Well, it’s been a while since I’ve been on here, but I think it’s about time I started using this site again. It really did help me a lot and I could use the support. My little boy is now 5 years old & my little girl is now 3. Her father & I are not only not together, but he has moved away to California. He has been gone since she was almost 1 1/2 and he comes to see her on her birthday once a year. He talks to her once a week, if that, and it’s always me starting the conversation. I feel like I’m putting too much effort into them having a relationship since he doesn’t act like he really cares most of the time.
In other news, my daughter has Asthma, which has been really hard to deal with sometimes. She has been hospitalized for it, had ambulance rides, and we are constantly finding ourselves in Urgent Care. It’s really sad seeing her not able to breathe, but the doctors are hopeful that it’s something she will grow out of since she got it when she was 1. My fingers are crossed that they are right.
Being a single mommy is challenging & stressful at times, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. Trying to date has been a challenge for me. It’s hard to juggle all the aspects of my life at times, but I’m working on it. My little boy told me the other day that it was time for me to get a boyfriend because Andrew & I have been done for a long time.. lol. I really like this guy & we’ve been on & off for about a year now, but I’m not sure if I’m ready for him to meet the kids.
Anyways, that’s my life at the moment…
Am I too nice to the men in my life who have done me wrong?
I never shout or act out my anger, never try and seek revenge even though it’s deserved. The way things have been going through many of my past and present relationships, it’s as though I am not able to hurt those who have hurt me. I don’t like conflict. I don’t like the heavy thoughts that weigh on my mind. I could express my anger by screaming, yelling, destroying, being abusive, being spiteful. but it doesn’t seem to be in my character. It doesn’t mean that I let others walk all over me, but rather that when I do act I take it too far for my liking. I want to be his friend. He doesn’t deserve it, but if I kill him more with my kindness, he is less likely to want to hurt me again. That’s just my mindset anyway…I miss him every day. I pretend that I don’t to help ease my pain…but in my heart, it hurts me a lot…I wish it didn’t. I wish he could hear my thoughts, feel my bad, and realize just how much I really care…
I’m completely confused. My boyfriend and I have a beautiful 6-month-old daughter. I’m 19 & my boyfriend of two years is 22. We have our own place & car. He works two jobs while I look for work. We’re both recent college graduates. I am currently one month pregnant. My boyfriend feels that it is much too soon to have another child & suggests abortion. I’m terrified of the thought but open to opinions. Suggestions anyone?
I’m not sure how to start off. I guess I’ll start like this…
Dec 31 was a day that changed my life forever. I was 13 and I got pregnant. When my family found out, they flipped out. They all wanted me to get an abortion, including the father of my child. His mom and dad wanted me to keep the baby and I so made the choice to keep the baby. I found out I was having a little girl at 19 weeks. I was so excited and ready to be a mommy. I choose the name Heather Ann Jordan. She was gonna be named after my sister who had died and her middle name was the father’s grandmother’s middle name. I thought it was perfect. Day by day went by and I got more excited every day and every day my family disowned me a little more. When I was 8 months along, I had to be rushed to the hospital. Something went wrong and Heather died. :'( I had to give birth to a dead baby girl.
When I gave birth to her, they asked me if I wanted to hold her. If I wanted pics of her and what I wanted to do with her body. Of course, I wanted to hold her so I said yes. I held her and cried and cried. I just prayed to God, “Just let this be a bad dream. Let her be OK.” But I never woke up from this bad dream. In the end, my family and her father all got what they wanted except me. I didn’t get my baby girl. I felt so lost I cried for months. I still cry till this day about what happened to my baby girl. I have an angel up there and every day, I just want to end my life and be with her, but I don’t. I pray every day and talk to her. Now I’m with a steady guy and we’re engaged. He’s amazing and we’re in love. He went through the same thing. He was having a baby girl. Her name was gonna be Evilin. Something went wrong with her and she died. Evilin’s mom was 8 months pregnant turns out we were the exact same weeks along when we lost our baby girls.
