Becky,
I am 21 years old and I have just recently come across your website and really have appreciated going through it. I read a story that was posted on March 7, 2002 and it reminded me a little bit of my story. I conceived my child March 1, 2002 by one of my best friends. At the time, I was 20 years old. It was a complete and honest mistake that we even ended up together that night, but we all make mistakes. Anyway, about a week later, I just had this eerie feeling that my body was going through a lot of changes. I have had a couple of pregnancy scares before, but this time seemed totally different. There are no words that could really explain what I was feeling.
Almost four weeks after that night, I took a pregnancy test and it came out positive. I took a second one just to be on the safe side and it also came out positive. At that point, my jaw just dropped. I stood in shock in my bathroom for a good 2 minutes without even moving. I knew I had to tell the father right away. So I called him to have him come over and when I showed him the pregnancy tests, his reaction was the same as mine, his jaw dropped said a couple of words expressing disgust and we both started crying. We were both so scared. Other than his family, I am the only other person to ever see him cry in his entire life.
Anyway, to get to the point, after the shock had passed, he told me he wanted me to have an abortion. I told him no way, there’s no way I am going to do that. He told me that if I didn’t have an abortion, he would have nothing to do with me, or the baby. That upset me beyond belief. So many things were going through my head. A few days passed and he called me up one night, crying, apologizing for even mentioning the abortion and apologizing for putting me through that. He said that he was prepared to support me in every way he knew possible.
I kept putting off telling my parents because I didn’t know exactly how to tell them. I finally worked up the courage to tell my parents. I called my mom one morning and told her the news. The first thing she told me was that she thinks I should have an abortion. The feelings I was experiencing at that point in time were completely indescribable. I could not believe, my mom, a practicing Catholic even mentioned abortion. I was even more confused and scared than ever. I told my mom that I wasn’t going to let it happen. I wasn’t going to have the abortion.
To make an even longer story short, I end up having the abortion, thinking that it would make everything better. I was completely wrong. For me, abortion was not the answer. I let someone else talk me into doing something I was, and still am, completely against. I knew in my heart that abortion was wrong and that I didn’t want to do it, but I did it anyway. I did it just to please my parents.
If not anything else, the one thing I have learned from my situation is that no matter how hard it is, don’t let someone else tell you what to do. If I had to give my advice, it would be to follow your heart. If you know deep down that you should or should not do something, you should totally follow your gut instinct. Don’t listen to anybody else and don’t do things just to please anybody else, because it’s so not worth it.
Thank you for your time and consideration in reading my letter.
Megan
Dear Megan,
“I lift my eyes to the hills–where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:1,2.
Lift your eyes to the Lord. He will comfort you in your sadness and pain. No one knows the pressures and grief you’ve been through like He does. You were experiencing such fear and anxiety and those around you, even your mother, were telling you to have an abortion. Fear and the desire to please those we love can cause us to overlook what we know in our heart to be right and make us choose impulsively, and therefore make the wrong decision.
God loves you and sees you in your sorrow and forgives you. Turn to Him for comfort. He is waiting with open arms. He can heal you and make you whole again. Place your life in His hands.
Keep in touch!
Dear Becky,
How are you doing? I hope you’re good. I thought I’d e-mail you and thank you for making StandUpGirl.com. It helped me thru a tough time.
I never even thought about aborting my first child, Baylee. I got pregnant when I was 14 and had her when I was 15. After I got over my depression and fears from my first pregnancy I felt like I was on top of the world. I had a great boy friend, and supportive friends and family (and of course, God.) I had a beautiful baby girl on January 23rd, 2000. She is a big part of me. We were doing fine. But that all changed when I moved to California away from my boy friend and friends. It shattered my heart into a million pieces. And it was so hard to break up with my boy friend.
