Meg11

If you have had sex and you are having these symptoms then there is a chance you could be pregnant….here is a number for Optionline 1-800-395-HELP, call them and they can give you the number and location for a pregnancy center where you can get a FREE and CONFIDENTIAL test, most of them have ultrasounds now and if you are a certain amount of days late without a positive test they will sometimes do an ultrasound to check….how many days late are you?? I hope you call this number and get some answers….remember that the only 100% way to guarantee you wont get pregnant to to practice abstinence, it is not always the most "fun" way but it is the safest way to protect yourself from unplanned pregnancies and from disease….let us all know what happens..Love Meg

So my question would be are you asking for a friend or are you thinking you and your boyfriend are going to try for a baby?? If you are asking for a friend the status of the relationship, how long, married, unmarried, one night stand does not decide the last name for the baby. Ultimately it is up to the mom. I gave my daughter my Maiden name. I was not married to her dad and I actually had a restraining order on him. I told him that if he Stood Up to be a dad I would change her name to his last name. Her name is still my maiden name, he never Stood Up. My son has his dads last name. He is still in and out of his life but more in lately. I knew that his family would be supportive and I know how they are about "passing on the name". He may have abandoned me in pregnancy but his family was there for me. It would have been a huge slap in the face to not give their grandson the last name. It wasn’t such a big deal with my daughter because when she gets married one day her name will change but my son will keep his name and pass it on. Now if you are thinking about having a baby with your boyfriend I would stop in your tracks and think really hard. If you have known him for 8 months, been his girlfriend for 3 months and you are not sure if the relationship will last you shouldn’t even be having sex much less thinking of having a baby. I hope he is not pressuring you. Have you talked with your parents about this?? I know it is kind of scary to do that but even if they get upset with you for a while they will step in and protect you from making a life changing decision. Please write to me at meg@standupgirl.com if you want to share anything with me that you don’t want public, I would love to help you find some answers. Also if the baby had the dads last name it wont affect custody. Having your last name on a baby doesn’t prove that you are the better parent or that you should be the one who keeps the baby. I hope to hear from you soon…Love Meg

Hey there, sorry about your boyfriend, it is hard to find out that the one you love and want a family with is an untrustworthy "creep", I found my daughters dad looking at porn one time, I was on the computer after he was asleep and I went to click on a browser to search for something and it showed all the last sites visited and he was looking up stuff like "cute young girls with nice a**’s" and some other really disturbing things….I lost all trust for him….that was kind of my final straw, he was acting really strange leading up to all that….as hard as it may be, you really should leave him, your sister is 15 and so is this other girl you mentioned in his diary….I don’t know if you are having a girl or a boy but I wouldn’t want a guy who wants to have sex with a little girl in my house with my child, did he have his diary in a very hidden place or was it in a spot that could easily be stumbled upon??? He secretly hopes that you and baby die in child birth??? Do you want to give him the chance to move beyond secretly hoping when the baby is screaming all night??? Run from this guy…I wouldn’t trust him, my ex did the same thing…he would always turn it around on me, I found out after we were split up that he told his friend that he couldn’t wait till Pennie was 18 so he would be done with us….yet when I left him he guilt tripped me and pulled the whole, "I am going to kill myself"…if he doesn’t want to be with you give him his way but don’t allow the guilt trip…he is the one who will be missing out, don’t let him play head games or get all controlling…it is just not worth it and it is unhealthy for you and baby…Love Meg

Hey there, sorry about your boyfriend, it is hard to find out that the one you love and want a family with is an untrustworthy "creep", I found my daughters dad looking at porn one time, I was on the computer after he was asleep and I went to click on a browser to search for something and it showed all the last sites visited and he was looking up stuff like "cute young girls with nice a**’s" and some other really disturbing things….I lost all trust for him….that was kind of my final straw, he was acting really strange leading up to all that….as hard as it may be, you really should leave him, your sister is 15 and so is this other girl you mentioned in his diary….I don’t know if you are having a girl or a boy but I wouldn’t want a guy who wants to have sex with a little girl in my house with my child, did he have his diary in a very hidden place or was it in a spot that could easily be stumbled upon??? He secretly hopes that you and baby die in child birth??? Do you want to give him the chance to move beyond secretly hoping when the baby is screaming all night??? Run from this guy…I wouldn’t trust him, my ex did the same thing…he would always turn it around on me, I found out after we were split up that he told his friend that he couldn’t wait till Pennie was 18 so he would be done with us….yet when I left him he guilt tripped me and pulled the whole, "I am going to kill myself"…if he doesn’t want to be with you give him his way but don’t allow the guilt trip…he is the one who will be missing out, don’t let him play head games or get all controlling…it is just not worth it and it is unhealthy for you and baby…Love Meg

