regret

Hi,
I know exactly what your going through….im sending you love and a hug from the uk. Im a married woman and had my first pregnancy at the age of 33 years. I was so scared as i never thought i’d get pregnant after all this time, but i did. I was so ill and ended up in hospital…my husband was really supportive, i thought, until he said to me….its me or the baby. i chose him…and its the biggest regret of my life. i wasnt strong enough to stand up and give myself time to think about things and i hate myself for that. he carries on life as though nothing has happenned….and i think about it every day. Everywhere i look, theres pregnant women, babies and it hurts. My baby would have been due August 18th. I know what it looked like at 9 weeks…but i still didnt have the courage to say what was in my heart. I dont know if a relationship can survive this….i keep hanging on in there…but i have so much anger that i cant tell anyone. i am disgusted at myself for being so weak….and letting my baby down. Your not alone…mya.xxxx friends are there for you, more then men ever will be…they are the ones who listen when im down.

I’m sorry to hear about your tough situation and the pain and struggle you are dealing with. I’m also sorry to hear about how your boyfriend pressured you to make a decision that you regret. As far as your relationship I can’t tell you whether to stay with hin or not. When I was younger I had a pregnancy scare. It turns out that I wasn’t pregnant, but my boyfriend had said that if I was he was not sure that he would have been there for me and for the baby. That was one of the factors that led me to decide to break up with him. I deserved better, and any potential children deserved better. I didn’t want to continue a sexual relationship if he wouldn’t be there. If he really loves you he will respect and listen to your feelings. It doesn’t look like he is doing that and you deserve better. I would take a close look at your relationship, pray, and listen to your heart. Either choice I would stop having sex with him as you know he will push you into abortion.

Sometimes don’t you wish that you had the ability to travel back in time and change things that have happened in the past? – I know there are times that I have felt that way. Beating yourself up emotionally over the past won’t help. Unfortunately it is impossible for you to go back and undo your abortion. However it sounds like you are still in pain from the experience. Perhaps you should look into Project Rachel or other post abortion counseling which might help you to deal with some of the pain from your experience. You might want to talk to Lisa from the stand up girl site too. She may be able to help you cope. You can learn from this experience. Next time you can make different choices and you can still be a good mother in the future. I wish you best wishes and hope with time the pain will heal.

Kate

After reading your post I had to reply. I have been in the same situation myself, this time last year. I was 14 weeks pregnant when I found out, and when I told my fiancee he gave me no choice. It was either to get rid of the baby else go it alone. I was frightened, confused and at the time in my life were I needed the most support I was offered none.
The next few days where a blair, within 5 days my baby was gone. I am still with my partner, but we dont talk about it. Every day I regret what I have done and wish I would have given myself more time to realise that I could have been strong enough to go it alone.
The baby that I aborted will never be replaced and my relationship with my partner will never be the same, but I couldnt have afforded to loose both.