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Hey you, I am so sorry for the situation you are in, he seems to be so unstable and when you are hormonal, pregnant and overdue on top of that you just need a rock to cling to…it is his loss for not wanting to be that rock of stability…you do not adjust to being a single parent in a weeks time, I know because I was one for 4 1/2 years and part of that time I had two kids on my own from two dads…it can be lonely, depressing and just about unbearable at times but it can also be a great time to discover who you are…as it is now you are a mommy, you will have this baby any day now and he will be your little love muffin, he will make you love and smile like nothing else ever has, he will give you an amazing sense of purpose and victory and he will love you back unconditionally, smile at you when you are crabby, coo and goo and blow raspberries when you feel like crying…children have a way of healing broken hearts…they can be a handful too so make sure you get plenty of you time when needed, take naps when he naps and little things like that to keep your energy and strength up…we are all here for you at Standupgirl and many of us have been through what you are going through and have walked in your shoes…it doesn’t make it any easier but it can be more bearable to have a hand to hold, there are lots of hands here for you!! The good thing about your situation is that if he is in any kind of military branch they are VERY adamant that men take care of their obligations, he is required to pay support for his son, you will probably have to go through the whole paternity thing (I had to and I HATED it) but he will be required by law and government to pay support for his son and if he defaults while in the military then he is in HUGE trouble…at least you will have that sense of security as long as he serves in whatever branch he is in….keep your head up, the hormones will balance in due time, maybe your doctor will give you something to help after birth, you are going to be a great mommy and do not let your situation rob you of these next coming weeks and months of enjoying getting to know your little guy!! We are all here for you and I will be keeping you in my prayers…Love Meg
Oh honey, you found the right place…my heart is breaking for you as I read your post…what a hard thing to go through at any age much less 14. I know what it is like to feel like there is no one to talk to and that is what I love about Standupgirl, we are all here for you, to love you, accept you as you are, and to help you find a way to heal. The first thing I want you to know is that you are allowed to miss your baby and grieve. You have every right to do so, don’t let anyone stop you. I think it was unfair and wrong for your mom to take you to that “psychic” answer me this, if this person is a psychic, why have they not predicted a lottery and won all the money, if I was a psychic that is what I would do. I personally do not believe anything that comes out of their mouths, if you believe that your baby was a little boy then hold on to that but not because someone told you while in a psychic trance. If your baby was not supposed to be here and touch this earth then why did you get pregnant? I think you need to disregard the things this psychic told you, they sound hurtful and like a bunch of airy words that someone told her to tell you to try to make you “feel better” Honey, I am so sorry for the pain you are experiencing, I wish I could hold you and let you cry in my arms, I wish I could protect you from those who have pushed you into this harm, all I can do is be here as a friend, I can listen, I can share, I can pray for you…my heart hurts for you sweetie and I know that this is not it for you, though sorrow may last through the night, Joy comes in the morning, right now is a season of darkness and night so to speak, one day the sun will rise and you will find a new hope to cling to, I will be here every step of the way…here is also an email to a friend of mine who will be able to help too, lisa@standupgirl.com ,she has been where you are, she knows the loss you are feeling…please write to her and let her help you too…please write me anytime you are sad, lonely or just want to share…Love Meg meg@standupgirl.com
Hey Charlotte, My name is Meg and I want to say that I am so happy that things are going well with Ella, now for the other business. I think it is wise and responsible to not have sex right now, even if it is only till the 3rd it is the right thing to do. This way your body can catch up and have the chance to let you know what is going on without the chance of becoming pregnant in the process (if you are not now) I have never heard of not bleeding the whole 6 weeks after birth, I have had 3 kids and I bled for 6 weeks to the day after each of them, so with that it sounds like your body is up to something. It is a good thing you have your doctor taking care of all this for now it is just the waiting game, in this time it would be a good idea to plan, what if you are pregnant, what is the plan, what if you are not pregnant, what is the plan. Are you two thinking of marriage at all? Is your family being supportive of you now and have you talked to them about potentially being pregnant again, will their support end if you are? These are all things to think about. So if you are thinking of marriage maybe you should wait to have sex again until your wedding night, make it more exciting and special and then you are not risking pregnancy in the meantime, if you are not planning on getting married then it might be a good idea to not have sex, if you don’t want to get married then you don’t want to end up pregnant again….just a lot to think about…please let me know what happens and if you have any questions or answers to what I shared…and once again congrats on Ella and enjoy her being a little bundle of love, oh I miss having a tiny one, my youngest is not over a year and she hardly lets me hold her now….tear!! Love Meg
