I am going through a hard time at the moment so I wanted to share my story. Just over a month ago I found out that I was about 5 weeks pregnant, I was so surprised because I had unprotected sex so many times and nothing had happened so I guess I considered myself “broken” in that department.
My partner of almost 7 years found out about the pregnancy and was extremely unhappy- in fact he told me that if I had this baby then he would leave me. We are both only 22 and he told me that we weren’t ready and had to have a house, make more money etc before we even think about having kids. I tried to tell him that maybe having a baby would be a good thing and make us grow up but every time I tried to mention it he wouldn’t want to listen.
I went to see my GP and told her that I was thinking about an abortion, she had to give me blood tests and send me off to have an ultrasound before she could refer me to the clinic so I did that. I had my ultrasound when I was 7 weeks pregnant and to be honest I couldn’t see much except the little formation of a baby, it really did touch my heart. I spent the next couple of weeks thinking about what to do, I knew if I kept this baby then i’d have to give up my life with my partner, I also knew that I had a lot of growing up to do and that I wasn’t ready to look after a baby. I saw a counselor who pretty much told me to do what I want to do. I tried to get advice from my parents, friends, colleagues and they all said something similar- “do what your heart tells you to do” “what ever decision you make is the right one”.
Week 8 of my pregnancy I went to the abortion clinic where I was there for 3 hours. First I had to see a counselor who asked me about 20 times if I was sure this is what I wanted to do, then I had to see a doctor who went through the procedure with me, then finally I had to see a nurse who booked an appointment for the abortion.
My abortion was all booked in. For the week waiting for it I had so many emotions going through my head, when you are pregnant your whole body changes and you do have a connection with the baby. There were times when I wanted to back out and keep the baby and times when I knew I was doing the right thing because of the situation I’m in now.
Less than 24 hours ago I was just over 9 weeks pregnant and thought I was making the right decision and got to the hospital ready to have the abortion. They called my name and bought me into a waiting room with about 9-10 other girls who were having an abortion that same day. The doctors and nurses were very friendly and comforting. We got shown to our beds where we were given pills and sedatives to make us relax. There was a certain pill that had to be taken to make your muscles relax so it was easier for the doctor to do the procedure- the nurse told me that after that pill is taken then there is no changing my mind as the pill can cause a miscarriage. She handed me the pill and I looked at it for a second, I swallowed it and at that moment I did feel a sense of loss- I knew there was no going back.
The doctor called me in to the room and I lay on the operating table, I got given a local anesthetic in my cervix and within literally 3 minutes the procedure was all done- my baby had been taken out 🙁 At the time because I had so much medication I didn’t really have much emotion about it because I was so “drugged up” but when I got home that’s when things started to sink in.
I started feeling guilty and upset, I felt a real sense of loss and emptiness. My world just didn’t feel the same anymore. I know I made a mistake and now there is no going back. I just can’t help wondering what my baby would have been like, it is that strangest feeling knowing that it was growing inside of you and then it suddenly being taken away. I know now that if I could go back then I would.
I know that what I did was immature and down right stupid and now I have to live the rest of my life thinking “what if?” and living with the hurt and guilt of what I did. In my opinion giving life to a beautiful baby- YOUR baby- will probably be the best thing that could ever happen to you. I really hope that no one has to feel the way that I do.
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I feel soo sorry for you, I can only imagine how you feel. I don't think you should blame yourself for what you did:sad:
Sheshhh 🙁
shame this is a hard situation for you but did you ever realised that you can take care of your child being a single mother even though is hard but you can do it girl and just let him go if he goes.never think of an abortion,what if that baby is the first and the last?a baby grows very fast,just let him do whatever he thinks of doing.
eish dats hard yoh:sad:
Hi i just read this and im sorry to hear that you went through with this abortion i can only imagine how you must be feeling…i hope that you will keep strong and know that God loves you and he will be there for you
sounds like u realy love him && like u realy try makein the best of it when u found of u were pregnant …. well if he didn want to b a daddy yet then he shouldn't had un protected sex and b more carefull… im sure ur bein a wonderful mother a great one !!!! it also suck when sometimes ur livein ur life all happy but then some ppl who dnt have life and wish they had ur life jst get involve and destrooy urs ur life and ur kids!!!! im sayin it cus ive had an experience of my own also… 😥 was ur bby a girl or boy?
