SweetTea

Hi Autumn,

First of all, I want to commend your strength. I’ve read some of your posts here on the site, and you sound like such a motivated, strong, StandUpGirl! 🙂

To give you a little bit of background on me… I got pregnant when I was 16, was in total shock, and after much inner debate, I knew that I had to keep my baby. Her father (my high school boyfriend) and I didn’t work out, and I wanted to be with someone, and I wanted my daughter to have a stable father figure in her life.

I won’t lie, there were some periods of time when I figured that I would be a single mom forever. I went through some time of resentment when I couldn’t financially provide things for my daughter because we were trying to survive on one income.

I clearly remember taking her to the doctor once when she was an infant, and I was trying to juggle a vomiting, screaming, feverish baby, the gigantic diaper bag, and a bulky car seat, and I dropped and spilled a bottle of hard earned breast milk in the parking lot. There was a picture perfect family who pulled up in a car next to mine, a perfect SUV, a nice looking man and woman, smiling and laughing, and all the woman had to do was carry the baby. That memory really sticks out to me. After we got out of that doctor’s appointment, I sat in the front seat of my car and rocked Emily and cried. I felt guilty, like I was letting her down by not having someone. I felt angry at her father, because he wasn’t doing his part.

I tell you all of this, so that you will know, that your feelings are so normal. It is a long, hard, road. But things will work out. My biggest advice would be to just wait and be patient. I had to deal with my feelings and my anger toward my daughter’s father, and with myself before I was really ready to share my heart with someone else again, even though I didn’t realize it at the time.

I worked on my relationship with God, and I knew that God had someone out there, just for me, and for my daughter, too. I tried to be patient and just wait. I ended up falling in love with one of my good friends. It’s always important to be friends first, and this guy was different from anyone else I ever dated. We met when my daughter was about 18 months old, and married when she was 3 years old. My daughter is 6 now, and my husband is amazing. 🙂 Every day is a blessing.

Just hang in there, and pray about it. Focus on you and your baby, and things will fall in place when the time is right. Email me if I can ever help, ok?

Rachel@StandUpGirl.com

You are ABSOLUTLEY doing the right thing. I know that it is hard, believe me, I know. But you will not regret this decision.

Hang in there, girl. Hold your head up HIGH! How is your baby going to thank you when he or she is older and knows what kind of hard choices and sacrifices you had to make? Your baby is already counting on you for life. You’re going to be a great mom. 🙂

Rachel@StandUpGirl.com

Hey,
If I were you, I would go ahead and get the car seat installed in your vehicle. It is VERY important that your seat is installed correctly. Most people just buckle them in the car, but this can be very dangerous for your baby.

Call your local police or fire department, and ask if they have any car seat safety technicians there. Most departments do. They will install your seat correctly for you, and show you how to do it yourself.

If you have it done before hand, it will be ready when you go to the hospital. You never know when you are going to go into labor, and need it.

Don’t take the car seat issue lightly, it’s very important! 🙂

If you have any questions about them, I can help you. I’m a certified technician for car seats for babies and children.

Love,
Rachel

You’ve come a long way, baby! 😉

I hope he has a Happy Birthday!

Hi!

Sorry you’ve been feeling so bad lately! When I was pregnant, I was sick a lot throughout the whole pregnancy. I don’t say that to scare you, but I know that it isn’t fun. Here are some things that I learned though…

Drink a lot! If you’re throwing up, you can get dehydrated easily, and that is terrible. I drank a lot of water, and fruit juice. I couldn’t tolerate milk either.

Make sure that you’re taking your prenatal vitamins. That’s really important.

Eat small meals more frequently, and snacks, instead of large meals. I kept crackers in my purse all the time! I found that if I let my stomach get totally empty, that I felt more nauseous. So eating a few crackers or something small even when I wasn’t hungry helped me feel better.

Other than that, talk to your doctor about other concerns that you have. I know that being sick can really drain on you during your pregnancy, but just focus on doing what you can to take care of yourself. It will all be over with soon, and you’ll have a beautiful baby! 🙂

Love,
Rachel

Congratulations!!! 🙂

Marriage is so wonderful. My first wedding anniversary is this Sunday.

