Dear Becky-
I am a junior in high school, popular, cheerleader. I live with my mom and she has always supported me in everything I do. My dad on the other hand, just married his 6th wife and, as usual, his children get booted out and the new wife and her family will move in. My father and I have just recently become closer and I know he wouldn’t be okay with the fact that I am 17 and pregnant. yesterday I went to the doctors for concussion symptoms from a cheer leading event, and she takes me into the other room and gives me the news..we told my mom and she is 100% supportive.
She wants me to have an abortion and I thought I did too, and I know that is what my boyfriend of 3 years wants too. I just don’t know now. I am in my 9th week, and out of curiosity I read about that point in a pregnancy and how the baby has elbows and bones are forming etc and it is killing me to know that in a few weeks time I may kill what I have created. granted I would never intentionally bring a child into this world knowing I couldn’t take care of s/he and give them the best life possible, it’s just not the right time but I don’t know how to cope with aborting this baby. Please do you have any supporting information or guidance for me? ANYTHING will help. Thank you so much, Monica.
Dear Monica, If your mom is truly 100% supportive then she will support you in your pursuits to parent your child….It may not happen right away, she may be very angry with you and do and say all she can to get you to have an abortion but it IS your choice right? If you want to choose life for your child then she cannot LEGALLY stop you….You are still a minor so she also cannot LEGALLY withhold provisional needs from you either….No threats like, if you don’t abort I will not pay for you to go to the dentist etc…things like that….As your parent she is OBLIGATED to provide your needs….She cannot force you into an abortion, she can drag you to a clinic kicking and screaming but they cannot TOUCH you or MAKE you do ANYTHING without YOUR approval….Many girls do not know this and they go through with the abortion just to make everyone else happy and it slowly kills them inside for the rest of their lives….I do not want that for you….Just give this time, make your decision, Stand Up for the life of YOUR child and press on for the most important journey yet in life! Here is a great resource that can help you with local help, http://www.optionline.org/ , enter your postal code into the site and it will give you the contact info for the closest Pregnancy Resource Center to you where you can get FREE and CONFIDENTIAL help….I know you can make it through this with or without the support of your mom, dad or bf….Many girls have done it before and in most situations, the mom WILL come around in the end and be the most proud and excited grandma ever! It won’t be easy but that is just life, we all have ups and downs and when we run from things that are consequences for our own actions, it just buries our problems and we never solve them! Embrace your child and learn from this situation and go on to better yourself as you love your baby!
Dear Becky-
Thank you soooo sooo much! This is so helpful to me, I went through the first day of not wanting a baby, the next day was would it really be a bad thing? and now I am just about sure that this is what god some way some how had planned for me … it is already killing me inside to even think of killing something so precious that so many people pray all their lives for, and I know this is my opportunity. Thank you again Becky, you’ve helped me more than you may know!
Dear Monica-
So is this a YES you are going to Stand Up and be a Mommy? I am so proud of you….Like I said, this is not going to be easy, its not like a fairy tale but you are right, Somewhere in the mix of things this is Gods plan for you….Maybe He would have wanted to bless you with this child later down the road in His perfect will for you but like me, you took your life into your own hands and made decisions that brought a baby a little sooner and I call that God’s permissive will….it was not His first plan for you but He also promises to work it all together for good and I promise you that He has done just that for me! The most important thing I learned and still practice to this day is that if I make a mistake or do something wrong…if I do my best to do the right thing after the fact God will step in and help me…Two wrongs don’t make a right. You take this first step of faith and God WILL move! I am here to help you along the way and I hope you will keep me informed….You should really visit that pregnancy center and have them help you write up a plan for the next several months, maybe showing your mom on paper, all the things you plan to do in spite of your circumstances will help change her perspective as well….
Dear Becky-
I agree completely , and I spoke to her about all of this and, yes I am going to be a mommy! We both agreed no one negative will be in my child’s life, or mine. Anyone who doesn’t want to be around is not needed, I truly believe everything will work out for the best…and I will keep you updated most definitely. There is a organization, a school actually that my mom thinks I should look into for senior year called, Project Teach, where I will be able to bring my baby with me everyday and there is day care while I have classes and I will also have classes everyday on parenting along with my baby, have you heard of this? I think it could be really great..anyways thank you so much for being here for me and I’ll keep you updated every step of the way!
Oh Monica, I am so happy!!! I am so glad for you that your mom is going to be by your side through this and Project Teach sounds like a great opportunity! I have heard of many schools with daycare’s, I think different states, towns, cities etc. each have their own programs, but I have no doubt that you will do well and that your positive outlook will help you stay on track!!! So do you know when your due date is?
Love- Becky
Hello,
I know it may not be Becky who gets this, so to whoever gets it :),
I have had an account on this site for a long time and first off I want to say thank you for all the help and support this site has given me. I could never begin to explain how happy I am that I found this site.
