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Anonymous
Hey everyone. I am new here, but yea, my name is Paris. I need advice. I am 16 almost 17, and a junior in highschool. Okay… this year, a new boy (a senior) came to my school. I have had the biggest crush on him since the day he came, and about maybe a month and a half ago he asked me out on a date, and at the end of the night we had sex. I hadn’t really seen much of him after that, but about a week and a half ago, I found out I’m pregnant. But the thing is, when I went to tell him, about a week ago, he told me he wanted to share something with me first. That’s when he told me we just had a one-night stand and that he didn’t really like me and that we probably should not hang out or see eachother again. I was so upset and I was crying so hard that I couldnt even tell him that I was pregnant. The thing I need to know, is: should I tell him? Honestly right now, I dont even want to look at him. I have already made the choice to keep this baby because I am firmly against abortion, and I gave a baby girl up for adoption about two years ago, and that has never really settle right with me. Plus, I know my Aunt Sarah (whom I live with) will fully support me, even though I know she would really rather I have an abortion.
I just don’t know what to do about the father. He avoids me at all costs in school, and I haven’t started to show yet, but when I do start to show, I’m pretty much screwed. My aunt knows about it all already, and she thinks I should tell him, but she said if I don’t feel comfortable doing that I can switch schools. I dont know what to do. Part of me wants to tell him, the other part wants to smack him….REALLY REALLY hard. Please give any advice you can.
–Paris–Kit
Paris,
I’m glad that your aunt will be supportive of you through this pregnancy. It helps to have the support. I’m sorry that this guy was such a jerk to you. I can understand your desire to smack him and I can understand your fear and reluctance in telling him. However I think that he deserves to know that he is the biological father of your child. I doubt that he will be very supportive of you or the pregnancy. He may even pressure for an abortion, but I hope that you stick to your guns. You might be able to qualify for some child support from him after the baby is born. Good luck!
Kate
TELL HIM!!! Even if he’s not there for you he might be there for the child. If not then you know not to give the child his last name and what not. Its easier to know than wonder forever. My daughter’s father said he wanted to be involved and suddenly its been less and less. He’s now talking about signing his rights over. I know that doesn’t sound encouraging but guess what? I have a wonderful boyfriend who wants to adopt her and make her officially his!!!! So find out right away what he plans on doing so you can plan to raise the baby together or alone. Best of luck. Love,
Saratell him and then smack him!!! j/k one advice though… word will get around real quickly and don’t listen to any of them b/c it’s noone elses business beside yours… but if i were you though i would tell him.. it seems it would be the more mature thing to do. i honestly dont know what else to say… i know someone that is going through the same thing but she’s i believe 15 and the guy she slept with i went to school with since the fifth… you are a woman and you can do it by yourself without him if that is the case… must have plenty of support though.. and if you do tell him tell him privatly you don’t want wandering ears to know. i’m here though if you need to talk..
marie
Post edited by: Julie, at: 2005/10/31 20:13
Hey guys. Thanks for all of your help. I did end up telling the father, and things ended up going down like I expected. He is pressuring me to get an abortion, but I won’t. I am really nervous because I know if i keep this baby he will make my life a living hell, which He already has. He has been going around school saying that this baby could be anybodies, and that I’m such a slut. And the thing that sucks the most is that he has turned all but one of my friends against me. I don’t know what to do. My aunt told me that they have special schools for pregnant teens, so I might join one of those. I just feel really tired all the time, almost like depressed. I barely have any friends left and now everyone thinks I’m a slut. I know I shouldn’t even think this, but sometimes I want to go to sleep and never wake up again. I feel so much resentment against my child already and I know I shouldn’t. I feel guilty for feeling that way. I really do love my child, and I do want to keep it, but I am so scared and frustrated right now, I could pull all my hair out. I know a lot of teen mothers probably feel the same way, but I don’t know if I can take it anymore.
Oh, and to top it all off, I have been fighting with my aunt now a lot too. She has a daughter two years older than me, and then a son my age, and then two younger kids, a 9 and 6 year old. She keeps yelling at me, saying I’ve set such a bad example for the younger ones. and her oldest daughter Kylie keeps telling her to kick me out. I don’t know but my friend Anna told me that the father is planning on going to live with his mother in California, cause she’s rich or something. So he probably will end up doing nothing for my child. I don’t even want him ever to see my child. my child is probably better off never meeting him. I don’t know. Is there any law where fahters still have to pay child support and yet can’t see their child?
idk, I’m just rambling on now, heck I got myself in this mess I"ll figure a way our right? but thank you for all your replies. they’ve helped a lot.Unfortunately father’s have a right no matter what but the good news is if he’s moving out of state then he won’t be there to see the baby or cause you more problems at school. That feeling of depression is completely okay!!! It’s hormones, stress, and a big life change that’s causing it. But you’re right that you WILL find a way thru everything. Just sit down and talk with your aunt. Tell her that although you made a mistake maybe now her children will see that sex before marriage has major consequences and that you’re setting a good example by standing up for your actions and being responsible. Let her know how much you need her support and love and how much you’re baby will too. Then maybe you should think about abstinence. I’ve been emailing Lisa alot about it lately and she’s amazing at helping me thru the tough times. There’s always a listening ear here if not at home and just remember that every girl here is in or has been in your situation and we’re all looking out four you and rooting for you and your child. Best wishes and love,
SaraDear Paris,
I personally would first off tell him because it’s better he knows now than later because you might never have another chance to tell him you are pregnant. You should confront him about it before the grudge you have with him grows bigger into a bad situation to where when the baby is finally born it would be around a negative enviorment…..meaning bad sorrounding like arguments and very much confusion. I am only 15 and I know from my friends who had babies that if there’s is one thing all boys do when they here a girl is pregnant is become scared nervous just as much as the girl does. So, you should stand up to him and tell him he’s the father.
weither he wants to be in this child life or not it is up to you to become the parent that baby need. A man doesn’t makes a home. :ermm:what ever you do you gotta be strong. know that its time to grow up and its not about you its about the baby. keep great company around you and dont be stressed. if you are feeling bad then your baby will feel that way so take it easy on yourself. eat good and sleep and take your pre natal pills.
god blessHey~
Sounds like you need a supportive friend.
I’m soooo proud that you are letting this baby live, and not taking the alternative to end it’s innocent life.
Even if you were in the ideal situation, you’d be struggling with hormones – which can be a bugger. You’ve got the added stress of everything you’re going through at school and at home which can make this seem like an agonizing situation.
You hang in there, girl. Let me know if you’d like someone to talk with.
Good luck, and keep in touch!
~Heidihi paris
i think just forget about him make him pay child support u dont need him to raise a baby their plenty of girls doing that
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