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Hi there sweety, it could just be nerves… I usaully get butterflies when I’m anxious/ worried about something.
So just try taking it easy for a while.
Keep us posted,
Eva xoxoxMyangels 🙂 thank you for your reply. And I know all about posts vanishing or being randomly edited lol.
I’ve tried so hard to let go of everything and try to live for today but it’s like the past keeps creeping back in. Aergean keeps telling me that things are better than they were a year ago and I know that he’s right, but this is one thing that’ll never be ok or that I’ll be able to deal with. I know that I’ve tried every possible thing to learn to live again, but it feels like that part of my life has come to a standstill.
Thank you for your prayers.Peace and light,
EvaHi there sweety,
If yr hpts are all coming up neg, a blood test is the only way to be sure right now. I dunno about the passing out, because I never experienced that, but I was very dizzy and nauseas around a certain time of day… this month I was also 4-5 weeks late and then my period showed up when I least expected. So just remember that it could be something else that’s delaying it too.
Just be brave and get a test, so that you know for sure.
Best of Luck!!!!
EvaI don’t know which kills me more… the m/c or the abortion. I blame myself for both, but I know I had more control over the latter of the two.
Sometimes I think I deserve to feel the way I do lately… like I’m slowly losing what’s left of myself, what’s left of my sanity and self respect… I deserve all this pain and sadness and heartache and sometimes I don’t understand why Aergean still loves me.
I don’t deserve him.This hatred and self loathing comes and goes and for a while, I was on topof the world…. now I’m drowning in it again and I don’t want to surface again. Theses last three months and all the negative hpts just pushed me too far. I can’t remember the last time I was sober. I can’t remember the last time I was free from sadness.
I feel so out of touch with reality… or like reality isn’t good enough anymore. I just want to sleep, eternally, so I can be with my angels in heaven. So I have no more sadness, or pain, or anger. I just want to be away from this place where I can’t function straight.I have this insane, burning desire for a child. I don’t think that there’s anyother way to describe it… It’s like my biological clock has started ticking at 20. Naturally, Aergean thinks that this has consumed me so much that it’s all that will make me happy… that it’s become greater and more important than us. I fear that he’s right… I think that on some level, it’s become a deciding factor for me, a determining factor for our relationship.
I know it’s wrong, I know that it shouldn’t be this way… but it is and I don’t know how to change it. It’s become about more than having a baby with Aergean… it’s about any baby to fill the void. Goddess knows, I’m so scared of doing something stupid, something I can’t undo.I just want something to take away the pain and confusion… anything that will help and stop the hurting.
I’m sorry this is so long, I think I just needed to get this out of my system. Thanks for taking time out to read it.
Blessed be,
EvangelineHi there,
Firstly congrats on the pregnancy and for deciding to keep your baby 🙂
and then with regard to telling yr mum… be honest and sincere. Also make sure that you tell them when they’re calm- tension just creates more tension.
Give them a chance to absorb the news and then discuss it calmly. Listen to what they have to say; but since you’ve already come to a decision, make sure they’re aware that you want to keep the baby and how you came to yr decision.
Parents also need reassurance, so make sure they know that you plan on finishing school/ college.
Hope this helped a bit.
Evangeline xoxoxoHi there Hun =)
he shouldn’t be lying to about anything, but especially about something so serious. He doesn’t “HAVE” to lie about anything, he chooses to do so and blaming you for his dishonesty is not on either.
I agree with Enya on this one, I really think you should move back home for a bit, untill yr bf decides to clean up his act and do some growing up too. Yr current situation sounds very unhealthy.Much love and support,
Evangeline xoxoxHun, relax… Stressing isn’t gonna encourage AF to show up.
Just wait it out and then go back to your gp and get a blood test. In the mean time, take care of yourself 🙂
Much love,
E xoxoxHey hunny,
People will always judge and have nasty things to say, because they’re unhappy with their own pathetic lives… ignore them and enjoy yr pregnancy.
Like Enya said… we really are very happy for you and hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy 🙂
Much love,
Eva xoxoxHi sweet pea,
Firstly, I wanna congratulate you again on the pregnancy and then… hun, I know that yr concerned about people thinking you only want this baby to replace Sasha Lou, but both you and Ollie know the truth so please try and push that aside. Sasha knows it too sweety.
