Almost a week ago I did the hardest thing possible. I terminated my pregnancy. I felt like I had no other choice. I did what I had to but it still hurts.

It started when I met this guy at a local gas station. I had seen him there a few times and we flirted back and forth until he asked me for my number. We texted for a while, then we decided to hang out. I had recently lost the love of my life.

He got into some bad things and landed himself in jail. So I was a little vulnerable. He had also gotten out of a serious relationship with a girl who’s son he called “his”.

Well things got easy between us. we went out to movies, parties , mud holes. We had a good time together. then we were sitting in the back of his truck at the local mud hole, just watching the sates & we had sex for the first time. stupidly with no protection.  we had done it a few more times before i found out i was PG. before I found out he told me he was going back to his ex & that we were basically over.  I was pretty upset but i thought it would get better, I was wrong.

Not even 2 weeks later I realized I had missed a period. I decided to wait a few more days until I took a test.  When I did take the test & I saw the pink lines I just froze. I didn’t want to believe it. I was 1- & preggo by a guy who left me for someone else. what was i to do?

For i few days i ignored it, i just pretended it wasn’t real & went on with life. then i realized i had to tell someone, it was eating away at me. I was slowly breaking. So I texted the father and said “we need to talk”. he didn’t reply for hours. then he said what do you need to talk about . then I told him I was pregnant and he was like “ok? and..”  I said and your the ******* father! He was like well idk what to tell you, this is crazy. so i told him i didn’t know what i was going to do and I wanted him to have some kind of say. He said whatever I wanted to do.  so I said I would get back to him.

Well my sister found out and told my mom. She was supportive & told me my options. I’ve always kinda been against abortion, but also pro-choice.  I just never thought it was for me. Well one night I was at work & I got a call from john(the father) but I rejected and sent a text stating i was working and couldn’t answer. this was the reply “this is his babymom & I wanna know if your really pregnant or not. Tell me what’s going on now” I was shocked by this and I didn’t know what to say so I didn’t reply right away. when i got home I texted back saying “this is between me and John and if you want to know whats going on ask him”. She told me she didn’t give a s*** if you are, but you better give it up.

I cried and that’s when I knew I’d be alone in all this. So I talked with my mom, and I made the decision to have an abortion. At the time I thought it was right. the baby’s father would be in and out of its life, and would be taking care of a child that wasn’t his instead of his own. S oI had to do it. I was young and felt alone. When I got the pills from the clinic I waited 2 days to insert them. Almost right away I felt pain. Maybe an hour later I began to bleed. I felt something come out of me and I went to the bathroom and on the pad I was wearing I saw my baby. It was very small and barley had any blood on it. I freaked! I began to scream and cry for my mom. She told me everything was ok and that I would be fine. The father never called or texted to see if I was ok, knowing that I was having the abortion and when. All this happened just a week ago and I feel so much regret and guilt. That was my baby and I just killed it. I’m not sure how life would be if I decided to keep it, but I know I will never forget what i saw and what I’ve done. I will always think of my baby and wonder what if.

Thank you for listening to my story.