The reason I am writing today is to say that I come across so many profiles on here of girls that are struggling with the decision to have an abortion or not. I myself had an abortion in 2009 when I just finished high school. Because I made a terrible mistake and didn’t know if the baby was my boyfriends or another guys baby, I knew I “had” to go through with the abortion to keep my boyfriend.
What I know now that I wish I knew then is that I could have kept the baby and raised the baby with or without the help of a man..
Since the abortion I have become pregnant and had a beautiful baby boy with the same boy I had an abortion to keep. Do not get me wrong, my boyfriend never told me I had to get an abortion, he was furious but understood none the less.
I want to be able to have some way to get to these girls before they make the decision I did and have to live with it the rest of their lives..Ii really think I can get through to some of these girls. I am really willing to poor my heart and soul into this because I feel so strongly about this. I’m not sure how to go about being able to talk to all these girls but if you could help me in finding a way I would really appreciate it.
I would still like it if you could tell me another way I can talk to these girls.
Thank you so much for your time and I hope I can help…. Kim
Hi Becky, I live in Nigeria and am 24 yrs old, my story is very long, so I will summarize it, ok? I just discovered that am 5 weeks pregnant and there is a lot of problems now because I don’t even know the particular guy that owns the baby, I have two guys I am dating, my parents are very strong Christians and can’t tolerate me bringing in pregnancy, and I have just told the first guy which I believe I loved so much and he is asking me to go for abortion. What do I do now now?????
Dear Friend, Have you told your parents yet? Have you seen a doctor and confirmed your pregnancy? Abortion may seem like a quick fix, like sweeping dirt under a rug, when you lift the rug, the dirt is still there….Having an abortion is not like restarting your computer and going back to the original setting, your body will forever have been pregnant and there are physical consequences that often follow abortion…A real man will take responsibility and not offer a coward suggestion……….
I know if you stick through this that together we can find resources in your area, I am unfamiliar with Nigeria but I do know that when there is a will there is a way, Your parents were able to bring you life and care for you, your boyfriends parents were able to bring him life and care for him so it is possible that you can find a way to bring this child life and care for him/her, If you live in a depressed area with few resources adoption is always a good route to take, it allows you to carry your child to term and allow them to live, you will avoid the abortion associated medical risks and have peace of mind that you made the best of your situation, here is a website where you can look into options, https://www.bethany.org/, here is another website that talks more about adoption…. https://loveschoice.com/ ,Look, you are 24, you are a grown woman, you are more than capable of being a loving mother, you just have to find the will to do this! I was pregnant before I got married, it was hard but I did it…You can too! I hope to hear back from you and that you will let me be your friend through this time!
Becky, thanks so much for your words, though I have not told my parents, which I know would be a scene and a very bad one for me, but there is no option than to let them know, I have been to the hospital and they confirmed me being pregnant, you know what, yesterday my guy came looking for me and reassured me that he is not ready for any pregnancy now, he gave me 50,000 Naira (about 400 dollars) for the abortion, I collected the money, but I have made up my mind to bring my baby to life and care for him/she. Thanks so much for your encouragements, you make me stronger. I wish you knew Nigeria, there are so many young girls out here facing similar issues like, oh I wish I could set a foundation to tackle and advise/encourage them like you are doing to me.
Becky Dear, I will have my baby come what may. Waiting to hear more from you. God bless you. I have also visited the website you gave me, the are wonderful.
Hi again, I am so happy and proud of you! If you take your will power, give your child life and set a new example of doing the right thing I assure you, you CAN and WILL reach the other women in Nigeria, You are the key, You are the ticket! With your parents being Christians they should be forgiving, they should see the sanctity of your child, they should value his/her life, sure they may be disappointed and even angry but give them time! You just do what is right in the here and now and leave the rest in Gods hands! If Mary would have had an abortion we would not have a Savior! Who knows who your child will grow up to be, now you will get to find out and you will NEVER regret this life coming to be! I am here for you and I will continue to be here, to be a friend, a listening ear, I can offer suggestions or just listen to how your day was but I am here! Congratulations Mommy, You will do a wonderful job and just remember that God has entrusted this child to your care for a reason!
Dear Becky, I’m excited to have someone like you for support! My due date is January 30th. Your story is incredible and I look up to you for the way you have learned to live. You are a very good person and have a lot to offer! I wish more people knew about you and the website. I have recently been involved in a pregnancy center in my area. I had to get proof of pregnancy for medicaid so I went to them.
I am actively involved in a program they have called “Earn While You Learn”. I go every week for and hour or so. I watch a video, do a work sheet,and receive homework for the week. I earn “baby bucks” to spend in a boutique they have full of baby things and necessities. I am currently saving them all until after the baby shower.