I just found out I’m 5 weeks along. My fiancé and I are so happy. We’re not telling anyone until I start to show so they can’t do anything about it. We both still miss our daughters and still both cry but we know they are all taken care of up in heaven
<3 R.I.P Heather Ann Jordan and Evilin Marisa Eastman. Our angels!
My son’s due date was 8th August, but obviously, he came early. So I shouldn’t be worried about his due date? I am probably making a big deal over nothing, but this day means a lot to me. He should either be on his way and almost here or a few days old. But actually, the 8th of August will be 2 months since Leo has been home from the hospital…And almost 4 months of him being here. So it’s special to me. Today(6th August), my son has reached his due date goal of 6 pounds. He finally fits into newborn clothes, woo!
We are also having a small engagement party on the 8th, but will also be a type of baby shower for him too. So yeah, we’re having a party to celebrate my son and me and my fiancé’s engagement. It’s a pretty late party, but it will be fun. So we’re pretty busy right now. We picked up the cake earlier today, hopefully it stays okay. Picking up our son’s cake tomorrow.
Well, I’m so glad my son has made it here. I don’t really care when he arrived. He made it to his due date healthy and happy. He’s just a little older than what he should be. My fiancé and I are so privileged to have such a wonderful son. He’s already lifting his head up, and he’s so active. He’s really aware of everything around him…And he clearly shows emotion. Still, no sign of teeth cutting, but I’m grateful because that’s going to be a nightmare. He is gorgeous and I love him lots!
I can’t believe the journey we’ve been through already…Hopefully, we’ll get his scan results back this week then no more hospital for 2 months! Can’t wait for the next few months to pass. I’m a lucky momma. Oh, and I apologize if I occasionally spam you with pictures.
Dear baby,
I’m writing this pretty late, but last week on the 21st it was the 2 year anniversary since mommy decided to give you back to God. I wasn’t so sad baby, but don’t think I forgot about you! There is not a day that goes by where i dont remember you. Although i was only 6 weeks and 4 days pregnant with you, from day one i grew a special bond with you that no one, not even in a million years will understand. I hope youre not mad at me for my decision; abortion, no, giving you up, was the best choice and i needed to make it. It’s a horrible thing, most definately. Thinking about how it happens and what they do…it gives me chills. But you are in heaven now my sweet angel, and don’t get too comfy there because in a few years, you’ll be back in my tummy and i can watch you grow. Like me and your daddy say, youre not gone forever, youre only on a vacation waiting to come back. I’m always going to hurt when i think of you because you were just a sweet innocent child, but so was i. I was 13: a baby having a baby. I have my whole life ahead of me and theres so much i want to accomplish. you want to know what’s in mommy’s future? I plan on continuing dance throughout high school and hopefully doing a solo my senior year. I’m getting my license in November, probably not a car but a job as well. Your daddy and i are running for homecoming king and queen this year and i plan on doing NHS this year. Next summer i’m going to visit my best friend Jason in the Dominican Republic and i told him all about you my love. After high school I want to apply to college in Arizona, Florida or somewhere thats not in Illinois. Im going to Major in therapy for girls who are pregnant, who aborted, who adopted and teen moms, and im Minoring in dance. after that, i’ll see where life takes me. Maybe i should tell you all thats happened since you’ve been gone. Your grandparents divorced and grandma and grandpa both have a new bf/gf. Auntie Sarah tried to kill herself back in May, and Auntie Ashley has nervous break downs every day. Your daddy and i almost broke up, but don’t worry we’ll be together until you’re back in our arms in the future. But, i dont want to tell you all the bad things. I’m happy now baby, i mean maybe i would’ve been happier with you but I’m excited to build up my education and life to prepare for you so i can give you the life i never had. You mean the world to me baby, and I really hope you will forgive me and understand this was the best thing for both of us. You are still my little angel and I love you will everything that i am. You will NEVER be forgotten baby, NEVER.
With all of my love,
Mommy. <3
