Dear Becky — I came across your site by accident and am grateful that I did. After reading many of the touching stories that your site features, I decided it may help to share my own.
My boyfriend Brian and I began to have sex about 8 months into our relationship. He was a 17 year old virgin (very rare quality in a guy) and I had been with one other guy. Brian and I were in love. Throughout the first year of our relationship, we never used a condom, and I wasn’t on any form of birth control, most of the time he just withdrawled and when he didn’t I didn’t end up pregnant so we naiively thought that we weren’t capable of conceiving. He thought that the pot he smoked made him infertile. We also said that if I ever did get pregnant that I would get an abortion. It sounds like we were horrible people to be careless like that and then say that if it happened we would just kill it. We were.
I became pregnant on our one year anniversary, I was only 15 and Brian was 18. The first thing I did when I found out was call him, and he said, you’re getting an abortion right? I was around a bunch of my girl friends and I didn’t want to say it outloud but deep down I knew that it was what I had to do. My whole life all my step dad ever preached against was teen pregnancy. When he found out that Brian and I were having sex he was furious and wouldn’t allow me to see him. Eventually he just gave in because I was so miserable but he always asked if I was being careful, he always urged me to get on birth control. I was his favorite, his little girl and all he ever wanted for me was a successful future. I couldn’t bear the thought of telling him that the only thing he never wanted to happen had happened, due to my lack of responsibility. Then there was the fact that I knew a baby would ruin Brian’s life, or so he told me and our relationship was really in a rut, we were constantly hurting eachother and I didn’t feel the love anymore. I couldn’t bring a child into that. I made an appointment for an abortion.
The day before I was to go to the clinic to get the abortion I was sitting in my living room when someone called my mom. A few minutes later she came into the room and said, that was a conseler from school, she heard a rumor that you were going to get an abortion tomorrow. I started crying and denied it, but I knew that I couldn’t keep it from her so I told her. She asked if it was what I really wanted to do and made sure that no one was forcing me to, like Brian. She said that no matter what I decided to do she would support me and she ever promised me that she wouldn’t tell Curtis (my stepfather). She never gave me the impression that she thought that I should or shouldn’t. She was simply there for me. The main reason that I was getting an abortion was so that I wouldn’t have to face my parents and here was my mom telling me that she’d support ANY decision I made, still I couldn’t imagine telling Curtis, I couldn’t break his heart. So I broke my babies instead.
Needless to say, I went through with it. I tried to get through that day with as little emotion as possible, but when me and Brian were in the waiting room, a couple brought in a new born baby and I just started balling. Why would somebody do that? Bring a baby into a place where many girls sat waiting to kill the ones inside of them? After it was over, which I admit the procedure was not that bad and not very painful, I went home and tried to put it behind me.
That became impossible to do when at school rumors developed and soon everyone was talking about it, critising me, judging me and I had no one to defend me, not even Brian. He wasn’t there for me after I did that for him. He didn’t care what I was going through and was telling people that he was going to break up with me as soon as I became “emotionally stable”. I was so heartbroken. I began to regret it in a big way, I missed the feeling of my baby so much.
Brian and I had a pretty bad relationship from that point on and eventually broke it off for good this summer. I started sleeping around trying to bring back my self esteem and confidence, but nothing helped, I felt like such a horrible person, like no matter what I was going to hell, that God could never forgive me. I thought about my baby constantly, always wondering things like what it would have grown to become, if I really could have done it.
Eventually Brian and I got back together. This time, our relationship was different, he actually showed that he cared about me, he didn’t lie to me and he didn’t cheat on me. We still fought a lot though, but at least I felt the love that was once there. In October, I realized that I was, once again late. I found out that I was pregnant again in November, and this time Brian’s attitude couldn’t have been more opposite of how it was before, he was ecstatic! I knew that I could never go through with another abortion and giving it up for adoption has never once been an option for me, I know that I couldn’t do it. We decided to keep it but everyday I lived in fear of telling my stepdad. Eventually, in January, after I had told my mom (who again said she supported my decision to keep it) he found out. His reaction was not what I expected at all to say the least. He wanted to know what I was planning on doing with my life now, and if I thought I could handle it, and then he surprized me by not freaking out, not disowning me, but being there for me. I couldn’t believe it! I had killed my baby almost a year before mainly because I was so terrified of breaking my step dads heart, and he ends up being happy for me! You’ll never know the amount of regret and guilt that I live with every day because it could have been prevented, I could have done it.
