is it wrong to want to keep this baby?

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      hi my names keli and i am 19 years old. I have just found out that i am pregnant and i feel so alone. I have told my boyfriend that i am pregnant but he has made it clear that he is jus not ready for this. I completely understand how he feels because this wasnt planned. i love him so much but i cant help feeling that this baby is already a part of me and a part of my life. Is it wrong of me to feel like this? I am just so confused. What is the right thing to do?


        Hy Keli!
        My name is Rachel and I’m one of the Stand Up Girls on the site here, working with Becky.
        I’ll first tell you that I know what a hard and scary time you’re going through right now- I’m 19 years old now, but I had my daughter when I was just 16. I know that it’s tough, and that people that you once thought believed in you decide to change their minds when they find out about your circumstances.

        I remember how scared I was because it was all so unexpected, but you wanting to keep the baby is nothing but normal. You’re a mother now, even though you don’t have a baby outside of you, and your baby is completely depending on you for everything. I’m sure you’ve read about and heard all of your life about "mother’s insticts" and those are very real! That is your child, your own flesh and blood, and your boyfriend’s too. It is NOT wrong to want to keep your child.

        Saying that, I know that even though you feel like you might want to keep your baby, things won’t be easy. I would never tell someone that they would be, because it’s going to be anything BUT easy. I work, go to school, and have my three year old daughter to take care of and it is not easy. I’ve worked harder for everything in life since she’s been born, because I’m who she’s depending on to have a chance at a real future. But she is worth every minute of it. I completely believe that.

        If your boyfriend in unsure of it, or even if he ends up breaking up with you over this, know that while this baby is partly his, it’s just as much a part of you. He might seem like "the one" to you now, but if he is unwilling to accept your decisions to keep your own child, I promise you with everything that there is in me that he isn’t. He might be a great guy, but he isn’t worth losing your child.

        I’ve never had an abortion myself, but Lisa, one of the other Stand Up Girls has had two abortions and she has her story under the "sisters" column. Read it there, and read some of the other stories on our site of people who have chosen abortion thinking that it would be a "quick, easy fix". Abortion is anything but that.

        I’m here Keli, if you ever need anything. If you need someone to talk to about anything, seriously, I’m so glad to talk to you and help. I’d love to hear from you,

        My email address is:




          It is normal to feel that way. Your boyfriend is such a donkey for wanting to do the deed and not thinking about the ‘what if’. It is your decision. If you have the support of your family and dear dear friends, then you have nothing to worry about. I know the feeling. And today my girls are 5 and we are as happy as can be – just the three of us. So, just believe in yourself and have faith. Ask for spiritual guidance. Good luck


            Hi!! My name is Chivon and I’m going through the same thing. I’m 25 and my boyfriend is 22. He has 2 daughter and I have no children……….I had a still born daughter November 19,2004……..Whwn he found out he said that he is not ready because he already has 2 children and if I chose to keep the baby then he would have no dealings with me but still would be there for his child. Like I told him I love him and I want to be with him…………but not enough to go against something that I believe in…………..So Keli I know and I understand what you are going through………….All I can say is do what is best for you…………..Becuz In the end if you do decide to have the abortion the only one that is going to deal with the hurt and the pain is you!!!! And is he really worth you getting rid of your child?


              i am 19 too and 5 months pregnant. my baby couldnt of come at a worse time. to cut it short i broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years for 4 months earlyer this year, in that time i met someone else. after deciding he wasnt for me and getting back with my ex i found out i was pregnant to this other guy. my ex was mortified but i gave him the choice, either it was both me and baby or nothing. i think if your man loves you enough he will accept the baby is still half you. im happy to say he wants me and baby to bring up as his own but if he said no I’d choose my baby. it didnt kick in to me that i was pregnant until the other day when it started bouncing around in my belly and too feel it move is amazing! im so glad i risked my relationship for my babe. im so excited now! hope you sort it all out. and a baby is better than a bloke any day!


                You are feeling exactly what you are supposed to feel!! I want you to know that you are not alone. I have been in the same boat. I was 15 when I got pregnant and believe me it was VERY hard to even think of giving up my baby. I did give my baby up for adoption and I’m so glad now that I did. He wouldn’t have had much of a life with a mom that was so young. I never had another baby but we adopted our son when I was 37. It took me that many years to get to that point. His mom was 19 and in college. I’m so glad she decided to give him up!! We adore him beyond words. He would have had a very hard time because he has an immune deficiency that could have caused death if he had had to be in daycare. The Lord works things out and I hope this has helped you to realize how much adoptive parents want,need and love their babies. Please E mail me if you would like to. Jan jrraper@knology.nwt


                  What your feeling is totally normal, in fact, I would be worried if you didn’t feel attached to your growing baby. I know personally, that everytime I’ve found out that I was pregnant, it was unexpected, but the second that I find out I always feel overyjoyed, horrified, and amazingly attached. Nothing in your life will ever be as good and as beautiful as what your going through right now, and you should be happy, and celebrate, your a mommy.

                  Best wishes,
                  Michelle J.


                    It’s your baby and it’s depending on YOU for it’s life. Its never wrong to want to keep a life that you created and is growing inside you. God gave you that baby as a present. You never know, that baby might have the answer to world hunger….you and that baby are one, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.


                      No ones ready for pregnancy (unless you plan it) but it just happens. My whole family tried to get me to abort my baby and since i wouldnt, no one will talk to me. (not like they did before) but anyway, u can get alot of help with WIC and Welfare if you need it. Theres so much help out there and once you see the sonagram, and feel it kick for the first time, youll never give second thoughts to keeping it. good luck

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