This is going to be an amazing time for the two of you and you are allowed to be happy and excited. you are allowed to enjoy this pregnancy and love this baby, without fear of what other closed-minded, judgemental idiots have to say. People will ALWAYS find something to talk about when they are unhappy and unfulfilled, so pay them no attention.
All that matters now is your love for each other and the little angel you’ve been blessed with.
Have a happy and healthy pregnancy,
Much love and support,
Eva xoxoxHi Hun,
I’m sorry to read that yr still going through such a difficult time. I really wish that there was a way to make everything go back to normal, but to be honest, it is a long and often difficult journey to healing.
I fully understand what yo umean when you say that you feel unable to express exactly the way you feel and that you don’t feel you can say everything you need to to your bf (mine sometimes feels offended by the things I say about the way I feel) but you need to let it all out. That means letting out EVERYTHINGyou’ve been bottling up and holding onto these last 9 months.
As you say, your bf is supportive and understanding… He knows that this is still hurting you so much and I’m sure that he also still feels sadness, but just in a different way to you.
I agree with the other girls that you should consider seeing a therapist and perhaps when you’re feeling stronger, think about trying couples therapy.
But, untill you’re ready, you ALWAYS hahve us here at SUG (“,)I really hope that in time you’ll learn to forgive yourself and heal from this.
Much love and support
Evangie xoxoxHi there hun,
I wish I could just give you a huge >>>HUG<<< because I understand the pain you are going through. I made that mistake too, nearly two years ago, and am still dealing with it and learning to heal. I am not religious in the typical christian sense, but I agree with Enya, wherever our babies are, they understand and they have forgiven us... now, we need to learn to forgive ourselves. You are not defined by the decision you made that day. You are allowed to have love and respect for yourself, so please don't harm yourself anymore... I used to be a cutter and a very heavy drinker, I tried to desroy myself as 'punishment' for the abortion, but I know that there's nothing in this world that will bring my baby back to me. With that said, it doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to mourn the loss of your child. You should give yourself the permission to feel the loss, to cry and grieve. You have the right to remember your baby and think about him or her, don't ever let anyone convince you otherwise. Mourning is the first and biggest step toward healing... but as hard as it is, try not to let yourself be consumed by this. Don't isolate yourself or stop doing things you enjoyed before it happened. When you're feeling stronger, try going for therapy. It really does help to talk to someone or to have somone to call when things get too much to handle on your own. And, you ALWAYS have us here on SUG, to listen, comfort and advise whenever you need us. You and your little angel in heaven will be in my thoughts and prayers. Please take care of yourself and stay safe. Love and hugs, Evangeline xoxoxHey Enya, thanks for the support… yr a real angel. I’m going to take an hpt tommorrow and just get it over with, a negative result is probably the worst that can happen.
I hope yr doing well 🙂
Love ya stax.
E xoxoHey there sweety and welcome 🙂
Yr right about pms and preggy symptoms are similar but the only way to be 100% sure is if your period shows up or if you get two little pink lines on an hpt.
Good luck and let us know how it goes.
Hugs, Evangeline.Hi there,
Try waiting a few more days, then take another test. If that’s also neg and yr still ‘feeling pregnant’, then go to the doc and ask for a blood test.
Good Luck,
Evangeline.Hi there, try to hold out untill yr late and then take the test. Also, sometimes you can get a false negative/ false positive response from hpts,so look into getting a blood test, they are seldom wrong.
Good luck,
Evangeline.Firstly, congrats on the baby! 🙂 and with regard to your bf, it sounds like he has alot of growing up to do before this little miracle arrives. I’m not sure how old you guys are, but you’re being so brave and facing up to your responsibilities, he should be able (and willing) to do the same.
The name calling also has to stop, immediately. He’s verbally and emotionally abusing you and it’s definately not ok. You don’t need that in your life and neither does your baby.
In the end, the decision to have him in your and your baby’s life is up to you. You shouldn’t have to consider doing this without him, but it seems he’s left you no other choice. He’s being selfish, immature and disrespectful toward you and things like that don’t vanish over night. Follow your maternal instincts and do whats right for you and your little one.
I hope I’ve managed to help a little 🙂 may you have a wonderful pregnancy.Blessed Be,
Evangeline xoxoxStress, change in diet or environment and medication can cause you to have an irregular period.
