untbunny

My best to you and little bundle. Take care of yourself and allow others to help you.

Leannyxpoo and all- please know that if you need an non-judgemental ear I am here for you. If you are looking for someone to tell you what to do, I’m not the one. However, I’ll be glad to chat, be a sounding board, let you cuss, fuss, and cry while exploring your own feelings and future. Let me know if I may help.
untbunny

Shluna-
Sweetie, my heart goes out to you. It appears you have a lot going on right now and just need some guidance in putting the puzzle back together. From what you have written you are suffering from depression. This may be hormonal in origin. I have a feeling that what you are wrestling with (baby and family) may be a significant contributor in how you are feeling.
First, you are not odd or crazy for not feeling connected to your baby. I too went through a similar sitation and it scared the hell out of me. So much so that by the age of 25 I had my tubes tied. Having children of my own scared me to no end. Not because I don’t like children, only that the thought of a body growing inside me was too much to bare. Motherhood is not for everyone!
Second, you need to decide your next step. Abortion or adoption. You stated in the original message that you are not leaning toward abortion. The pain a woman feels after abortion can be terrible. Certainly you are aware of the pain, guilt and misery. Explore open adoption. (I’ll get to your family in a second) Open adoption will allow you to pick out the parents for your child and remain in touch with your child during his/her life. I am adopted and currently seeking to adopt. From first hand experience, adoption is the best of both worlds. Growing up I knew that I had the family specially picked out for me. In fact, it was the family my mother had wanted for herself as a teen. Imagine how great it is to know that two families loved you (birth and adoptive family)! Talk about security.
So you are concerned that your family will disown you? Why do you think that? Have they said they would? Ultimately, the decision is yours. They were not with you when you became pregnant. Why should they feel comfortable in telling you what to do with your baby?
Let’s look at this from another angle. Would you be "disowned" by the parents if you did not place the baby with another family?
No? Are they sending you the message that you must pay for your mistake of becoming pregnant? OR Are they scared they will never see the child again if adopted and want to keep the child in the family?
If you were not pregnant would your family find another reason to "disown" you? Look back on this last year and think to yourself-what other adult stance have I taken to butt heads with my family? I’m suggesting that your pregnancy is only one of several reasons a woman your age may be scared of being "disowned" by family. From your profile photo you don’t look over 21. You’re at a time in life when the teen years are behind and the adult years are beginning. Many parents have a difficult time dealing with their children during this transition period. Maybe what you are sensing as disown is just your family’s way of dealing with change. Did you have the same problems when becoming a teenager? I bet you did.
I know this is long and a little rambling. Just think about a few items in this post. I know it seems dreary at this time but I assure you….it will get better! You are strong enough to come out of this a much stronger woman.

I have impatiently waiting for you to post an update. It is wonderful that you have found a bit of peace while waiting for Medi. Be aware that clinics are available for those waiting for insurance. Whould you need any assistance locating such a resource, please do not hesitate to contact me. Much love to you!! Blessings and peace.

My heart goes out to you. Miscarriages are very difficult for women. Your mom gets a big hug too. Sounds like she handled the sitation beautifully.
As for your bf-I don’t believe men are capable of understanding the pain women experience after miscarriage. My opinion is that they can’t comprehend the idea of carrying a life.
It is normal to blame yourself. Please don’t though. Share with your mother how you feel. May I suggest that you seek a professional to chat with? In general, most women receive some bit of peace after speaking with a trained professional about their pain.
May peace find you and wrap you in a beautiful, loving embrace. Love to you.

Going just on the typical fertility schedule your first "mishap" occured during your most fertile period. For this reason alone, I suggest a HPT.

Pregnancy is possible but probably not highly likely. While most women would LOVE to be without a period, do you have any idea why you haven’t had a period for 3 months? Been checked out by a Dr? Lost alot of weight? Changed medication? It is not usual to go months without a period. It may be a sign that your body isn’t getting enough nutrients or is somehow out of whack. Got any idea why this is happening right now?

I just conducted a quick Medicaid coverage check for depression and antidepressants. Treatment is covered. This should provide a bit of peace when considering what to do next. As one who has experienced the exact symptoms you mentioned I suggest that you quickly get yourself to the wellness clinic for help. What you are experiencing is NOT weakness. The pain is real. You are not crazy or insane. Your body has been through a lot in the last month and hormones or chemicals in your system have not returned to normal.
Take care of yourself and trust that everything will return to normal soon. Please do get to the wellness clinic. Keep us updated please.

If you are concerned about pregnancy, I suggest to take another test. While it is unlikely that you would have a false negative followed by a regular period, it has happened before.
Regarding your symptoms you could have a bug. However, you sound as though they are psychosomatic. At one point not too long ago, I experienced the same shortness of breath, aches, etc because I was concerned about being pregnant. It went so far as morning sickness and I was convinced I felt fetal movement. During the month, I took several HPT and all were negative. Take a test and relax a bit.