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JJ,
By now you will have taken a test and found out whether or not you are pregnant. Cramps can be a symptom of early pregnancy but they can also be a symptom of pms so it is hard to tell. If you are pregnant I would set up an appointment with your doctor to make sure that everything goes well with the pregnancy. If you are not pregnant and are still having unusual pain or symptoms you might see your doctor to have everything checked out. Good luck and best wishes.
KAte
If you are not on birth control and you are having unprotected sex, then there is a good chance that you could be or could become pregnant. Have you missed a period? Have you taken a pregnancy test? Sometimes it is hard to tell from symptoms alone because symptoms can vary from woman to woman. If you suspect that you might be pregnant the best way to find out for sure is to actually take a pregnancy test. If you are not pregnant and do not want to become pregnant, then I would consider not having sex or using some form of birth control to prevent pregnancy. Best wishes.
KAte
I’m not sure what your chances of being pregnant would be. I have heard of couples where the man has had a vasectomy, but apparently it didn’t work because she still got pregnant. However surgical sterilization is usually pretty effective at preventing pregnancy. Have you taken a home pregnancy test? I would probably take a test to know for sure. Either way your husband should probably go to the doctor to find out if the vasectomy surgery worked properly.
Kate
Saa,
It sounds like you could be in labor. You should probably contact your doctor ASAP or head to the hospital! Good luck and best wishes.
Kate
Chelsea,
I would talk to your local crisis pregnancy center of Birthright. they might be able to help you financially with medical costs and some costs post-delivery. You could apply for WIC or medicaid. Also you could consider giving this child up for adoption if it would be too much to handle to raise another child right now. It sounds like you and your fiance really don’t want to have an abortion. I would encourage you to listen to your heart and not your fears. It may be tough, but there are other alternatives besides abortion. Best wishes.
Kate
Krista,
Have you taken a pregnancy test yet? Before you panic to much you should take a test to find out whether you are pregnant for sure or not. Perhaps you could have a freind with you when you take the test for support. If you are pregnant there is help out there. Don’t panic and have an abortion because you are afraid to tell your mom. She may be upset at first, but it might turn out that she will be more supportive than you might think. Good luck.
Kate
Rachel,
I would encourage pregnant girls to not choose abortion and to make a choice that gives life to their child. However I would encourage you to try to wait until you are older to try to have get pregnant.
It is not wrong to want to have children and to be excited at the thought of having a baby. However you need to ask yourself if this would really be best for you and for the child to try to get pregnant right now. If you were pregnant now your life would change and you would miss out on many of the high school experiences. You would have to grow up very soon. Would it really be best for the child to be conceived now? Wouldn’t it be better when you have a supportive husband who will be there for you and the family? Babies are time consuming. Babies are expensive. Some day you will make a great mother, but for now I would spend some time babysitting and wait for parenthood until a few more years down the road. Best wishes.
Kate
Mallory,
I can understand how your head is spinning in a thousand directions right now. Even if it was just a one night stand I would tell the father of the child that you are pregnant with his child. Perhaps he will be there for emotional and or financial support for you and for the child.
I can understand your fear that having a child might put your careeer and life on hold. It is true that life can be more hectic when you are balancing work and caring for a child, but it is possible. Even if you feel that you can’t provide for a child, you could consider adoption as one possibility. Perhaps you could consider an open adoption, in which you would still have contact with your child. It might be hard to give a child up for adoption, but at least you might be able to see them sometimes and you know that they are alive and have a chance. If you choose to have an abortion you will never be able to see the child and it will can also haunt you for the rest of your life.
I have known women who have worked as a waitress through their pregnancy and managed just fine (some claimed they got better tips once they started showing). As a waitress I would be careful not to lift too much weight and to try to not get too worn down. Otherwise unless your doctor sees a problem I don’t think that you would have needed to quit your job this early in the pregnancy. In the meantime I would try to find another job. You might see about applying for WIC or medicaid coverage to get you through the pregnancy. Don’t be ashamed to accept help if you need it. However as far as finding a good job and proving your family that by having this child you won’t necessarily be on welfare for the rest of your life I would try studying to get your GED. I hope that your family will be more supportive of you and that whether you choose to give the child up for adoption, or to raise it yourself you will choose to have the child. Hang in there and good luck.
Kate
Amanda,
I understand how you feel like you want another baby since you gave your daughter up for adoption and do not get a chance to see her everyday. I think you made a very loving and good choice with the adoption, but I understand how difficult it must be.
It sounds like you have a very loving and supportive boyfriend who cares quite a bit about you. I would focus on school, your job, and on your relationship with him. It sounds like he is thinking about eventually possibly marriage and long term future plans with you. I would listen to him about waiting to try to have another baby. I would wait a few years until you are both out of high school and are both a little older. It sounds like he will make a great husband and dad and you both already are good parents to your little girl. I would try to see your daughter more if possible and spend time with your nephews or other children. There is still plenty of time in the future for you to have children. However be open and honest about communicating your feelings with your boyfreind. Communication is essential in any strong and healthy relationship. Best wishes.
