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Hey there.
Don’t get the abortion. Period. I can see very clearly now that you will definitely regret it if you go through with it. If you do go ahead with your plan to at least visit the abortion clinic, also visit your church or consult with someone who will really show support for your situation.
Your boyfriend is very doubtful right now. What he’s really saying is that he’ll support you by providing you a shoulder to cry on after you’re hurting from the abortion operation. You don’t need that shoulder after the abortion. You need it now.
What’s really real here is that there’s this baby inside you (yes, it is a live human being) and that’s your best friend about to be born. Do not let that best friend down.
School? You’re on this site so by now you can tell that a good number of people here have survived and succeeded. Don’t be afraid of not reaching your dream of finishing school and making a career and name for yourself. That’s something that you can do as long as you make sure you keep your eyes on the ball.
Won’t it be great to study and finish school for your baby? Won’t it even be better to carry your baby in your arms as you go up on stage to receive your diploma?
My Church has always told people that a baby is always a blessing. Your baby will be. All my children have been, all five of them, the one that started it all and we decided to keep, the second that we lost because of my stupidity and selfishness, the thrid that we lost because God thought it best to call him home and the two little girls that keep me incredibly proud and happy everyday.
God bless you.
Erick
well, guys can be jerks a good number of times. LEt you in on a secret: he’s scared out of his wits. I can remember myself in his situation and it’s really scary. Imagine, giving up days with his buddies chugging bear while watching games or rides on the town and hooting hot chicks. All that’s bye-bye for him now. It’s a bit sudden but that how it is.
I’m sorry he had to see a DNA test to believe you. It’s not easy for anyone to be doubted about these things.
You really did get yourself in a difficult situation but it’s a good sign that he’s willing to work with you. For the moment though, try not to get pregnant again. You mentioned that you’d sleep over and I guess that means sex while you’re alone. Avoid that because it will mess things up a bit more.
Please be patient with him. Yes, your situation isn’t the best in the world but it is what you make of it. Work together in this. Everytime you try to make him understand where you’re coming from, understand also where he’s coming from no matter now childish it may seem to be.
Take care of yourself and any time you need a guy’s perspective, email me here. 🙂
Will be praying for you.
Erick
One of the things you should do is accept your boyfriend’s limitations. This is but the start of it. It would really help to remember that when he doesn’t know what to do, he can lash out in anger. I’m not telling you this to scare you. You should know how to handle it and know that sometimes, when he is angry, it doesn’t mean he loves you less but he simply doesn’t know what to do. It’s his way of flailing in the water, so to speak.
Things will be more difficult, that’s for sure especially when things about money matters come into play. Sooner or later, you will have to provide for yourselves and things can get a bit ticky when money is scarce. Hold on to each other and always remember that since you seem to have chosen this path, the path of true partnership is not keeping your fears, your anger inside of you. PArt of being together is sharing everything and you should know how and WHEN to share. No point in forcing the issue of how to care for your baby when he’s shouting his head off. Let things cool down and discuss things after but make sure you discuss things. Don’t resort to just blabbing to your girlfriends. Tell your friends about your difficulties but always remember that the partner in your relationship is the father of your child.
Lastly, you seem a bit concerned about your present inability to let go of your feelings for him when he lashed out seven months ago. It’s part of your pregnancy and the hormonal changes you’re presently undergoing. Though there is an issue between you, it may be exacerbated by the said hormonal changes. Pregnant women have a tendency to be more sensitive that usual. Since you’re young and I suppose still concerned about your looks (fine, everybody else is really. Hehe), having such a big bulge makes you need constant affirmation. The constant pain doesn’t help either. Whenever that gets you down, remember that the little kicking infant inside of you is already your friend. Talk to her. She can actually already hear.
Take care.
Erick
Uhm, I’m not a girl but here I am anyway. B)
I only have one piece of advice for you: talk to your parents as soon as you can, consult your pastor/priest/teacher, make sure the father knows what’s going on and most of all, take care of yourself and your baby.
It may seem very difficult right now but you do have a choice: you can be miserable about having a baby or you can welcome this gift and miracle that you’ve been blessed with. Ironically, you can really find yourself and become who you really ought to be only once you go outside yourself and give your life to another. There is no one better to give your life to than your own child.
Remember, women have a very distinct advantage over men: men (or guys. seems like there are very few men out there) have to earn the love and respect of their chidren. Women are loved by their children right from the get-go. You can only lose that love and respect. One sure way of doing that is if you hurt your baby especially when he/she is defenseless in your womb.