I am still looking for a job. I have a good chance at a gas station. I am waiting to hear back from them. I am on Food stamps, Medicaid and WIC. I just applied for cash assistance. Now waiting for a letter in the mail stating weather or not I was approved. Thank you for all your advice and help. I also hope we stay in touch! 🙂
I just wanna thank everyone for posting their stories. I am a young girl who always dreamed of being a parent but, of course when the time was right. I could always picture a perfect picture with beautiful kids. I wanted to give my child so much more than I got. Well recently I found out I was pregnant an right away I told my self I was getting an abortion an I wasn’t going to let any one change my mind. I know I’m to young an wont be able to give my child as much as I want. After I left the clinic finding out I was pregnant I called an abortion clinic an made an appointment for the soonest day they could get me in. witch was in one week. A couple days after I made that appointment I was feeling really sick an short breath so I went into the emergency room were they took an ultrasound to see if they could see anything wrong. That’s when I started feeling like I was only thinking of abortion to make every one else around be satisfied.
The ultrasound lady then told me there was not just one in my belly there are two. after I found that out it made everything 10 times harder. I felt twice as bad. I just kept thinking to my self,” Wow God is giving me two babies… He’s trusting I can do this, how could I possibly not have them?” I felt special an different since most girls don’t get blessed with twins. I told my mom the next day that I can’t go through with the abortion (which she wanted me to get) & actually she was happy an told me after she found out there were two an saw those precious little things inside me she wanted me to keep them. It made me feel so good inside because all I wanted and needed was just one person to tell me to keep them, an I knew I would.. It was even better it came from my mother. Now the downside is the babies father isn’t very happy with the decision at all. Its really hard for me to deal with because I love him an want nothing more for him to be there apart of there life an be happy. But I just tell my self weather I have them or not he could leave.. An I would rather be with my little babies then ANYTHING! today is my first appointment for my abortion where I guess they talk to you an prepare you.. An I’m not going. I feel my relationship with my baby’s father is already over because if I went through with the abortion I would hate him for letting me an I know the stress of two baby’s would eventually break us apart. So I decide to keep them and the main reason was because I saw all your girls post and it opened my eyes and made me realize I could do this.
I am going through a hard time at the moment so I wanted to share my story. Just over a month ago I found out that I was about 5 weeks pregnant, I was so surprised because I had unprotected sex so many times and nothing had happened so I guess I considered myself “broken” in that department.
My partner of almost 7 years found out about the pregnancy and was extremely unhappy- in fact he told me that if I had this baby then he would leave me. We are both only 22 and he told me that we weren’t ready and had to have a house, make more money etc before we even think about having kids. I tried to tell him that maybe having a baby would be a good thing and make us grow up but every time I tried to mention it he wouldn’t want to listen.
I went to see my GP and told her that I was thinking about an abortion, she had to give me blood tests and send me off to have an ultrasound before she could refer me to the clinic so I did that. I had my ultrasound when I was 7 weeks pregnant and to be honest I couldn’t see much except the little formation of a baby, it really did touch my heart. I spent the next couple of weeks thinking about what to do, I knew if I kept this baby then i’d have to give up my life with my partner, I also knew that I had a lot of growing up to do and that I wasn’t ready to look after a baby. I saw a counselor who pretty much told me to do what I want to do. I tried to get advice from my parents, friends, colleagues and they all said something similar- “do what your heart tells you to do” “what ever decision you make is the right one”.
Week 8 of my pregnancy I went to the abortion clinic where I was there for 3 hours. First I had to see a counselor who asked me about 20 times if I was sure this is what I wanted to do, then I had to see a doctor who went through the procedure with me, then finally I had to see a nurse who booked an appointment for the abortion.
My abortion was all booked in. For the week waiting for it I had so many emotions going through my head, when you are pregnant your whole body changes and you do have a connection with the baby. There were times when I wanted to back out and keep the baby and times when I knew I was doing the right thing because of the situation I’m in now.
Less than 24 hours ago I was just over 9 weeks pregnant and thought I was making the right decision and got to the hospital ready to have the abortion. They called my name and bought me into a waiting room with about 9-10 other girls who were having an abortion that same day. The doctors and nurses were very friendly and comforting. We got shown to our beds where we were given pills and sedatives to make us relax. There was a certain pill that had to be taken to make your muscles relax so it was easier for the doctor to do the procedure- the nurse told me that after that pill is taken then there is no changing my mind as the pill can cause a miscarriage. She handed me the pill and I looked at it for a second, I swallowed it and at that moment I did feel a sense of loss- I knew there was no going back.
The doctor called me in to the room and I lay on the operating table, I got given a local anesthetic in my cervix and within literally 3 minutes the procedure was all done- my baby had been taken out 🙁 At the time because I had so much medication I didn’t really have much emotion about it because I was so “drugged up” but when I got home that’s when things started to sink in.
I started feeling guilty and upset, I felt a real sense of loss and emptiness. My world just didn’t feel the same anymore. I know I made a mistake and now there is no going back. I just can’t help wondering what my baby would have been like, it is that strangest feeling knowing that it was growing inside of you and then it suddenly being taken away. I know now that if I could go back then I would.
I know that what I did was immature and down right stupid and now I have to live the rest of my life thinking “what if?” and living with the hurt and guilt of what I did. In my opinion giving life to a beautiful baby- YOUR baby- will probably be the best thing that could ever happen to you. I really hope that no one has to feel the way that I do.