Hey you…Wow..you have alot going on right now..I am pregnant too, about a month…we are going to have our babies at the same time…you may not agree with me but your boyfriend really should have thought about how much he wanted to be with you before having sex with you…he is 10 years older than you…picture this…could you imagine having sex with a 4 year old boy right now??? I bet the mom would be really upset for you to do that with her 4 year old son, right??? Well you might be mature or more developed for your age but he is the one who was supposed to make the responsible choice, he knew he was breaking the law and if he really really loves you then he should have waited for you to be of legal age to engage in that kind of relationship…so, as hard as it is, try not to be too mad at your mom right now, she is just trying to protect you….my daughter is 5 and if I found out a 15 year old was doing things to her he probably would not live to go to jail…so try not to look at yourself as being at fault but rather he made the wrong choice because of his age being that much more than yours…ok…but..you know what…right now you have a very special and precious gift inside your body…a baby…this baby was entrusted to you by God…He has allowed you to conceive, don’t throw this gift away….try to heal your relationship with your mom and ask her to help you with this baby…does she know??? if your mom refuses to let you raise this baby maybe there would be a family member or a close friend of the family that could adopt?? Have you heard about open adoption…it is where you would just let another family raise the baby and you would get to visit and have pictures so just know that you have options here…no matter what though…there is a baby in your womb and that baby doesn’t deserve to suffer for the wrong choices made, and you shouldn’t have to either…what your boyfriend did was not ok, even if you were of legal age to make the choice to sleep with him he should have respected your body and married you first, you should remember this for the future…next time you meet a guy you really like, prove his love for you by making him wait till marriage, that is the best way to find out how much he respects you, then you wont have to worry about pregnancy either, try your hardest to just stay healthy for this baby and focus on school and getting along with your mom, I don’t have my mom anymore, she did plenty of things in my life to make me mad and not trust her but what I would give to have just one more day with her, to hear her voice, to smell her, hear her laugh, see her smile….the issues between you right now are not too big to get over…can you forgive her?? can you give her another chance??? can you be the bigger person to just stop and say "I love you mom, can you help me with this baby and be my friend again" give her some time but make sure that you just do your part…ok…we are all here for you on Standupgirl, let us know what happens or if you need more advise…it will be a hard road but you can make it, I did…Love Meg meg@standupgirl.com

I was so lost when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter (my first) I had no idea what "real life" was…I didn’t know anything about paying bills, rent, budgeting??? I think right now your boyfriend needs to grow up…and honestly you do too…he needs to find a better job and you can find something to do to…I found a job when I was 5 months pregnant with my son, not many people want to hire you because your are so close to having the baby but there are alot of things you can do…babysitting/nanny, retail, hostess in a restaurant, etc… I did laundry at a hotel when I was pregnant both times…I loved it.. no matter what happens you need to have your mind focused on taking care of this baby with your life…even if it means doing it alone…. it sounds like your boyfriend is not making good choices right now, the whole ticket thing, if he is choosing to let someone else work rather than himself he is not going to provide for you and baby how he should…it is hard living with family members who have strings attached to everything…I think your first goal should be to become independent from your dad…go to your local Adult and Family Services Center…look it up in the front of your phone book… you can get food stamps, WIC, housing like Heather mentioned, they have jobs programs to help you or your boyfriend learn more skills for better jobs, they will even pay you to train…they will also help you with money for work clothes and child care…they even have hygiene vouchers to get shampoo and stuff…the state likes to help people that help themselves….if you are taking the right steps to getting a job and having a stable life they will give you many boosts to get you there but you have to take the steps on your own,they can’t do it for you….from the way you describe your boyfriend he may not want to go that route and that is when you will have some major decisions to make, do you want to follow his lead of working bare minimum and getting help from family or do you want to have your own place and not worry about the bills??? You are a mommy and right now is the easy part…you don’t need diapers yet, you don’t need child care yet, you don’t need extra food yet, you don’t need extra laundry soap yet…get what I am saying??? Whether your boyfriend follows your lead or not you need to take a Stand…you need to get your life in order before the baby comes…there will be hard days, there will be bumps but you can get your life stable if you make the efforts, then you won’t have to live in a strings attached environment and that will be better for you and baby…I was a single mom for 4 1/2 years and I survived against all the odds but it is because I Stood Up, found the resources and did my part…I worked, I was mom and dad, I did all the cleaning, cooking, loving, disciplining, bill paying….I had food stamps and help with child care but I was also paying into the system that was helping me….it may be hard to hear but you may have to draw a very bold line with your boyfriend and let him know that he needs to Stand Up and be a man or get out of your way so you can get your life together…and I am sorry if it sounds insensitive to your love for him but if he won’t do those things then your life will stay this way…you and the baby and your boyfriend all deserve to live better than a strings attached life of skimming by….it is not easy but it is very worth it to get your life in order and provide stability for this baby…if you don’t then the chances of your child growing up and living with you and not wanting to work will be much higher, our kids will do what we do , not what we tell them to do…I am here if you need help finding resources or if you want to hear more of my story in detail…I crawled out of a huge pit, I Stood Up when no one would have blamed me for sitting down, and I fought my way to stability, not just for my self but for my kids….let me know how it goes…Love Meg meg@standupgirl.com

