am i too nice to the men in my life who have done me wrong?

i never shout or act out my anger, never try n seek revenge even tho its deserved.  the way things have been going through many of my past and present relationships its as tho I am not able to hurt those who have hurt me. I dont like conflict, I dont like the heavy thoughts that weigh on my mind.  I could express my anger by screaming, yelling, destroying, being abusive, being spiteful. but it doesnt seem to be in my character. it doesnt mean that i let others walk all over me, rather that when i do act i take it too far for my liking.  I want to be his friend, he doesnt deserve it but if i kill him more with my kindness he is less likely to want to hurt me again. thats just my mind setting anyway….i miss him everyday. I pretend that I dont to help ease my pain…but in my heart it hurts me alot….i wish it didnt. i wish he could hear my thoughts feel my bad. realize just how much i really care….