She Is My Everything

Dear Becky,

i found out i was pregnant 28 april 2009. i was only 17 and in my first year of university. i was so lost, sad and confused. all i could think about was how i was going to get myself out of the situation. i cried myself to sleep thinking i had let myself and my parents down. life was just miserable. the first person i told was my boyfriend. he said he’d support me in whatever i decided. just the thought of being a mom at 17 made me fill so sad.

i knew nothing about babies and felt i wasn’t capable of being a mother. i wrote to a member of stand up girl who advised me to keep my baby. i decided to take her advice. right there and then i decided i was going to keep my baby because i read stories of girls who terminated their pregnancies and they were all feeling so down.i carried on with school even though i was pregnant. people teased me and passed snorty comments and ugly stares at me. it broke my heart but i tried to stay strong.

on december,18 i had a baby girl. after she let out her first cry i knew i had done the right thing, all that i went through was worth it. i cant stop admiring her toothless smile. her eyes bring me peace and absolute joy. she is my everything.

We’ve Conquered

Growing up my mother was my rock. i had an alcoholic dad, but my mom, i hadn’t ever seen drunk in my life. She was the strongest christian i had ever met and she put her family before all else. My dad was a very bad alcoholic and through all the scary things he did and put us through, she somehow managed to stay by him and try to help him through it.

When i was fourteen, my mom passed away. she died in a lawn mowing accident in our back yard. we live on a river, and as she was mowing the edge, the blade got stuck on cattails, tipped the mower and she was trapped.

My dad then sent me to a christian boarding school just two months after my mom died. It was really hard for me. i wanted nothing more that to be around family and friends close to me during that time, but instead i was moving into a dorm, where i hardly knew anybody. that year, my freshman year, my grades dropped, i gained weight and i just wasn’t myself. i missed my friends at home. I had so many friends at home and they all knew what i was dealing with and i wanted to be close to them. earlier that year, shortly after my mom died, i started dating my now husband, which was another reason i just wanted to be home. i got to go home quite frequently but it still wasn’t enough.

That summer, i finally convinced my dad to let me come home. my siblings told me that if his alcoholism got out of hand i might have to return to the boarding school, so because of this, i ignored it. My dad wouldn’t drink, i would pretend like it wasn’t happening. I would just go on with my regular life and try not to let it bother me. on Halloween my sophomore year my dad got so drunk our neighbor had to come help him. our neighbor got ahold of my brother and grandfather, and after that my dad was sent to treatment and i had to live with my brother.

my dad returned around Christmas time and we tried so hard to get things back to normal, but they weren’t. he was so on edge and angry.

In march i got pregnant. my boyfriend and i were using protection, but it broke and i got pregnant. i knew that night i was pregnant and so did my boyfriend, but i tried to ignore it. two months went by and i still hadn’t gotten my period. i was so scared. my boyfriend was right by my side. he was urging me to take a test and get to the doctor, so finally i got ahold of a close family friend for help. she bought me a pregnancy test and it was positive. at this point, i saw my deathbed before me i thought. i told my boyfriend and all he wanted to do was hug and love me, but i was just so unbelievably distant. i couldn’t talk or do anything. I then got to the doctor, found  out my due date and heard the heartbeat. we weren’t ready to tell anybody so we payed for the appointment so they wouldn’t send a bill out.

i knew my dad was going to shun me, and i was afraid he was going to send me away. a few weeks later we went to the doctor and fout out we were having a little girl. we knew we HAD to tell our parents, that this really wasn’t going away. we told his parents first. they were mad but they supported and loved us. We then told my family. my sister threw a lot of things in my face about how big of a liar i am for keeping this in, and threw stuff in my face about how near impossible it was going to be for me to raise my daughter. she made me feel so bad. when we told my dad , he wouldn’t speak to me.

we went on and went to counseling and met with an adoption agency, but soon realized we couldn’t give our little girl up, she was ours. my dad gave us two options, to give the baby up or to get married, cause he was having no part in any of the financial or emotional burdens. we talked it through and knew how much we loved each other and were best friends. we decided to get married.

with nobody on our side, we pushed through with wedding, housing, and financial planning. he had a good job as a farmer, and i had good grades, so i could finish school early and start in college right away in the fall. thats what we did. we then bought a house and started preparing.

just one month before our daughter was born we got married and moved in. now, seven months later, we’ve beaten the odds. my siblings have come around but my dad is still on edge. we seldomly speak, and he has only seen his granddaughter a handful of times. my husbands family is awesome, they are there for us through thick and thin.

we’ve been through and conquered a lot. and we couldn’t have done it without prayer, love for each other, love for our daughter, and love for our god.


