So, I’ve been put on bed rest due to the fact I started to have pains yesterday.
It’s been the most unbearable 24 hours so far. I have been so bored. And when my fiancé isn’t at work, he’s waiting on me hand and foot. And he’s made sure that the dog is right with me the whole day. It’s terrible. He’s so over-protective. But at the same time, I love it. It shows how much he’s actually in this. I’ve been surfing the net a lot and if I’m not on here, then I’m sleeping or eating or reading or doing cross-words. I took a soothing bath with candles. That was nice. It released all my tension. I loved it. When he got home, he gave me a massage and a foot rub since I secretly cleaned the house….and he noticed (he scolded me). I dunno if I’ll be able to deal with this for the rest of my pregnancy.
I hope he lets me off it soon. FINGERS CROSSED!!!!!
So I went to get my ultrasound done this morning and the doctor said that the baby’s heart was going too fast.
So she checked me out fully and did a lot of uncomfortable stuff (I’d rather not mention) and started asking me questions. Like whether or not I was stressed lately or how I’d been eating. Well, I haven’t been stressed- just got engaged for crying out loud!!! How would that stress me out!!! But I have been worrying about my fiancé going off to college…or at least if he is. I still don’t know his decision. She then told me that if I don’t calm down and relax…I’ll lose my baby. That the stress isn’t good for it. My fiancé walked into the room right then and asked if he was allowed to come in yet… All I could do was giggle and say yes. He came in and rubbed my belly and kissed me. My beautiful family together, and I get told by my doctor that I may not meet my baby if I don’t relax. So she relayed the same message to him and he had a hand on my belly the entire time. We got home and fell asleep together. He promised me that he wasn’t going anywhere. Right then and there. He promised. He swore he wouldn’t leave me and our baby. I have him-and our baby-all I have to do is keep relaxed.
Can I stay calm? Even with worries of how to afford everything? O, how are we gonna do this??
I dunno what to do. Whether or not I made the right choice. Whether or not my fiancé was really proposing to me because of me and not because of the baby…
I know he wants us to be a family… But proposing to me just because I’m pregnant is all wrong. So, I called him last night and asked him to come to my apartment. I told him it had to do with the baby (I wasn’t lying). Anyway, he came straight over. and we talked till one this morning… He finally was able to convince me that he proposed for the right reason. He stayed the night. When I woke up this morning, he had made breakfast and had it sat on his legs for right when my alarm was gonna go off. Then he bent down and moved my tank-top so he could kiss my belly. Right then, right there, I knew I was making the right choice in marrying him. So as we ate, we began talking about whether or not to wait till after the baby was born to have the wedding or to have it before the baby came. Of course, I argued that there was no way in hell he would catch me in a wedding dress pregnant with a baby bump. I just couldn’t do it. The stereotyping and faces that would come with it..(my family is stupid and judgmental)….and his is well…conservative….We aren’t religious, but they believe that a baby should be brought into wedded bliss. So ya…a little tension.
But I know I made the right choice. For me, him, and my baby.
So; not only did I see the father of my baby and my current boyfriend last night but my baby kicked!!!
It wasn’t strong, but his father came to tell us it was dinner and he banged on the door. We were cuddling and he had his arm on my stomach. When his dad banged on the door (as a joke), it didn’t scare me…but there was a huge kick against my stomach… My boyfriend’s face was filled with amazement and shock. It was like the baby became real right then… It was amazing. I started crying and he started rubbing my belly, telling the baby that “it was OK, cause it was just grandpa calling us for dinner.” And then he asked whether or not I was hungry… Of course, the baby started kicking. We talked the rest of the night to each other and to the baby, just asking it to kick for mommy and daddy. Each time taking separate turns to see if the baby would kick. To just make sure it was real.
Then he did the most out-of-the-blue thing ever!!!! He got on one knee and proposed!!!!! The ring is gorgeous!!! Before I said yes, I had to make sure that he wasn’t asking me just cause I was pregnant. His response was simple- “I’m proposing because I want to be with you. I wasn’t gonna propose till a couple days before I left for college-this baby just pushing the engagement forward. Is that OK?? I want you to be mine…no matter the choice I make. And now we’ll have the baby with us.” I was crying the entire time…and of course I said YES!!!!!! I can’t believe I’m engaged!!! And pregnant. The baby and I have been up most of the night cause I couldn’t sleep but the baby was just moving so much.
Guess I gotta get use to it. Yay for me!!!
I dunno what to do anymore. Everytime I turn around, it seems like there’s a new problem confronting me.
Over the weekend, my boyfriend and I tried to discuss whether or not he should go to college or not. Well, it only ended in me crying, cause well (stupid hormones) everything gets exaggerated when I’m feeling upset. He means the world to me. If only he could help me raise this baby and get his college degree at the same time. But that would entail me moving 7 & 1/2 hours away from my friends and family. His family. And the beautiful scenery… What to do…??
I dunno, but what I do know is that this pregnancy is taking so much of my energy. I’m tired and I just wanna sleep. School is hard as it is…but now, with the looks I get and the workload from the teachers (cause I gotta stay caught up to graduate), I seem to just be falling. If only there was a fairy godmother to do my work for me… Then I could focus on my baby-and boyfriend.
*sigh* I’ll deal though, I’ll deal.
