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Val,
I can understand your concerns about wanting to focus on your educational and career goals. When I faced a couple of pregnancy scares in college simillar thoughts and concerns went through my head. I’m 28 now, pregnant, and in graduate school. I was a little concerned whether it would be more difficult being a pregnant grad student. There has been a little more stress due to difficulties and ups and downs throughout this pregnancy, but otherwise it hasn’t really negatively interfered with either my classes or my assistantship. I intend to continue classes and continue grorwth in my career after the baby is born. Having a child doesn’t mean you have to give up on your career dreams and goals.
It sounds like your partner is being supportive, which will be helpful if you do decide to keep the child and raise it yourselves or to give it up for adoption. This may sound hypocritical, because I have written to other girls not to let the father of their child force or pressure them into having an abortion…the decision is ultimately yours to make, but I would consider talking to your partner and considering his feelings about wanting the child. Sometimes it doesn’t seem fair to me for fathers who are equally responsible in actions and genetics for the child at stake to stand back while their partner chooses to abort their child.
Have you considered adoption? How would your partner feel about adoption? You could choose whether you would prefer an open or closed adoption situation and sometimes might even be able to choose from potential adoptive parents. This way you could get back to your career and wait for a family until the time is right, but your child will be given the gift of life. Before you go through with the abortion next week please read the stories and posts from girls on this site who have decided to have an abortion and are dealing with pain and regret. Also I would urge you to do some research into fetal development.
Ultimately the decision is up to you, and I promise that I will not judge you for your choice, but I hope you decide to cancel the appointment and choose to have this child. Best Wishes.
Kate
Liz,
I won’t guarantee that the pregnancy won’t affect your relationship with your boyfriend, especially if you’ve only been dating two months so far. Don’t rush into or out of this relationship because of the pregnancy.I would see how your relationship goes in the next 9-10 months. Perhaps you will grow closer together and decide to raise the child as a family. Perhaps the relationship won’t work out and you could choose to raise the child yourself or to give the child up for adoption. It is a good sign, I’m really glad to hear that your boyfriend is being supportive. That helps a lot. Don’t get another abortion, especially since it sounds like you really don’t want to have another abortion and you are already thinking about the well being of the baby (by not drinking). Take the relationship one day at a time. I wish you the best.
Kate
Beth,
It takes two people to create a baby. If the baby’s father didn’t want to take responsibility for his baby, then he should not have been having sex. I would continue to communicate with him. Perhaps he is still dealing with the situation and will come around. Have you told your family about the pregnancy yet? Do you have friends who will be there for you even if the baby’s father won’t be? If you want to tell people who is the father, then do. If he won’t support you you can still try to get child support from him for the child. Best wishes and good luck.
Kate
Angie,
The chances certainly wouldn’t be as high as if he had ejaculated inside her, but If there was still any semen on his penis from ejaculation, or if there was any pre-ejaculate released when he went inside her, than there is a slight chance that there could have been sperm and your sister could have gotten pregnant. Chances are likely that your sister will be fine. At two days it would be way to early to do any sort of test, but if she misses her next period and/or starts to show potential pregnancy symptoms she should take a test to find out for sure.
Kate
Jayne,
I promise not to laugh. I had oral sex before I had regular intercourse. I wasn’t sure whether I could still call myself a virgin or not. It is not possible to get pregnant unless a sperm cell fuses with an egg cell. If you haven’t had contact with semen in any form than you do not need to worry — there is no way that you could be pregnant (short of divine intervention). If you have engaged in sexual activity that caused your partner to ejaculate and get semen in or near your vagina there is a slight chance that you could get pregnant, even if your hymen has never been broken through regular intercourse. Hope this helps.
Kate
Lauren,
I would wait another week or two and take another pregnancy test just to be sure. If you are not ready to be pregnant I would consider choosing not to have sex. However, for the future if you continue to be sexually active you might want to consider using birth control. Good luck.
Kate
Schnooky,
I haven’t had any stretch marks yet (though my belly is starting to get a lot bigger in the last month). I’ve heard some people swear that cocoa butter lotion works great. I’ve also read that it is just a myth and there really isn’t anything that can treat stretch marks. It can’t hurt to give the lotion a try.
Kate
Mikki,
I had really irregular periods too when I was a teenager. I started taking birth control to help make my cycle more regular. It would probably be too early to be having any symptoms yet (because it could still be before implantation even). The symptoms are probably from stress. If it has only been about 4-6 days since you had sex it would be too early to take a test and be able to detect a pregnancy. Normally I would tell you to wait to take a test until you miss your period, but if your cycles are very irregular this might not be the best advice. I know waiting without knowing is stressful, but I would wait about two or three weeks and take a pregnancyh test. Good luck.