Welcome to the site!! I am not from CA but one thing I would like to caution everyone on is to not get too specific about where you live…I myself have made this error and thankfully have not suffered for it…there have been recent reports in the news about pregnant women being cut open and murdered for their unborn children….I like to think of Standupgirl.com being a safe and loving community and I have enjoyed the relationships and friendships I have found on here but we do need to remember that there are predators out there, please use caution when sharing where you are from and do not give out school names, addresses, or any other info that could lead a stranger to your location…the forums are public and ANYONE can come to the website and read and find you if you leave enough info…lets continue to be a safe place and protect ourselves…sorry to freak anyone out but this is a scary world to live in sometimes and we need to take our safety very seriously!! Love Meg
It will take a few more weeks but then you will/should get a break for a while, but sorry to tell ya, you will have to pee twice as much towards the end of your pregnancy….at least that is how it was for me….at least if you ever pee your pants you have a wonderful excuse and when you are huge and in public surrounded by strangers you can pretend that your water broke…LOL…I hope you have a good pregnancy and that your bladder issues are easier to handle each day…we have all been there…Love Meg
Some of the best words of wisdom I have ever received were these, If your child has had plenty of attention, has a full tummy, is not thirsty and has a clean diaper then it is ok to let them cry….You can and will teach your kids to cry and whine by giving in and caving into their every whimper, yes, we need to keep them clean full and happy and make them feel loved and special but this list has made my life so much simpler…I do not have to feel guilty or question my parenting by letting my kids cry or whine or go without something that is not a need when these are checked off…Love Meg
Hey there, it is possible that you can get false negatives…the best time to take a pregnancy test is with your first mornings urine and after your period is late. Here is a number you can call for help. 1-800-395-HELP, they can give you the number and location of the closest Pregnancy Resource Center to you where you can get a FREE and CONFIDENTIAL test. There is a chance that your “fear or paranoia” of being pregnant can be playing tricks on you. This is my best advice for you honey…You need to let your body get back to normal. What I suggest is that you stop the depo shots and any other form of artificial/hormonal birth control, with that please remain abstinent from ANY sexual contact at least until your cycle is normal and or you know if you are pregnant or not. I was on birth control for years and it messed with me a lot. When I got pregnant with my second child from the second father I made the choice to not have sex again until my wedding night, I was done with not understanding why my cycle was messed up, I was done with worrying about pregnancy from yet another person and also the complications that it brought in my relationships to have sex. It is your choice whether you are going to have sex or not, but what I would strongly recommend is that you at least stop having sex until you get your body back on a regular track and figure all this out!! I hope this helps you a bit and remember that we are all here for you no matter what comes of the tests!! Love Meg
Wow James, you are a breath of fresh air, I just have to start my response to you with the highest respect and to encourage you that you have the makings of a great father and potential husband!! I agree with you that you should not allow your child to be aborted, the fact that you are so concerned and aware of how your girlfriend would feel after carrying a child for 9 months and then place the baby with another family is just awe inspiring…You are right, that would be very difficult, to answer your question, YES, you can parent your child and still be a success is college, here is my friend Rachel’s email address, she finished high school and went on to college with a child on her own, rachel@standupgirl.com ,she is now married and is very successful, if she could do it on her own then the two of you as a team will flourish!! If your family Stands by you the chances are even stronger….you have about 8 months before baby arrives, that is plenty of time to plan…as for baby items, if the baby is a boy, great you can get hand me downs from your mom, if the baby is a girl, that is what baby showers are for, you can register and let your friends know what you will need, here is a phone number to a place that can help you a TON, 1-800-395-HELP, they will give you the number and location to the closest Pregnancy Resource Center to you, you can watch parenting videos and earn “baby bucks”, they have all kinds of items, new and used…I think you and your girlfriend have all the makings of a success story and that you can beat the odds, just stick together and hang in there…I know that you will do the right thing and that you can be great parents….we are all here for you and if you need any more info about anything from pregnancy to insurance to child care just give a holler….Love Meg meg@standupgirl.com
