Hey everyone. I’ve decided to write this blog as I don’t know know where else to turn anymore. This will be a long read but for those of you who read this and can offer me some advice I would be extremely grateful. A few months ago (30th september 2011) to be exact. I had an abortion when I was just over 9 weeks pregnant. It broke my heart but at the time I truely believed it was the right decision as I had no idea who the father was (I had been with 3 guys that month so it could have been any of them) and I didn’t want to bring the child up with so much stress and these men were just one night stands so the impact it had on the real father would have been life changing.
After the abortion I really regretted it… I even wrote a blog on how I will never do it again and it haunted me everyday wondering what could have been. I had nightmares. I was worried that it affected me so I couldn’t have kids again. I was worried that I was going to hell. I was careless and bought it on myself.
A month later I ended up in a relationship (I got back with my ex bf who I had previously been dating for 5 years) we ended up having an argument one night and I stormed off which resulted in me sleeping with another man which I strongly regret. My bf doesn’t know this though and I don’t have the heart to tell him. Unfortunately I have just found out I am pregnant AGAIN.. this time I am just over 10 weeks pregnant and the doctor/ plus the person doing the scan said I conceived about the time I had slept with this other guy who wasn’t my bf. I am now STRONGLY considering having ANOTHER abortion which hurts like crazy but I think it is the only way I can really keep the relationship I am in now. The father isn’t even in the same country anymore and I know if he knew about the baby then he will definately not want anything to do with it so I will end up alone with a baby I don’t think I can take care of. Please don’t judge me, I know what I did was wrong and I have truely learnt my lesson. I have no idea what to do, I am stuck between a hard place and a rock. I don’t want the relationship i’m in now to end but I know it will once my bf finds out the baby isn’t his. Please help me, any advice would be great. But please don’t judge. I already hate myself for what i’ve done.
