I’m currently 17 weeks, 4 days along! I know I’m only 15…So young, but I really do love my unborn baby boy! He’s everything to me. I’m so happy about this pregnancy. I’m not sad and miserable…I’m proud of this. I’m strong and I’m willing to do this on my own if I have to! If my son’s father doesn’t grow up, he won’t have anything to do with his child. My baby will just be MY son!
I couldn’t be happier at school. I have so many great friends, the teachers are fab, and well, my mum couldn’t be better! She’s so strong, for me. She’s the main reason I’m still smiling. I know I’m going to be an amazing mummy, because my little man comes before everything now. He will always be my main priority. I don’t understand why a man wouldn’t want to know their child. It’s crazy! If I ever lost my baby, I’d search for him until the day I died.
Deciding on names is so tricky, I’ve got so many names in my head, but I don’t know what he looks like…Do how can I pick it so it suits him? Hopefully, I’ll pick one after the 4d scan…Get a better look of him. My baby boy is everything to me! I love him!<3
Things have just gotten so bad. I don’t know how to maintain my sanity without being spiteful, mean, crude, and sinful. I have gotten into a horrible fight with my son’s father who has, as a result, turned on his own child and says he doesn’t want anything to do with him anymore. He doesn’t want to take on his responsibilities. He’s been doing them for almost four years. It was like a slap in the face for him to even say that to me. I felt it in my heart and the pain I felt was more for my son than me. How do you just give up on your child that you supposedly love? How can you look at yourself and call yourself a MAN OR WOMAN? In this case a “MAN”. Of course, I sent mean texts and I am fighting back the urge to say a lot more, but I can’t stop these tears… It’s bad enough that we take out our frustration on other people and I’m even worse for doing it to my son. I FEEL like a monster, a devil, like I am no better than an abuser.
EVERYDAY is a struggle for me: Going to school full time, Pregnant for two different guys and unsure of who the father is…Being unemployed, trying to raise my son who is late in talking. I feel everyday like I’m taking one step forward and two step back. I don’t know what I should do, which road to take, how to even hold myself together. If I could have seen all this coming from high school, I would have done so many things differently, but then again, I wouldn’t.
I spent so many tears today that I didn’t think I could cry anymore…Even now as I write this, tears trickle down my face…Its 4:28 am. I’m suppose to be sleeping to wake for 6am, catch the bus at 7:23am, be at school for 9am.=, and have a late class on top of it…I don’t know, I don’t know how i will make it thru this day… And on top of that, I have a psychology test based on three chapters…I haven’t felt like giving up for such a long time…And I’m at my breaking point.
Hey everyone.
I’ve decided to write this blog as I don’t know where else to turn anymore. This will be a long read but for those of you who read this and can offer me some advice, I would be extremely grateful. A few months ago (30th September to be exact), I had an abortion when I was just over 9 weeks pregnant. It broke my heart, but at the time, I truly believed it was the right decision as I had no idea who the father was (I had been with 3 guys that month so it could have been any of them) and I didn’t want to bring the child up with so much stress and these men were just one night stands so the impact it had on the real father would have been life changing.
After the abortion, I really regretted it… I even wrote a blog on how I will never do it again and it haunted me everyday, wondering what could have been. I had nightmares. I was worried that it affected me so I couldn’t have kids again. I was worried that I was going to hell. I was careless and bought it on myself.
A month later, I ended up in a relationship (I got back with my ex boyfriend who I had previously been dating for 5 years). We ended up having an argument one night and I stormed off which resulted in me sleeping with another man, which I strongly regret. My boyfriend doesn’t know this though and I don’t have the heart to tell him. Unfortunately, I have just found out I am pregnant AGAIN… This time I am just over 10 weeks pregnant and the doctor plus the person doing the scan said I conceived about the time I had slept with this other guy who wasn’t my boyfriend. I am now STRONGLY considering having ANOTHER abortion, which hurts like crazy, but I think it is the only way I can really keep the relationship I am in now. The father isn’t even in the same country anymore and I know if he knew about the baby, then he will definitely not want anything to do with it. So I will end up alone with a baby I don’t think I can take care of. Please don’t judge me. I know what I did was wrong and I have truly learnt my lesson. I have no idea what to do. I am stuck between a hard place and a rock. I don’t want the relationship I’m in now to end, but I know it will once my boyfriend finds out the baby isn’t his. Please help me! Any advice would be great. But please don’t judge. I already hate myself for what I’ve done.
Since my last post,
I’m almost 7 weeks pregnant!
3 more weeks and I won’t have to worry as much. I’ll be in the safe zone.
But, I’m so excited!
I just haven’t figured out how to tell my dad. I’m not sure if he will freak out or not.
My boyfriend seems excited, just not as excited as he was the first time I got pregnant.
I guess it just hasn’t sank in, I don’t know.
I know it hasn’t fully set in to me that I’m pregnant, lol.
I’m in shock constantly. Hopefully, he gets more into it when my belly starts growing.
He does get excited when we go to the baby section of any store lol.
My mom is the most excited out of anyone I think.
I know my grandma isn’t happy. And it kind of sucks but I don’t know. We’ll see what happens with her.
Well gtg for now.
Thanks for reading<3
So finding out I was pregnant was scary enough, but the thought of sharing the news with family… Now that had me shaking in my boots!
I decided the first thing to do was tell my mum seeing how I’m covered under her work insurance… But I was scared… I didn’t know how to tell her. Neither did my boyfriend… So I mustered up the courage I could and texted her. Seeing how she works nights, I thought she would be at work… So I just said for her to call me when she got the chance. That gave me time to think of what to say… But less than a minute later, my mum was calling! Well, that gave me no time at all to think of what to say. So all I said was “Uhh, I think I’m pregnant…” expecting her to freak out and totally shut me down… To my surprise, she was excited! She asked me if I was going to keep it and from the very moment I found out, I decided to keep it so I told her, Of course I was keeping it. Then she went on to talk about how excited she is and how spoiled my baby will be and she has already started planning trips to grandma’s house when the baby arrives! Now she is going with my boyfriend and I to the first appointment! I am soo blessed to have such a wonderful man by my side and my mother’s support during this chapter of my life! Now I just have to find a way to tell everyone else!
I hope it goes just as well!
For a girl who has always had irregular periods, being a few days late here or there was never really an issue. But after being over a week late, I began to wonder…
So I sent my boyfriend to the store to get a test. Although I sent him, I had already got that ‘oh no not me’ mentality… So after taking the first test, I didn’t believe it and sent him to the store to get more. He came back with 3… I took another, waited…. It was positive… Still not believing it, I took the last 2… Both came up positive. I walked into my room with all 4 positive tests in hand and gave them to my boyfriend. His response? “Wow… This is cool!” He is extremely happy. I, on the other hand, began to cry, had a panic attack, and wasn’t able to breath.
After I calmed down, I still didn’t believe it. I can’t believe I’m pregnant… What about school? Work? How am I going to do this? Make a future for a baby when I haven’t even created one for myself yet…? But I’ve told myself that I can do this, I’m going to do this! Not that it’s going to be easy, but I’m determined to make this work.
What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger, right??