I’m now five months pregnant and me and Brian are excitingly planning out our lives, happier with eachother then weve ever been. Everytime I feel my little baby kick I want to burst with happiness. I know that God has forgiven me, or he would not have blessed me with another chance and this miracle growing inside of me.
I hope that my story teaches someone out there whos alone and afriad that you can do it, and that if you’re very lucky your parents will be there for you and support you all the way, just don’t ever underestimate them, they may be all that you have!
Thank you Becky, for letting me share my story.
Chasity
Dear Chastity,
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I had so much fear inside me in the early weeks and months of my pregnancy. One of my biggest fears was how those around me would react when they found out. I knew my parents would be so disappointed. I didn’t want to let them down. My guts were in knots all the time. I wanted to find a way out of this situation, without having to tell anyone. I think a lot of girls face this and they end up choosing to have an abortion. Yes, after the abortion this fear might be gone but this fear is replaced with a grief and anguish so unexpected and so deep…You’ve experienced this. I’m so sorry. You need to know, in the very depth of your being that God loves you and He will always be there for you. Nothing can take His love away from us. Nothing.
I discovered, and I think most girls do, that once I brought everything out into the open and I faced that fear…things started to get easier. I was able to move on and start thinking about my future and my baby’s future. I felt such a freedom and a peace. It was so awesome. I ended up getting a lot more support than I thought, and those people who I thought would disown me or judge me, ended up being there for me.
I am happy to hear about your new little one. What a miracle life is! It is so great to hear that you are getting the love and support you need. I wish you and your baby much joy in the days ahead.
I am 15 and 17 and 1/2 weeks pregnant. I had an abortion over a year ago, and it was the most horrible thing i ever did. When i found out i was pregnant this time. I knew from the beginning i couldn’t abort it, but with pressure from my mom and from my boyfriend, i ended up going to the abortion clinic and because i was so far along it had to be a 2 day procedure, so i went and they inserted seaweed into my cervix to open them, and i had to go back the next day.
at about 12am after screaming and crying and slamming doors, i went to the emergency room to have the taken out. When i got there i was so happy knowing i was making the right decision and that i had to get the seaweed out ASAP to not have any problems, when the doctor finally got into the room he didn’t even touch me. He told me that he couldn’t do it that i needed to go back to the clinic where they put them in at, since it was 2 hours away and my mom already taking me one time i knew she was not going to be ok with taking me there again and then coming back without terminating the pregnancy.
Going home crying feeling like everybody was against me and my baby i decided i had no other choice but to go through with the abortion. I stayed up all night crying and at 8 in the morning my mom had a change of heart knowing how much it was hurting me to do it and she took me to my ob gyn. He took the seaweed out but told me that there was no promises that i would be able to carry my baby full term because of my cervix being open my body could expel the baby.
Well i went in on friday and everything was fine. I just want to be a mom! To tell all girls that if you have any doubts what so all about having an abortion DONT DO IT! i know that my life is going to be a lot different with a baby, but i got myself into this and its my responsibility. I know of the sacrifices im going to have to make not being able to do what other girls are doing and not going to dances or partying. And i know nothing is going to come easy to me. but im willing to deal with that, and you should be to!
Love,
Heidi
Dear Heidi,
What an inspiring story!!! Thanks so much for sharing that with all of us here at StandUpGirl. It is never too late, is it, to turn back and do what you know in your heart is the right thing to do! You are such a brave girl, Heidi. Good for you, for standing your ground and not giving up. Your baby is going to thank you for this some day. You are giving him or her a chance to live!
You are right, it won’t always be easy (it hasn’t been for me, either)…but it is SO worth it!! It really is. I look at my beautiful daughter and am so thankful that we are able to experience life together. I can’t imagine not having her in my life. The world is definitely a better place with her in it!
I had to grow up fast…but that isn’t such a bad thing. I partied less…but that isn’t such a bad thing either, is it?! I really don’t feel like I missed out on anything important.
I am so proud of you…that you had the courage to do what you did. You are strong! Keep on being strong and know that all of us here are behind you…rooting for you…and willing to talk or help out in any way we can.
Author: KATIE YODER FEB 11, 2021 | Visit LifeNews.com
After Toyota’s Super Bowl ad captured the touching life story of Paralympic swimmer Jessica Long, the media raced to report on the athlete. But many of them bypassed crucial details about the 28 year old – including her Christian faith and pro-life position.
Toyota, a partner of Team USA, highlighted the 13-time Paralympic gold medalist on Sunday. Her story is one worth telling: She was adopted from a Russian orphanage as a baby and lost both of her legs as a toddler only to become the second-most decorated U.S. Paralympian in history. But there’s more to the story. She centers her life on God, she says, and advocates for adoption in place of abortion. That’s because, for her, “I would rather know that the baby would have a better life than I could give him or her instead of just terminating the baby.”
