myangelsinheaven

Hello Karma,
I am a mother as well, and very proud and blessed to have children. You tapped into something that I don’t think a lot of people realize; that we all need someone to talk to and share our worries, struggles and joys with. So many people are looking for happiness in the world, some are wandering lost and searching for peace in their lives. I have had many days of lonliness and sadness where it would only take a kind word from someone to give me strength to make it just one more day.
I am here and can relate to your role as a mother of back to back toddlers.

Autumn,
I can understand and sympathize with you about Caden’s father, but I hope that I can give you a different outlook on Father’s Day by my more optimistic attitude.

I had to go through a lot as a child with my father being my only parent. He was a wonderfully loving father to the four of us after my mother walked out when I was a baby. I celebrate Father’s day for him even though he passed away 1 year ago. I thank him for giving me life. He may not have always been able to be with me every minute due to demands on him to work and provide for me and my siblings, and he may not have made enough to give us everything we wanted, but I know he loved me. Father’s Day is for my own father.

I think about the more positive people in my life who have helped to shape who I am today….my Uncles, my Grandfathers….my brother (he’s very special to me) because he protected me and took me everywhere and I watched him be a loving gentle boyfriend to his girlfriend as we grew up. I celebrate Father’s Day for my brother.

Two of my closest friends have outstanding husbands who smile in the face of raising their children with Downsyndrome. Their children cannot talk nor comprehend what is going on around them and they blissfully roam the community while strangers oogle and stare at them as if these beautifully special babies had a choice in the matter. These father’s I watch and look to them as humble role models for the other young men and boys in our community. I thank God for these father’s who show my son what it means to be a true father.

There were times when my own husband and I went through some painfully cold and evil phases in our relationship with oneanother. There was no fairness, love, compassion or selfless understanding. At one point I thought I hated him for what he was doing to me and our marriage, and I felt justified in my selfrighteous perfect skin. Little did I know, I was making things worse. We nearly lost everything and actually had to be broken emotionally as well as die of ourselves to see what we were doing.
My husband of 22 yrs. and I have since left that other life in the past and now look back on it as a reminder of how far we’ve come to true love. We don’t forget our past, we remember it to help us see how imperfect we are as human beings so that we can be more charitable, understanding and nonjudgmental towards others. I almost left my husband for good to run from him and what he wasn’t being for me and my children, but he is now my best beloved friend whom I trust with my whole life because without him, I wouldn’t have become who I am today.

I celebrate my husband on Father’s Day for who he’s become

As painful as it is for you not to experience any involvement in your life from Caden’s father…..Please hear me gently suggest that regardless of what he’s obviously not doing now, you can still find some moments in your past relationship with him that deserves some respectful thought or recognition as Caden’s father, and maybe you can hold onto that thought long enough and privately thank him for being Caden’s daddy. Celebrate father’s day for Caden…..that he is here because of his daddy. You can leave it as simple as that and have a more positive day with your baby boy.

You will be in my thoughts this weekend Autumn and email me anytime if you need to talk.

Love and support,
myangel

Thank you for sharing your painful and very personal story with all of us. Thank you also for sharing your belief in the saving power of God’s unending mercy and generous forgiveness. I am a strong believer in asking God to forgive me for my sins daily, and for the sins I committed in the past. One thing I’ve learned as I’ve gone through these last 22 yrs after my abortion, (March 12, 1987), is that I was forgiven for my sins immediately and completely because I had no idea what I was doing. I had no idea that he created that life inside me and the innocent baby was HIS. Because I had made the choice to have sex with my boyfriend before marriage he created a life inside me. I then, unknowingly, had an obligation to God to fullfill the bond between a man and a women and to give life. I was blessed with that baby to nurture and give it life on earth and to protect and raise it so that it would one day return to HIM.

He forgave me for letting that life go because he knew in my heart that I was too young and immature to understand what I had let go of.

I hope you may continue to find comfort and understanding from God and that you turn to him when you’re feeling anxious and pressured to make decisions. He will calm your soul with his love and grace.

Many blessings,
myangelsinheaven

Hello my friend,
It was very good to see you back on and to read an update on you and Caden’s life.

