Kit

Sometimes don’t you wish that you had the ability to travel back in time and change things that have happened in the past? – I know there are times that I have felt that way. Beating yourself up emotionally over the past won’t help. Unfortunately it is impossible for you to go back and undo your abortion. However it sounds like you are still in pain from the experience. Perhaps you should look into Project Rachel or other post abortion counseling which might help you to deal with some of the pain from your experience. You might want to talk to Lisa, with this site. She may be able to help you deal with the guilt and grief. I think that she recommends a book called Forgiven and Set Free as well. I have not had to cope with the pain from an abortion, but I am here to listen and help if I can.

Kate

Hang in there! First of all I am glad and proud that you have decided to have this baby instead of chosing abortion, and I am glad to hear that your family has come around and are supportive of your decision. Unfortunately it doesn’t sound like you will be able to rely on much support for you or your baby from the child’s father. If he isn’t even willing to let his mother know about her new grandchild and if he’s going to be in jail and won’t be able to provide emotional or financial help. I can’t tell you whether to keep the child or to raise it yourself. My baby is the greatest blessing in my life and is wonderful, but I won’t lie and say motherhood isn’t a challenge. If you feel that the needs of your child would be better met by placing the baby up for adoption, there is absolutely no shame ion that decision. If you arrange for an open adoption, you could still potentially be involved with your child’s life.

Please don’t commit suicide. You can make it through this! Perhaps it would help to talk to a counselor who might be able to help with your depression and help you to work through your feelings and decisions relating to this pregnancy and other issues in your life. If you need someone to listen I’m here.

Kate

I don’t think it is abnormal to feel sad about not having had a baby and feeling like you wish you would have had the baby or would like to have a baby. I don’t know if you were pregnant and miscarried or were not pregnant. I can understand how you would have felt scared at being pregnant but became excited at the thought of the baby and felt empty about loss. (I’ve heard of women who think they might be pregnant and are scared about a positive result actually feeling a little sad and empty when the test turns out negative).

Although I understand how you feel I would wait until you are a little older and in a stable committed relationship before you try to get pregnant. Having a baby won’t take away the sadness and pain from your previous experience. Hang in there. Perhaps talking to a counselor might help you to come to terms with the past. Best wishes. KAte

When I was in college I had a pregnancy scare. My period was very irregular but it had been 8 weeks since my last period and that was unusually long! I took two home pregnancy tests that came out negative but I wasn’t convinced so I made an appointment with the school health center. The doctor said that I was not pregnant and my period started the next day. Perhaps you might be pregnant, but if the tests are negative you might not be. You might want to see a doctor who could do a blod test which is more accurate and might be able to give other reasons for the change in your cycle if you are not pregnant. Best wishes.

Kate

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I’m guessing that everything will be fine. You can’t go back and change what happened and stressing out about it won’t help you or the baby. Make sure you get good prenatal care and don’t drink or smoke for the rest of the pregnancy.

Kate

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Prenatal care is important, but your baby is most likely just fine and hasn’t had any ill effects yet. I’m sure your aunt will take good care of you and the baby. – Kate

I don’t think that she can force you to have an abortion. If you are pregnant you need to get prenatal care so it would be best to find out for sure. If I were you I would contact your local Birthright or crisis pregnancy center. They can give you a free pregnancy test and let you know what your rights are. They can help you tell your mom and give you support so you are not forced into an abortion against your will. Good luck.

Kate

I can relate to your situation in many ways. I was 28 years old when my husband and I found out last June that I was pregnant. At that time we had been married for almost 6 years. I have wanted to have children for quite a while. My husband wasn’t quite so sure… We had talked about having a baby eventually but hadn’t expected that we’d conceive right away the first month after stopping taking the pill! We were surprised and very nervous but happy. Having a baby changes you’re life in so many ways, but it was definitely worth it. This pregnancy may be a surprise but could be a great blessing to your lives. Your husband is probably reacting out of stress and pressure. He’s probably concerned about the major changes to come in the future and how a baby might change your marriage and finances. Don’t let fear and negativity force you to choose abortion. It sounds like you already feel a bond with this child and I think that you should listen to that. My guess is that as the pregnancy progresses your husband will warm up to the idea of being a dad (mine did). if not adoption could be an option that would give life to a couple who really want a child. Hang in there! If you need to talk I’m here anytime.

Kate

Hi Crystal,

I can relate to your situation in many ways. I was 28 years old when my husband and I found out last June that I was pregnant. At that time we had been married for almost 6 years. We had talked about having a baby but hadn’t expected that wed conceive right away the first month after stopping taking the pill. We were both nervous but happy.

