Becky,
I am so glad I found your website. I am a 22 year old college student that became pregnant in May of 2001. It was very unexpected. My fiance had been wanting me to get pregnant, but this was bad timing for me. I knew that if I had the baby, I most likely would not finish college, and I could not risk losing my career in nursing. I was not married yet, and I was just plain scared. I constantly looked things up on the net about abortion because I was not sure what I wanted to do. Unfortunately, I made the decision not to keep it. And that is why I would like for every girl that is in the same situation to hear my story.
You don’t think that it will be that bad afterwards. You think that life has somehow got to go on. And it does, but with a lot of pain.
I still have bad memories of the place I went to. It was nasty, understaffed, smelled strange; they had to do an ultrasound to see where the baby was laying. I saw that little bitty figure on the screen and that figure has remained in my mind ever since. The nightmares are bad enough that I wake up terrified and sometimes screaming.
And now when women that I know bring their newborns around, my heart just sinks. I’ve gone through major depression over my decision to take my child’s life and I have had to be put on antidepressants. I never knew the decison would affect me as bad as it has.
My fiance and I have been together now for almost 4 years. He did not agree with my decision, but he simply blocks it out now. My family on the other hand, supported me with either decision I made. I have also talked to my preacher and a few more spirtual people, and they have explained a few things to me, to help me understand it better.
I felt that it would have been a boy, so I went ahead and named him Thomas, which is what my fiance and I had agreed upon.
Becky, I would really appreciate it if you would include my story on your website so that others can get a feeling of what it’s like. I just want to be able to let other girls know what they are getting into if abortion is what they decide to do. Thank you so much.
Crystal
Dear Crystal,
I am so sorry to hear of the pain and grief you’ve been through since your abortion. Thank you for sharing your experiences. It is so important for girls to hear the whole truth of what abortion really is and what it can do to you. So many girls, driven by fear mainly, make a quick decision, have an abortion and end up really regretting it later on. It is not the “quick fix” that they thought it would be. It affects their lives for a long, long time, and they’re not sure how to get over it.
It is normal and good for you to grieve your child. You need to go through that in order to start the healing process. Naming your child was a beautiful thing to do. By calling him “Thomas” and not just “the baby” you are acknowledging him more personally….as your son. His life here on earth was short, but he will always be a part of you. Many girls just try and stuff the whole ordeal deep down inside of them. They find it too hard to deal with. You are taking the healthier route by dealing with your true feelings about your abortion now. It hurts, I know, but it is better to deal with it head on, right now.
Pray for peace in your heart. God wants to heal your pain.
Dear Becky,
My situation is kind of different, but after reading your site tonight, I felt I had to write. On January 23rd, I found out I was pregnant. I’m twenty years old, just barely making it by financially, and unmarried. My fiance and I have not purchased a house yet, nor even begun to plan our wedding. I didn’t understand how I could be pregnant – I was on the depo shot! It’s not supposed to happen that way. My fiance and I spent many nights in tears trying to figure out what to do. I desperately wanted my baby with all of my
heart. I knew she was a girl, and I knew I needed her. My fiance wanted me to have an abortion, “we can have children later on” was his argument.
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Becky,
Your website address was in my church’s bulletin this week, and I am so glad that I visited your site. It is amazing how one person can positively touch the lives of many. My sister was that person for me.
I became pregnant at 19, and I was very alone. My boyfriend’s option was abortion, and when I wouldn’t agree, he abandoned us. I had no idea how I was going to support myself and my baby, or how I was going to finish college and accomplish the high goals I had set out for myself. Success was so important for me; I had just graduated a year before as valedictorian of my high school. I only knew what was in my heart, and that the love I had for my unborn baby was tremendous. My mother ended up kicking me out of my parents house over a quarrel unrelated to the pregnancy. I moved in with my sister and her family.
I was so confused and afraid. I didn’t tell anyone for a while, even my sister. I went to the doctor regularly, but I just couldn’t tell anyone for fear that they would be disappointed with me. Luckily, I finally told my sister and her husband and they were very supportive. Instead of judging me for my “failure”, my sister and brother-in-law actually congratulated me!
It wasn’t so easy to tell my parents. My mother started yelling while my dad cried. It was such a surprise to them!
My sister taught me how to love and appreciate your children, and how to be a good parent. My nephew had just been born, so I learned all of the baby basics first hand. My sister was my lamaze coach, and I do not know how I could have gone through labor without her. My brother-in-law video taped the pregnancy and my father was in the delivery room. My dad was the first one to hold my son, and their bond has been huge ever since.
