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A woman becomes a mother when she finds out that she’s pregnant… a man becomes a father when he can actually see and touch the baby…
I think yr judgement is quite clear and resonable when you think about a relationship after an abortion, however, I don’t think that should be yr only motivetion. Yr both consenting adults and wether it was a whoopsie or a planned pregnency, you could have a life growing inside of you right now.
But, don’t put the cart before the horse… wait till yr late and then take a test and find out for sure. Try not to stress about it, coz that’ll delay yr period even more.If you seriously consider having an abortion, first read the “After the choice” forum… it’ll really make you think twice.
Good Luck
Evangeline xoxHi there,
I used triphasil for about a year (((took it properly, everyday around the same time… give or take 30 mins))) But fell pregnant anyway… Apparently triphasil is known for unexpected prgnancies.
I’m much healthier without birth control and abstinance is a way more relaible birth control!!!Firstly, if yr so young and so terrifies of the consequences of yr actions, you shouldn’t be having sex.
With regard to yr question, pregnancy sounds unlikely. But since being an SUG member, I’ve learned that anything is possible. So take a test if it’ll put yr mind at ease.
Good luck and keep us updated
It’s a pleasure hun 🙂 I know how confusing it can be to find yr way in the begining.
I think naming yr baby has alot more to do with grieving than simply the gender… As a woman, you saw the pregnancy as a potential baby and therefore you’ll greive like a mother who lost her baby due to a m/c (and yr allowed to mourn).
But there are many other memorial activities that you can do to remember yr baby, such as buying yrself a apecial piece of jewllery to remind you of the baby, like a ring, and maybe engrave the ‘loss date’ inside it.Or
some women gat a tattoo of their baby’s name or the ‘loss date’ or something significant that reminds you of yr baby.Or
Write a letter or poem to your baby, quite a few of us wrote letters in the ‘after the choice’ forum.Or
you can ask a local headstone company and ask them to make you a small headstone for yr garden with the baby’s name or nickname and the loss date on it.Hi there Kathy, I wish I could just give you a hug, because there really aren’t enough words to express how sorry I am that yr going through all of this. I know what yr going through, because I’ve been there and even though it’s been over a year, I still miss my daughter.
Please remember that you’re allowed to grieve for your baby, yr allowed to cry and be sad because only after you’ve mourned properly can you really begin to forgive yourself and the others who were involved in your abortion.
Healing emotionally can take quite a while, so don’t put pressure on yrself to get better or to make things go back to “normal”, because they won’t…You’ve experienced a very big trauma and it’s going to take time for you to learn to deal with what happened and how to deal with it.
Yr age has nothing to do with the way yr feeling, whether yr 14 or 40, you would’ve reacted the same way. What yr feelin gis normal under abnormal cirumstances, but don’t try to cope alone.
Speak to a pastor, consellor or therapist and get yr emotions out. It’s so important that you find someone you trust and that yr comfortable speaking to them. Try learning some coping mechanisms and maybe doing little things to help you remember your baby, because you don’t need to forget that he/she existed… maybe try giving him/her a name or plant a tree or light a candle in rememberance.I am always available if you need advice, a chat or even vent, please don’t be stranger.
Much love, hugs and support,
Evangeline xoxoxHi there,
It Doesn’t sound likely… Have you been skipping yr b/c pill or started a new medication or started exercising more often than usual or started a new diet or even been under alot more stress than usual?
There are so many things that can cause yr period to be late. If yr really concerned, take a test and put yrself at ease.Hi Sarah, when you hahve unprotected sex there’s ALWAYS a chance of falling pregnant. What yr experiencing could be pregnancy symptoms, pms or even the common cold… So, the only way to be sure is to take a test when AF doesn’t show up.
Good Luck and keep us posted.
Eva xoxohi hun,
the pill won’t mess around with yr cycle unless yr skipping pills or taking them at different times during the day. you would know if there was a problem because you’d have withdrawl/ break through bleeding (like the “period” you have on the pill). So I really don’t think that’s the problem…
Have you been unusually stressed lately? Or started dieting or exercising more than usual?With regard to yr bf, I think it was wrong and insensitive of him to say that to you and also to expect it of you after everything you’ve been through and are still going through.
Take an hpt and find out for sure what’s happening with yr body.
Only you can decide what you want to do in the end, but please don’t be pushed into making the same misatke.Love and hugs,
Eva xoxoHI there,
it really doesn’t sound like yr pregnant, but if it’ll put yr mind at ease take a test anyway.
Good Luck,
EvangelineHey hunny bunch,
I wish I could just give you a big hug right now. I’m so sorry that yr parents are putting the two of you in this situation again, I really can’t believe that they could be so cruel, especially since they’ve seen what it’s done to you in the past.
You and Ollie need to stand up to them and speak out about your decision to keep this baby. you’re the only voice that he/she has for the next 8 months… please don’t be silent.You know how much pain and regret yr still feeling from aborting Sasha-Lou, please don’t knowingly do the same thing to yourself, your relationship and your baby. You made a mistake last time… this time it’ll be a conscious decision to murder your child and put yrself through the sam agony.
Gabby you don’t deserve to feel all of this hurt and you don’t need to. Please don’t do it again. It’s going to be so much harder to live with yourself. I know I’m the last one to speak about getting yr life on track, because I fall off the wagon every other week, but I’ve lost two children… you don’t just wake up and get over it, things don’t magickly go back to normal and you don’t smile like in a planned parenthood advertisement…. Please, for the sake of your sanity, DON’T!!!!I know that ultimatly the decision is yours, but you know better than last time. Ollie also needs to stand up to your parents. I know it’s so difficult at this age because yr so young and everything’s so uncertain, but this is your baby, it’s a living breathing human being… Google pregnancy week bt week and see how yr baby’s developd already… it’s not just tissue.
