hurt and confused

Oh Honey…I am so sorry you had to go through this…is he the one who told you??? if so then he is sorry and he knows how bad he messed up, if not then you need to handle this totally different….no matter how hard it is you need to love him and forgive him…whether it helps you "fix" the problem or not…you made vows and a commitment and even if he wants to go out and "dirty up" his vows you can still keep yours to him…for better or worse, to honor and cherish, most of all to love…I think what he did is wrong, and ugly, and selfish, and sick, but…. we both know he loves you…I would set some ground rules…no more partying…if he wants to dace…turn the music up in the living room and dance with him or make a night when you can go together but no more of this going out by himself or just with the guys…if he is having a problem with drinking and making poor choices as a result, talk with him while he is sober and tell him like it is…tell him that you and his family (the kids) are worth more than that and that you will not divorce him but you will go stay with someone else (your mom, best friend) for an undisclosed amount of time if he does this again… now it sounds like this was a one time stupid move and lets pray that that is what it was…but…if this continues to happen you need to make sure you protect yourself and love him at the same time…if he cheats don’t sleep with him until there is repentance and a std check that comes back clean…put your foot down firm so that he never wants to do this again…if he argues with "your rules" then mention counseling and get a mediator if needed but you are too beautiful and special to be treated like this…like I said if he is the one who told you then you shouldn’t have much to worry about but still make sure that this is addressed and taken care of asap and when it is done and buried leave it there and never use it to your advantage in an argument…it could make things worse…if he is truly sorry and repentant then forgive him and love him and it will win his heart over even more than you already have….I hope this helps a bit…and remember I am here if you need to talk…Love Meg

Hey sweetie, this was a couple weeks ago??? you should have told us sooner so you didn’t have to carry this alone…right now just take a deep breath and choose to remove divorce from your vocabulary and personal dictionary…if this becomes a bigger issue and an ongoing problem then you can pull that card later on if needed but for now just take it one day at a time…divorce is not the answer…I do not side with your husband at all and if I was able to get my hands around his neck he would be a very unhappy man…you are so lovely inside and out and your spirit is so sweet…how dare him put his hands that he has committed to you till death on another woman and how dare him kiss another woman with the same lips that he said "I DO" with…but even though he has done this horrible thing he should still have the chance to be forgiven…if I had continued to be rejected because of the life I was living and the choices I was making I wouldn’t have had a reason to change and if I had made changes and people still brought up all the horrid things I had done all the time would the changes have stuck??? What you need to do right now is pray for your husband…pray that he would be so convicted that he would never even think of doing this again and pray for him to have strength to fight off any further temptations…be your husbands best friend right now…let him know you hurt and don’t let him think he is off the hook by any means but love him and be very open with him…Honey I love you and I am so incredibly hurt and betrayed by what you have done…my family says divorce but I believe that you are truly sorry and I love you enough to give you another chance, I will be here for you to keep you accountable if you have thoughts of another woman you can tell me and I will quickly give you a reason to think of me instead…I will keep my vows to love you through this "worse" time but please join me and keep yours as well…. telling him something along those lines will get the point across and offer him a new start at the same time….this is an opportunity to reflect Christ in you….call me corny but W.W.J.D??? What Would Jesus Do, let him who has no sin cast the first stone…the woman who was caught in adultery, did Jesus condemn her…NO WAY, He loved her, He sent her accusers away shameful and when He was done He told her, "Go and sin no more" this is an opportunity to do the same thing for your husband, honey sure go with the guys but, Go and sin no more….it’s Your kindness Lord that brings us to repentance…one of my favorite songs that came form a scripture…if you shut him out and leave him in the dust it wont help him to change…if you are kind and understanding and loving but still tell him the truth of what this has done to your heart then I can tell you 99.9999% sure you will have your husband faithfully by your side….sure he will mess up in other areas and so will you but if you handle this in just the right way then it will give him more than enough reason to never act on the thought of touching another woman again….that brings me a question…was he with his friends??? where were they??? are his friends maybe not the best guys for him to be going out with??? maybe you should ask him to have his friends over and the two of you can ask them to keep him more accountable…..let this be a sober time of sound choices, not a time of impulse decisions that could and will be regretted….be as smart as a serpent but as innocent as a dove, meaning, always have tabs on him and keep yourself protected if you feel he has or is cheating, but, don’t let any blame fall on your shoulders…be a loving wife who is ready to forgive and restore…if he full blown cheats and is unwilling to receive counsel then take the steps needed but just know that no matter what happens you have us here on the site and you have the Creator of the universe on your side…you are a total Stand Up Girl and I know that if you have made it through what you already have then you can make it through anything…you just need to believe it…I love you lots and I am here to help you walk through this…Love Meg