After I stopped crying looking at the result of that pregnancy test, I became overwhelmed with the fantastic idea of a little being growing inside me. I was depressed during the pregnancy, but I had so many positive things in my life to even it out. Not everyone is as fortunate, not seeing the good out of the situation.
Labor was neither fun, nor bearable, but so extremely worth the sacrifice. It is so hard to explain the love that I have for my son to people who do not have children. I love him like I take a breath; it is so natural and necessary for me to live. He has improved my life beyond words. I am no longer selfish and self-destructive. I try to see the good out of everyone and every situation. He can change my mood with a simple smile or “mommy, I love you.” I would do it all over again without hesitation.
I have never received any support, financial or otherwise from my son’s father. Somehow I managed. While it took my seven years to graduate college, I did and can’t imagine being any happier if I had finished in four. There are no limitations on what you can accomplish if your goals are for love.
I hope that just one person is able to hear my story and at least reconsider what choices they have. I had always been pro-choice until I dreamt I was pregnant in high school. Just knowing that the baby was growing inside me changed my standpoint and my life.
Success-driven women and teens are so quick to turn off their emotions and do the “logical” thing. Logic plays no role in love. One question to ask yourself is if you will be able to live with decision in ten years?
Shannon
Dear Shannon,
Your story is just so uplifting! Thank you for sharing it with me. It is so full of hope and encouragement.
You stood up for what you knew was right and God has blessed you for it! What seemed to be an impossible situation has been turned into something beautiful. You were able to reconcile with your family. How wonderful. Your
sister and her husband were there when you most needed them. They must be really special people. Finding support can be very difficult, but it is SO important! We really need to pray for the girls out there who don’t have any
support and reach out to them in any way we can.
You also went on to finish university. What an awesome accomplishment that is! You were able to achieve the goals you had set out. Many girls think that they have to give that all up if they have a baby. You have proven that
to be untrue!
You made the right decision and you have been and will continue to be blessed.
Dear Becky,
I was wandering through the web and found your website. What a wonderful place for young girls and women to find out the truth. I thought I would share my story and hopefully it will help other young women facing this crossroad in their life.
My name is Suzan and I am 48 years old. The year I turned 20 I was pregnant, unmarried and had a very active sex life. This was also the year of “Roe vs Wade” and when I went to the “WhiteBird Clinic” and had my options laid out before me. I was at first excited about being pregnant..that soon turned to fear and some of my “friends & family” let me know how foolish I was thinking about keeping the baby, raising a child on my own…etc.
So on my 20th birthday, February 25, 1974 I was in a clinic listening to the sound of a motor next to my bed, as they “vacuumed my uterus.” That was after they had inserted a 1 inch piece of seaweed in my cervix the day before so that I would miscarry the baby.
I suffered for months with the guilt and shame…then convinced myself that I had done the right thing. Don’t ask me how I had come to that conclusion, my only excuse is that was the “women’s rights movement theory”.
Two years later I was living with a man who had 4 children and helping him to raise them. We had originally decided that when we married we would have at least one child of our own. Then he decided that “marriage” wasn’t something he wanted and children…he already had 2 biological and 2 adopted, so he didn’t want anymore and had a vasectomy.
Two weeks later we learned I was pregnant. That was in August of 1977. I was elated and he was angry. He said, “You can have the baby but I won’t help and I won’t recognize this child or you can have an abortion, stay with me and raise my children as your own.” I once again faced this horrible dilema, alone.
I am not proud of my decision to have an abortion and I realize that the only person responsible for my decision was me. I became a coward that day and I became a willing victim, shamefully so. I stayed with this man for 13 1/2 years (unmarried because he didn’t believe in marriage) and in August of 1990 I left him.
In April of 1991 I met my future husband and learned what a real man is made of. We both decided that he would have his vasectomy reversed and started saving for that operation.
In March of 1993 I awoke to a very strange sensation, I was hemorraging. I had an emergency hystrectomy and lost all hope of ever having a child. The doctor told me that I had developed “endemetriois” because of a “perforated uterus”. This was caused by my abortion…My arms are empty and I had been given two chances of life and chose death on both occasions.
Since 1993 I have struggled with this and in 1997 my husband and I joined the Catholic Church, where I found peace, love and joy.
I share my story with you in hopes that some young or older person reads it and learns that the “choices” we make today affect all of our tomorrows.
