Four years ago, Lauren came home from college for the weekend with an excruciating announcement to tell her parents. By the time she was packing up to head back to her dorm room, though, the right moment still hadn’t presented itself.
Time was running out, and Lauren wasn’t going to be able to hide the truth much longer.
So i decided that in order to get over the past maybe i should write about it, so this is my story.
I’m 16 years old and currently staying with my grandma as things at home deteriorated. I’m in a situation were i have to grow up fast and become an adult. I try and make myself believe that i am an adult but i’m really not, instead i feel like a helpless child whose scared of the dark and has been trapped in this never-ending tunnel with no light to be seen at the end of it. I want to curl up in a ball and stay there till it goes away but i cant, I am forced to stand up and face it head on and deal with any disaster life has thrown at me.
I am 3 Months pregnant and due in April, some say congratulations, some scream and shout and then there are those who say nothing at all. To be honest i much prefer nothing to be said at all then for a bit longer i can almost pretend its not happening, that it was all just a dream. Don’t get me wrong i’m excited and can’t wait to hold my baby, this little bundle of innocence that will have to deal with this god-forsaken place we call earth.
My partner lives half way down the country trying to save up money for the baby but i don’t think i can trust him. I love him so much and he does everything for me but lately whenever i ring he is usually high, out and about with his mates instead of job hunting. I’m scared that hes not going to pull through, that he doesn’t grow into the man he needs to be and support this baby the way it deserves. I guess i’ll find out sooner or later.
I’ve been through a lot in my life, not as much as others and probably not as bad as most but it still has affected me non the less. These past few months are what i’m going to be talking about in my story. My relationship with my mum, how i got kicked out before she even knew i was pregnant and how i have realized how hard life really is.
I don’t want people to feel sorry for me i just want to share my story and hopefully it will help others with some advice i gained along the way of this treacherous road. i Hope you enjoy reading this story i shall be writing and maybe have guidance to share with me.
When Lacey Dunkin first thought about becoming a mother, she saw one thing in her future: boys. “It wasn’t that I believed I could only bond with a son—when I was daydreaming about having a family, I just saw myself with a boy,” says Dunkin, 32, of Fresno, California. Then in her mid-20s and living with her parents, Dunkin longed for a child and didn’t view marriage as a prerequisite. At her mother’s suggestion…
Dunkin considered fostering a child first and found Aspiranet, a family-services agency with offices throughout California with a special focus on foster care and adoption. Dunkin applied to become a foster parent and was certified in June 2011, after completing multiple hours of training and passing a home study. She accepted a family friend’s gift of a race-car bed, and waited.
By late September, Dunkin started to worry that as a single woman, she might never be contacted. Then late one night, a social worker called: “She told me she had a foster-care emergency placement: four sisters ages 5, 2-year-old twins, and 1,” says Dunkin. (In the interest of privacy, Aspiranet chose not to reveal the particulars of the circumstances surrounding the girls’ story.) “I was barely awake, but I said yes.” Within a couple of hours, Dunkin had four confused little girls burning off nervous energy darting around her living room. “They were small and scared, and brought in the middle of the night to this stranger’s house,” says Dunkin, who along with her mother calmed the tired, crying girls and tucked them into bed and rocked the baby to sleep.
The next morning, Dunkin called in to work and prepared to take Sophia, the eldest, to her kindergarten class. “I was making her breakfast and she asked me if I had any daughters and if she could be my daughter, which broke my heart,” says Dunkin. “She asked what she could call me and I told her, ‘My name is Lacey, and you can call me whatever you want to call me.’ By the time I found her school and dropped her off, she was introducing me as her mom.”
Later that day, Dunkin learned the girls—Sophia; the twins, Natalie and Melanie; and the 1-year-old, Kaylee— had a sibling, Lea, born the night before. (Lea temporarily went to a foster couple with prior experience with newborns.) Nine months later, the older girls reunited with their birth mom. Says Dunkin: “I tried to keep faith that they would end up where they were supposed to, and in my heart, that was here.”
After about a month, the girls’ birth mother concluded it would be too difficult for her to care for them. “She called and asked if I would take all five,” says Dunkin. “I immediately said yes.” She formally adopted them in July 2013. “They asked me if I was sure they were staying. I reassured them, ‘You’re adopted. You’re home forever.’ ” (Dunkin has her parents’ help and financial assistance for the girls’ needs.) There was one more surprise: The children’s birth mother was expecting again: a girl, Cecily, born that September. Cecily eventually also came to live with Dunkin and has been adopted since.