The minute-long ad doesn’t show all of that – but it struck a pro-life tone. The camera follows the champion athlete as she “swims” through her life story, beginning with her adoptive mother receiving a phone call informing her that little Jessica is available for adoption.
“We found a baby girl for your adoption,” a woman’s voice tells her mother, “but there’s some things you need to know.”
“She’s in Siberia, and she was born with a rare condition,” she continues. “Her legs will need to be amputated. I know this is difficult to hear. Her life, it won’t be easy.”
That didn’t deter Mrs. Long. “It might not be easy, but it’ll be amazing,” she responds. “I can’t wait to meet her.”
Steve and Beth Long – a Christian, homeschooling family in Baltimore, Maryland – adopted Jessica when she was just 13 months old. Her legs were amputated when she was 18 months old due to a condition called fibular hemimelia, which meant that she did not have fibulas, ankles, heels, and most of the other bones in her feet. In total, she has endured more than a dozen surgeries.
But that didn’t stop her from living life. God had a plan.
Instead of a phone call, her adoptive parents actually “went to a church meeting and they saw a picture of me,” she told I Am Second last year. “They were told that this little Russian girl has leg deformities and really needed to be adopted. And my mom just said, ‘We knew that you were the child that God wanted us to adopt.”
Jessica loves both of her mothers.
“I’ve definitely dealt with a lot of emotions and questions regarding my adoption, but I am so grateful she chose to give me life,” she wrote of her birth mom in an Instagram post in 2019. And “My mom who raised me is the most bubbly, fearless, incredible woman and I’m honored to be her daughter.”
In 2013, she traveled with one of her five siblings to meet her birth parents.
“I want them to know that I’m not angry with them,” Long said in an NBC film, shortly before a tear-filled reunion. “I think that was really brave, and I don’t know what I would have done if I was in her situation, at 16 and having this disabled baby that they knew that they couldn’t take care of. I want to tell her that when I see her that, if anything, I have so much love for her, my mom, because she gave me life.”
Jessica is pro-adoption and pro-life, according to a Celebrate Life Magazine (CLM) story published in 2014.
“If you truly can’t care for the child and can’t give the child the life he or she deserves, I would give the child up for adoption, because there is going to be a family out there who will love that baby—no matter what the diagnosis is,” Jessica said. “I know it can seem really discouraging, but in the end, I think that if you would abort the baby, you would definitely regret it. I think, for me, that I would rather know that the baby would have a better life than I could give him or her instead of just terminating the baby.”
Jessica also believes in the power of prayer and faith, telling CLM that “It gives me all of my strength.”
But her faith journey is just that: a journey.
“I can’t think of a single childhood memory that we weren’t always at church or with our church community,” she told I Am Second. “And what I heard a lot of is that, ‘God made me this way.’”
“I knew I didn’t want anything to do with this God that made me this way,” she added. Among other things, she struggled with anger and feelings of being unwanted.
Years later at a Bible study, that changed.
“I just think, I just couldn’t do it alone anymore,” she said, before walking over to a woman who prayed with her.
“I just said, ‘I want to give God my whole heart for once,’” she remembered. “And as soon as I prayed, it was the first time in my entire life that I felt enough.”
She stressed that it’s a process.
“I am constantly reminded every day that I need to give it to God,” she urged. “Every day when I put on these two prosthetic legs that are heavy and they still hurt me. My legs still cause me pain. And I think it’s honestly this really cool, beautiful reminder that I can’t do it on my own.”
At the end of races, she pictures God swimming along with her.
“When practices get tough or races have been hard, I just call unto Him,” she concluded. “God, this is hard.”
And she hears Him respond: “Just keep trying, Jess. I’m here with you.
Dear Lisa — Two years ago I made the worst mistake of my life; I got a non-surgical abortion. I was only 19 at the time and I thought that my boyfriend (at the time) and I wouldn’t be good parents. Plus I had a very crazy, full life and a baby just wouldn’t fit in.
Mainly though, I was just scared. The problem was that no one informed me just how alive my baby was. I thought that at nine weeks he/she was just a bubble of goo, not really alive. I found out the hard way. The day I went to have it done, the clinic gave me 2 pills. One to take there and one at home. I did it alone because of the overwhelming shame I felt.