Kate
It is true that pregnant teens are looked down upon in society. I think in an ideal world it is best for teenagers to wait for sex (and pregnancy) until marriage. However I was 19 and not married yet when I lost my own virginity. Each teenager and each situation is different. I do have a moral problem with "sleeping around" in a casual fashion (whether male, female, pregnant, not pregnant etc.) But I can understand curiosity and a desire for intimacy within a relationship with someone you love (or at least believe you are in love with.) Teens should think very hard about the physical, emotional, and spiritual consequences of becoming sexually active with another person, and be aware of and willing to accept responsibility for any consiquences for their sexual choices.
Pregnancy is not easy at any age. Raising a child is not easy at any age. It is especially hard for teenagers, because they are very young. I would encourage girls to try to avoid teenage pregnancy, by making well informed and well thought out decisions about sex. I applaud the courage of teenage moms who choose to give life to their baby rather than choosing abortion.
I fear that too judgemental of an attitude towards teen pregnancy doesn’t result in less teen sex, but more teen abortion from young girls who do not want to face the anger, condemnation and judgement of being a pregnant teenager. Many girls out there are sexually active, but those who get pregnant face more judgement than sexually active girls who are not pregnant. This seems like a double standard to me. Also pregnant girls face more judgement (perhaps because a pregnancy shows physicall for a girl, but a boy doesn’t have this issue) about their sexual actions than boys do, which isn’t fair. It takes two to tango.
Just some thoughts…. Kate
Jess,
Yes, those sound like many of the early pregnancy symptoms I experienced…sore breasts, having to pee all the time, stronger smells, repulsion to food. You could take a test now or perhaps you should just have your gynocologist do a test when you go in for your appointment next week if your period hasn’t started yet. Best wishes.
Kate
Rebbie,
I’m sorry to hear about your breakup. I know how hard and gut-wrenching a break-up can be. It is possible to get pregnant while on the birth control pill, but much less likely. It is possible to get pregnant from pre-ejaculate, but again less likely. My guess is that you are not pregnant. Perhaps the stress of your relationship has lowered your body’s defenses and you picked up a flu virus. Perhaps it is just stress. I would wait until your next period is due. If your period is late, then I would take a home pregnancy test to find out for sure. In the meantime try not to stress too much about being pregnant. Hang in there.
Kate
Schnooky,
Congratulations. I’m glad to hear your b/f Matt is being supportive of you and the baby. That helps a lot. You’re dad is probably upset and overwhelmed at the news, but I hope he will come around after he has a little bit of time to cope with the difficult news about your pregnancy. I would apply for WIC and welfare which will help some with expenses. It isn’t reccommended to lift more than 50 pounds during pregnancy. Aren’t there any jobs out there that wouldn’t have heavy lifting as a requirement? Unfortunately you may face hiring discrimination due to your pregnancy, but many employers are pretty supportive and flexible about pregnant employees. As far as getting hired it doesn’t hurt to apply. Good luck and best wishes.
Kate
Brittany,
If your period is 3 months late there is a good chance that you could be pregnant. Have you taken a test? You should take a test to find out for sure. Even if it is negative you might consider seeing a doctor to have yourself checked out and to find out why your period hasn’t come. If you are pregnant it is important to get prenatal care through pregnancy, so the sooner you find out and see a doctor the better it will be for both you and the baby. Have you told the father or your family that you suspect you might be pregnant? Best Wishes.
Kate
Many of the symptoms of your period are also symptoms of early pregnancy, so someitmes it is hard to tell sfrom symptoms alone. There could be other factors, including stress delaying your period. If it has been more than two weeks, and your period is late I would take a home pregnancy test. I understand how stressed you feel. Take a test to find out for sure. If it is positive, don’t panic and have an abortion out of fear of telling your parents. They will probably be upset at first but I bet they will be more supportive of you than you might think. Good luck.
Kate
Dragoneyes,
Congratulations. When did you find out? Have you told your boyfriend and/or family yet? How did they react? Hope all is going well.
Kate
Slayergirl,
I hope I didn’t offend you with my advice – if I did I wasn’t meaning to!!! I just thought I’d share my experience. I’m sorry to hear that your boyfriend left you. Perhaps he just needs some time to process things. I’m sure this must be pretty overwhelming for both of you right now. Or perhaps he might not come around. Either way it is not your fault and you shouldn’t blame yourself. Dealing with an unexpected pregnancy is tough enough without having to deal with the emotional turmoil of a breakup at the time you would need the support of your partner the most. Hopefully you will have a strong support system of family and friends to help you with your pregnancy. If you do need to talk or want advice I’m here. Otherwise I’ll leave you alone. Best wishes.
Kate
Ashley,
I’m glad to hear that things worked out well for you. It must have been quite a relief! I’m glad you found my advice helpful. Thank you. I’ll try to be the best mom that I can. Best Wishes.
