My.Journey
I’d been with my, now, ex-boyfriend since my senior year of high school. I got pregnant near the end of the relationship, when we were seeing each other on and off.
It wasn’t until we’d broken up for good that I realized I was pregnant. I told him soon after and from the start, he denied being the father and said he wasn’t ready for another kid. We were texting one another when I told him because he refused to answer my calls. I remember I got angry and told him, “Fine, I’ll take care of it!” Meaning, I would raise her as a single mom. I have to admit, abortion came to mind when he denied her because I had just lost my job and now my baby would have no father. However, I knew I could never go through with it. Apparently, he thought I meant I was going to get an abortion. At which point, he started saying it was “his baby too,” and I couldn’t make that decision by myself, I was being selfish, etc, etc. Basically, everything he could think of to make me feel bad. After that, we didn’t speak again.
I was scared to tell my family. I knew they would be disappointed in me, but I was also afraid they’d be angry with me. Being that I’d just been laid off and had no means to raise a baby. So I went on with life like I wasn’t pregnant. Nobody noticed a thing, until about 7 months. My tummy had kinda started to show and it was my sister who noticed. She asked me and at first I denied it, but she broke me. I told her and first thing she asked was if I had been to a doctor. Until then, I hadn’t. I was in denial. She broke the news to my mom about me being pregnant and my ex denying it was his. My mom was surprisingly happy, but angry about my ex.
Shortly after, I made my first doctor’s appointment. I went by myself and had to talk to a midwife/counselor because of all the bottled up feelings I had inside. They were scared I might get depressed, which would hurt the baby. Plus, all the crying and hurt I had held inside all those months wasn’t any good for the baby either. I don’t think I’ve ever cried so hard before. Until then, I’d pretty much cried myself to sleep every night. This was supposed to be a happy time for me, having my first child, but it was filled with a lot of hurt. My next appointment, I went with my sister and found out I was having a GIRL! It broke my heart, in a good way, to see this little life inside of me. I gave birth to Maliea Tanae on July 23. Surprisingly, my labor was easy. Thank God, lol. Anyways, as by tradition, my mom and I went to my ex’s house to tell his family he had fathered a baby. He finally came out of his room and after some time, finally held her. He wanted to go outside to talk, so we did. One of the first things he told me was, “I know she’s mine. We don’t need a paternity test.” He also told me he was going to take care of her and support, but I knew from past experience seeing is the only way I was believing. I didn’t get my hopes up and good thing I didn’t because to date, he hasn’t done anything for her.
I still wanted my daughter to be able to be a part of the other side of her family, so I let her stay with them for a bit. He was never really home anymore because he was always out partying. I guess smoking and drinking come first. But anyways, when he finally did come home, he was angry to find her there. He started sending angry messages saying I was a bad mom, I shouldn’t have had her if I was gonna leave her like that, etc, etc. It hurt, but at the same time I knew he was saying it to make himself feel better. Now, my daughter is almost 8 1/2 months old. She doesn’t know her biological father and she probably never will and not by my choice, but his. Instead, she knows another man as “daddy.” I met a wonderful man who has accepted my daughter and I. He is now my husband and I’m expecting again. Haven’t had my first appointment yet, but I’ll keep you posted.
I no longer think of my ex and what life would be like or let what he says get to me. I know what I’m doing what I have to do to raise my wonderful daughter. So all I want to say is, even though times get tough, God has a plan for you. Things happen for a reason. I’m living proof of that.
