how do i deal?

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      I’m 16 and for my 16th birthday i found out i was pregnant. My boyfriend isn’t abusive, and i have a good life. I’m a sophomore in HS, and i struggle with homework but I’m very smart. I love my boy friend very much. We had went to a school dance and his mom said he could spend the night so that she wouldn’t have to come get him.
      When i found out, i was spending the night at a friend’s house and i had been feeling kind of off, so i did what i thought i should do and i Google-ed my symptoms. I told her of my results and she went to buy a test. after 3 tests we accepted that i was in fact pregnant. I waited till after my birthday to tell my mom and she was very very angry. Me, my step dad and her would get in nightly fights about the fact that i wanted to keep my baby. Finally i told them i would do what they wanted and get an abortion. I didn’t want to and it screamed at me that it was the wrong choice for me. when i went to go have it done, they messed up the pain meds, so i was awake and totally aware of everything, and i couldn’t have anything for pain at all.
      To say i have scars is an understatement.
      I guess what I’m really trying to say is How Do you Deal with something like this happening? I am depressed and extremely unstable with mood swings now. I go see a counselor that tells me i should break up with my boyfriend who was the only one with me through all of this. I just don’t know how to cope with it…

      Any help would be greatly appreciated.
      and sorry for the long book.


        Hi Hun,
        I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Have you allowed yourself to grieve for the death of your baby? sometimes just doing that can make all the difference in the world.
        But the truth is that you will always regret the abortion, but you don’t always have to be depressed and a slave to the guilt.
        I don’t know if you are a Christian or not, but Jesus truly is the only One who can set you free from the abortion and give you wisdom of what to do about your family and boyfriend.
        I’ll be praying for you!


          I am a firm believer in turning to God for healing, understanding, peace and acceptance. No matter what I’m going through.
          Turning to Him in prayer is the most loving and powerful suggestion I can give you.

          The pain and loss you’re feeling will take ahold of you deeply for awhile, but that is normal. You are grieving the loss of your baby that you tried to defend. When you’re young and have made mistakes, adults will try to make all the decisions for you. They obviously made this decision for you based on anger, fear and a lack of knowledge. If they knew how devastating the effects of abortion would be on their daughter, not to mention the death of their grandchild, they would’ve taken their time in helping you think through your choices. Parents are afraid to give the responsibility to their daughter when they’ve discovered that she’s pregnant. They immediately step in and take over, never mind that she may want to be mature and take accountability for what has happened. What a concept!! Teens being accountable for what choices they’ve made. It can be done and I’m sorry they didn’t give you an opportunity to show your maturity in accepting this life.

          I’m not sure how your relationship is with your boyfriend after this, but you could possibly share with him your feelings. Especially if your parents aren’t open to discussion. He may need his own period of healing as well. Hopefully in time, through prayer,counseling, sharing with your boyfriend, and talking to us on this site you will begin to have a better understanding of what has happened and how you got to this place in your life. There are many who share your pain and we’re all here to help.

          I will pray for your healing,


            i haven’t been able to grieve, every time i think of it or say anything i get in trouble with my mother and my counselor.
            i try my best to accept it all.


              Hi there sweet pea, It breaks my heart to read yr story because I know what it’s like to feel the way you do now. I can’t giveiyou a miracle cure that’ll make everything better, but I can try giving you some of the advice given to me by th great girls here at SUG.
              I agree 100% with Miss Kirsty about openly grieving the loss of your baby, doing little things to remember baby can also be a great comfort. A few of the girls here light a candle when they’re missing their little ones very much and after my own abortion, I planted a tree above my daughter’s remains. Sometimes it also helps to name yr baby and to write him/her a letter.

              The truth is, you’ll never forget what happened, but that doesn’t mean that you need to consume yrself with guilt and anger (which is sometimes easier said than done). I am a firm believer in therapy, but yr counsellor’s suggestion about yr bf is one that I don’t agree with, unless he is a reminder to you of what you went through or if you resent him for it. Personally, I know that without Aergean I’d be even more of a wreck than I am now.
              Also, in time you will need to learn how to forgive, not only yrself, but also everyone involved in the abortion… yr parents and, even though it doesn’t feel like yr angry at him, yr bf too.

              Rememeber that yr allowed to feel the way you and you should allow yrself to feel it, because bottling up yr emotions isn’t healthy or safe. Keep the lines of communication open between you and yr bf and remember that he has also suffered loss and will need time to heal too. Men don’t always open up about their feelings as easily or as often as we women do… I think it’s partly because they feel that they need to be strong for us… it’ll get frustrating at times but just keep in mind that everyone grieves differently.
              I hope that in time you will come to a place od healing and understanding. I will keep you, yr bf and little angel in heaven in my thoughts.

              Much love and support-
              Evangeline xoxox


                Tomorrow, 5/13, was my proposed due date.
                everything has been very interesting in the past nine months, to say the least.
                Im just hoping i can make it through tomorrow.
                life is really effed up sometimes.
                all i wonder is why is it so hard to live?


                  Your name is Blythe? Hm… my best friend’s name is Blythe. 🙂

                  I can understand how you’re feeling. Not in the same situation, but so confused about why life is what it is. But the truth is, it’s going to be that way no matter what. Life is sometimes not good, but it’s a beautiful ride, just as much. The bad times help us remember the good times and make us stronger and wiser in the end.

                  Grief is a process to help us heal. It is very normal and, though hard, gets us back on our feet. Cry… scream… ignore… anything it takes to vent and get your anger and depression out. You NEED to in order to forgive yourself. Pray! Pray! Pray! It will get you through every day.

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