God Bless,
Suzie
Dear Suzie,
Your story is a sad one. I’m sorry to hear of all the pain and sorrow you have been through. Girls need to be told the truth of the physical consequences of having an abortion, as well as the emotional ones. They are not given the whole truth before they undergo the terrible “procedure” of abortion. They should be. Many girls don’t have a clue what they are getting themselves into.
Girls need to hear the realities they may have to deal with even years after their abortion, but they also need to hear that they can be healed of their pain, grief and guilt. God is there with open arms. He will not hold His love back from anyone. You have been able to find peace, love and joy, finally after so many years. What a blessing that must be for you! God is so good.
Luv,
Becky,
I guess I found your site a little too late. I had an abortion last Friday. My baby is gone now, and I am trying to find a way to keep on living without her.
I haven’t really found anyone else who has written to you that has done what I have done. Maybe if someone reads this, they won’t make the same mistake I did.
I dated Eddie for about two years, my last two years of college. We sort of broke things off when I graduated… I wanted to be on my own and do my own thing – focus on my great new job and my new found independence. Part of my new found ‘independence’ was this great guy, Mike.
Mike and I dated for about a month. I’m not the kind of girl that ever jumped into bed with anyone, but Mike was different. He was new, exciting, and he was so handsome, charming, really funny. Something about him drew me to him, and I still remember that night. As soon as we were ‘finished,’ I just knew. It was so odd. I just knew I was pregnant. That instant, that moment, I could feel that I was changed. I knew I was having a baby and it was a little girl. It was as if she let me know she was coming.
Four weeks and three days later, I took a pregnancy test. When it showed positive, I wasn’t surprised. I was completely numb. I’d been trying to push that voice out of my head for a while. I just called my best friend from college. How would I tell my parents? How would my new boss feel about a single girl being knocked up? Who would ever want to marry me? A 24 year old girl with a kid. I finally called Mike. He came right over and he told me – he didn’t want a kid. He’s 28, has an all right job, I’m 24 with a good job too, but he still didn’t think we’d be able to give this baby the things he never had. I’d always had everything I needed, so I didn’t understand. He told me I couldn’t understand, just to trust him. Besides, we hardly knew each other. How would we raise a baby together?
So, I agreed. Four days later, I went and I had this ‘procedure’ done. I was still so numb from finding out I was pregnant that I still had no idea what I was doing. Don’t get me wrong… Mike was great through the whole thing… so supportive, so patient. Really worried about me and whether I was okay. I figured, okay, so this baby can’t ‘feel’ yet. That part of its sensory system hasn’t developed yet, not at five weeks, so as long as I wasn’t putting the baby in pain, I would be doing the right thing. Right?
I guess two days ago it hit me. How was I ever going to forgive myself? I took away someone’s life because I was so worried about someone marrying me later on. Afraid of how my boss would look at me, afraid of my parents’ disappointment. Selfish reasons. Afraid that Mike might be right – not being able to give a child everything they needed. But wouldn’t the baby, more than anything, just need a chance at life? That’s the one thing I didn’t give it. A chance to live.
I can’t explain to you the hurt I feel. The guilt, and the pain. Please I beg of anyone out there, spare yourself the anguish, and spare your baby’s life. Just please, give her a chance. If I could change just one mind, give one other baby the chance at life, maybe I could forgive myself for getting rid of my little girl. The little girl that was so special that when she was conceived, I could almost hear her whisper, telling me she was on her way.
Ann
Dear Ann,
My heart aches for you as you grieve your little one. I’m so sorry that you have had to go through this. So many girls panic when they find themselves facing an unplanned pregnancy. They want an easy solution to a really tough situation. What they don’t realize is that abortion is NOT an easy solution…it is not merely a “procedure” comparable to getting a tooth out; it is the taking of an innocent life. It is killing, and the grief and pain that comes from it is very intense.
Many girls think that once they have the abortion, they can just pick up where they left off and their lives can return to normal. This is far from true. There is no way to go back in time. Whether you have your baby or not, your life will be changed forever!
You can be healed, though. Turn to God and He will console you in your emptiness and pain. He loves you very deeply. He wants to heal and renew you. He wants to make you whole again.
You will be in my prayers.
Luv,
Dear Becky,
My name is Lynzie and I recently celebrated my seventeenth birthday at the end of January. I am also 31 weeks pregnant. One day I was on the internet and I am always looking for information to help me along with my pregnancy, that’s how I stumbled upon your incredible website. I just wanted to share my story.
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