You will be fine. In time you will be. My mother-in-law kept telling my wife (we weren’t married at the time, though) when she was about to give birth to our first born, "God will not give you anything that you cannot bear." That little boy is not 12 years old and has gone through a lot with his mother and myself. Everytime we have it tough, I remember what that woman said. I didn’t appreciate it at the time but now I do. Really, don’t be afraid. There’s always that strong little girl inside you. The only way you can lose if if you let yourslef lose. Forget abortion. That’s the surest way to lose big time.
Take care of yourself and email me if you need to talk to me or to my wife.
Erick
Hi.
Please don’t be scared of your parents. Don’t even mind it if they get angry with you. Do the right thing and protect that baby of yours. If you get an abortion, you will go through the rest of your life knowing that you’re supposed to have one of God’s little miracles with you and you said no to it and to Him.
One of the reasons why I became part of a website like this is because I saw just how many young girls have gotten pregnant and here they are giving strength to one another. One other reason is that I took part in an abortion and because of that, I have killed one of my daughters and the two daughters that I have now will have to go through life not knowing what a beautiful girl and woman their elder sister could have been. Lastly, as I am a father now, I want to give you girls hope. Please understand that we parents get mad often because we’re so scared that when we leave this earth, you may not be okay. We love our kids — we just sometimes don’t know how to show you.
Your parents love you. Let them be mad or disappointed but stand your ground. Show them that you can be mature. They’ll probably ask you if you’re ready for all this and what a mess you’ve gotten into. Just remember that that’s probably what they told you also when you spilled milk a long time ago, wrote on the walls, broke some furniture, etc.
Protect your little miracle and sooner or later, they will come around. Parent can’t turn their backs on their children for long and even more, they cannot turn their backs on their grandchildren.
You’re 16 and it seems scary. Your little baby will make the rst of your life worthwhile. Won’t it be such a great blessing being maybe 25 and your bestfriend and confidant is a 9-year old boy/girl?
Lastly, if you really need help, this site is a good source. Also, go to your church and make sure you listen to pastors/priests who value life. Also, if you need to talk to someone who’s been there, done that and is happily married enjoying the fact that I do have children whom I didn’t lose to abortion, feel free to email.
Erick
Hi, Candy.
First off, just tell your dad. One thing most children don’t realize is that when their parents throw a fit over things like this, they’re disappointed of course but not completely with you. I’m 36 and I hyave two daughters, one is four years old and the other three. When us parents hear of the failings our children get into, one of the reasons we get mad is because we were so powerless to help you and that we weren’t able to do anything to shiled you from pain. Understand that if you will be willing to to take a bullet for your baby, your folks will be willing to do the same for you. It’s just they don’t know what type of bullet they have to take for you this time.
If your dad is anything like me, he’d be dying inside now because he is so proud of you and thinks that his little baby girl is in so much pain. Understand also that most dads don’t know how to show their affection and this may be a problem for him just to show you that though he’s disappointed, he still loves you so much.
This is such a difficult time for all of you. Be patient for all of you.
You’re just 17. Show your dad that this baby is such a big blessing. You can start travelling with your baby in what, two-three years? You’ll just be twenty by then. No big deal. You can’t think that the world is bearing down on you. This is really the start of a new life and what you’re going through is nothing but "birth pangs".
Whatever you do, DO NOT GET AN ABORTION. This situation of yours has moved away from being an issue of choice. There is an innocent life inside you that you have to respect and, frankly, you’ve been given to take care of. There are so many there who can give genuine help to you without hurting your baby.
Lastly, don’t get the abortion for your own sake. My wife got one a long time ago because when she got pregnant with our second baby, I was with somebody else (asshole that I am, I know) and didn’t want another baby that could ruin what I thought was the relationship that I wanted.
Everytime that I see a ten to eleven year old girl, I know that I’m supposed to have one and that my two daughters and my twelve year old son are supposed to have another sibling. I have regretted that decision and so does the woman who bore all my chidlren — my wife of now seven years. All we can do know is pray for our daughter and honor her with the life that our family lives.
Please stand your ground and keep away from abortion. You’re doing the right thing. Your dad will eventually understand. Just bear the fact that he will be angry but angry at himself and scared for you.
Take care. You will be fine.
Erick