“I want people to know that foster children are not bad, they’re not broken,” says Dunkin. “Children are resilient, and want and need a loving home.”
Read full article at: Gail O’Connor from Parents Magazine
Image courtesy of: Kimi-G Photography http://www.kimigphotography.com
When Nick Hagelin stepped onto the stage to audition for The Voice, he had a big fan backstage in his young son Bash. Bash, along with his mom Christina, joined Hagelin on stage after the audition and it was immediately visible that Bash has special needs. Hagelin explained that doctors told them Bash might never be able to walk, but there he was, walking out onto the stage to show support for his dad.
At just nine days old Bash was diagnosed with Arthrogryposis Multiplex Congenita (AMC), a condition in which joints are permanently fixed in a bent or straightened position. Some children born with this condition do not survive, including one baby boy who was born just hours apart from Bash in the same hospital and delivered by the same midwife. That baby’s spin was bent and locked in a C shape and he was unable to breathe. In Bash’s case, his elbows were locked straight, and his hands locked in a bent position. His knees and feet were also affected. Doctors said that he may never be able to take care of himself, but his parents were determined to help their son become independent in any way they could.
“Hard work has always been a part of this boy’s life and it’s his perseverance and winning attitude in the face of adversity that make him such a remarkable individual. […] It’s never about what you can’t do and always about what you can do,” Hagelin says in a video about Bash. His family chronicles Bash’s challenges and achievements in order to raise awareness for AMC and help other families discover therapies to help their children.
Hagelin describes his son as “full of wonderment and bliss with a big appetite for life.” He says that Bash “greets each day with a smile, grateful to be alive.”
Bash’s devoted family has used every therapy available to them to help Bash, and that plan eventually paid off. When Bash was one and a half, he was finally able to move around on his own by rolling, scooting, riding his toys, and using a specialized device that allowed him to walk with assistance. His parents worked tirelessly to help him stand up and flex his arms. Then on Easter Sunday at two years old, he took his first independent steps, which Hagelin called a “miracle.”
Without elbows that bend, it has always been extremely difficult, and one would think even impossible, for Bash to feed himself, but this boy doesn’t quit. Even after so many attempts that end with the fork on the floor, he keeps going and keeps smiling. At age two, Bash became eligible for surgery on his elbows that his parents hoped would finally allow him to overcome this challenge.
“I want to feed myself,” he says as his parents prepare him for his surgery by having him perform “surgery” on a Buzz Lightyear toy. And he would. That surgery was successful, and his elbows now have a 90 degree bend allowing him to feed himself consistently. He still has a lot of work to do to strengthen his muscles which are weak and underused, but his family recently learned about a device called Magic Arms that can help him gain even more mobility.
Most of his treatments have not been covered by insurance, so the Hagelins have had to rely on donations, but Bash, now age four, has a huge network of support which has grown even larger thanks to his father’s appearances on The Voice. Bash is showing the world that children with special needs and different abilities live beautiful lives. He has a contagiously happy spirit, a hilarious sense of humor, a dimpled smile, and a very bright future.
Article by Nancy Flanders
#NICKANDBASH #THEVOICE #HAGELIN #BUZZLIGHTYEAR
Dear Becky,
On the 18th of August I found out that I was 4-5 weeks pregnant. The father of my baby was my best friend and was already in a relationship with another girl, who is also pregnant and due in September. After we found out, I immediately told my parents (which I now feel was a huge mistake). My dad was very accepting and supportive as he always is. My mom reacted in a calm manner but felt that I shouldn’t go through with my pregnancy and my best friends mother felt the same.
They pushed me to make a decision very quickly, and i was made to feel that I was incapable of raising a child on my own… as this went on, i grew more and more confused everyday, but i knew that I had to make a decision.
They promised that they would support me if I went through with the abortion and I felt that they would, surely for a week and then everyone would go on with their lives and i would be left to live with the fact that i had, had an abortion.
After a couple of days I convinced myself that doing what my mum said would be best because she knew what it was to raise children as a single parent. So i decided to have an abortion, despite the fact that i felt that I could be a mother (i sometimes got excited).
On the 26th August I went in to the clinic with my mum. The wait was long, but I was okay because I had convinced myself that what i was doing was right for me. As I the nurse did my ultrasound, i saw this tiny little thing on the monitor and I knew that, that was my little baby. It’s size was 1,73cm and I was 5 weeks and a day…
I went in to have the abortion and when i woke up from the procedure, I had so much pain, and I knew that it wasn’t just physical… it was far more than that, but I didnt say anything.
