6 years ago, I was in love with my boyfriend. He went off to the army and we went our separate ways. 2 years ago, I found him online and we finished where we left off.
He promised me he wouldn’t treat me the way he used to. He said I was a good woman and deserved to be treated that way. He told me that he wanted me to have his baby. So on Sept 13, we came together and a life was created. I tell this man that I am pregnant with his child. He told me that I had better get an abortion or never speak to him again. Now I’m not one to get googly for a man but now, this man, who was telling me all good things months ago, has now changed his heart.
I want to beat the living Sugar Honey Iced T out of him.
I am here all alone with a baby to raise. He laid there with me and helped create it now. He doesn’t want to be man enough to own up to it and raise it.
What do I do. I’m lost, confused, hurt, angry, shaking badly…and about to snap and lose it.
Lately, I’ve been havin’ these crazy dreams about me giving birth to twins and it’s like every dream that I have had they has come true.
I am not the type of female that have a lot of dreams esp. those fairytales because I live in the real world… But anyways, I had a dream about me being preggy, that was true. I had a dream about my baby being a girl, that also came true… Well in this dream, I went into labor ahead of time and like 2 minutes after, my baby came out…
Here comes another kid… and then the doc tells me that now she knows the reason for the complications that I was having during my pregnancy… Well lately, I have been having a lot of complications… I have been in and out of the hospital at least 4 or 5 times a month and the docs just can’t find a reason to my problems… I am sure that I am not going to have twins because if I was, the doc would have been said something… Well, I am not going to worry no more… I have a app. 2ma.
So when I go there, I will ask her…
I was 16. I knew him for years. We kinda grew up together but we were never friends. We went to the same school since 3rd grade. I was in and out of placements, always gettin’ into trouble. So I really didn’t have time to pay attention to him or anyone else.
Then I came back from placement from going the last time right before my 16th birthday. He was friends with my older brother now and when I saw him, he looked so good. He had his hair grown long and was in a ponytail. But he had a girlfriend. But I still got close to him. Soon he broke up with his girlfriend to be with me. At first, we used protection then sometimes, we didn’t have it. Then about 3 months of dating, I started to really fall in love with him and was getting ready to break up with him because I was afraid to be in love when I decided maybe, I should take a pregnancy test.
So I did. I was pregnant.
I’m not like many girls, who after they have sex, they worry about being pregnant. I don’t have to worry about any of that, and I wish I did but I don’t. Why? Because I can’t get pregnant.
It’s not any fun nor is it easy, especially when you are wanting to get pregnant and you have done everything you possibly can to get pregnant and it just doesn’t happen for you. It makes you really depressed when your partner is wanting to conceive a baby and you just can’t do it or he talks about having his own kid one day and you know that it won’t ever happen for you. It’s very emotional for the girl. It’s not easy at least for me, and I wish there was something I could do but unfortunately, there isn’t.
The reason why I can’t have kids is because, when I was younger, I was forced into having intercourse with a guy and he ended up messing me up on the insides. And when I fought back, he beat me in the stomach and messed my ovaries up to the point where I couldn’t walk or stand. I don’t have my tubes tied or anything, I am all natural. I don’t take any birth control pills or anything. So I should get pregnant but I can’t and I can’t seem to figure out why. I have gone to doctors and they have suggested ways to get pregnant and they just haven’t seem to get me anywhere.
It’s not easy for me…
Dear Becky — Here is my story.
I found out I was pregnant sometime during October.
At first, I was excited and looking forward to the baby, I couldn’t wait to get home to tell my boyfriend. On my way home, all I could do was day dream about prams and cots and baby’s first day of crèche, and how we are going to live happily ever after.
After telling my boyfriend, who was calm and blasé about the whole thing, I suddenly had a dose of reality. That’s when I thought of my parents, more particularly, my mother as my dad had passed on 9 years ago. What will I tell my mother, how will I do it… what if she kicks me out? , which was most likely to happen. To make matters worse, I am living in a foreign country due to studies and my boyfriend is from a totally different country as well… We just met here in South Africa.
More worries came. For example, I was worried that I will not only be kicked out and disowned by my mother, I will also end up raising the baby alone as the dad will most certainly go back to his country. I had no idea what to do but I was determined to keep my baby. The weeks flew by so fast and I was “ excited” so to speak until I was about 14 weeks and people started finding out, I still haven’t told my mother and I thought, now will be the time to tell her before she finds out from someone else..
For days, I couldn’t find the words, I kept hinting at it and she kept trying to avoid the subject. In the end, I decided an abortion was the only option I had, I mean I could have kids in future, right?
I then visited the local abortion clinic and like fresh produce, the procedures had different price tags depending on how far along one is… I was 16 weeks by then… and it was going to cost R1670, roughly $215. I could also choose the method I was most “comfortable” with.