Dear Anna,

I am in tears. Your story is so sad and yet so beautiful. You have had really difficult times in your life. Losing your mom, your rock and protector must have been so incredibly devastating. Then to lose your friends and family all in one fell swoop by being sent to a boarding school…wow. Maybe your dad did that to protect you from himself, but still it would have been so hard. Your courage and strength are just amazing. God truly sustained you through all of it. Your mom’s faith continues on through you, and now you can pass that on to your little girl! You have so much going for you…keep on keeping on! People told my boyfriend (now husband) that we wouldn’t be able to do it. We were too young…not financially stable, etc. But you know what? We ARE doing it! And so are you guys! It IS possible. Keep praying…keep loving…and you will have a life that is richly blessed. You will have your ups and downs…but everyone does…even those who get married and have a baby when all their “ducks are in a row”. Our lives will never be without suffering, but that suffering can cause us to grow become stronger! I am so inspired by you! Thank you for sharing your story.

Luv,
Becky

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So Not Worth It

StandUpGirl woman covers face with shirt

I looked around me, woman around me , with no feeling in their eyes – while mine prickles with close tears.  They sit there laughing and joking like nothing is wrong and that the smell of murder is not hanging in the air.  I sit there staring at a white wall, their voices fade away.  Me and my thoughts , what a cruel thing at that moment!  I stare and stare trying to find reason in what the hell I am doing!  Why am doing this, why the hell am I sitting here if I was the one joining and voting against abortion?  Yet here I am the one that judged … sitting here doing the exact same thing.

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The Little Blue Line

StandUpGirl woman pregnancy test man in background

Hey, I’m Abbie and im 17 years old. I felt as though I really needed to write something, after seeing how alone some of these girls feel, I really do feel as though my story could help. A few months ago, I found out I was pregnant. I honestly cannot explain to anybody how shocked I was. I had been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, and I’d been sexually active with him for a while. We were always careful, that’s why it came as such a huge shock to me. I was told by a gynecologist that I had a form of ovarian syndrome and would find it hard to conceive, too. But against the odds, it happened.

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How Can Alice Say She’s Pregnant?

StandUpGirl girl plays guitar brick wall

Dear Becky,

i found out im pregnant i couple of days ago and i still havent told my parents.  How am i supposed to say im pregnant?! the only person who knows is my boyfriend…

my boyfriend has always been there for me, we were best friends before we went out. he used feel like he has to protect me over everyone else and that used to make me feel special and loved.

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I Knew I Would Regret It

 


Hey there, My name is Meg and I help Becky out on Standupgirl.com, I came across your letter in the inbox and I really wanted to touch base with you, I know you have probably been contacted by now but I can’t stop thinking about your letter. I had a dream last night that there was a girl standing next to me, she was looking at a picture on the table of another pregnant girl who was going to have an abortion, she kept putting her hands on her own tummy questioning herself, she saw me crying and physically upset about this other girl in the picture and she came up and put her hand on my shoulder and said “I am going to tell my parents that I am pregnant and no matter what happens this baby is going to live” I have no idea if that part of my dream was from your email but I can’t stop thinking about it so I decided to write you and follow up to see how you are….I am here for you, I got pregnant right out of highschool, single and confused, you are not alone and if you have no one else in the world just know that I will be here to support you and help you along…please write me back to let me know you got this letter and to share how you are doing….untill then, much love….meg


Friday, January 29,

hi meg, thank you so much for your email. it really helps me knowing that im not the only one going through this. i cant even begin to tell you how torn i am about this whole thing. i have thought about what it would be like for me to be in this situation, but i never knew that it would be this hard.

Have you come closer to a decision? I mean abortion is permanent, babies grow up and become easier to care for….I just want you to know I am here for you….Love Meg


Monday, February 8,

hey, im doing okay, my appointment is on tuesday, and im extremly nervous and scared. thank you for checking up on me


Have you thought about canceling your appt? What is the one thing that makes you want an abortion and the one thing that makes you hesitate? What are you most nervous about? Love Meg


Wednesday, Febuary 10,

i’m not going to cancel my appointment, im not ready for a responsibility like having a child. the only thing that im nervous about is that i know that i will regret it in the future. and i feel really bad about not giving the little baby inside me a chance to live. but i guess im choosing to be selfish, and its the right decision right now.