my heart goes out to you hunny i know exactly how you feel i was 19 when i went through the same thing making that choice is the hardest thing i have ever done there are days where i regret it i cant imagine how you feel with the fact you were awake during yours i was completely under due to how far along i was as dates got mucked up and i didnt find out i was pregnant till i was already 10 weeks gone i say being completely being under was a blessing for me as i didnt cope very well after this but i now have to amazing baby girls i was 22 when i had my oldest and 24 when i had my youngest im almost 26 now i know that what we went thru is the hardest thing ever and it never feels right it will get easier with time try not to dwell on the what ifs etc hopefully one day you will be an amazing mother and you will be able to give twice as much love to your kids when i do finally have one because u know the feeling of loss and you will cherish them even more
HUGEST HUGS TO HUN YOU ARE A STRONG BEAUTIFUL WOMAN!!!!!!
am so sad n sorry about the decision u have made i know u love him thats why u did it.if u were 2 deliver the it would do u better in future may becomes a president,doctor,man of God ,engineer,God knows why this happen b,se he had a plan 4 u dear but now there's nothing u can do about just ask God 2 4give u
Look Im Only 13 years old this is really sad to me.
if your partner really loved you he would tell you to keep the baby
i really dont know alot about abortioins but i signed up to learn
it is really hard to have one.keep your head up high and stay strong i would like to hear more about how you are makeing things thru hope things are getting better just stay strong and just know that no matter what god is proud that you did what you did god will always make sure you are staying stong i will pray for you tonight the best of luck makeing it thru
I am in the exact same position… I am almost 9 weeks pregnant and my partner is unhappy with the pregnancy and has offered the same ultimatum… abortion or he leaves. He loves me yet he feels he might resent the baby and we don't have everything we need to look after one. Right now our emotions are in turmoil, but i know what i want and thats a clean conscience, even if that ends in him leaving. at the end of the day it wasnt the baby's fault, it was ours, both of ours, and i'm willing to live with the consequences, whether he is willing to be around or not. Women need to think for themselves and stop being forced to prioritize (in some cases very important) life decisions through their male counterpart and think about whats best for yourself. I told my boyfriend that if I had an abortion he would have to go through everything with me and stand by my side and see the pain i go through and that made him think a little harder. I am so sorry you had to go through what you did but hopefully it's a moral lesson learned. trust you're instinct. keep strong girl xox
my name is kimberly and i am a teen mother my parentss said the same thing to me and i was like i am not going to have abortion because i layed there and had fun making it that i was going too have fun raising it i would never do that i will raise as many kids that god gives me a man dont know what everything fill right i dont think that it is right that he made u have one and your parents should have stand behide you of they were true parents :sad::cry:
🙁 im so srry for your loss i dont know how you fill but it must be a hard time for you but if that partner if any1's partener ever seys that then they dont diserv you. im soo srry hope things get better ,i dont know you but im sending this with love & suport in my heart.
A real Man takes care of his baby…these boys are the ones who give a woman this “kill the kid or I am outta here” ultimatum.
Young Ladies, after you kill your baby, the guy dumps you anyway. The reason is that he knows how miserably selfish he was, he feels guilty for it…and immature males FLEE from anything or anyone that makes them feel bad. Your very presence in their sight, after you lowered yourself to kill your baby, makes them disrespect you even more. If they stay, which is rare, they often begin abusing in some manner.
Abortion may be a choice, but it is the wrong one for your baby, for you and for him. Once he sees his baby, he is more likely to stay in your lives and he may even stand up and do the right thing by you both. If not, the court makes him.
Respect yourself! The baby inside you came from God to you as a gift! He or she loves you and will change your world for the best.
Ladies please, i was in your position once, and i made the decession to keep my baby, and i can”t thank God enough for my wonderfull gift that He trusted me with. My baby”s father also left, but you know what, God provided from day one, and i met some one else who adopted my baby as his own, and we had two more babies, and not once did i look back, because this was not my plan to have my baby outside a marriage, but God's will for my life took place, my life is in a Higher Hand.
God will also provide it is not the end of the world!!!
I'm so sorry you had to go through this. What a difficult decision it must have been for you. I just want you to know that you are so special, and no matter what mistakes you have made, God still loves you more than anything. And please know that you don't have to face this alone, God will be there for you, all you have to do is ask. I am praying that you will find some peace and comfort in Him. God bless you.
@nellieness-
There are so many resources available to help you raise your baby. Financial, parenting classes, resources for clothes and baby products! Please don't let a guy tell you that you shouldn't keep your baby! He is not thinking of you are the wonderful life you have created together. He is only thinking about himself!
If you send in a letter to DearBecky@StandUpGirl.com, one of our StandUpGirls can give you the resource contacts to help you prepare for this wonderful life you created!