I hear the love in your heart for Caden’s father and truly believe that with time and space, his love may mature. It has been such a short time since Caden’s birth, although so much has happened in that short time, it’s obvious he still has not come to accept his responsibility in the life of your son.

I hear you say how you pray, you cry, you run, but nothing. There are no certainties in life Autumn, despite our efforts to make things happen, sometimes things aren’t meant to be the way we would like. But, in my experiences, constant, patient and persistent prayer to God is answered. You just have to trust in what your praying for will be heard and have the patience to allow it to happen as God wants it to.

I am always here to talk and you can email me anytime.

Thank you for your suggestion with regards to my ‘FDA, AMA, CDC WARNING!!’ post. I’m looking into it.

Love and support
God bless,
myangelsinheaven

I am sure I share in your joy as much as the other women on StandUpGirl. It was wonderful to hear your update and also to hear your heart speak out with your understanding of where God has brought you in your life. It is a point of maturity and growth, both emotionally and spiritually to lay down your burdens at his feet and to ask him to carry you. Motherhood is a constant act of selflessness from the moment of accepting the life inside you at conception, through the years of raising a child, until the time when they are ready to make their way on their own in the world. We are called to be selfless and put the life of our child first….at all costs. The rewards of that kind of love toward another may not always gain recognition or praise from the world…..but from your child, you will never live without knowing that they admire you, accept you, thank you, and LOVE you. That is why you were blessed with this baby.

I will pray for you and your healthy pregnancy.
Many blessings and supportive friendship,
myangelsineheaven

Hello,
The unknown can be very confusing and so we need to find the answers and educate ourselves in all aspects of our lives. Don’t be afraid to do that for yourself. Go to your doctor and have him give you a blood test and end the worrying and confusion. You will have no doubt about your symptoms when you leave.

It is very fortunate that you have a supportive boyfriend if the tests comes back positive. It’s only a responsible way to live and shows a lot of maturity on his part. If you are not pregnant, and you and your boyfriend aren’t completely sure that having a baby right now would be best for everyone concernened, than maybe you and he could have a discussion about your intimacy. Contraceptions have been known to fail more times than not, and the only form that is 100% effective is abstinence. If waiting to conceive a baby seems to be the better choice for now in your relationship, then this may also be an opportunity to strengthen the bond between the two of you and build a strong foundation to raise a family later.
Whatever, your choice with your personal life, or the results of your test, know that you are not alone in your situation. Many here at StandUpGirl have faced these same decisions and have found support and love within this site.

Best wishes and blessings,
myangelsinheaven

Hello friend,

I’m sorry that you are feeling the pain losing your baby to abortion. I too have felt that pain, and still do but in a different way than I did over 20 yrs. ago. I also felt the pain of what I’d done almost immediately after leaving the clinic and that feeling consumed me for years.

I’ve had a dream recently that I’ve not shared with anyone, but continue to play it over in my mind throughout the day. I feel my dream has come from my involvement here on StandUpGirl helping other girls make sense of their choice to abort, helping them face what has happened and by helping them put it into the correct perspective.

I wasn’t sure who I would tell my dream to, but I feel it is appropriate to share it with you if you don’t mind.

[i]I’m standing on a high cliff with my eyes closed looking towards the sky. I’m taking in big breathes of air and exhaling slowly as if I’ve not been able to breathe before. My whole body is feeling the release of the air from my lungs and I feel a sense of calmness come over me and notice that my once tense arms and clenched fists are now wrapped gently across my own chest. I was giving myself a hug that I so desperately needed. (a hug of forgiveness and understanding)

As I look past the cliff ahead of me, I see a long swinging bridge made of tattered rope and rotting planks of wood. The wind is blowing and making the bridge sway, and I see a dark canyon below with shadows I thought I recognized and cold rocks that reminded me of a place I’d been before in my life. There were sounds that gave a chill to my skin and I found myself trying to recall where I’d heard them in the past.