When I got home, I just focused on healing and felt absolutly nothing about what I had done. I felt okay for 2 days afterwards. On the 3rd day, I started feeling alone and so empty.
I had promised my mum that whatever I felt, I would tell her. But i somehow feel that i can’t because I don’t think she would understand the pain i feel emotionally.
I’m afraid to look at at baby products in stores, on brochures, on the television… I would quickly turn and hide from the way I feel.
I now know that I should have listened to the inner me and kept my baby. But I realise that it’s to late and I don’t know how to live with that. As I bleed everyday since then, I feel more and more hurt, and angry with myself, my family, my best friend and my dad. I just wish my dad had done more to convince me… I had gotten his email to late, had i got before my procedure I don’t think I would have gone through with my abortion…
It’s so hard to live, knowing that I was too selfish to give my child life…
Yours Sincerely
Lyndall (South Africa)
Dear Lyndall,
I’m Julie from standupgirl.com. I’m so sorry to hear the pain in your heart! I know you are angry with yourself, and feel despair. Did you know that many women who have had abortions feel the same way? It is called post-abortion syndrome, and is pretty common. I don’t say that to make you feel it is no big deal – it is. I just want you know you aren’t alone in this experience.
I haven’t had an abortion, but friends have. And they tell me that a support group was a big part of their healing process. I don’t know if there are groups in South Africa, but I assume there are. You can get more information about post-abortion syndrome and recovery from http://www.abortionrecoverydirectory.org and http://www.ramahinternational.org.
Hang in there!
love,
julie
I had a abortion when i was 17 in 2016 . i dropped out of high school my senior year . i was a “party girl” i guess you would day . i started dating this guy who sold pot and he became controlling and mentally and verbally abusive. i wasn’t allowed to talk to my friends , guys, guy coworkers. i stepped off the curb to cross the street and i got called a lucky loo .
i looked at the guy in the car. he would walk me to work and see me on every break. if he didn’t i would have to call on my breaks. I gave him all my paychecks for 8 months.
He threw my belongings in the kitty litter and locked me out of his apartment . he would tell me to leave break up with me leave me no money and no phone and then pull me back. I planned a breakup with him . the next day he came to my school and told me to come with him to get my stuff. he held me in his and his mom’s apartment for 4 periods. He held his gun to his head and told me if he couldn’t be with me he would kill himself. i just put my head in my hands and thought if your gonna do it do it. he didn’t. he held me down and i had to repeatedly tell him i hate him and to let me leave. his mom and brother did nothing. Through the weeks following. he would cruise down the streets he knew i would walk on after school.
one month later i found out i was pregnant.
Now in the mean time of this my dad is racist. My mom was always on my side. She would pick me up every night and my dad blamed her for my doings.
I told my mom before winter break that i was pregnant. She told me that i was going to move in with my grandma after Xmas and she would tell my dad while i was not there afraid of what he might do. My dad is a drunk. He really means well but i wasn’t the perfect angel. He told me while i was dating this guy that i was adopted , he was drunk and my mom was furious at my dad. ( sorry i’m trying not to jump over everywhere).
My dad told my mom that if she touched my black baby he would divorce her and leave my baby my mom and i with a trailer and no money. i had to stop working because Tyler my ex kept sending people to check up on me. I didn’t know what to do . i started buying baby stuff . i started telling people at school. My mom had to sneak to come see me. My dad kept telling me that i cant have a child , a black one for all matter. I couldn’t let my stupid decisions change my mom and dads life. i waited till i found out i was having a boy to decide. I was sad it was a boy because my dad wouldn’t love him and give him everything that he deserved. I didn’t want to bring him into that environment. i drank and did drugs and made the appointment. I went up to Portland to have a three day procedure. My water broke before i went under. When i woke up in the wheel chair . i stood up and got dressed. i apologized to the nurse for bleeding on her floor and she looked flabbergasted . I went home and was asleep during the car ride. I was allowed to go see my friends so my friends came to me and i did ecstasy that same night. i popped pills, i drank , i skipped school to forget everything.
My father and i have talked about it . those three years in between were full of partying and hate toward him.
I am not 22 getting to 23 and i cant get over it. My brain won’t switch from mommy mode. I have learned i cannot fill that void and been clean from alcohol and drugs since the beginning of this year. I can’t have period cramps without thinking about it. everything reminds me of it. I feel empty . I am getting motivation to go to college now but i have struggled with thoughts of suicide. I will never act upon it though .
Don’t give up , we are not alone. Trying everyday………….