Kate
Laura,
Most home pregnancy tests are fairly accurate, but I don’t know if any of them are 100% accurate, especially if taken too early to detect sufficient levels of the HCG hormone to trip off a positive response. I took a regular test and have never used a digital test. With normal tests two lines, even if one is faint usually indicate a positive test. Read the instructions on the digital to see if this is true for the brand. My periods were very irregular, so a few days late wouldn’t be unusual for me. If you haven’t started in another week or two I would take another home pregnancy test. (I wouldn’t reccommend ept, becuase I had two broken tests when I tested).
Kate
If you have been having unprotected sex, then it is possible that you might be pregnant. The spotting could be caused by a number of things. Are you taking birth control? Sometimes changes in hormones can cause spotting. I’m not sure. If you think you might be pregnant you could always take a home pregnancy test. If spotting or irregular symptoms continue perhaps you should talk to your doctor to find out more information about what is going on.
Kate
The first time I took an ept test (I bought a pack with two tests in the same pack). The test was supposed to show a plus for positive and a line for negative, the test just had one line so I thought it was negative. (Although I was confused because I was pretty sure from symptoms that I was pregnant.). I still had not started my period a week later so I decided to take the other test in the pack. The result was exactly the same. However, this time I looked at the box and realized that my test did not match either the picture for posiive (a plus) or for negative (a horizontal line), what I had was a vertical line. I was very confused. I asked my husband what that meant and he said it meant we should buy another brand of pregnancy test! I bought a FirstResponse test (with two tests). Both tests showed two pink lines almost immediately – pregnant! After my experience with broken ept tests I would try another brand. However perhaps you are not pregnant and there are other reasons for your symptoms. Perhaps it would be best to set up an appointment with your doctor to get checked out and to find out more answers. Good luck.
Kate
Olivia,
You may not want to hear it, and it may be hard to believe, but it is possible to become pregnant and sustain a pregnancy as young as 13 or even younger. I have a cousin who got pregnant at about your age and had a little baby boy. She had only had sex once – it was her first time losing her virginity. Also even if you only had sex for a few minutes and your boyfriend didn’t ejaculate inside you, there is still sperm in pre-ejaculate so pregnancy is possible.
Being sexually active should not stop or change your period or cycle (with the exception of pregnancy). Before you panic, there is a good chance you might not be pregnant. Since you are so young, and have not been having periods very long your cycle probably is irregular still. Even so, if it has been a couple of months I would reccommend that you take a pregnancy test, because you might be pregnant.
Kate
Jen,
I had terrible morning sickness too. It has gotten a lot better now that I am in my second trimester. There is a light at the end of the tunnel! I found that avoiding foods with a lot of sugar, salt and especially fat and grease helped some. Ginger candy, pepermints, and lemon drops also helped a little. It helped some to eat more frequently in little amounts than eating larger meals less frequently. Hope this helps. Hang in there!
Kate
It is possible to get pregnant using the withdrawal method, even if he didn’t ejaculate inside you, because pre-ejaculate contains sperm. The symptoms you are describing do sound like the symptoms I experienced in early pregnancy. However if you had a light period and are typically irregular, then perhaps you are not pregnant. I would take a pregnancy test to find out for sure. If you are not wanting to get pregnant, then I would consider holding off on sex until after the wedding or using another form of birth control.
Kate
Amanda,
Two weeks would be on the extremely early end of when you would be able to detect pregnancy. It may have been too early. I would wait another week or two and take another test if you don’t have your normal period. Or you could go to the doctor to get checked out and find out more information about what is going on with your body.
Kate
I can understand how you are feeling. When I was your age in early college I faced a couple of pregnancy scares. My parents are also very strict and would have been very angry and disappointed by the pregnancy. I also had educational and career goals and I feared that having a child would get in the way. I was so scared. Thoughts of abortion did cross my mind. Luckily it turned out that I was not pregnant.
Having a child does not mean that you have to give up your education, careers or goals. I am currently about 22 weeks pregnant and am attending grad school full time and working. I plan on continuing grad school after the baby is born (with some baby-sitting help from my mother-in-law). It is possible to go on with your life. Also if you and your boyfriend do not feel ready for parenthood, adoption is a great option. You could even potentially arrange an open adoption if you would still like to be a part of your child’s life.
Your parents will probably be upset at first. However I bet over time they will be supportive of you. I would advise you not to let anyone, including your boyfriend or parents to push you into an abortion if it is not what you want. Abortion may seem like an easy solution, but before you make that decision I would urge you to read the stories and posts from girls who have made that choice and are dealing with the pain and regrets from their decision. I hope that you choose to have this baby and give it a chance at life, but ultimately the decision is up to you.
Kate
