My friend recommended this site to me. She said that it helped her heal from her decision, and although mine was almost 10 years and 8 months ago now, time, and pro-life advocacy groups have done nothing for the wound. I guess my story starts on the second worst day of my life. June 26th 2015.
I was taking a few summer courses to assist my goal of early graduation, and leaving a study group late I was attacked and sexually assaulted. I was in shock, I never thought that something like that could happen to me. I never put myself in the situations where that was a risk. I didn’t report for a week. I thought if I just stayed inside until the bruises faded enough to be covered by make-up and went about my world it would be like it never happened. I told no one but my priest, who tried to assure me that it wasn’t my fault and that my purity was not in question before God, and things started to return to some form of normal. My priest talked me into reporting, and I was seeing a catholic counselor, things weren’t okay, but it was starting to feel like it was going to be.
Than my world began crashing down to the paramount worst day of my life. It started when I noticed that I was having some pretty strong mood swings. I dropped a jar of apple jelly I had just bought and sat on my kitchen floor and cried for an hour over it. My counselor told me not to worry, those kinds of mood swings are normal for sufferers of post traumatic stress, so I brushed it off. Then my lower back started to hurt like…well it hurt bad. I brushed off the pain as pre-period cramps. I had gotten them in the past, and my doctor wanted to put me on birth control to ebb them, but being a roman catholic that was not an option to me. Then I had pain in my hips, like someone was pulling me apart. I excused that as my body reacting to the massive ramp up in my workout, my way of dealing with the trauma of the attack.
Pregnancy didn’t even hit my thoughts until July, 18 2015. I got up as I usually did and made my routine cup of Irish Breakfast Tea, sweetened with a little honey, and softened with cream. The moment I picked up the cup to take a drink and the smell met my nose, I dropped the cup on the kitchen floor and ran to the bathroom. At first I thought it was a stomach bug, but when I was perfectly fine a couple of moments later the thought of pregnancy hit me like a sack of bricks.
I called a friend, who called a mutual friend, and they came bearing ginger ale, Snickers minis, and a pregnancy test. We sat up all night talking about the possibilities, and the options. It was nice to not be alone the following morning, but it was still the worst day of my life when I saw the test line practically glow before the control line started to form. And that’s the worst day of my life, July,19 2015. That’s the day where on the bathroom floor, crying so hard I couldn’t pick up my head, for six hours considering the “options”.
I spent the next three days trying to come up with justifications and explanations for each one. Keeping the baby was not an option. Where on one hand I knew this child was half me, weighing so heavily on the other was it was also half my attacker, and the sight of it would be a constant reminder of everything that was taken from me almost a month ago.
This is all I can write for now, I am going to drown my keyboard if I keep going. I hope this helps someone. If it impacts you please let me know.
When I was young I’ve always ask my mom what’s the feeling of pregnant, she always says, “It’s very hard because I couldn’t do what I’ve ever wanted. Like drinking soda, eating my favorite junk foods. But in the other side of my mind, it’s very good feeling in a mom’s heart. When the time for me to give birth of to my child, I would feel happiness. During childbirth, I saw in my mom’s face the pain, that’s when I promised to myself that I will never be a mother because I think that it is very painful. But now that I am giving birth to a child I understand what my mom told me before, it is very good in feeling to be a mother but it is hard being pregnant.
I was 18 years old when I’d only been dating my then – boyfriend for a year. We’d used condoms each time we had sex, until one night he asked me one question; “Are you afraid to go without one?” In the heat of the moment, already in position, I said “no.” Ever since then, he never wanted to wear them again; he said he couldn’t feel anything with it. Sometimes I didn’t want to be intimate in that matter, but somehow he persuaded me and I wasn’t on birth control. One day, my period was late and I called him. I’d never been late before so all I told him is that I needed to tell him something when I saw him. When we were together face to face, I told him that I’d missed my period. He said he thought I might call him and then asked me if I thought I was pregnant. I told him that I didn’t know. We went to a local drugstore and picked up a pregnancy test. As I took the test awaiting the results, the display read, “positive.” I was numb and couldn’t process the reality. He asked me what I wanted to do. My numbness turning into confusion and thinking about how disappointed my mother would be, I told him that I couldn’t have the baby. We took a drive to see my cousin, which was his friend and he told him that I was pregnant. The first thing he asked me was if I was 18 and if I wanted to get rid of it. My emotions were drastically changing and fear was rushing in. I told him yes.
