best wishes.

Kate

I don’t think that you are a bad person, and I would never say anything like you are going to hell. You were in a tough situation, and you made a choice that now you wish you could go back and change. I believe that God is very loving and forgiving. Nothing, even abortion is too great for forgiveness as long as you are truly sorry. I’m sorry that you are going through so much pain and guilt. You might want to consider post-abortion counseling such as Project Rachel or other group. Perhaps talking with women who have gone through similar experiences can help you deal with the pain from the past.

I would talk to your fiance about your feelings. Good releationships are based on love and trust and support. If he is as wondrful as you describe him, then I strongly doubt that he would leave you. I think that if you let him know about why you feel the way you do it can remove barriers to a deeper relationship with your fiance and he can help you deal with the pain of the past. I would sit down with him when you are alone together and just tell him that you don’t want to keep secrets about the past from him. Be open and honest about your fears and feelings. Best wishes.

Kate

Michelle,

Is there a close friend who could help you purchase and take a home pregnancy test? If not I would contact Birthright or a local crisis pregnancy center. Most will do free and confidential pregnancy tests. If you are pregnant and do not want to have an abortion do not let your boyfriend pressure you into an abortion. Listen to your heart and do not act out of fear or pressure. Hopefully the result of the test will be as you want, but if you are facing an unexpected pregnancy the crisis pregnancy center should be able to help you to break the news to your family. Hang in there. Best wishes.

Kate

My husband and I thought about Jasmine or Jade for girl names. My sister’s name is Jeannine, which I think is a good name. I like Rowan or maybe Robert as possible R boy names.

Kate

Marilyn,

I would call the option line number or go to their website, or I would contact your local Birthright or crisis pregnancy center. They may be able to help you emotionally and financially with the pregnancy. They might be able to help you with housing and medical bills for the pregnancy or point you to somewhere that can. Good luck.

Kate