The pull out method is NOT contraception and is NOT 100% fool proof. There’s always a chance of falling pregnant if you have unprotected sex and the probibility of pregnancy is increased when you aren’t using any contraception.And please, don’t sound so smug about not using protection or abstaining from sex… you wouldn’t be asking this question of you’d used either of those options. I’d advise you to take an hpt asap and then not have sex untill you’re emotionally ready and mature enough to take proper precautions.
E xoxox
Hey hun, it sounds to me like you’re suffering from deppression and I think you might benifit from speaking to a therapist. I know how hard it is to deal with the loss of a child, the only way you can begin to heal is to find forgiveness and understanding for yourself and your decision. Who you are is not defined by that choice you made a year ago. You have your whole life ahead of you, don’t spend it punishing yourself for something you cannot change. I know it’s easier said than done, but it is possible.
I’m not suggesting that you forget your baby, that’s never going to happen and no one should expect that from you. No matter how you lost your baby, you have a right to mourn him/ her. Activly grieving can really help you deal with the loss. you cannot rewind and change the past, but you can allow past mistakes to help shape you positively and use it as a guide to not repeat those mistakes.You have to speak to your bf about how you’re feeling. Being in arelationship that isn’t going anywhere isn’t fair to either of you and if you still harbour resentment toward him for making you have the abortion, you need to confront it head on.
You have a long life ahead of you and so much to live for, I’m sure that even though your baby loves you, he/she wouldn’t want you to give it all up. Speak to someone you love and trust about these thoughts and feelings of not wanting to be here. Or you can call the suicide hotline in your country.
I really hope that what I’ve said doesn’t sound judgemental, cold or like I’m preaching to you, I really just want to help you as a lot of the girls here have helped and supported me in finding my way back from my ‘black hole’. I wish you everything of the best and most importantly I wish peace and healing for youIf you ever want to chat/ vent, I’m always here.
Much love, Evangeline xoxoxGrief is so complicated and manifests itself in strange ways, please go and see a therapist, I think it’ll really help you to learn how to cope with this loss. It’s not going to happen over night, but with time you’ll learn to remember your baby without feeling all this self hatred and resentment.
You do deserve to be happy and you deserve to live a life filled with love ans success. Don’t deny yourself these things because of misplaced guilt, because I’m sure that your baby would not want his/ her mommy living a half life.
Of course you’re going to feel lost because nothing is going to replace your little one. Allow yourself to grieve, allow yourself to cry but then give yourself permission to begin healing. You cannot live your life blaming yourself for something you had no control over.
I am always here if you need to talk.
Much love, Evangeline xoxoxHey Enya, lots of hugs coming your hun.I’m really sorry for your loss and I hope that in time you will begin to heal and find inner peace, understanding and forgiveness.
You mustn’t blame yourself for what’s happened, you have no control over nature and that does not make you a bad or unworthy mother. Please, always remember that.
Prayers and positive thoughts, E xoxoI think alot of us don’t heal properly, because we don’t feel we have the reight to grieve after having an abortion… The truth is, you are a mother who has a lost a child and you have the right to, and should grieve your loss. Don’t ever let anyone convince you otherwise. You don’t have to forget about your baby in order to heal and move forward 🙂 remember her and love her, it’s your right as a mother.
Hugs and best wishes, E xoxox
Hey sweetheart,
I know how tough this on you, what you’re experiencing is complicated grief associated with P.A.S.S. In time, you’re therapist will teach you some techniques to help you deal with these emotions. While you’ll never forget what happened, you’ll be able to cope a bit better.
I know it’s not what you want to hear, because you don’t want any other baby but Sasha-Lou, but one day you will be able to experience motherhood, without your parents being able to force you into anything.
You can’t go through life blaming yourself and feeling guilty for this, because in all honesty, it wasn’t your decision. You did what you did because you weren’t given another option. This doesn’t reflect on you, your character or your future ability to be a mother. You’re a strong, intelliigent and beautiful young girl, with a bright future ahead of you.About your friend, talk to her. Just be honest about how you’re feeling, as your friend she sould be able to try to understand what you’re going through. Also, try not to get too involved in the all the preparation like buying clothes, chosing names etc honestly, it’s not going to help you right now. Stick to your therapy 🙂 lots of hugs and good luck!
E xoxoxHi there, I can understand how hurt and angry you are about what you found out. People make silly decisions sometimes, without thinking how it might affect others later on. Only you can decide how you feel about your stiuation, but perhaps some therapy can help clarify and process some of the emotions you’re dealing with.