I look across the bridge and my face turns to one of concern and I feel a heaviness in my chest…..I see a young girl begin to bravely cross the bridge taking one small step on the first thin board. I can see her struggle to keep her balance because the bridge begins to sway even wider from the weight of what she’s carrying. She reaches for the side rails made of rope, but they too are loose and nonsupportive and give way to the desperate grab of her sweaty hands. She has a look of fear and unbearable pain in her eyes, and she searches frantically for her next step. Will this one fail her? Will she be on a solid piece of wood the next time she places her foot down and will it hold her long enough so that she may take another and continue across the swinging bridge? I want to shout out to her, “NO, not there….try that one!” and “Don’t grab that piece of rope, it will fail you!! Reach further!!”

I begin to watch her every move as if I’m taking those steps for her….every shaky step across the swinging bridge over that dark canyon. I see the bridge begin to sway even wider now as she makes her way towards the middle of the bridge, and it unsettles her and she forgets her progress so far. She begins to glance down to the depths below and has a look of sadness and weak surrender on her face as if she just wants to stop trying. She’s motionless and weak from her journey, and if I were standing there with her I’m sure I’d hear her say, “I’m tired of trying, there’s no hope, I’ll never make it across, I thought this was the right path to take.”
I know that look from somewhere…..I walked that swinging bridge and thought those same things. I looked down into those dark shadows of despair and grief and they covered my soul and held me down in that canyon. I sat on those cold rocks where nothing seemed to bring me warmth, and the sounds that she was hearing, cried out to me as well until my ears were burning.

I began to call out to that young girl from where I was at and told her not to look down anymore. “Look at me, and never look down there again. Don’t look at those rotting planks under your feet, just walk!! Don’t fumble for rope to hold you, just continue to reach here!!” I kept yelling for her to keep moving and not listen to the sounds below her feet. As I yelled for her I found myself making my way across the swinging bridge towards her because I didn’t want her to feel alone as that bridge continued to swing wider than it had before. I wanted to give her the support she needed to make it across safely, afterall, she was a little girl just like me trying to make that long journey. I had to show her the way. I wanted to show her that I’d never leave her there alone struggling to make it across that ugly dark canyon.
As I joined her three-fourths of the way across, I put my sweater across her shoulders and pushed the hair away from her eyes so that she could see. I smiled at her and looked into her eyes. I felt her take in a long deep breath, and she exhaled slowly as if she’d never breathed before. I told her, “There’s a place over there where you can rest. I’ll help you make it the rest of the way across.”

[/i]

I’ve thought a lot about my dream and what it means for me in my life and how I can be there to reach out to the young girls and women making it across that swinging bridge. My heart is aching for you and your baby as it does for my own…..

I am there across the other side of the bridge reaching out to you, and I know the journey you’re about to make. I can help you make it across. Many women and other young girls on this site can offer you love and support to help you across.

Please stay in contact with this site as often as you can, and continue to share with your mother and boyfriend because you need their supportive love.

Thank you for letting me share with you, and giving me the opportunity to help you.

much love and support,
myangelsinheaven

Hi Caty,

It’s unclear from your post when your due for your period. If you had unprotected sex, there’s always a chance that you could become pregnant, especially if it fell anywhere between the 7-18th day after your last period stopped.

If your not late yet, I would suggest you wait until your past due for your period by about 5 days and then test with the first morning’s urine. If it is positive, then you will need to get to your doctor to confirm it as soon as possible so that he may put you on prenatal vitamins and iron.

If it’s negative using a home test, but you feel that you are pregnant, go to the doctor and let them do a blood test. You will get an accurate result there.

I hope that things will settle down for you at home, so that if you are pregnant, you will receive the support you and your baby will need.

We are always here to help, and if you have any other questions or need guidance after your testing, please let us know.

myangelsinheaven

Hello Lefam,

Congratulations on accepting LIFE this time! Regardless of what has happened in the past, your unborn baby won’t be taken away from you as a punishment. An unborn baby in it’s early development is very fragile, and many things can affect the development of that vulnerable child. If you happen to have a miscarriage, please know that nothing you did would warrant punishment towards you or your baby. We have all made mistakes in our pasts that we regret terribly. You are now trying to live your life in a beautiful state of motherhood. I am personally proud to have read your story and although our stories are not identical….I too shared your worry at one point in my life. Would I never be able to carry my baby to term after an abortion? Would my body accept another fetus after what I did? Would I ever be blessed with another chance to make a different choice?