I started doing some research on the different methods. Every time I read up on the methods used, I felt sick. How could I possibly do this to my baby? You see, I have had an abortion before, never even knew it was possible to terminate a pregnancy until I was taken to our family doctor. Back then, I had no clue as to what was happening or the exact implications of the termination as I was only 17. Now I can make my own choices (at least I felt I can). I was dead scared of my mother’s reaction though and I still planned to go through with the abortion. Every day I read up on the methods, every night I cried thinking about it. I also visited the abortion clinic on a regular basis and each time I ran out just before the procedure. At this stage, I was about 19 weeks along and I found out it was a boy as I was still going for my ante natal check ups have started kicking lightly.. The kicks were more frequent when I read up on these methods.
Most days, I couldn’t sleep as I was feeling trapped. I really didn’t want to have an abortion but I couldn’t stand disappointing my mother either, this was despite the remarkable support I got from my boyfriend. I then started pushing him away.. I grew so miserable I cried myself to sleep every night;
In the end, I started loosing so much weight which was unhealthy for my baby and decided to stick to my decision of having him. I then came across the Standup girl website and wrote to Becky. I mainly wanted someone to tell me that I made the right choice that I was not going to regret having the baby… Lisa replied to my mail instantly. She made me see reason and made me realise how lucky I am to be carrying such a gift. She became my rock. Every time I had the thoughts of having an abortion, I emailed her and she got me to think straight again.
I gathered courage to tell my mother and as I expected, she didn’t want much to do with me. She promised to be there for me but have not stayed in touch as she used to. She ignored my text messages, emails and phone calls. This made me more miserable but I was still not convinced it’s reason enough to have an abortion. My school work started to suffer, I was no longer interested in studying, all I did was sleep.
The next few months were horrible, up until my 7th month of pregnancy. At this stage I have read half the stories of other girls on the Standup girl website and realized that I was not alone, there were others in much worse situations than I was and yet they overcame everything. I then started embracing my pregnancy and baby. I began to interact with my baby and as soon as my frame of mind changed, my baby‘s kicks became a sense a joy and pride, I loved every minute of it. I didn’t care about anyone else and I couldn’t worry less about what people thought, including my mother.
On the 27th of June, Jaden Damion was born, at 4.06kg and 50.5 cm; he was one healthy big, beautiful boy. I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. I told my mom and she was in love with him instantly.
He is the light of my life, the inspiration I have to live life to the full. Life has never had so much meaning for me before. Jaden is 3 months old now and has his own personality. Every time he smiles, my heart melts. He is the richest blessing my boyfriend and I have received and our hearts wants to burst with love and pride at every waking moment… He is our happily ever after.
I would advise anyone going through a tough pregnancy to choose life. There is no greater joy than knowing you helped bring someone into this world. Babies are such a treasure and being able to carry one is the greatest gift of all. Yes, it is tough at first, but the rewards are endless in the end. It’s a decision no one will ever regret.
Dearest Marcia – I can only say wow! What a beautiful story and how I know that this will definitely touch many hearts out there. Often times, we think that we are so alone and that we are the only one experiencing these things. What a comfort it is to find a place, like Stand Up Girl, where so many others can come and share their experiences with each other.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Jaden is absolutely beautiful!
Luv Lisa
One of the last things my mother said to me when I got taken out of home was that I would be dead or pregnant before I was 18. Well, I am certainly not dead… But I am 9 weeks pregnant (by estimation). I first found out on a Sunday afternoon, and I was shocked, amazed, I guess. You can’t really describe it because it’s all the emotions at once. I asked my partner how, what, when, why. I always think of what to do: the decision to abort, adopt, or to go through with it. I honestly have hardly a clue of where or how to start things because in age I am only 17.
I guess my mother was right. but in a way she wasn’t. I am with a amazing man, who is my best friend, my support and shoulder to cry on. He tells me all the time that everything is going to be ok, but will it? He hasn’t got a job at the moment because there isn’t any work where we live…
I often think what if this baby ruins what we have? But then I think of how selfish it is to think that. A baby who is selfless and innocent can’t be punished for our actions. I’m just so scared all the time. My sister and her husband are supporting us emotionally but what about everything else? I am already in love with my child. I just can’t abort. It’s killing pat of me isn’t it????
I met my partner at my new job about a year ago. He was such a bad boy. All muscle, blue eyes and blonde hair. Something u just can’t pass up. after talking and getting know each other he told me he had a spare room at his house out on a property with his family. I took it.
After awhile, we fell head over heels for each other. 9 months down the track, I did a home pregnancy test before I went to work. It came back positive. The only thing he did was smile. I ran into the supermarket crying and told his mother and father. They supported me and my partner big time. The only question was, What now… Abort? Adopt? Have a baby at 17?
Well, my good friend (my manager) told me to abort, no buts about it, “I’ve done it twice” she said. I agreed but something didn’t feel right. I then went and told my sister… Straight away, she knew I was thinking about abortion. She got angry and said, “You love kids, you love him, its all going to be OK!” Straight away, after talking with my partner, I knew I couldn’t kill my baby, no way. I could start a family I never had.
This is my new beginning. Yes, it will be hard. Yes, it is a bit earlier than I had hoped for but I think this is what I need, what my partner needs, and what my new family needs… Keep you posted…
xoxoxoxox