Yes, I think you should find out if you are pregnant. Wait until you have a missed period, or right around that time and take a pregnancy test. You can use the information I posted before to get a free pregnancy test.

*Hugs*

Hey Mummy2Addison,
My name is Rachel. I read your posting and thought I would reply.

I really think that you should take a step back and really think about things.

Let me tell you a little bit of my story… I got pregnant when I was 16. I never imagined that something like that would happen to me, but it did. My boyfriend at the time didn’t know what to do. He freaked out and he suggested that I have an abortion. When everyone at school found out that I was pregnant and everyone knew that he and I were dating, he told everyone that I had been sleeping around and that the baby wasn’t his. I was furious of course.

I chose to keep my baby and raise it myself. I can tell you without any doubt in my mind that it was the right decision. Later, he changed his mind and wanted to be involved with me when I was still pregnant. He was around for a while, but then started seeing someone else. When my daughter was born, he came to the hospital for a little while and bought some things for her. He hasn’t been consistent in her life at all. And to be honest, dealing with him at times is still tough. But the weird feelings I get when I’m around him are like tiny pebbles compared to the great mountains of love and adoration that I have for my daughter. He comes around mostly at holidays now, and I’ve accepted the fact that he may always be like that, and you know what? That’s okay. If he never does anything more than he’s doing now, I can live with that. Because my daughter is happy and healthy and has a chance at life. I am giving her everything I can and doing my best for her. If he never takes that attitude on, that’s still okay. When she grows up, she will have a chance at reaching her goals and dreams, and she will know that she was loved and cared for and that she had everything she needed. Some things don’t seem "fair", but life isn’t always fair. The most important thing is that she’s getting the chance that she deserves.

I thought that as a single mom, I wouldn’t ever meet any guy worth my time. But that wasn’t true either. I got married recently to a great guy who loves my daughter so very much. He spoils her rotten! We have so much fun together, and I can’t even begin to tell you how happy I am with my life right now.

It sounds to me like the guy you’re dating now isn’t worth your time either. I don’t know the guy, but if he isn’t happy with you and won’t support you no matter what the outcome is, he probably isn’t worth staying around.

No matter how impossible things seem with two kids, or having a baby from your ex, or how unfair things might seem, it will all come together in the end if you just focus now on making the right decisions. The most important people in all of this are YOU and YOUR babies. I promise.

Love,
Rachel

I am so thankful that you are really listening to your heart on this decision. Parenting is hard. Being a single parent is even harder. But it isn’t impossible. You are worth living a life that isn’t filled with guilt and regret over a decision that you made on behalf of someone else acting out of fear. And your baby is worth the chance of living a life that promises him or her an amazing future. Who knows, he or she could be the next president! Or, a doctor, or so many other things! But if you choose to try your hardest, you are allowing yourself and your baby a chance at that.

I know what it’s like not having much money. That really can put a damper on a lot of things. But there is hope with that too! There are many, many resources out there for teen and single moms. Sometimes they’re hard to find, but if you’ll send me an email, I can help you find some good ones in your area. Rachel @StandUpGirl.com

You asked how I do it, with work and school and my baby… well, sometimes I don’t even know! It’s a lot to juggle, but I know that things won’t always be this hectic and I love my daughter so much, I want her to have as much as possible. I wake up early in the mornings, and I take her to daycare. I go to school and take a couple of classes in the mornings. Then, I go to lunch and do some homework on my lunch break. After that, I go to work for a few hours, then I go pick my daughter up and go home. Then, I cook supper, do laundry, play with her, give her a bath, all that good stuff, and then put her to bed. After I get her in bed, I do some more homework and go to bed myself. Then, I get up and do it all over again!