In high school, i had a friend who had at least three abortions…to this day she has recurrent dreams (nightmares) about those babies. Abortion is not a solution..it's a “quickfix” which creates a lifetime of heartache and sadness..there are SO many out there who only wish they could have a baby to love and take care of..Why not choose life for your baby? Sure, it's not as easy to carry the baby, birth it and then give it away…but, I really believe that most women who take the unselfish way out are much happier in the end..they may wonder “Does my baby look like me?”, “Is she being well-taken care of?”, etc…but the guilt of murder does overshadow…think about it!
Im going through this right now. Me and my boyfriend of 3 years both agreed if i was pregnant i would have an abortion but after doing 2 tests and they both said positive that changed my mind completely. Im only 4/5 weeks but i love my little baby so much already. My boyfriend is saying he will leave me if i keep it and will hate me forever. Hes also threatened to kill himself if i keep it. I dont want to go through the pregnancy on my own but i dont want to have an abortion. Were only 18 and 19 so i know we're still young but i dont want to get rid of my baby. We were having safe sex so its neither of our faults, but i've wanted to be a mum for so long i feel like God is giving me the chance. This is the hardest choice i've ever had to make. But i don't want to loose my baby or my boyfriend. I know i should do what i want because its my body and i'll regret it if i have an abortion but i dont want him to hate me and leave me. 😀
Hey, im really upset about the decision you made:cry:. But i am not here to put you down. Im not pregnant but i am doing a term paper on teen pregnancys. I amonly 13 years old, but my friend is 13 too an she was showing signs of pregnancy. It turns out that she wasnt pregnant thank goodness,but she learned her lesson. I read this bumper sticker once that really got to me. It said,” If its not a baby, then your not pregnant”. It really made me relize that if i do ever get pregnant without planing to, I am not getting an abortion. I am so glad you put tis story on here. Im soo sorry for your loss.:cry:
My name is Brandy,
I found out I was pregnant in Feb, 2011. I was very scared. I was not ready at all. But i knew that that baby needed a mommy. I didnt know what to do.. I chose to keep the baby. If At the time i was dating the man that I was pregnant by. If he would have told me what the BOY told you I would have told him PEACE, dont let the door hit you on the way out.. I dont mean to make you feel bad.. But becouse of my choise I am now a weeks from having my little baby girl. I married the father of my child. I was lucky that he was happy about the pregnancy. But I wouldnt care if he wasnt. I wouldnt be married right now. I still would be waiting on my little girl tho..Thats a fact.. I love my baby girl. Im praying for you. And dont beat yourself up. It was a mistake to do what you did. But just think your baby gets to grow up with Jesus in heaven. And you will get to see him one day. Just trust that jesus died for you and he rose again the next three days. God loves you still he forgives. And guess what your baby boy or girl loves you just as much..Dont let your baby look down and see you sad all the time. Just becouse you messed up it does not mean you have to down yourself and let people put you down. Pick your head up and show how strong you are and just be there for mothers that are going through what you went through. Be a comfort and a sholder for them.. Dont pitty yourself. BE STRONG.. My name is Brandy Spann I am on facebook you can find me. Im here for you any time you want to talk to someone.
Brandy Spann
Girl. Do not beat yourself down. Its a learning experience, You did what you felt you had to do at the time. Use what you have learned to reach out to other people in your situation. EVERYONE does stupid things! NOBODY on this planet is perfect. NO ONE! Be happy, live your life and keep learning!
I believe having your baby is the right thing to do. Men sometimes dont understand what they are asking you to do. Unfortunely for them its not their choice. I know you love you guy but your child will appreciate you more allowing he or she to brought into the world. He will change his mind or realize that having the baby is the right thing to do. 🙂
Young lady, you have been blessed with a little life and you must embrace it! No man is ever really ready for babies – just some are a little more brutal about it. Once your baby is born, he'll be the first one to come running out of the delivery room with a smile on his face and a sense of pride and a look as if to say “look how clever I am!” He will love your baby once it's been born – just give him time to come around. I was in the same shoes as you 15 years ago – i was only 20 years old and today, my daughter is my best friend and i wouldn't change that for anything! Love your baby, you are a mommy and there's only one person that will look after that baby and that is you! Enjoy it and love every moment!