So have you found out if you are pregnant yet?? I am here anytime you need to talk…Love Meg

Might I say WAY TO GO STAND UP GIRL!!! I am so glad you decided to keep your little girl, I knew you had it in you….Most of the time the court favors the mom…I don’t think you have a whole lot to worry about…I am really sorry that your mom is making things so hard on you, I can really relate…When I was 2 1/2 months pregnant my moms fiance died in a car accident…he was also a good friend of mine and it was traumatic for all of us, but I had guilt because I had introduced them and if I hadn’t maybe he would have been alive etc…my mom was in the hospital from her injuries and she was driving me insane, one minute she was balling and freaking out and the next she was making all of these plans from when we got back home (the accident was about 200 miles from our home) and I was overwhelmed and I freaked out…I was sitting on the floor of her hospital room and I was hysterically crying and I started pounding my hands on the floor and then I started kicking my legs and went into a full blown temper tantrum…I was laying on the ground flopping like a fish out of water and screaming and just plain went psycho…they hauled me down to the psych ward and gave me some zanex and made me calm down…a month later my mom completed suicide and I found her body, if you ever want to know more of that particular story I would be glad to share with you…anyways the time came for me to have my baby and I had experienced a small amount of healing, just enough to function through my days, I gave birth and the next morning I had two women from child protection services in my room trying to take my baby girl…my mom had reported me to cps before she died and told them that I was unfit to be a mother as a result of what had happened at the hospital when her fiance died…I had to fight them off with a stick and it took like 7 weeks to get them to go away, I was hurting over my loss and I didn’t even have my mom alive to tell them nevermind about the report she had made…a couple of years later I was reported to cps again because my daughter had fallen off the couch and broken her collar bone and was reported to have looked malnurished…my daughter is very tall and very skinny…she is always in the low percentiles because she is tall and skinny, she goes through phases where she will eat all day and then times when I have to force her to just drink a glass of milk so I know she has something in her tummy…I was a single mom and my county has a high rate of child abuse and the most common excuse is that the child fell off the couch…I had all odds against me but I made it through that accusation without ever having them come to my home, and had they there would have been nothing bad to find…I made it through and so can you…just don’t give anyone anything to talk about…keep your home in a way that cps would never question the safety of your daughter and don’t hang around with ANYONE they would consider a threat to your daughter…the state doesn’t like taking kids away from their birth mom so just remember that and let them see your confidence flow…don’t break a sweat, just love your daughter and be the best mom you can possibly be…I am here anytime you need to talk…I had a very unsuportive mom and she tended to make things difficult so I can relate, I miss her and I will always love her but she would have done anything to take my daughter away even in her death she tried, but…it didn’t work…I consider myself to be a pretty good mom now, I just needed some time and practice, kids are very forgiving…LOL… so take care and let us all know how things go…Love Meg, meg@standupgirl.com