We are both in grad school. He’s finishing up his Masters program and I just started my program last fall. He also works full time. I had been working full time as a clerk in a dental office but quit to accept a grad assistantship position last fall and to do some freelance work. The position didn’t pay as much as before. We also had a high risk pregnancy. It appeared that the baby might have hydrocephalus and severe problems. We even had doctors asking if we wanted to abort! Luckily everything turned out okay and I have a perfectly healthy 3 mo old son.

Financially I needed to work the assistantship and continue with classes last semester. It was really tough! Luckily my advisor and boss let me make up some hours in the summer. The trouble now is that my assistantship was only for the school year and the payments have ended but I still owe hours. Also I haven’t heard if my assistantship was renewed for next year but since I haven’t heard back I assume not 🙁 I’m still doing some freelance projects and busy caring for the baby. It was definitely worth it, but the pregnancy drained our savings and we’re pretty much broke. I’m really busy but not bringing in much money right now and sometimes my husband makes comments that seem like he is implying that I’m being lazy or that it is my fault we are in the financial situation we are in. It really hurts! Most of the time he has been pretty supportive though.

My husband wasn’t adopted but was an only child. He lets me get pretty close to him emotionally but like your husband usually is very emotionally detached from those who aren’t his closest family and friends. Perhaps your husband is just reacting out of stress and pressure. He’s probably concerned about your health and the major changes to come in the future. Have you let him know that his comments hurt your feelings? Good communicatioon usually helps. Hang in there! If you need to talk I’m here anytime.

Kate

I have known several girls who were teenage moms whose lives have not been ruined and are successful and happy. Abortion is definitely not the only option. Don’t let anyone force or pressure you into an abortion against your will. This is not your mother’s choice to make. It sounds like you have already bonded with your baby and have decided that you want to give it life. I hope that you stick your ground. I’m glad to hear that your boyfriend is supportive of keeping the baby too and not wanting you to have an abortion.

Being a teenage mother is not easy. Having a child does require a lot of time and money. It might be especially difficult if your boyfriend is stationed or deployed far away. I would be cautious of jumping to marriage before you two are ready because of the pregnancy. Marriage is great (I’ve been married for nearly 7 years), but it is a BIG committment and is not always easy. I would make sure that if you do get married your relationship is strong and you are not doing it because of pressure.

Perhaps you could consider giving the child up for adoption. Some agencies even allow open adoption in which you could have contact with your child. Giving up a child for adoption is a loving alternative to abortion, and would allow you to move on with your life. Have you discussed adoption with your mother or boyfriend? Perhaps your mom would consider adoption as a compromise between having an abortion and keeping and raising a baby as a teen????

Remember that this is your choice to make, and that this pregnancy is not the end of the world. Your life is not ending, a new life for your child is beginning! Best wishes.

Kate

Tina,

You’re in a tough situation! I’m glad your son wants to accept responsibility and you are both pulling for the baby. How does your son’s girlfriend feel about the pregnancy? Had she expressed her feelings about it and what she wanted to do to your son before her mom prevented her from seeing your son?

I’m guessing her mom was pretty much in shock over the pregnancy at a young age especially if she was not aware that they were sexually active. Perhaps keeping her daughter from contacting your son is her form of punishment to her daughter for what she views as misbehavior or to keep her daughter from continuing to have sex. Were you aware that they were having sex? If so she might also be upset with you.

Have you tried talking to her mother? Perhaps if you approach her mom and say that: no the two probably shouldn’t have been having sex, and the pregnancy is not an ideal situation, but that you care about your son, his girlfriend and your future grandchild and want to make the situation right. Is your son willing to stop the sexual aspect of the relationship? Perhaps if they agree and stick to the pledge to refrain from sex together she would be more willing to let her daughter see your son. Maybe it won’t work but it could be worth a try. Perhaps adoption could be an option also.

Sadly teen fathers have little legal say to prevent their children from abortion. I don’t think her mom could physically force her to have an abortion but under extreme pressure many girls have sadly been practically forced into abortion by their parents. Best Wishes and good luck!

Kate

If your family has faced teenage pregnancies before then perhaps your guardians will not be as shocked or react as negatively. I’m glad that you decided to keep the baby. You said that you dropped out of school. Have you gotten a GED? I would recommend staying in school, but if you need or want to work instead I would at least get a GED which will help you to get better jobs and open up more possibilities for the future.

KAte