Homeless living in my car a Ford Explorer at the time with my husband along with our blue heeler pup. When I found out I was pregnant we ended up squeezing a twin blow up mattress in the back just to add some comfort and support when we slept.
I was five months into my pregnancy before I found a job that would take me in being pregnant. Six months when we finally got our apartment. As soon as we got the apartment my explorer broke down so I was out of a vehicle and wasn’t able to get my hands on a new one till a couple months before my due date.
It was really just me and my husband through the whole thing because our family wasn’t much support till it came to the day I gave birth. She was born a week early as I was induced by choice not because I had too.
I had a lot of hardships beforehand, so when I got pregnant I almost didn’t want to be and still I wanted to be all at the same time. I was pretty much in denial till I hit five months and then it really hit me when I was holding her that I was finally a mom.
That feeling of amazement as I watched my whole world change in a matter of minutes really! I didn’t know how to be a mom. I didn’t even think I’d be a good one but it’s really honestly amazing how much you already know and the things you learn along the way.
My little girl is learning and growing everyday and she amazes me beyond imaginable every time. It truly is an amazing thing to be a mom and to watch your little one grow. It can be scary and emotional but there are more pros and happiness than anything else. My husband and I were never and still arent trying to have a baby but I know if it were ever unexpected again I’d love that baby just as much!
I am now a 64 year old woman and here is my sad story…
Years ago I unexpectedly got pregnant at a point in my life where I just didn’t know what to do and felt I couldn’t afford to support a baby on my own. I was extremely Pro-Choice at the time, influenced by my Mom in the years before Roe vs. Wade. I had an abortion at about 6 to 8 weeks pregnant. This was back in 1978.
When I went to the facility, I asked questions about the Baby, and I was told it was just a blob of tissue and it just didn’t feel anything anyway, no problem! The abortion was beyond a horrible experience, both mentally, physically; and really – even socially.
All these years it has been a true heartbreak for me. The guilt I feel at having murdered my own Baby is horrible. I have never told anyone about it because of my remorse and shame, with the exception of my husband I married in 2017.
I became a Christian in 2003, and my thoughts on abortion were certainly in disagreement with those beliefs initially. But with the advances in Science it really made the reversal in my belief on abortion. With the advances of knowing the baby feels pain, how early the heart beats, how quickly those little toes and fingers form, etc. my mind just could not agree with abortion. This is truly a Human Life right from the very beginning! Even more so, I was greatly upset to learn that the baby is NOT just a blob of tissue like I had been told. I was so upset! The Truth only added to my grief, and now I was angry too.
My morals and beliefs that this is a unique Human Unborn Baby with it’s very own DNA from the time of conception tells me this is a Human Life from the start. It is not a blob of tissue like they lied to me about. It is not a parasite as I saw some recently proclaim! This is your Unborn Child!
My belief is that many, if not most of the women having an abortion will have this remorse and grief. It has been lifelong for me, even when early on I was extremely Pro-Choice.
I know God has forgiven me, but I have not. I believe someday I will meet this Child in Heaven, and I love this child greatly; but I will have to ask for forgiveness from this Child I murdered. It can be called nothing less.
I have learned that these days there is help for women who have gotten unexpectedly pregnant. That is so wonderful! If I had known of a resource like that all those years ago, I believe, even as a Pro-Choice woman at the time, I would have chosen Life.
I DON’T GET A DO-OVER. I wish I could! But maybe I can warn these younger women of what may be in store for them and help them to know there really are other Choices.
There is help! Choose Life!
Truly.
My pregnancy journey…I’m 29 years of age, 23 weeks pregnant and expecting baby girl soon.
This is my 2nd pregnancy after 6 years. We’ve been trying to get pregnancy for almost a year and thanks to God its an answered prayer.
Last Feb. 2018 we didn’t know that I was pregnant. No signs its just that i was sick for 2 weeks. March 1st week I was planning to have a paps-mere. Thanks to God it didn’t happen because of the doctors availability.
March 7th I did my first pregnancy test and its NEGATIVE.. I was so stressed thinking why I didn’t get pregnant until now. So I waited for March 10, 2018 for my monthly period luckily it didn’t came so i waited again until March 15, 2018. March 16, 2018 i decided to do pregnancy test again and finally I am 7 weeks pregnant.