My prayers for another chance came true, and I carried another baby full term. I made a different choice when that new chance came and said “Yes” to the life of my baby. You have done that and you will be rewarded.

I hope everything goes well for you and your baby, and your upcoming wedding. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. If there’s anything we can help you with or if you have any questions during your pregnancy, please let us know.

Best wishes for a healthy pregnancy,
blessings
myangelsinheaven

Hi Callie,

If your period was due to start on or around May 24-28th then you are within the time period where a positive pregnancy result should show up. Most girls will use a home test first. If you choose to use one, use your first morning’s urine as the hormone level will be at its highest. If it reads negative, you could take another one to be sure you did the test correctly. But, I would go to your clinic to get a blood test done. They are the most accurate and there will be no doubt in your mind when you leave. If your concerned about privacy and cost of getting a blood test done, you can call this number. 1800-395-HELP They will put you in touch with a clinic in your area where you may get FREE and CONFIDENTIAL testing.

I hope everything goes well for you and your boyfriend and that if you are pregnant you and he will find the love and support you need.

God bless,
myangelsinheaven

Hello Issabela,

I was once young and insecure, and worried a lot about the friends around me, or even people I didn’t know very well. I was worried that they wouldn’t accept me, that they’d make fun of the clothes I wore or didn’t have. I remember one girl, whom I thought was a good friend, decided to ignore me over a period of a few days and then stood and made fun of me with others as I walked by because my clothes were not ironed. Crazy isn’t it? Why? For what reason would people treat others this way? There are many reasons and none of them will ever be an excuse. It’s the way of the world to make people feel less than. Some find joy in it as if it elevates them to a higher status in life. They may have some insecurities of their own and the only way they feel better, is to point out the faults of others.

I have had to let go of things like that getting to me, as I’m sure a lot of people have. I also have had to stop looking to others for approval because even when I feel I am doing my best, there may not be that pat on the back from anyone. We cannot look to others for our self worth. That comes from within your soul. Instead of striving to be accepted by others, I try and accept others no matter what. Instead of waiting for someone to love me, I seek out the ones who are loved the least and show them love. I have learned, that instead of hoping to be noticed by someone in my daily routine….I make a point to notice the ones who are cast aside in my community or church and bring them in close to me and my family.

It is very rewarding to live my life where I can give others love, respect and dignity, when the world is so determined to strip it out of every human being.

We would love to share in your pregancy and help in guiding you through this beautiful experience. I hope that I have shed a little light on your situation. You will find love, support and acceptance here at SUG.

Best Wishes,
myangelsinheaven

If you think that the bleeding you had for those 4 days was suspicious, then you should probably think about getting a blood test done by your doctor. If you had your bleeding a few days early, it doesn’t neccessarily mean that you’re pregnant and neither does having a lighter period. You can take a pregnancy test at home and see what the results are….but understand that they aren’t always accurate and are often done incorrectly. If it’s positive, you can then go to the doctor to verify the positive results. If you need assistance with locating a clinic near you where you can get free testing, you can call 1-800-395-HELP.

If you need any other help, please let us know and we will try to guide you in the best possible way.

myangelsinheaven

Hello,
I’m not sure of all the details of your history with the baby’s daddy, but if you feel in your heart that you want your baby to know him, then it is probably the right thing to do. You would be following your heart. I think honestly, anytime a mother involves the father, married or not, in the life of his child, it will only produce good things. For the baby, she/he will have an opportunity to form a bond with daddy. For the father, experiencing the innocence of his child in his life will only have a good effect on him and he may begin to rethink the importance of life and his priorities.

I will caution you though, if you feel that you or the baby are at risk of being in danger by offering the father a visit, then you should NOT arrange for one unless it can be supervised by your parents, or a court authority. (depending on your circumstances) Do not put your baby or yourself in a situation where you cannot get assistance should the visit go bad.

I hope this has helped, but please let us know if there’s anything else we can do.

Best wishes,
myangelsinheaven