just because…

It’s really insane to me that people just turn their backs, especially when they said for so long that they were always going to be there and nothing is going to end your friendship and everything. It’s like they say that until that day comes when you say you’re pregnant, and then they get mad at you and tell you you’re dumb and to give the baby up and things that you really don’t want or need to hear, and even though you feel like you’re doing the right thing and that you can handle whatever choice you make. you really can’t. I would never give my baby up, and it’s like yes, I’m young and I don’t have everything figured out yet. But I will do what I have or need to for my baby, and no one is going to change my mind. Yes, I have my family’s and my boyfriend’s family’s support and they’re all excited and can’t wait. I still feel alone. I mean, I know that some of them have been in my shoes and they know what I’m going through and everything, but I still feel like the world is leaving me behind, shutting me out, you know?
It’s insane to know you have a baby growing inside you and depending on you, wondering if it’s a boy or girl, who they’re going to act like, whose personality they’re going to have…

I’m writing this because it’s a mixture of my feelings and thoughts. I want girls who are going through what I am, with all the feelings of being alone and everything, that there are people out there like you and you’re not alone. Yes, it’s hard to feel like it’s going to be okay, even with all the support in the world. You just have to give yourself more credit. You’re going to be a great mother, no matter what age you are when you become a mother.
Just keep your head up and keep fighting. No one can tell you what to do. your the one that holds all the power. if anyone needs to talk, you can add me on here and write on my wall or ask for my email or Facebook.
Just remember no matter what, you are not and will never be alone,

first day.

Today was the day I did my first pregnancy test at home and it came back positive.
Me and my boyfriend have only been back together for a month…
I’m really scared and all that because the last time I was pregnant, I never told him about it and we broke up (he never knew I was pregnant), and then 2 weeks after we were broken up, I started having a miscarriage. I later on told him about it and he hated me for knowing and not telling him. But now that I’ve told him I’m pregnant this time, it’s all different. He doesn’t want the child, which is understandable, but last time I had a miscarriage and I think of that bubba every birthday and every Mother’s Day, and I don’t get to celebrate it because I lost my bubba…

I’m scared I’ll miscarry again, and even worse, I’m scared I’ll lose my boyfriend. We’re in love. We’ve been talking about getting back together for months, but I was always too scared to. But now that we are and this happens, I’m scared it’s enough to make him run away.

My story

Almost a week ago, I did the hardest thing possible. I terminated my pregnancy. I felt like I had no other choice. I did what I had to, but it still hurts.

It started when I met this guy at a local gas station. I had seen him there a few times and we flirted back and forth until he asked me for my number. We texted for a while, then we decided to hang out. I had recently lost the love of my life.

He got into some bad things and landed himself in jail. So I was a little vulnerable. He had also gotten out of a serious relationship with a girl whose son he called “his”.

Well, things got easy between us. We went out to movies, parties, and mud holes. We had a good time together. Then we were sitting in the back of his truck at the local mud hole, just watching the sates & we had sex for the first time, stupidly with no protection. We had done it a few more times before I found out I was pregnant. Before I found out, he told me he was going back to his ex & that we were basically over. I was pretty upset, but I thought it would get better. I was wrong.

Not even 2 weeks later, I realized I had missed a period. I decided to wait a few more days until I took a test. When I did take the test & I saw the pink lines, I just froze. I didn’t want to believe it. I was 1- & preggo by a guy who left me for someone else. What was I to do?

For a few days, I ignored it. I just pretended it wasn’t real & went on with life. Then I realized I had to tell someone, it was eating away at me. I was slowly breaking. So I texted the father and said, “We need to talk”. He didn’t reply for hours. Then he said what do you need to talk about. Then I told him I was pregnant and he was like “OK? And..”  I said and you’re the ******* father! He was like well, I don’t know what to tell you, this is crazy. So I told him I didn’t know what I was going to do and I wanted him to have some kind of say. He said whatever I wanted to do. So I said, I would get back to him.

Well, my sister found out and told my mom. She was supportive & told me my options. I’ve always kinda been against abortion, but also pro-choice.  I just never thought it was for me. Well, one night I was at work & I got a call from the father, but I rejected it and sent a text stating I was working and couldn’t answer. This was the reply “This is his baby mom & I wanna know if you’re really pregnant or not. Tell me what’s going on now.” I was shocked by this and I didn’t know what to say so I didn’t reply right away. When I got home I texted back saying “This is between me and him and if you want to know what’s going on, ask him”. She told me she didn’t give a s*** if I was, but I better give it up.

I cried and that’s when I knew I’d be alone in all this. So I talked with my mom, and I made the decision to have an abortion. At the time I thought it was right. The baby’s father would be in and out of its life, and would be taking care of a child that wasn’t his instead of his own. So I had to do it. I was young and felt alone. When I got the pills from the clinic, I waited 2 days to insert them. Almost right away, I felt pain. Maybe an hour later, I began to bleed. I felt something come out of me and I went to the bathroom and on the pad I was wearing I saw my baby. It was very small and barley had any blood on it. I freaked! I began to scream and cry for my mom. She told me everything was OK and that I would be fine. The father never called or texted to see if I was ok, knowing that I was having the abortion and when. All this happened just a week ago and I feel so much regret and guilt. That was my baby and I just killed it. I’m not sure how life would be if I decided to keep it, but I know I will never forget what I saw and what I’ve done. I will always think of my baby and wonder what if.

Thank you for listening to my story.

Not sure what is right..

Hey ladies,
I am 20 years old and currently 8 weeks pregnant. My current boyfriend and I have only been together for about 3 months and this has all put major stress on our relationship. He is 27 and probably the best boyfriend I have ever had. He really doesn’t want this baby though and I’m not sure what the right thing to do is. I know that he would stand by me no matter what I decide, I just also know that one choice would make him MUCH happier than the other. I guess I’m worried about losing him… or ruining our lives. I also know what a blessing a baby can be.

Any comments would be wonderful…

i dont know what to do

I am now 16 years old and I am engaged. We have only been dating for 4 months, going on 5.

We have been sexually active, but always use protection. I want to be open with my dad, but my boyfriend doesn’t think I should. Is that bad? Or is he right? Sometimes, I feel the need for a baby, but I am so young.

We talk about it a lot, but I just don’t know what to do.

First Posts are the Hardest…

Aren’t first-time Blog Posts the hardest things to write?

I’ve just started University in Wales. Not quite sure whether it’s the right thing for me, but £3290 is a lot of money to throw away!

And I’ve just joined StandUpGirl…today in fact! So I’m a bit unsure of what to say!

I’m not going to pretend I’m pregnant, or have been pregnant, or even know how it feels! But I have thought that I might have been, and those negative results have really got me down.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 18 months and live together in our own flat. Recently I went on the pill, and what with missing a couple and taking them late, I’ve done my fair share of pregnancy tests!

I’ve always wanted a baby, but recently I’ve been thinking about it more and more. I’ve cried and cried over the fact that I can’t really have one…due to my studies. I’ve argued with my boyfriend over and over, and although we both want one, we’ve agreed to wait until we’re better off.

But I can’t stop thinking about it. And it probably seems really selfish because I’m too young. But I can’t help how I feel. Does anyone think it’s weird?

I obviously don’t know whether I can have kids, but I’ve had really irregular periods and I’m so scared that I won’t be able to have kids in the future. I don’t know what to do.

I can’t really talk to anyone about it, I think that other people will think I’m stupid.

Any thoughts?