Kate
Paris,
I’m glad that your aunt will be supportive of you through this pregnancy. It helps to have the support. I’m sorry that this guy was such a jerk to you. I can understand your desire to smack him and I can understand your fear and reluctance in telling him. However I think that he deserves to know that he is the biological father of your child. I doubt that he will be very supportive of you or the pregnancy. He may even pressure for an abortion, but I hope that you stick to your guns. You might be able to qualify for some child support from him after the baby is born. Good luck!
Kate
Asia,
I would agree with Amanda that perhaps adoption would be the best decision for your baby and for you. If you haven’t been to the doctor yet and you are already seven months pregnant then I would get to the doctor ASAP to make sure that everything is progressing normally with the pregnancy for the baby and for you. How did your family react in finding out about the pregnancy so late in the game? Best Wishes.
Kate
I applaud teenage mothers who have the courage to bring thier children into this world and give them love and life. Motherhood and pregnancy are indeed beautiful things. It sounds like you have thought this through quite a bit.
However, I would still wait to try to get pregnant until you are a little bit older. Ideally it would be best if you were married or in a stable committed relationship where you know the father will be there as a loving part of your life and the child’s life. Also you will miss out on many life experiences and have to grow up much faster than you ideally should. Having a baby is expensive. Go to a store and price out all the items that would be needed for a baby and it will add up quickly. Babies are time consuming and have demanding needs. Perhaps you should help your mom with some child care and see if that fills up your emotional desire for caring for small children. Having day care and support at your school would be helpful, but studying for tests after being up all might with the baby will make things harder.
It isn’t wrong or selfish to feel the way you do. Many girls feel like they would like to be mothers, even at a young age. However you need to look at your reasons, are they mostly to fulfill your own emotional desires? Would trying to get pregnant now really be best for your baby? It sounds like you will one day be a wonderful mom, but I would wait for a few years down the road. I’m certainly not trying to tell pregnant teenage girls not to choose life for their babies, but I would discourage teenage girls from deliberately rushing into pregnancy and motherhood.
Maybe you should talk to your mom. Ask her how she felt about being a teenage mother. Ask her if she would have planned on getting pregnant with your brother at the age she did, or if ideally she thinks it would have been better if he had come along a few years down the road. Perhaps she can give you a better perspective and advice. Best wishes.
Kate
Brittany,
Have you taken a test yet to find out for sure? It may be frightening, but it really would be best to find out for sure whether you are pregnant or not so you can either stop worrying all the time, or seek prenatal care, resources, and emotional support for the pregnancy. I’m not really in a similar situation, but I am glad to listen and be of support if you need it. Hang in there and best wishes.
Kate
Renee,
Thanks for sharing your story and for the encouragement for others in a similar situation. Your example is inspiring.
Kate
Chelsey,
It is less likely, but still possible to get pregnant using protection. Headaches and weight gain may be related to stress or other causes. It is frustrating when your cycles are irregular like mine were. If it has been less than two or three weeks since conception might have occurred, then it is probably too early to take a test. I know from experience how nerve wracking the waiting and worrying in the meantime can be. Your boyfriend is probably right that it would be best to wait until you have missed your expected period to take a test. In the meantime try not too stress too much. Things will work out either result. Best wishes and good luck.
Kate
Brittany,
The symptoms you are describing do sound like they could be early pregnancy indications. I can understand your fears about testing…you want to know, but you are scared to find out, right? It may be scary but the best way to know for sure is to take a test. Perhaps it would be easier if you went had a good friend (or your boyfriend?)with you for supprot when you buy and take the test? Good luck and best wishes.
Kate
Taffy,
I’m not sure… If you had unprotected sex, then it is possible for conception to occur. Pregnancy tests won’t detect a pregnancy until a few days after implantation. Implantation usually doesn’t happen until about a week after conception so if there was a conception it wouldn’t have implanted in the uterus yet. It seems that if your period started that implantation would be less likely because of a thinner uterine lining from your period.
Honestly I wouldn’t worry too much. I would wait until your next period. If you are late then I would take a pregnancy test. For the future though if you do not want to get pregnant I would advise against having unprotected sex. Good luck and best wishes.
Kate
Hilary,
I can relate. My periods were so irregular it was hard to keep track of when they whould be due. If you have taken several tests that have turned out negative, then I would guess that you are not pregnant, but I can understand your worry and concern until your next period comes. I had a similar pregnancy scare several years ago. I went to the doctor because I wasn’t convinced. It turned out that I was not pregnant and eventually my period came. If you are still worried perhaps you should see a doctor to find out what is going on. In the meantime try not to stress too much. Good luck.
