I Knew I Would Regret It

by | 2010 | Dear Becky

  Hey there, My name is Meg and I help Becky out on Standupgirl.com, I came across your letter in the inbox and I really wanted to touch base with you, I know you have probably been contacted by now but I can’t stop thinking about your letter. I had a dream last night that […]
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Hey there, My name is Meg and I help Becky out on Standupgirl.com, I came across your letter in the inbox and I really wanted to touch base with you, I know you have probably been contacted by now but I can’t stop thinking about your letter. I had a dream last night that there was a girl standing next to me, she was looking at a picture on the table of another pregnant girl who was going to have an abortion, she kept putting her hands on her own tummy questioning herself, she saw me crying and physically upset about this other girl in the picture and she came up and put her hand on my shoulder and said “I am going to tell my parents that I am pregnant and no matter what happens this baby is going to live” I have no idea if that part of my dream was from your email but I can’t stop thinking about it so I decided to write you and follow up to see how you are….I am here for you, I got pregnant right out of highschool, single and confused, you are not alone and if you have no one else in the world just know that I will be here to support you and help you along…please write me back to let me know you got this letter and to share how you are doing….untill then, much love….meg

Friday, January 29,

hi meg, thank you so much for your email. it really helps me knowing that im not the only one going through this. i cant even begin to tell you how torn i am about this whole thing. i have thought about what it would be like for me to be in this situation, but i never knew that it would be this hard.

Have you come closer to a decision? I mean abortion is permanent, babies grow up and become easier to care for….I just want you to know I am here for you….Love Meg

Monday, February 8,

hey, im doing okay, my appointment is on tuesday, and im extremly nervous and scared. thank you for checking up on me

Have you thought about canceling your appt? What is the one thing that makes you want an abortion and the one thing that makes you hesitate? What are you most nervous about? Love Meg

Wednesday, Febuary 10,

i’m not going to cancel my appointment, im not ready for a responsibility like having a child. the only thing that im nervous about is that i know that i will regret it in the future. and i feel really bad about not giving the little baby inside me a chance to live. but i guess im choosing to be selfish, and its the right decision right now.

I am so sorry for what you are going through right now, you know I jsut recently talked with another girl in your same shoes, she didn’t cancel her appt either, it took about 3 weeks before she hit rock bottom and now she is so desperate to have her baby back, they always say that hind sight is 20/20 and that once you look back, all the fears have an answer…honey, if you know that you will regret it, why do you want to go through with it? The thing that is really hard through an email is that you cannot hear my voice, picture the two of us sitting next to each other on a soft couch in a warm room, there is a candle burning and we both have a cup of tea or cocoa, my voice is soft and gentle and I am talking with you not at you….I am next to you, not standing over you, I reach over and place my hand firmly on yours and look you in the eye with love and gentleness and understanding, with that said I want to tell you again that this does not have to be your way out…don’t ignore that little voice saying let me live, give me a chance, please mommy Stand Up…there is a reason you wrote a letter, you wanted to have your fears and your hesitation confirmed, I am here as your scape goat, I am that one person who will tell you that it is ok to keep your baby or place him/her with another family but you know that ending the life of this baby, your baby is not the answer…abortion is a self destructive action, it is a temporary “fix” but it is going to come back and bite you so hard and I don’t want you to have to carry that burden on your shoulders for the rest of your life the way my other new friend now has to….if she were writing you right now she would say, please listen to Meg, I didn’t, give your child the chance that I did not, the chance to smile, laugh, enjoy the warmth of sunshine, the taste and sensation of eating ice cream…I am here for you step by step just please consider what I have to share with you and do not ignore that plea coming from within you….Love Meg

Wednesday, February 17

hi, im katya, and i have emailed you before. about 3 weeks ago. telling you that i was pregnant and thinking about an abortion. i was going through such a hard time trying to figure out if its what i really wanted to do. i cried every night, thinking about having to kill the baby that is in my tummy, connected to me, through blood. my own child.i had my abortion yesterday. the day after my 18th birthday. i started crying when they were doing the proceedure. i am so heart broken. i knew i would regret it, but i didnt know it would be this hard. and i didnt know that i would ever want her back in my tummy. i came out of the hospital room, my boyfriend and his mom were sitting there, waiting for me. and i acted like everything was fine, like i was happy with the decision i made. im still putting on a smiling face everytime im around them, because for the past month and a half they have been telling me that if i wanted to change my mind, keep my baby, they would be behind me 100%. i though i was making the right choice, for me, and my life. but i really think i made the wrong decision, and its killing me, knowing im going to having to live with it for the rest of my life. i want her back

Oh Sweetie, I am so sorry….I wish I could be there with you to give you my shoulder to cry on….sometimes we are so blinded by fear when we come to making a decision that no one has the right words to reach us and it is only after making a wrong choice that we are able to see that it was the wrong one, sometimes it can be reversed but with the issue of abortion it is permanent and I am grieving for you that it is irreversible….you need to know that you have every right to grieve and feel remorse, just because it was your choice and your decision does not mean that you have to wear a happy face for everyone…after my husband and I were married I was really upset one night, I threw something and it hit one of our wedding gifts and it broke…I made a bad choice, I did the wrong thing, I felt stupid, I could not take it back and even with superglue that gift will never be whole again….I felt like I had no right to be upset about it being broken because after all it was my fault, I know for you the situation is so much more serious, important and costly then what I lost/broke but I want you to know that I understand what it feels like to make wrong choices and have to live with the consequences while feeling trapped like you have no right to grieve or be upset….if you feel like crying, please do so, I will never despise your tears, if you feel like screaming, go outside by yourself or let it out in your pillow or when no one else is home, don’t hold it in, if you are having a good day, do not feel ashamed to smile….grief is a crazy process you may feel a wave of different emotions all throughout the day, may I ask a question? Do you live in the USA? If so here is a number that you can call for FREE and CONFIDENTIAL counseling….1-800-395-HELP, they can give you the info to contact a local Pregnancy Resource Center to you and there are women who volunteer there who have had abortions and they help with counseling….it may be a good start for you, I am here as well, every step of the way, I need you to know that I care and if I were there beside you right now I would wrap my arms around you and hold you as long as you let me…..I would cry with you and be an ear for you to talk to, I would respect your silence and I would open my heart to you and let you know that you are not alone in this battle, I have not aborted but I have been through so much garbage and I have lived with many bad choices I have made….I hope to hear back from you soon, let me be a help, let me walk this rough road with you, you do not have to hurt or suffer alone sweetie!!

Love, Meg






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