Hello Becky,
Loved your website. I wanted to relate my story to you since I’ve seen two sides of the unexpected pregnancy crisis.
I got pregnant at 16, got married at 5 months pregnant and had my daughter 2 months after I turned 17. When I was about 7 months along, I saw the true side of my so-called husband, who began shoving me around, and flailing verbal abuse at me. We had to move in with his folks after the marriage and during the pregnancy which was like going from the frying pan into the fire. When my daughter was 6 weeks old, we moved into our own place and the real hell began. The whole time I dated this man he was kind and calm, never heard a foul word out of his mouth. When he got me all alone, in a trailor out in the country, the abuse got violent. Verbal, psychologically and physically a nightmare. I left when my daughter was 2 months old and went through another 2 years of a bitter custody fight and a horrible divorce. . I was stalked by him, he repeatedly tried to run me off the road, and it continued for years, even with restraining orders. We finally moved to southern Texas before we found some sort of peace.
While in Texas I became pregnant again. I knew if my ex found out about it, the safety of my daughter could be in jeopardy, (he always threatened to kidnap her) and a whole new barrage of court hearings would ensue. I picked up the phone and dialed the number of a women’s abortion clinic, spoke with someone and then hung up the phone. I knew I could never do it…after carrying a life inside of me, I knew I couldn’t abort this one, so I opted for adoption. People at work ridiculed me…one particular woman especially. “Why are you going through this heartache only to go through a painful birth to hand the child over to someone else? You’re a fool! Ruining your life for no reason!” My response to her was…”At least I won’t have your heartache when I’m alone in the quiet of the night, knowing that my child lies cold and dead in a dumpster.” That particular woman stopped dead in her tracks…and never said another word to me. I could see it all over her face when she was so cruelly attacking me…she had had an abortion in the past, and it continually haunted her.
I called the RTL movement and they found a couple in Dallas who had been searching 15 years for a baby. I met with them beforehand…something that just wasn’t done in the early 80’s, asked them tons of questions and they answered them perfectly. I phoned them when the baby was born and they drove 300 miles to come see him and hold him. They stopped off to see me first and thanked me tearfully. When I found out the next day they had taken him home, I cried and sobbed for hours. It felt like I would die. BUT, after it was all done, and the pain eased, I knew in my heart I did the right thing. That baby was meant to fill their lives, and bring them joy, give them that glimpse of Heaven that only children can give. There’s no guilt…there’s no regrets…there’s no fear of having done something terribly wrong, because I know that bringing that baby into the world and giving him to someone, who would first hand never know the joys of carrying a child inside of her, was a gift so precious that nothing could equal it.
I’m now happily married with 7 children. I found my soulmate. My oldest daughter has no contact with her biological father…by her choice, and hasn’t since the age of 15. She has taken her stepfather’s name now, which has sealed their relationship, and he’s quite proud of her.
When I look back at the adoption process, I would encourage ANYONE faced with an unwanted pregnancy to opt for adoption. Yes, it’s heartbreaking to give a baby away, I won’t lie to you. But God tempers the heartache with a sense of peace, with His closeness. Never did I ever have that feeling of regret that so many women have spoken to me of regarding their past abortions. There was always this voice in my heart reminding me of the good that I did in sacrificing my own selfishness to give someone else a life. A baby to cherish and love forever. And I’ll see him again…if not in this life, in the next. I’ll always be his mother…just not his “Mommy”.
Thanks for listening.
Kate
Dear Kate,
Your story is a powerful one! You have had to Stand Up and make some really difficult choices in your life. You have a beautiful inner strength. It takes a lot of guts to do the things you mentioned in your letter. I am so glad to hear that you got out of that abusive relationship and found a man who truly loves you.
You have given life to seven children. How awesome that is! I think it is so amazing that you were able to give your son up for adoption to that couple, knowing that they would be able to give him the stability and care that he needed. How gut-wrenching that would be, but what a gift he must be to them! I think girls should seriously keep adoption open as an option. It isn’t easy, as you’ve expressed, but it is the best choice in many situations.
Thank you for being so open and willing to share your story.
God Bless you and your family.