My pregnancy journey didn’t goes well the doctor advised me to take bed rest. I was scared thinking if I lost my baby because of my spotting.
Last June 4, 2018 we decided to do the ultrasound and thanks God my little angel is okay but still i need to do extra care from now on.
On to this day, i am having hard time to sleep at night.. Its always I’m awake at night and sleep at day time.. Now i can really feel my baby is kicking. I am hoping and praying that she well be OK until i gave birth soon.
By Baby Girl
Pregnancy is such an sweet nightmare experience. Some people says its beautiful and some don’t; however, the end result is priceless. I cannot say that I enjoyed pregnancy. It was horrible not physically but mentally. I hated life, I was mean and aggressive. I was never sick during the pregnancy. I never had morning sickness or anything else. As a matter of fact I find out that I was pregnant 3 months in. The only thing that I was stress about was how am suppose to take care of another human being. That was my main concern while pregnant. Despite everything, once gave birth it got better. Overall my pregnancy was not a great experience but having a kid that actually loves you and call you mommy is priceless!
By Lydia
Thank you Lydia for sharing your story with us!
My friend recommended this site to me. She said that it helped her heal from her decision, and although mine was almost 10 years and 8 months ago now, time, and pro-life advocacy groups have done nothing for the wound. I guess my story starts on the second worst day of my life. June 26th 2015.
I was taking a few summer courses to assist my goal of early graduation, and leaving a study group late I was attacked and sexually assaulted. I was in shock, I never thought that something like that could happen to me. I never put myself in the situations where that was a risk. I didn’t report for a week. I thought if I just stayed inside until the bruises faded enough to be covered by make-up and went about my world it would be like it never happened. I told no one but my priest, who tried to assure me that it wasn’t my fault and that my purity was not in question before God, and things started to return to some form of normal. My priest talked me into reporting, and I was seeing a catholic counselor, things weren’t okay, but it was starting to feel like it was going to be.
Than my world began crashing down to the paramount worst day of my life. It started when I noticed that I was having some pretty strong mood swings. I dropped a jar of apple jelly I had just bought and sat on my kitchen floor and cried for an hour over it. My counselor told me not to worry, those kinds of mood swings are normal for sufferers of post traumatic stress, so I brushed it off. Then my lower back started to hurt like…well it hurt bad. I brushed off the pain as pre-period cramps. I had gotten them in the past, and my doctor wanted to put me on birth control to ebb them, but being a roman catholic that was not an option to me. Then I had pain in my hips, like someone was pulling me apart. I excused that as my body reacting to the massive ramp up in my workout, my way of dealing with the trauma of the attack.
Pregnancy didn’t even hit my thoughts until July, 18 2015. I got up as I usually did and made my routine cup of Irish Breakfast Tea, sweetened with a little honey, and softened with cream. The moment I picked up the cup to take a drink and the smell met my nose, I dropped the cup on the kitchen floor and ran to the bathroom. At first I thought it was a stomach bug, but when I was perfectly fine a couple of moments later the thought of pregnancy hit me like a sack of bricks.
I called a friend, who called a mutual friend, and they came bearing ginger ale, Snickers minis, and a pregnancy test. We sat up all night talking about the possibilities, and the options. It was nice to not be alone the following morning, but it was still the worst day of my life when I saw the test line practically glow before the control line started to form. And that’s the worst day of my life, July,19 2015. That’s the day where on the bathroom floor, crying so hard I couldn’t pick up my head, for six hours considering the “options”.
I spent the next three days trying to come up with justifications and explanations for each one. Keeping the baby was not an option. Where on one hand I knew this child was half me, weighing so heavily on the other was it was also half my attacker, and the sight of it would be a constant reminder of everything that was taken from me almost a month ago.
This is all I can write for now, I am going to drown my keyboard if I keep going. I hope this helps someone. If it impacts you please let me know.
When I was young I’ve always ask my mom what’s the feeling of pregnant, she always says, “It’s very hard because I couldn’t do what I’ve ever wanted. Like drinking soda, eating my favorite junk foods. But in the other side of my mind, it’s very good feeling in a mom’s heart. When the time for me to give birth of to my child, I would feel happiness. During childbirth, I saw in my mom’s face the pain, that’s when I promised to myself that I will never be a mother because I think that it is very painful. But now that I am giving birth to a child I understand what my mom told me before, it is very good in feeling to be a mother but it is hard being pregnant.