I kept thinking about my babies and praying for forgiveness. I kept thinking that I was a horrible person as I replayed the thought in my head that I killed my children. I took my mother’s grand babies away. There are women who can’t even have children. I had no peace. I still couldn’t forgive myself even though God had. I’d repented of my sin as I was on my knees in tears for God to forgive me. Yet, memories were still there. Several years later, I felt like I needed to share my story with another close relative, afterward, I felt more relief. I almost felt free. I joined a Christian group to prepare for future marriage and did a challenge developed to break cycles. I decided to break the cycle of feeling guilt and shame for my abortions. The 1st day I did a fast and each day of the challenge I was able to overcome a new thing. I kept praying and by a certain date, I was freed.
More to read:
My abortion story at 17
Sophmore in College
StandUpGirl More Real Stories
My story starts when I was 11. I was being raped by someone I knew. The day after I turned 12 I found out I was about 6 1/2 months pregnant. I was so scared I didn’t know what to do. They had to tell my father he was so sad.
We hid it from my mother as long as we could but when she found out she took me away from my father. Shortly after my father almost died, he slipped into a coma and the doctors said he wouldn’t make it. I had so much to think about, possibly losing my father and also adoption or keeping my child… I was so confused I looked into adoption and even found a family but they knew I wasn’t sure on my decision.
I decided to keep my child and on 12/25/16 my son Joaquin was born. On 12/23/16 my father woke up from a coma able to talk and had his memory. We stayed in the hospital for 5 days before we were able to go home. Within 8 months I was in foster care because my mom didn’t want me and soon after my son went in to. I went through the system for a few years they tried sending me home to my mothers it just didn’t work out. Eventually a judge sent me to my father I was so happy! My father fought with everything he had to get me. My son lived with my mom and I saw him everyday he even stayed some nights with us.
In may of 2017 my father passed away I forced to go back to my moms house. I was in and out of her house because she didn’t want me there and on July 25 of 2017 I went back into foster care and am now living in a transitional living program, my son still lives with my mom. I’m currently working on the process to do a 3rd party guardianship till I’m able to get my own place and do it all on my own. I talk to my son everyday and see him every weekend Friday to Monday when I go home to visit. I am currently in college about to finish my first quarter. There is so much more to my story but its just so much to write.
I found out I was pregnant when I was 19 years old. I was in love with the guy called Sam, and we had an argument. I met this really nice guy, Israel. He was really sympathetic about what had happened, and we started meeting up quite a lot. Then, after five months, he came up to me and said he liked me more than a friend, and I agreed. We dated for about a year, then we decided to bring ourselves closer together.
Israel lay me down on my bed and we had sex. After a week, I woke up feeling kind of nauseous. I had a pill and went back to bed. A week after, I decided to take a pregnancy test. It came out positive, so I told my parents. They were shocked, and said I was too young. They threw me out, so I went to live with Israel. Then Sam came up to me and said he wanted to get back together. That was yesterday. I’m seven months pregnant, and I decided to dump Sam and say it’s Israel’s baby. He got really mad and doesn’t want to see me ever again.
Hi. I’m 17. And a few days ago I found out I was pregnant. I’m nervous, I don’t know how to tell my mom. I’m scared of how she will react. And the money isn’t the best right now. I don’t want her to hate me, we have problems anyways. I am just so scared to tell her and see how she will react. We fight a lot anyways. Can anyone give advice on how to bring it out and tell her, like what should I say? anything would help right now..
More Resources:
Podcast – How to tell my parents I am pregnant