Even though I was still in love with my boyfriend I started dating again. I was on depo provera birth control shots but I ended up pregnant again (birth control failed me 2 times.) I was so freaked out and shocked. And when I told my boy friend he broke up with me. I was so scared and depressed. I thought about keeping the baby but I thought, “Shit… Another kid? I can’t have another baby right now.” And besides my family and friends didn’t support me enough this time. We were barely making it financially. It was either abortion or adoption. I thought about abortion first. It was painful but my friends and family (and StandUpGirl.com) helped me make the choice not to abort. I was so close to having an abortion. I felt things that I never thought I could feel over a pregnancy abortion choice (guilt, love, anger, depression, etc.)
I decided to give the baby up for adoption. My aunt (that I hate) wanted to take the baby. I didn’t want to see the baby often but I wanted to make sure my baby was being taken care of. I found out that I was having a boy. I was thinking, “I’m going to give my first baby boy away.” I was desparate as the months moved on to try to keep him. My aunt really didn’t do anything about it. Nothing was signed or anything. I was already attached to my baby and I knew that I couldn’t let him go.
I gained more confidence and self-esteem. I always said to myself, “You can do this Mya.” Well I did! I started 2 jobs and started making enough money to keep him. I just had Evan on November 14th, 2002. He is precious. It’s hard to think that I was going to take away his life just because I didn’t think I could raise him. Adoption would have been better than abortion, but I’m glad I got to keep him.
One thing I’ve learned: even though it’s hard, you can do it. Now I look at pregnancies as goals and blessings. Thank you Lord!
With love,
Mya
Dear Mya,
Wow! Congratulations on your new little boy. I’m happy to hear that things are going well. I found that although things were really hard for me at times, God lifted me up and gave me the strength I needed. Having and raising a child is a challenge, but it also brings such indescribable joy and fulfillment. I am very happy that I was given the chance to experience the blessing of being a mother. I don’t do things perfectly, but I trust that God will fill in the gaps where I’m lacking.
You and your family will be in my prayers.
Hello Becky,
Loved your website. I wanted to relate my story to you since I’ve seen two sides of the unexpected pregnancy crisis.
I got pregnant at 16, got married at 5 months pregnant and had my daughter 2 months after I turned 17. When I was about 7 months along, I saw the true side of my so-called husband, who began shoving me around, and flailing verbal abuse at me. We had to move in with his folks after the marriage and during the pregnancy which was like going from the frying pan into the fire. When my daughter was 6 weeks old, we moved into our own place and the real hell began. The whole time I dated this man he was kind and calm, never heard a foul word out of his mouth. When he got me all alone, in a trailor out in the country, the abuse got violent. Verbal, psychologically and physically a nightmare. I left when my daughter was 2 months old and went through another 2 years of a bitter custody fight and a horrible divorce. . I was stalked by him, he repeatedly tried to run me off the road, and it continued for years, even with restraining orders. We finally moved to southern Texas before we found some sort of peace.
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Neither of my parents know, and I very much doubt they ever will. They are separated, and I split my time equally between them. I can talk to my Mum a little easier that I can talk to my Dad, but still I could never bring myself to tell even my Mum. To be honest I don’t want them to ever know.
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Hi Becky,
My name is Megan. I wrote you during the week of January 6th, 2001, when I was about three months pregnant. You posted my story on the website. I was very sick, and I was trying to adjust to having just moved in with my boyfriend of five years. I had a lot going on, and finding out I was pregnant was not exactly the greatest thing that had ever happened to me, or at least that was what I thought at the time.
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Hey Becky,
I just writing to say thanks for some advice you gave me two months ago. I was pretty depressed after finding out I was pregnant. I was only with my boyfriend for about five months, just finished university, no job and was unsure if I should have the baby. You gave me some advice on being honest with myself about how I feel…well I didn’t take it for awhile.
Everyone EXCEPT the wonderful women in my life – my mom, my bestfriend, my sister in law – wanted me to have an abortion. They thought it was such a bad time… I could have another one… it was just a bunch of cells… I was wasting my life… I wasn’t being rational if I had it… etc…This advice got to me and upset me to the point where I felt like I was crazy…I argued and was terribly mean to my boyfriend. And cried everyday and talked about suicide a couple of times.
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