I am so sorry for what you are going through right now, you know I jsut recently talked with another girl in your same shoes, she didn’t cancel her appt either, it took about 3 weeks before she hit rock bottom and now she is so desperate to have her baby back, they always say that hind sight is 20/20 and that once you look back, all the fears have an answer…honey, if you know that you will regret it, why do you want to go through with it? The thing that is really hard through an email is that you cannot hear my voice, picture the two of us sitting next to each other on a soft couch in a warm room, there is a candle burning and we both have a cup of tea or cocoa, my voice is soft and gentle and I am talking with you not at you….I am next to you, not standing over you, I reach over and place my hand firmly on yours and look you in the eye with love and gentleness and understanding, with that said I want to tell you again that this does not have to be your way out…don’t ignore that little voice saying let me live, give me a chance, please mommy Stand Up…there is a reason you wrote a letter, you wanted to have your fears and your hesitation confirmed, I am here as your scape goat, I am that one person who will tell you that it is ok to keep your baby or place him/her with another family but you know that ending the life of this baby, your baby is not the answer…abortion is a self destructive action, it is a temporary “fix” but it is going to come back and bite you so hard and I don’t want you to have to carry that burden on your shoulders for the rest of your life the way my other new friend now has to….if she were writing you right now she would say, please listen to Meg, I didn’t, give your child the chance that I did not, the chance to smile, laugh, enjoy the warmth of sunshine, the taste and sensation of eating ice cream…I am here for you step by step just please consider what I have to share with you and do not ignore that plea coming from within you….Love Meg


Wednesday, February 17

hi, im katya, and i have emailed you before. about 3 weeks ago. telling you that i was pregnant and thinking about an abortion. i was going through such a hard time trying to figure out if its what i really wanted to do. i cried every night, thinking about having to kill the baby that is in my tummy, connected to me, through blood. my own child.i had my abortion yesterday. the day after my 18th birthday. i started crying when they were doing the proceedure. i am so heart broken. i knew i would regret it, but i didnt know it would be this hard. and i didnt know that i would ever want her back in my tummy. i came out of the hospital room, my boyfriend and his mom were sitting there, waiting for me. and i acted like everything was fine, like i was happy with the decision i made. im still putting on a smiling face everytime im around them, because for the past month and a half they have been telling me that if i wanted to change my mind, keep my baby, they would be behind me 100%. i though i was making the right choice, for me, and my life. but i really think i made the wrong decision, and its killing me, knowing im going to having to live with it for the rest of my life. i want her back


Oh Sweetie, I am so sorry….I wish I could be there with you to give you my shoulder to cry on….sometimes we are so blinded by fear when we come to making a decision that no one has the right words to reach us and it is only after making a wrong choice that we are able to see that it was the wrong one, sometimes it can be reversed but with the issue of abortion it is permanent and I am grieving for you that it is irreversible….you need to know that you have every right to grieve and feel remorse, just because it was your choice and your decision does not mean that you have to wear a happy face for everyone…after my husband and I were married I was really upset one night, I threw something and it hit one of our wedding gifts and it broke…I made a bad choice, I did the wrong thing, I felt stupid, I could not take it back and even with superglue that gift will never be whole again….I felt like I had no right to be upset about it being broken because after all it was my fault, I know for you the situation is so much more serious, important and costly then what I lost/broke but I want you to know that I understand what it feels like to make wrong choices and have to live with the consequences while feeling trapped like you have no right to grieve or be upset….if you feel like crying, please do so, I will never despise your tears, if you feel like screaming, go outside by yourself or let it out in your pillow or when no one else is home, don’t hold it in, if you are having a good day, do not feel ashamed to smile….grief is a crazy process you may feel a wave of different emotions all throughout the day, may I ask a question? Do you live in the USA? If so here is a number that you can call for FREE and CONFIDENTIAL counseling….1-800-395-HELP, they can give you the info to contact a local Pregnancy Resource Center to you and there are women who volunteer there who have had abortions and they help with counseling….it may be a good start for you, I am here as well, every step of the way, I need you to know that I care and if I were there beside you right now I would wrap my arms around you and hold you as long as you let me…..I would cry with you and be an ear for you to talk to, I would respect your silence and I would open my heart to you and let you know that you are not alone in this battle, I have not aborted but I have been through so much garbage and I have lived with many bad choices I have made….I hope to hear back from you soon, let me be a help, let me walk this rough road with you, you do not have to hurt or suffer alone sweetie!!

Love, Meg

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