Now, before you stare at that with big eyes and panic… it’s not as bad as it might sound. Really. It’s a routine that we have, and it works. My mom might not have a lot of extra money to help with things, but she is there for support. She wasn’t jumping up and down saying that she was proud of me when I first got pregnant, but I was honest with her and told her about it, and she hugged me and told me that she loved me, and that she would be there for me through this. And she loves my daughter so much. Sometimes, I think she loves her more than me! 😉

My life is different than a lot of people my age, but I do still have good friends. (Believe it or not!) We eat lunch together sometimes, and we hang out on the weekends sometimes and we take classes together. I don’t go out and party all night long like I used to do, but I really don’t have an interest in going anyway anymore.

Being a (poor) young mom, I really had to get humble! I don’t know what you’re like, but sadly enough, I used to be one of "those girls" with the perfect ten pounds of makeup and designer clothes. It is kind of sickening to look back at my old pictures. That has allllllll changed! I’m very thrifty now, I must say!

Are you active in a church? I know you said that there is the Catholic charity, and you were worried about them rejecting you because you aren’t Catholic. I would still go and try to talk to someone there. Even if you aren’t Catholic, it sounds like they have a great program and have good resources. It wouldn’t hurt to try!

Send me an email though, and I’ll do my best to help you in whatever way that I can.

Keep your head up!

*HUGS*

Love,
Rachel

You really sound like deep down you want to keep your baby. I’ve never had an abortion, so I can’t speak on behalf of those who have. But, I did get pregnant when I was 16 and chose to keep my baby. I have read many stories on this website, and talked to many people who have had abortions and so many of them (even the ones who chose to abort their babies very early on in the pregnancy) have dealt with a lot of guilt and regret. I can honestly say from my experience, that in the three years and six months that my daughter has been alive, I have not ever once regretted making the decision that I did to keep her.

When I got pregnant, I was in high school. My boyfriend and I had been dating for quite a while, and we were pretty serious. When I found out I was pregnant, I did have some time where I felt pretty desperate for things to go back to "the way they were", I just wanted it to all go away because I was so scared and I felt like everything in my life was suddenly threatened. That time is very hard, but you have to keep your head up. My boyfriend and I stayed together for a while, but eventually broke up. Please don’t make your decision based on him. Make your decision based on what the right thing to do is. He sounds like he’s been through a lot with his ex. Don’t let him influence you in making a decision that you could regret for the rest of your life.

You talked about your future plans and your boyfriends’ future and his life yet to come… I believe that all of those things are still possible. Many people feel that when they get pregnant, they have to throw all of their hobbies out the window, and that they can’t travel and that they can’t stay in school, and that they have to become a totally different person. That simply isn’t true! You and your boyfriend may have to put some things on hold for a period of time, but it isn’t permanent. You can still finish school, and so can he. I got my GED during the Winter of the year I found out I was pregnant, when I was 16. My daughter was born in June of that year, and then in August of that same year I started college. I’m still in school now, and it’s going to take me 5 years to finish instead of 4 because I am having to spread out my coursework a little bit, but I will still graduate, and I will still go on from here to my career.

It isn’t easy to do with a baby, but every single day is more than worth it when I pick her up in the afternoons and she runs and hugs me and tells me that she loves me. I would rather see her face light up at night when I read bedtime stories to her instead of being drunk at some party. I would rather play in the sprinklers in the back yard in the summers and hear her giggle than to be out with my friends. All of the little personality traits that she has are just fascinating to me. It just amazes me that she has my eyes, and my chin. She has her father’s forehead and his ears. She likes certain foods and dislikes others. She is particular about the order that things go in. There are some songs that she loves and dances with, and others that she doesn’t respond to the same way. She is just amazing to me, and every day with her is a new adventure. Knowing that she depends on me for everything (even though it’s less and less the older she gets) is a little bit scary, but it motivates me to try harder to be the best that I can be for her because she deserves at least that much.

Email me if you ever want to talk. Rachel@StandUpGirl.com

*Hugs*
Rachel

Hy Keli!
My name is Rachel and I’m one of the Stand Up Girls on the site here, working with Becky.
I’ll first tell you that I know what a hard and scary time you’re going through right now- I’m 19 years old now, but I had my daughter when I was just 16. I know that it’s tough, and that people that you once thought believed in you decide to change their minds when they find out about your circumstances.