IT CAN BE TOUGH, AND MAYBE HE'S NOT READY TO GROW UP AND ACCEPT BOTH THE JOYS AND CHALLENGES OF BECOMING A PARENT. A BABY CAN BE AN AMAZING WAY TO GAIN RESPONSIBILITY AND MATURE… THE DECISION IN THE END IS ULTIMATELY YOURS, THE BABY IS INSIDE YOU, AND IF YOU WISH TO KEEP THE BABY I SAY GO A HEAD…THOUGH BEING A SINGLE PARENT IS TOUGH, YOU WILL HAVE TO REMEMBER IN THE END YOU HAVE AN AMAZING LITTLE BUNDLE OF JOY THAT WILL BE A BLESSING TO THE WORLD…. YOU DECISION…BUT THINK ALL THINGS THROUGH, AND MAYBE JUST MAYBE HE'LL COME AROUND…SOMETIMES, ALL THEY HAVE TO DO IS HEAR THE HEART BEAT AND THEY WILL COME AROUND..MAYBE HE WILL TOO.
Hey everyone. Thank You for reading my story and for all your comments. It's been a month since I had the abortion and I am still feeling bad about it, but I know now that if I ever get pregnant again there is no way I would ever have an abortion again. I keep thinking that every year I am going to think “hey my baby would have turned one this year!” and so on..:sad: but it's my mistake and now I have to live with it for the rest of my life. I really hope that my story helps save a little life 😥
I just wanna thank everyone for posting there storys. I am a young girl who always dreamed of being a parent but, of course when the time was right. I could always picture a perfect picture with beautiful kids. I wanted to give my child so much more than I got. Well recently I found out I was pregnet an right away I told my self I was getting an abortion an I wasnt gona let any one change my mind. I know im to young an wont be able to give my child as much as I want. After I left the clinic finding out I was pregnet I called an abortion clinic an made an apointment for the soonest day they could get me in. witch was in one week. A couple days after I made that apointment I was feeling really sick an short breath so I went into the emergency room were they took an altursound to see if they could see anything wrong. Thats when I started feeling like I was only thinking of abortion to make every one else around be satisfied. The altrusound lady then told me there was not just one in my belly theres two. after I found that out it made everything 10 times harder. I felt twice as bad. I just kept thinking to my self wow god is giving me two babys… Hes trusting I can do this, how could I possibly not have them. I felt special an different since most girls don't get blessed with twins. I told my mom the next day that I can't go threw with the abortion (witch she wanted me to get) & actually she was happy an told me after she found out there were two an saw those precious little things inside me she wanted me to keep them. It made me feel so good inside because all I wanted an needed was just one person to tell me to keep them an I knew I would.. It was even better it came from my mother. Now the downside is the babys father isnt very happy with the decision at all. Its really hard for me to deal with because I love him an want nothing more for him to be there apart of there life an be happy. But I just tell my self weather I have them or not he could leave.. An id rather be with my little babys then ANYTHING! today (nov1, 2011) is my first apointment for my abortion were they I guess talk to yu an prepare yu.. An I'm not going. I feel my reletionship with my babys father is already over because if I went threw with the abortion I would hate him for letting me am I know the stress of two babys would eventully break us apart. So I decide to keep them an the main reason was because I saw all yur girls post an it opened my eyes an made me realize I could do this.
that is messed up that he would leave you if you had the baby… that is the same way with me and my ex boyfriend he wants to have the baby but i dont know because he abuses me, he thinks he can control me and stuff and he thinks he can tell me who i can hangout with and he thinks he can tell me what to wear…. he dont want me hanging out with any guys or my own cousins that are boys… no tell me what should i do???
This story is simular to mine, I had my procedure at 12 weeks though and was under general anesetic. But I feel like I've lost a part of me, like I literally ripped life from within me. I'm grief stricken and I don't think I'll ever get over it 🙁
so u pretty much chose your partner….the one who didnt even care about u bc he got u pregnant, over your own flesh and blood. i am so sorry u had to put yourself in that situation. i am not here to judge u bc thats not my job. its GODS job. i pray peace over your mind and maybe oneday u will grow up and finally realize what a boyfriend u have
im not here to judge, whats done is done. but next time this situation comes up… think about the child growing in you rather than the 'boyfriend'. this is coming from a girl who's mom was so worried about what the guy wanted and making the guy happy that she didnt care about her kids, shes had 4 kids and not kept a single one of them. she dumped us all onto our grandparents.. i was 2 when she left my younger brother and i with our grandparents. I just thought i'd share that so not only you but other girls see it. It matters. when there is a child involved, you need to put their needs above yours or anyone elses. Sorry for what you went through.