Kate
I’m only 28, and this is my first pregnancy so I can’t speak too much out of experience. Usually if there are two lines, even if one is faint I think it indicates a positive test. Hopefully the test today will help clear things up. If not you could see your doctor, or call to ask about whether symptoms can be different for cycles and/or pregnancy past 35 years old. Good luck.
Kate
Chandie,
Good luck with your doctor’s appointment. I’m glad to hear that if it is positive you will choose to have the baby. Please don’t let your dad or anyone else push you into an abortion. It sounds like if you are pregnant that your boyfriend is being supportive, which is helpful.
If it is negative though I would not try to get pregnant. Wait until you are both older and out of school. Wait until you know that the relationship will be a lasting relationship. Perhaps your boyfriend will one day make a great husband and father, but there is no need to rush things.
Good luck either way.
Kate
Tiff,
I’m sorry to hear about your boyfreind’s reactions and am glad to hear that you will keep the child with or without him. I realize that this must be very stressful for you. I’m not really in a similar situation, but if you need a friendly ear to listen I’m here. Best wishes.
Kate
There is nothing wrong with you. If you think you might be pregnant it is good to not do actions that would potentially be harmful to a baby if you were pregnant. It seems normal to be hopeful, but if you have had a light period and several negative tests I would bet that you are not pregnant. Blood tests are more accurate than urine tests, but I would guess that a blood test would be more expensive because of lab fees to process the test. Best wishes.
Kate
Jessica,
Starting the Atkins diet won’t have delayed your period, but changes in diet particularly as drastic as the Atkins diet can have effects on your body and potentially your cycle. My mom has been on the Atkins diet. While she has lost weight she seems a lot more fragile and forgetful. I’m not sure that the diet has been good for her, and I really worry about that. I’m not sure that the Atkins diet safe and healthy. I think it would be better to try to avoid processed white carbs and stick only to whole grains and less processed carbs – just my 2 cents.
I doubt that you are pregnant if you had several negative pregnancy tests. My guess is that for some reason your period is just irregular this month. If you are concerned you should probably see your doctor to have a blood test or to get checked out to find out if there is another reason why you are late. I don’t want to advise you to lie to your husband. I suppose you could just go to the doctor without telling your husband, or could just tell him you have a routine gynological exam. It isn’t advised to be on the Atkins diet or any fad diet if you are pregnant. Best wishes.
Kate
Jen,
I went through a similar situation several years ago (except it had been almost 2 months since my last period in my case. My cycle tended to be irregular, but that was worrying me.) I had a negative pregnancy test but was still not convinced and still scared. I saw a doctor at the health center who confirmed that I wasn’t pregnant. My period started a few days later.
Home pregnancy tests are usually fairly accurate. If you have taken 5 tests after you missed your period I would bet that you are not pregnant. I have heard of women who have a very very low level of HCG which isn’t detected through urine tests and the pregnancy could only be determined by doing a blood test. I wouldn’t stress too much, but if you are worried you could see a doctor to have a blood test or to determine if there are other reasons why your cycle is delayed. Good luck.
Kate
Kathy,
I resent the implications that my posts or advice is just another "glib voice" from someone who doesn’t care. I think my situation and post were extremely valid and legitimate and I do care about both mother and child. In my original post I had stated that J shouldn’t feel guilty about her first abortion and that if she ever needed to talk she could email me anytime (however that part was edited out by the moderators). I will not be there physically to help care for her child, but I will be here for emotional support. I would wager that you will not be there physically to help console and deal with the pain and grief of abortion so your logic doesn’t really hold water.
I completely understand that the first abortion was a very difficult choice and I completely understand where she is coming from. And trust me I do. Do you think that when I heard that my son might be severely handicapped and might not live more than a few days I didn’t think about what would be best for him? for me? for our family? Don’t you think that I considered whether bringing him to life would be selfish if he was to suffer? Don’t you also think that I thought about the difficulties abour caring for such a child? The thought scares me out of my mind. Also I thought that it would be tragic and selfish to jump to conclusions and terminating the pregnancy and my child’s life out of fear or before the full scope of problems were known. All these thoughts went through my head. These emotions and experiences were very real – not some glib response!!!!
I’m not saying that abortion is wrong in all situations. I believe that human life begins at conception, and abortion is wrong in many situations. However the issue is not black and white. There are a lot of very real and difficult situations that are very much shades of gray. A woman should never be in a situation where she is mandated to sacrifice her life or carry a child to term if it would pose severe health risks to her. Also in some cases where fetal deformities and damage are so extreme abortion may seem like a more kind option for the child than a life of pain.
In my case I am glad that we waited and decided to continue the pregnancy because it looks like things are turning around and getting better. This may not be the case for all or even most situations, and things could still take a turn for the worse in my own case. It may well be that it will be difficult for me to face the consequences of choosing to bring this child to life. I remain optimistic and I still stand behind my advice to J to find out more about the pregnancy before jumping to abortion. I would advise her to listen to her doctors, I would advise her to consider her own needs, and I would encourage her to consider her child’s situation and needs.
Kate