I remember how scared I was because it was all so unexpected, but you wanting to keep the baby is nothing but normal. You’re a mother now, even though you don’t have a baby outside of you, and your baby is completely depending on you for everything. I’m sure you’ve read about and heard all of your life about "mother’s insticts" and those are very real! That is your child, your own flesh and blood, and your boyfriend’s too. It is NOT wrong to want to keep your child.

Saying that, I know that even though you feel like you might want to keep your baby, things won’t be easy. I would never tell someone that they would be, because it’s going to be anything BUT easy. I work, go to school, and have my three year old daughter to take care of and it is not easy. I’ve worked harder for everything in life since she’s been born, because I’m who she’s depending on to have a chance at a real future. But she is worth every minute of it. I completely believe that.

If your boyfriend in unsure of it, or even if he ends up breaking up with you over this, know that while this baby is partly his, it’s just as much a part of you. He might seem like "the one" to you now, but if he is unwilling to accept your decisions to keep your own child, I promise you with everything that there is in me that he isn’t. He might be a great guy, but he isn’t worth losing your child.

I’ve never had an abortion myself, but Lisa, one of the other Stand Up Girls has had two abortions and she has her story under the "sisters" column. Read it there, and read some of the other stories on our site of people who have chosen abortion thinking that it would be a "quick, easy fix". Abortion is anything but that.

I’m here Keli, if you ever need anything. If you need someone to talk to about anything, seriously, I’m so glad to talk to you and help. I’d love to hear from you,

My email address is: Rachel@StandUpGirl.com

*Hugs*

Love,
Rachel

Hello!

My name is Rachel, and I work with Becky for StandUpGirl. I had my daughter when I was 16. I know it’s tough, especially when members of your family are less than supportive.

My daughter will be three in a few weeks, and I can tell you that she’s the best part of my life, she is such a blessing. I remember looking back to when I was where you’re at now, feeling so scared and alone, but trust me- once you see that ultrasound and hear that heartbeat, once you pick out baby clothes and pick out a name, ane especially once you first hold that baby and see what a miracle it is, you’ll realize more and more of what a real blessing he or she is.

You’re correct in your posting, it IS illegal for your parents or anyone else to force you to have an abortion, even if you are under the age of a legal adult. They can say things to you to pressure you into it, but they cannot force you.

I would SO strongly encourage you to go to http://www.optionline.org and click on the "find a center" button and type in your zip code to locate a FREE pregnancy center where they can help you out with ALL kinds of stuff that you’ll need. There are counselors there that know the laws for your area, and they can set you up with maternity and baby items, and all kinds of stuff just depending on the center. It’s a free service and they’re waiting to help.

My email address is Rachel@StandUpGirl.com and I’d love to hear from you if I can ever help you.

Hang in there, keep Standing Up for you and your baby!!

*Hugs*
Rachel

Hello,
My name is Rachel and I work here on the website with Becky. I’m a single mom, I’m 19 and my daughter will be three in a few weeks. It’s tough, especially without the support of your family. But, it IS possible, and you can still be a great mom and reach all of your goals in spite of any detours you might take on your way there. Your child will thank you someday!

I would VERY strongly encourage you to go to http://www.optionline.org and go to the red button on the right side that says, "Find a Center". You can type in your zip code and it will show you the closest pregnancy center to you. There are pregnancy centers all over that will give you FREE pregnancy tests, and they have people there that have been through the same thing who can help you out. Many centers have items that people have donated like maternity clothes, baby items, etc. that you can use or earn. There are free pregnancy classes out there, and you can go to your state’s website and locate your department of human services and get on the WIC program to get food for you and your baby for FREE! Don’t let your financial status discourage you, I’m poor myself, but there are ways to make it! There are so many resources out there, you’ve just gotta find them!

You can email me anytime: Rachel@Standupgirl.com I’d love to talk to you more!

*Hugs*
Rachel