First off I want to tell you to not get your tubes tied at 15…my sister was a single mom for almost 11 years and she had 3 kids and 3 abortions…after her last abortion she was so torn apart that she decided to get her tubes tied….just months after getting her tubes tied she net her husband…all his family wants is a grandchild…they are on the verge of divorce because his parents lay it on so thick…it is going to cost them alot of money to have baby and the stress is tearing them apart…if my sister would have quit having sex until she was married she would not have had to worry about pregnancy again…but…she would have rather had sex when she felt like it and not have to "get another abortion"…now she is in a very tough spot because of her drastic choices…so please don’t jump to quickly into something you will regret…second the fact that your boyfriend is 21 and you are 15 is TOTALLY ILLEGAL…I know you are used to hearing that but I had to say it…. it is true…your mom right now may be telling you to have him get "fixed" because it is a way to keep you from getting pregnant and she doesn’t think your relationship will last…what about the woman he has a 3 yr old with??? were they married?? does he pay support?? Does he have visitations?? Why didn’t his past relationship work out?? Have you asked him these questions?? I am sorry if this comes out wrong but what does a 21 year old man have to do with a 15 yr old girl??? It has nothing to do with you but rather him…it shows that your maturity excels most 15 yr olds but what does it say about him?? why can’t he get a girlfriend his own age?? this hits a very personal note with me because I had to "protect" my friends from my brother who likes little girls…he is 5 years older than me and you know what when I was 15 he was hitting on my friends…he was recently arrested for having sex with a 16 year old…it was concentual in her eyes but he had no business persuing a relationship with her at his age…I don’t tell many people this but my brother sexually abused me and my sister when we were kids…he still goes after young girls…something is not right with him…and I am sorry if this makes you angry with me but why does your boyfriend want to be with a girl who is 6 years younger than him, he is out of high school, old enough to be on his own and start his family with someone who is old enough to be on her own…why does he choose a girl who cannot be on her won yet?? that send red flags all over the place…Don’t get your tubes tied and please research this guy a lot more before you continue to have sex with him much less marry him…talk with his ex…is she closer to your age or his age?? why did they split?? does she feel comfortable with him taking their daughter alone…sorry to be so blunt and honest but this is a huge issue and if you were my daughter I would want to know these things…when it comes to a 6 year age difference it is not all that bad…depending on the ages…15 and 21 is just not acceptable…maybe 26 and 32 but not 21 and 15…this guy has issues and I hope things work out but I am worried for you and your mom should be looking out for you a whole lot more than she is…don’t get your tubes tied, if you are worried about pregnancy then stop having sex until you are married and once you are married then learn more about options for birth control…I hope you can hear my heart…Love Meg

Hey there my name is Meagan and I help out on here…I saw your post and I really wanted to share with you…You have something very valuable right now, you can never get it back once you give it a way, once you loose it you will feel like you have lost your worth, once you feel as though you have lost your worth then you won’t mind doing what you did to loose it when ever it is asked of you, soon you will get stuck in a horrible cycle….I know because I have been stuck in it…this thing you have that many other young girls are giving away every day is your VIRGINITY….nowadays people out in the world like to make virgins feel like geeks, or unwanted by guys, or the odd ones out….the reason they do that is because deep inside they are envious of the virgin they pick on….why???…because he/she has something they don’t….what happens with those kind of people…when they get what they want…they don’t take care of it or they don’t want it anymore….right???…right now you are playing with fire honey… a very hot and dangerous fire…it will light your heart up so hot, it might even feel good and passionate and the flames will look romantic and sexy…but…after those flames are gone and you have given your virginity away there will be ashes….your heart will be crumbled…this guy you are fooling around with doesn’t respect you the way you deserve to be….all it takes is for him to go against what you want for a split second….Years ago I was in a similar situation…I was not a virgin anymore at this point but I was still new at the whole sex thing…I wasn’t sure if I wanted to have sex with this guy but we were fooling around….he kept getting really close and finally he put it inside of me without my permission.." He wasn’t raping me" I thought….after all we were fooling around with no clothes on and it just slipped and he kept going right??? WRONG…only after all these heartbroken years of being used and being stuck in the cycle have I realized that what he did was rape me…it wasn’t violent and it didn’t hurt but I told him NO and he didn’t listen..what you say about not having any blood or pain concerns me…I didn’t bleed or have pain when I lost my virginity….make sure that this guy is not putting it in just a little bit and telling you differently…ok…even if one sperm makes it safely inside of you you can get pregnant….my advise to you would be to talk to your mom…no matter how your relationship is…if you tell her that you are still a virgin (if this guy has lied to you, you may not be) but that you have fooled around and that you are sorry and that you are scared then she should kick into protective mom mode and love you and take care of you and help you find out….please don’t play with this kind of fire…it is sooooo dangerous…I was sexually active for 10 years and had two kids from two dads on my own before I made the choice to choose abstinence….that means to abstain from sexual activity….that does not just mean penetration…it means don’t take your clothes off, don’t stick your hands underneath clothing, it means don’t remove enough clothing to not break those other two rules…you will never regret being abstinent…I was abstinent for 3 1/2 years before my wedding night…I was not a virgin anymore but to my husband I was…we were not together before marriage and it made for a wonderful wedding night and I truly believe our marriage is stronger than it would be if we had not waited….I feel no guilt or shame when I am with my husband, I don’t feel it needs to be a secret from anyone, we are married it is an obvious thing that we have sex…but for you ….don’t enter into the cycle that will tear you down and leave you empty…wait until you are married and give your husband the gift that most people don’t anymore…your virginity…you will never have to worry about pregnancy or STD’s…I hope that my story will help you to make better choices than I did, sex before marriage is really not worth it…and it is not cool…I am here if you ever want to talk…Love Meg meg@standupgirl.com