You’ve gotten the seond chance that oso many of us crave, please don’t let them take this from you and don’t let them take away yr baby’s right to live.I’m always here if you need to talk and if I’m not online leave me a message and I will get back to you.
I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, I hope that you and Ollie find the courage to stand up for your baby.
peace and light,
Eva xoxoxHi Hunny,
I am so sorry to hear that yr still dealing with so much sadness and regret. I wish that there was some way that I could help make this burden lighter for you to bare.
In practical terms, what yr feeling is refered to as complicated grief… in short, you are a mother who had her baby taken from her in a brutal and unnatural manner and what you’re feeling is normal under such abnormal circumstances.
You are also still angry with your mother and have every right to be, but in order to heal you will have to learn to forgive. I know how that must sound to you, I remember when my own p.doc told me that I would have to forgive somone who had abused me in everyway possible… the truth is that it has to be done. All the hurt, anger and resentment will eat you alive. I’m also not saying you should pretend that nothing’s wrong, your mother neeeds to own up to her part in hurting you this badly an dtake responsibility for the role she played in all this.Hun, yr allowed to mourn yr baby and feel sad about lossing him/her. It’s what makes you human. The decision wasn’t yrs, but yr mother’s and your bf, your baby and your God knows this…. they have all already forgiven you, now you need to learn to forgive yourself.
Much love and hugs,
Eva xoxoHi there sweet pea, It breaks my heart to read yr story because I know what it’s like to feel the way you do now. I can’t giveiyou a miracle cure that’ll make everything better, but I can try giving you some of the advice given to me by th great girls here at SUG.
I agree 100% with Miss Kirsty about openly grieving the loss of your baby, doing little things to remember baby can also be a great comfort. A few of the girls here light a candle when they’re missing their little ones very much and after my own abortion, I planted a tree above my daughter’s remains. Sometimes it also helps to name yr baby and to write him/her a letter.The truth is, you’ll never forget what happened, but that doesn’t mean that you need to consume yrself with guilt and anger (which is sometimes easier said than done). I am a firm believer in therapy, but yr counsellor’s suggestion about yr bf is one that I don’t agree with, unless he is a reminder to you of what you went through or if you resent him for it. Personally, I know that without Aergean I’d be even more of a wreck than I am now.
Also, in time you will need to learn how to forgive, not only yrself, but also everyone involved in the abortion… yr parents and, even though it doesn’t feel like yr angry at him, yr bf too.Rememeber that yr allowed to feel the way you and you should allow yrself to feel it, because bottling up yr emotions isn’t healthy or safe. Keep the lines of communication open between you and yr bf and remember that he has also suffered loss and will need time to heal too. Men don’t always open up about their feelings as easily or as often as we women do… I think it’s partly because they feel that they need to be strong for us… it’ll get frustrating at times but just keep in mind that everyone grieves differently.
I hope that in time you will come to a place od healing and understanding. I will keep you, yr bf and little angel in heaven in my thoughts.Much love and support-
Evangeline xoxoxhey hun,
The only thing that really works for weight loss is healthy eating and an increase in exercise.
I picked up 20kgs and then lost 10 in two months only because I put my mind to it and gave up oreos 🙂 it just takes alot of discipline and self control.
Myangels is right, it may never go away completely, but you can lose enough to make yrself feel better.
But you really shouldn’t let your happiness be dependent on your external appearance… yr a strong, beautiful person, always remember that.Much love and support,
E xoxoxHi there, I must agree with Meg and Enya.. please be yr baby’s voice during the next nine months. I can almost assure you with 100% certainty that you will forever regret and be haunted by chosing an abortion.
I hope that you find the courage to make the right decisions. Much love and support,
Evangeline xoxoHi ashley, I must say that I agree with Nadza on this one. I grew up without my deadbeat dad in my life adn I believe that I’m better off because of it. It takes more than dna to make a man a daddy.
You sound like an amazing mother and I’m sure yr daughter is going to grow up to an amazing young lady.
Much love, Evangeline.Hi there hunny,
I’m so so sorry to read this post and now feel even worse because of my guest book post to you this aternoon, I really didn’t mean to be insensitive.
I am very sorry for your loss and I understand the way yr moods have been changing. Recently, I’ve been the same way, but the girls here have been a great help, so please, speak to Meg or Enya about the way yr feeling.
Also, have you thought of going for therapy?
Please don’t forget that you’re loved here and that you’ll always have our support and understanding.
Much love, Evangeline xoxoxHunny, please don’t let them get to you. I know that it must’ve hurt to hear their words, bu tyou and Ollie need to stand up to them this time.
Steph is 100% right i asking for their support and how to deal with their reaction.
How are Ollie’s parent’s handling the news? Would they be willing to help out if the need arises?
Please keep posting and let us know how yr doing.
Much love and support,
E xoxoxolol I’m sure everything is going to be great, especially since Ollie is so wonderful and supportive 🙂
hey Gabs thanks for the reply.
Funnily enough Aergean and I had a talk after I made this post… I think he came online and read it without me knowing or something. He was quite upset that I find it easier to talk to strangers than I do with him… and he’s right to some degree… I have stopped sharing with him. So, we just talked and held each other and it really helped 🙂Thanks for all the support,
Hugs, E xoxox