I'm 15 and i was in the same situation , but i decided to keep my son . Girl You Shouldn't let that guy influence your decision whether he's the dad or not.Think of it as he might not love you forever but , those babies will have a unconditional love for you forever because your their mom. I kept my son because like you said god is trusting you with this child because he knows you can do it , god never gives you more than he knows you can handle. Anyways Best Of Luck .
wow, im literally crying right now.
i just found out i am pregnant today and the first thing i thought of was abortion. my bf supports me in any decision i make. but its really hard for me. after reading your story, im second thinking if i want to abort. /:
hey i also dont know whether am pregnant or what, i slept with my boyfriend on the 2nd of October without protection and because i have two boyfriends now i dont know if am pregnant who will be the father because slept with both of them but the other one we always use a protection.please help
Hi, when I was 20 I found out I was pregnant. The father was a result of a one night stand and I didnt even have his phone number to contact him. I desperately wanted to contact him to tell him I was pregnant but didnt know how too. I was upset that he didnt even care about me enough to give me his number but I believe he just used me for the night and didnt think about the consequences. The first thing I did was go to a sexual health centre and they confirmed I was about six weeks pregnant, the first thing I thought was I wanted an abortion but the earliest one they could get was two weeks time. During that time I had to carry that baby inside me knowing it was growing, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, I cryed all the time yet a part of me had a connection with the baby and told me I wanted it. I was too scared to tell my parents so arranged for a friend to go with me. The day of the abortion arrived and I was scared and didnt know what to expect. I went there and had a scan where I saw the embryo by this point I was about seven and a half weeks pregnant, I was asked whether I wanted to change my mind but by that point although I was sad my mind was made up. I was put to sleep and when I woke up the embryo was taken out. I went home and cryed. Now Im 27 and have two children of my own but recently have had recurring thoughts of what would have happened if I had kept my child, it is very hard. I love my children dearly but feel a part of me is missing. This is just to let people know that having an abortion is not an easy option, it has long term consequences. Too me to have your child and bring it up however hard it is is the best option, and if I could turn back the time and keep my baby then I would but it is too late now.
Hey i know how you feel im 7 weeks pregnant. when i found out me and my boyfriend said the same thing his not ready this isnt the plan.
I got my abortion appointment and to be honest with you it goes totally against all my believes.I knew i had a special person growing inside me a blessing that god has blessed me with. i told my boyfriend im keeeping the baby weither he likes it or not he can leave if he doesnt want to be apart of the wonderful gift we will be having. He looked at me and cried till today we both very happy and love our baby boy Leshaun alot his our pride and joy coming home to him every night makes the decision of walking out of that abortion clinic even more great.
But just remember someday you will see your baby again and for each and every little pain u going through God is preparing and even Greater blessing for u.
be strong and count on him
I got pregnant over 3 years ago and my boyfriend at the time decided he will bully me to have an abortion he went way beyong his limits and landed at my parents home with pics of me on a holiday in a bikini along with a very malicious letter and my pregnancy notes very nasty piece of work. I left home and had the baby he is nearly 4 I ditched the boyfriend and you know what he is 34 now still laying the field no job and wants nothing to do with his son. I have since re-married and my husband is great with my child he treats him like his own. DON'T LET THESE GUYS BULLY YOU. They will never go under the knife for you the guys thats that do that are not a man they are a waste of time therefore ditch them if they treathen to leave you. Having my boy has changed my life for the better and he is still a waste of time jobless and childless what a waste of life!!!!!!! I am currently 12 weeks pregnant and my hubby is so supportive therefore all men are not the same its just some time wasters….. You don't need them do ehat you think is right for you and your baby not the partner that can't even stand beside you….
This was me just 2 months ago. I'm 18 and when I found out I was pregnant, my boyfriend of 3 years wanted me to have an abortion and wasn't willing to change his mind for anything, he even said he'd leave me if I kept it. So I made an appointment at a hospital and went for a consultation and they worked out that I was 8 weeks pregnant. At the appointment I cried and it broke my heart to think I was talking about getting rid of my baby. So when me and my boyfriend got home I said to him I'm keeping this baby, and he said he would stick by me whatever my decision. I'm now around 11 weeks pregnant and have my first scan next week which is the dating scan. Now my boyfriend and I are happier than ever and he even says good bye to my stomach and kisses it when he leaves.
Girls you just need to remember to stand up for you and your baby because your baby needs its mummy to be strong! Stand up girls!
hi sorry to hear .. im going thro exactly the same thing but i already have to kids .. i found out i was pregnant a couple of days ago and all i keep getting from my other half is make sure u make an appointment , a couple of years ago i had an abortion for the sake of my partner and it was the biggest mistake of my life i wa soo down and if i go through with it this time its gunna rip me in to peaces but i feel like i should do as he says otherwise he will leave me and ill be stuck at home with 3 kids and i dont want that …. xx
oh am sorry 4 that, hope u dont do it again.
Hello sorry u had to feel that pain please know bye telling your sorry you have saved my baby’s life and for this god bless you,thank you