Two days ago, I took a home pregnancy test. Actually I took two. Two Lines. Both positive. I’m pregnant. I’m 19 years old. I’ve been with my man for a year and a half now. I thought about waiting to tell him, until I had a chance to go to the doctors and all that, but then I thought, no he has a right to know, and he’ll be able to give me some support so I don’t have to deal with this alone. Never had abortion even crossed my mind, not for one second. I had to tell him over the phone, because he’s out of town right now. The reaction I got wasn’t what I had been expecting. Over and over it ran through my mind that he would be happy, excited, shocked, but still happy. At first it was like okay, you’re pregnant, we can do this. But then as the conversation progressed, it turned more into, well why can’t we wait another year, until we have a house, until we have some money set aside. All his concerns are normal. Obviously to have a baby, we need space, we need money. But in my opinion, we’re good. I’m the type of person who believes Everything Happens For A Reason. I believe that I got pregnant because I’m suppose to be pregnant, this is our time. It may not be the best time, and we certainly weren’t expecting this, but it’s a blessing, not a burden. He thinks different. He wants me to get an abortion. I can’t stop crying. He doesn’t understand how much this is killing me. I want this baby. This is OUR inside of me, and he wants to kill it? I never in a million years thought we would be having this argument about OUR baby. I can’t stop crying. We haven’t spoken at all today. I have nothing to say to him. I want this baby, and I want him to want this baby. It’s so hard when you see a side of someone that you never saw before, especially the man you love. How do you handle it? What can I say to this man to change his mind? Why doesn’t he trust that we’ll be okay? I can’t eat, can’t sleep properly, can’t stop crying, I’m dealing with these pregnancy symptoms, I’m nauseous, I’m an emotional mess. At a time where I need my man the most, I’m most alone. I haven’t even told my mother because if I do, and then I get this abortion, she’ll be crushed. I wanted to tell his mother, cause maybe she could knock some sense into him, but decided against that. I don’t need him to be upset with me. We need to be on the same page. I don’t know what we’re going to do. But I know we’ll both regret it if I get an abortion. I can’t believe we’re even discussing that option. It will kill me. And i’ll end up resenting him for making me do it.
Crying… Until next time.