Hey there, My name is Meagan and I help out on here, I came across your post and it caught my attention…first off I would suggest that you take a pregnancy test and or go to the doctor and get a blood test done….you can call Option Line for free at 1-800-395-HELP, they can set you up with the nearest pregnancy center to you where you can take a free and 100% confidential test and have someone by your side to counsel you depending on the results…second I want you to pause for a moment and think about where you are in life….you are obviously taking birth control because you are not ready for a baby, is that correct??? Well I don’t know if you knew this or not but birth control pills, condoms, shots, IUD’s, pulling out, keeping track of your ovulation and all such other "forms" of birth control are not 100% effective, the only form of birth control that is 100% effective to prevent pregnancy and STD’s is abstinence….and also as you have already experienced different "forms" of birth control can mess with your body, both physically and emotionally…..I don’t know how old you are or what your back ground is but that really doesn’t change the issue… you could be 12 or you could be 35 and I would still tell you that if you are not married you should really consider abstinence….you see, I was 19 and unmarried when I got pregnant the first time and 22 and unmarried when I got pregnant with my second from a different dad….it was hard…I was a single mom for 4 1/2 years with no family and no child support from either dad…when I found out I was pregnant the second time I realized that I needed to get my act together and protect myself from having more kids out of wedlock and that birth control was not the answer…I remained abstinent for 3 1/2 years until my wedding night and it was the best choice I have ever made in the area of protecting myself and my kids….I knew that my husband loved me because he asked for my hand and offered his love until death before he asked to take my clothes off and offer me kids on my own….you are worth more than this life of worry and stress about missing periods or not knowing why it is messed up, you have so much more going for you than to get stuck with a baby on your own, you are worth more than some guy having sex with you but not being willing to commit to you first….demand what you deserve….respect and honor…the world leads us to believe that having sex and living together before marriage is the way to do it nowadays….test drive the car to make sure you like it right??? Well honey you are not a car and neither is your boyfriend….if you love each other then wait….true love waits and true love will stand the test of time…if you can be faithful to not have sex until marriage then you will be able to keep your vows and promises IN marriage….my suggestion is to stop having sex and to not be on birth control….sounds like bad advise but is it??? Before I got married I was not on birth control, I didn’t want to end up getting to hot and heavy and then have the excuse of "well I’m on birth control, if we slip up then at least we wont have to worry about pregnancy" NO WAY, I wanted and needed that fear of pregnancy before marriage…it is a wonderful form of birth control…now a few months before marriage I did get on birth control to make sure it was in my system so that we wouldn’t get pregnant on our wedding night…LOL…but you know what….I have been on birth control for sometime now…I am in the same spot as you…I could be pregnant…I am not supposed to start until next Tuesday but I started spotting last night, in the same way and description you gave… as I have read on here and have had confirmed by my friends and sister there is a such thing as implantation bleeding…I am not a doctor so I can’t tell you or myself if that is what is going on but if you have had sex (I am married so obviously I have) then there is a chance that we could both be, even though we were both on birth control, but honey listen to the difference…if I find out I am pregnant how will it differ from if you do??? I want you to think long and hard about abstinence, you will never regret it….if you are pregnant then there is nothing you can do to take back that fateful moment of conception but you can learn form the future….your baby might shock your boyfriend or your family but in time your baby will be very loved and accepted but it wont be the same as if you got married and your parents are EXPECTING grandkids….I hope this hasn’t come off the wrong way all I am doing is telling you that I have walked the road that you are on and it doesn’t pay….there is heartache and suffering and so many more trials….life is hard in general but you can make choices to prevent some of the rough times….like the choice of abstinence…that one choice can save so much unwanted grief in life…no fear of pregnancy before marriage, no risk of STD’s or worse…AIDS…you wont have to wonder if your boyfriend is going to stick by your side in the event of pregnancy because there is no risk of it….if your period is late or messed up you will know that you are not pregnant, you wont have to take some pills that make you all sick and crazy…the good of being abstinent out weighs the bad a million times over…just think it over….it is up to you and I can’t make you choose what I did, but, I can tell you from my past and from my experience that sex before marriage is just not worth the 20 minutes of excitement it brings each time and the hours and days of lost sleep from worrying and stressing…..experience is the best teacher if you can afford the tuition, but, it doesn’t have to be your own….I hope this helps you…let me know what happens…Love Meg… meg@standupgirl.com