Wow James, you are a breath of fresh air, I just have to start my response to you with the highest respect and to encourage you that you have the makings of a great father and potential husband!! I agree with you that you should not allow your child to be aborted, the fact that you are so concerned and aware of how your girlfriend would feel after carrying a child for 9 months and then place the baby with another family is just awe inspiring…You are right, that would be very difficult, to answer your question, YES, you can parent your child and still be a success is college, here is my friend Rachel’s email address, she finished high school and went on to college with a child on her own, rachel@standupgirl.com ,she is now married and is very successful, if she could do it on her own then the two of you as a team will flourish!! If your family Stands by you the chances are even stronger….you have about 8 months before baby arrives, that is plenty of time to plan…as for baby items, if the baby is a boy, great you can get hand me downs from your mom, if the baby is a girl, that is what baby showers are for, you can register and let your friends know what you will need, here is a phone number to a place that can help you a TON, 1-800-395-HELP, they will give you the number and location to the closest Pregnancy Resource Center to you, you can watch parenting videos and earn “baby bucks”, they have all kinds of items, new and used…I think you and your girlfriend have all the makings of a success story and that you can beat the odds, just stick together and hang in there…I know that you will do the right thing and that you can be great parents….we are all here for you and if you need any more info about anything from pregnancy to insurance to child care just give a holler….Love Meg meg@standupgirl.com
Hey honey, I can tell you with no hesitation that dealing with the loss of your baby due to complications and natural death would be so much easier to bear and deal with than knowing that you took his/her life by choice. Now knowing this does not make your situation easier and I really feel for you, I think you just need to take some deep breaths and do something nice for yourself. You are 17 weeks along, you are able to find out the sex of your baby at this stage, here is a link to a website that is really good at showing you week by week what your baby’s development is, http://www.pregnancy.org/fetaldevelopment ,you cannot take your child’s life into your own hands out of fear of the unknown…I had two kids from two dads before I got married, my oldest daughters dad is still not involved in her life and she is 7, I too came from a broken home, what I have learned is that I now get to “break the cycle”, I get to make better memories for them than I had, I get to protect them from dysfunctional environments, I get to love them the way I always longed to be loved, you cannot control the dads actions but you can choose your own, you can give this baby a WONDERFUL life, do not rob yourself of the joy that is within your womb because of his selfishness…being pregnant in a “perfect” situation can be tough, the hormones, the body changes etc…in your situation, the same one I was in years back, there is so much more going on than that…I think you are just experiencing “jitters”, you are going to be a great mommy, you will be perfectly able to provide for yourself and this child, I have no doubt that you will meet a wonderful man who will CHOOSE to be a father…Just hang in there, I am here for you and I want to assure you that keeping this baby is the right thing for you, if not then you would not have been chosen to be his/her mommy!! I am so sorry that you are having a rough time, I truly am, just try to keep your head up and know that you are not alone…Love Meg
Hey there, I have been thinking about you and wondering if you have made any kind of a decision yet…
Hey you, I understand that this is going to be a very rough time for you and I think you are very wise to ask for suggestions and prepare yourself for this coming week…one thing I have found with grief is that it comes in waves, although I have not experienced abortion I did lose my mom to suicide and the first year was fine, the second year was way bad they have been on and off, this last year was probably the worst, it was the 7th year…so just know that if this year goes horrible it may be better then next but if this year seems ok considering then be prepared that it may not be as well the next…just things to keep in mind, with all this said know that I love you and I am here for you and I have a suggestion that is a little out of the box….have you considered sponsoring a child through World Vision? My husband and I have two children through them and we send money every month, this organization is unique in how they operate, they take the money you send and use it to pay for your child’s heath, clothes, food, schooling and other things like that but they also use it for the child’s family to buy land to farm or build a better home and such so that not only the child is supported but the whole community will benefit from it as well, I would highly recommend sponsoring a child and you can also pick the birth date of your child, boy or girl and from what country, you can choose to honor your lost child by sponsoring a child who was born on your due date or even the date of your abortion if that is what you want to do…here is a link to the site where you can do your research and if you want to, sponsor a child…it may just be a really healthy thing for you!! I know it would be a good thing for the child you sponsor…Hope this helps…Love Meg