Hey sweetie, this was a couple weeks ago??? you should have told us sooner so you didn’t have to carry this alone…right now just take a deep breath and choose to remove divorce from your vocabulary and personal dictionary…if this becomes a bigger issue and an ongoing problem then you can pull that card later on if needed but for now just take it one day at a time…divorce is not the answer…I do not side with your husband at all and if I was able to get my hands around his neck he would be a very unhappy man…you are so lovely inside and out and your spirit is so sweet…how dare him put his hands that he has committed to you till death on another woman and how dare him kiss another woman with the same lips that he said "I DO" with…but even though he has done this horrible thing he should still have the chance to be forgiven…if I had continued to be rejected because of the life I was living and the choices I was making I wouldn’t have had a reason to change and if I had made changes and people still brought up all the horrid things I had done all the time would the changes have stuck??? What you need to do right now is pray for your husband…pray that he would be so convicted that he would never even think of doing this again and pray for him to have strength to fight off any further temptations…be your husbands best friend right now…let him know you hurt and don’t let him think he is off the hook by any means but love him and be very open with him…Honey I love you and I am so incredibly hurt and betrayed by what you have done…my family says divorce but I believe that you are truly sorry and I love you enough to give you another chance, I will be here for you to keep you accountable if you have thoughts of another woman you can tell me and I will quickly give you a reason to think of me instead…I will keep my vows to love you through this "worse" time but please join me and keep yours as well…. telling him something along those lines will get the point across and offer him a new start at the same time….this is an opportunity to reflect Christ in you….call me corny but W.W.J.D??? What Would Jesus Do, let him who has no sin cast the first stone…the woman who was caught in adultery, did Jesus condemn her…NO WAY, He loved her, He sent her accusers away shameful and when He was done He told her, "Go and sin no more" this is an opportunity to do the same thing for your husband, honey sure go with the guys but, Go and sin no more….it’s Your kindness Lord that brings us to repentance…one of my favorite songs that came form a scripture…if you shut him out and leave him in the dust it wont help him to change…if you are kind and understanding and loving but still tell him the truth of what this has done to your heart then I can tell you 99.9999% sure you will have your husband faithfully by your side….sure he will mess up in other areas and so will you but if you handle this in just the right way then it will give him more than enough reason to never act on the thought of touching another woman again….that brings me a question…was he with his friends??? where were they??? are his friends maybe not the best guys for him to be going out with??? maybe you should ask him to have his friends over and the two of you can ask them to keep him more accountable…..let this be a sober time of sound choices, not a time of impulse decisions that could and will be regretted….be as smart as a serpent but as innocent as a dove, meaning, always have tabs on him and keep yourself protected if you feel he has or is cheating, but, don’t let any blame fall on your shoulders…be a loving wife who is ready to forgive and restore…if he full blown cheats and is unwilling to receive counsel then take the steps needed but just know that no matter what happens you have us here on the site and you have the Creator of the universe on your side…you are a total Stand Up Girl and I know that if you have made it through what you already have then you can make it through anything…you just need to believe it…I love you lots and I am here to help you walk through this…Love Meg