Oh honey, I am so sorry that you are in this dilemma, no one should ever have to chose between their own flesh and blood and a profession…I know you are in a tough place and I can feel the fear and confusion and pull radiating from your post, My dream was always to be a dancer, ballet, I was in ballet for several years and I won so many awards and then one year, I was 12, my dad could no longer afford to keep me in dance, that was the year that I started rebelling, dance kept me focused on my future and taught me self respect for my body but when I was no longer in ballet I just threw it all out and gave up….I lost my virginity at 13 just several months after I had to stop dancing and I only went down hill after that….I ended up pregnant at 19 and I was into heavy partying and drugs and the dad wanted me to get an abortion, I almost did and I am sooooo glad I didn’t, sometimes when no one is home or when the kids want to listen to music I will do some ballet moves and they love dancing around with me, it is so fun, I never made it to the Boshoi theater in Russia, my ultimate goal but I look back and nothing compares to the accomplishment I have in being a mommy, I didn’t plan my first two kids and I went through a rough season of being a single mom, I will not lie, it was hard and there were many times that I was unsure if I would keep my house or have water and electricity due to lack of income, I was prepared to cook outside over a fire if I had to…seriously I was taking steps towards being able to survive in my house with no water or electricity and I had a friend offer me their camping toilet…LOL…I am thankful that it never had to come to that but it came scarily close…I know that if you abort your child that you will live with regret for the rest of your life, just the grief and pain and depression that it can and will bring can ruin your dance career and or make you bitter and resentful towards yourself and dance for being “more important” than your child….Trust me on this one, nothing compares to holding your new born baby in your arms, watching them grow and learn, hearing their giggles and first words, feeling their pain when they fall down and scrape their knees, the memories they make in your heart….nothing compares to it, there is a chance that you will be able to carry your child to term and then continue in dance, it is worth the what ifs and unknowns to give your baby life….do not rob yourself of true joy and happiness, please give it some serious thought and please do not do anything until you have taken some time to really weigh the costs and research abortion and the effects, please email my friend Lisa, she knows first hand what it is like to live with regret… lisa@standupgirl.com ,I am here and I really hope that you will respond and keep in touch no matter what you decide…but please know that there is a reason that this little heart beats within your body, just like Bob Ross says, there are no mistakes, only happy accidents!! It is not a mistake that you are pregnant, this is an opportunity some women crave and hope for, you have this gift, regardless of your circumstances, carry this gift wisely!! Love Meg, meg@standupgirl.com
I agree with Autumn but I would like to add that in doing what is best for all involved I know that giving this child life is 100% the right thing to do, I totally understand your dilemma and I think that you are very wise to seek advice, but the truth is that you have a responsibility to this child, whether you parent or place your child with this wonderful adoptive family I know you will do fine in life, I think it would be amazing if you were to bless this family with a biological sibling, that is so special, I have no doubts that you are fully capable of handling three kids though, you just really need to pray and focus on what is best for your circumstances and like I said abortion is not the answer, I hope this helps a bit and I am here to talk any time….Love Meg
First thing, no matter what position you are in when you have sex you are still at risk for pregnancy, ANY TIME you have sex whether protected or not, no matter what day of your cycle you are on, whether you take a shower immediately or clean off really good, whether our boyfriend ejaculated or not, it does not matter, you can still get pregnant…with that out of the way, what you need to do is wait until your period is late and take a pregnancy test, you can find them at most stores depending on where you live, if you are having a problem with irregular periods then it might be best to wait until it has been 4-5 weeks after intercourse and then take a blood test, the best thing to do is to not have sex again at least until you know if you are pregnant or not, preferably until marriage… also there are a whole variety of pregnancy symptoms, some people have some or all, others none of them, each person is different, go ahead and be seen by a doctor to get some answers and let us all know what you find out…Love Meg
Oh Charlotte, I wish I could reach through the screen and hold you against my shoulder so you could just let go and weep…honey you need to do what you need to do to heal and not be afraid of your parents..their hearts will probably break right along with yours and they may shock you with the love they can offer you, this was 4 years ago, if they dare hold this over your head you are at the age where you are not under their parental rules anymore and you do not have to owe them any other explanation then the one you give them…I am glad that your boyfriend has stuck by your side, that is very rare, although you two made a very poor and difficult decision 4 years ago you have made the best of your relationship and I hope it only grows sweeter as you two learn how to forgive each other, yourselves and heal…have you heard of Rachel’s Vinyard Retreats? Google it, I am thinking about going on one just to gain better knowledge of how to help women just like you to heal…Please look into it, also look into getting some post abortive counseling, it would be good for you to go alone and also for your boyfriend to go alone and then for you to to go together for some sessions, they may be able to help you find the best way to tell your parents so that you do not have this unbearable weight on your shoulders…lay it down, take some deep breaths, and forgive yourself sweetie…you are allowed to miss that precious little angel, you are allowed to grieve and you do not need to feel guilty for wanting to heal…I am here anytime you need to talk and if you need more info on Rachel’s Vinyard just give a holler…I will be praying for you and I hope this helps a bit, I am so glad you found the site…Love Meg, meg@standupgirl.com
Hey Tracy, I am not a doctor so do not take what I say as medical advice…LOL, I am just another mommy who has been there and done that and I would encourage you to call your doctor or be seen ANY TIME you feel uncomfortable or concerned….with that being said I think you may be experiencing ligament pains, they are very normal. When your uterus is growing and stretching you will get pains and even the slightest movement in the wrong way can intensify it, even sneezing. They can and will come and go throughout your whole pregnancy, especially at the stage you are at and towards the end again….just hang in there and please call your doctor, they are used to moms, especially first time moms, being unsure of their bodies, they may even give you a list of stretches and or exercises that can help you….I hope this helps and remember that this will pass….Love Meg
Hey there, how far along are you? Well first things first yes, sex can cause a miscarriage just like any other type of physical activity in excess, I wold not be too overly concerned unless your doctor tells you to, the thing I do want to caution you on is this, I am not just speaking to you so if this does not apply please take no offense…Sex at anytime, whether protected or not can cause pregnancy, having sex with someone who has had other partners or you think may be a cheater can put you at risk for STD’s, contracting an STD while pregnant can cause diseases in your unborn child as simple as an infection at birth to as bad as blindness, deformation and death….I would discourage anyone who is pregnant to not have sex unless they are in a committed monogamous relationship, preferably marriage and to always check with your doctor…there is an enzyme in sperm that can cause your cervix to soften and dilate before you want it to, I am married and during my last pregnancy I started contracting and dilating too early due to having sex and my doctor told me to stop for 2 weeks to see if it made a difference and it did…I was bummed but it kept my little girl safe in my womb for just a little longer!! With all this being said, yes, you can have sex while pregnant, just make sure you are cautious with your own life as well as that of your unborn child!! Love Meg
I can relate sweetie!! In never had a positive pregnancy test but I know that I experienced a miscarriage several months before my husband and I did get pregnant, it has only been two months so hang in there, I had a hard time being around other peoples babies and I thought that it would never get better…it will, just give it time, nothing will replace your sweet little baby that you lost but give it time and try not to fill your body with stress and anxiety, it can only make it harder to get pregnant…Lots of Love…Meg
I think you have gotten some great advice and have nothing much more to add other than to reiterate that if you have ANY questions or concerns to make sure you contact your doctor or go into labor and delivery!! Also to add that I used to sleep in a tangle of pillows…LOL…I had them in every single nook and cranny of my body, between my legs, up against my back, in front, under my feet, I practically just slept on pillows, it really does help, my youngest is almost a year old and I am still sleeping with tons of pillows just out of habit…LOL…just know that once baby is here most of your ailments will be immediately gone!! Love Meg
You ladies are all so amazing and I thank you for sharing your stories, I hope more and more ladies will come along and share as well…you are all so inspirational even though all of you have such different stories!! Love Meg
My first and last were both surprises, I knew I was having a girl the first time but did not peek…I was right, the second I knew was a boy, I peeked and was right, my last though I had no idea until the last two weeks, I did not peek and she is a girl!!! I think it is fun to not peek, I mean you will find out eventually but you can’t un-peek…LOL….enjoy whatever you choose….Love Meg
I am so sorry sweetie, I hope it helps a little to know that we are all here for you!! Remember talking to Lisa? She is still there for you, lisa@standupgirl.com , you need to let the phone ring and talk to the person who answers….I went through really bad post partum depression last fall and I know there is a huge difference in what you are going through but the “fear” of doing something about it is the same, I had to admit that I couldn’t do it on my own, I had to make that call and go to the appointment I had to take a medication to help me get by, to help me feel again. I couldn’t even cry….You really do need to address this issue, you are not alone, you are not the only one, just think, if they have an online survey to diagnose PAS there is a reason for it, there are many in your shoes, even on this site, I think you should email Lisa and connect with her and maybe get a copy of the book she uses for her PA counseling/study…and remember above all else that prayer you said…there is strength in the Lord and when you rest in Him you do not have to carry this weight on your own…Lots of Love and Prayers….Meg
With my son I lost my mucus plug exactly 4 weeks before I gave birth, the thing about a mucus plug is that it can reform so it doesn’t always mean there is a set amount of time that you will have baby after it comes out!! Bummer I know but just hang in there, you are in the safety zone so if she comes she will be fine….Love Meg