I followed the directions word for word but nothing prepared me for what happened. First off it was the worst pain I have EVER felt in my life. And secondly, I SAW my baby. After I had ‘expelled’ the sac he or she was in there. It was MY BABY. Words can never describe what I saw. I remember that he/she looked so human already and I hate myself for not knowing that he/she had a heart and eyes. Very blue eyes on the sides of the head and the starting of hands and feet. And I remember that I loved him or her right then. And I remember thinking it was to late. I had no idea that my baby was so big after only 2 months; About the size of an inch maybe more. I will never forget my baby and I want to warn other girls that just because you can’t see or feel it inside you doesn’t mean it’s not alive. Get the facts!
Please, please, please Becky post this on your site so other don’t make the same mistake!
Love, Amber
Ohhh Amber!
As I read your e-mail I just had a feeling I knew what was coming. I couldn’t help but have to keep wiping my eyes with the tissue as I thought of how alone you must have felt and the horror you must have felt when you saw and held your baby. As I read your story – I had to sit in my chair covering my mouth wishing I could just give you a big loving hug and tell you — ohhh Amber I am so very very sorry.
Not one heart can contain such pain – can it? I am here for you Amber.
Know that you are not alone. I also had (I’m sorry to say) 2 abortions. It’s taking me forever to write this letter to you ’cause I’m just full of tears for you Amber. No words that I can say will take away the memory or the pain. But can I share my story with you do you know how I found relief? How I found freedom? You can read it if you want, and if you don’t want to – that’s OK too. I’m a previously featured Stand Up Girl .
Amber – what I’d like to do is share a website with you that can maybe offer a post abortion group. I did it once for each of my babies and the materials that I used was a book called “Forgiven and Set Free” written by Linda Cochran. It was an amazing and wonderful book only about 10 chapters long that brought me through all of the emotional steps that I needed to find healing, forgiveness and freedom.
Trust me – if you call one of these centers, more than likely the girl that answers the phone will be someone just like you and like me. But she has found healing and is wanting to share that with any girl that will call. OK?
Will you let me know what you find and if you can make the call? Here’s the site:
And please know that I’m right here if you want to talk. I will always listen patiently OK?
I’m right here for you. Thank you for the courage to write your letter.
Five months pregnant with her first baby, Desiree Rossette was heading out the door to a wedding when she happened to notice she had a message on the answering machine. The message was from the hospital, and it would change her life, though she didn’t think much of it at the time. The test results the doctor wanted to discuss would lead him to call for an abortion against her wishes. Rossette’s blood test had come back revealing that her baby had a one in 30 chance of having Down syndrome.
Then, during an ultrasound, the doctor noticed white spots on the baby’s heart along with other characteristics that can sometimes point to Down syndrome.
Five months pregnant with her first baby, Desiree Rossette was heading out the door to a wedding when she happened to notice she had a message on the answering machine. The message was from the hospital, and it would change her life, though she didn’t think much of it at the time. The test results the doctor wanted to discuss would lead him to call for an abortion against her wishes. Rossette’s blood test had come back revealing that her baby had a one in 30 chance of having Down syndrome.
Then, during an ultrasound, the doctor noticed white spots on the baby’s heart along with other characteristics that can sometimes point to Down syndrome.
“After that ultrasound, he sat my husband and I down to discuss what our future held,” Rossette wrote in an essay for Love What Matters. “He said, ‘If you go past 20 weeks during pregnancy, there is a chance your son could pass away, along with you.’ I was sitting there in complete shock, sobbing like I never had before. He also said, ‘You could have an abortion, to at least save yourself.’ That is something I told myself I would never do.”
The family began to pray while at the same time planning a funeral for the baby boy, whom they named Dante. They were devastated but had no plans of having an abortion.
“A week later, I got a phone call from the abortion clinic to schedule an appointment,” wrote Rossette. “I was so upset I said some not very nice words and hung up. It turns out my doctor and his wife aborted their child with Down syndrome because he/she would be a burden. He thought I should do the same.”
Rossette never went to that doctor again and found a new group of “absolutely amazing” doctors. They welcomed her and her baby, gave her resources on Down syndrome, and said there was nothing “out of the ordinary” to be found on his ultrasound. Though she now regrets it because of the risk of miscarriage, she and her husband agreed on an amniocentesis to confirm the diagnosis of Down syndrome — an experience she called “horrific.” After the diagnosis was confirmed she said, “I wiped my tears, put on my mom cape, and went to work finding as many resources as possible.” She lined up the early intervention programs and therapies Dante would need.
Dear Becky and Lisa — I just have to say that I wish something like this would have been around when I needed it. I was fourteen and pregnant! The first time I ever had sex and this is what happened. I didn’t even want to do it but the guy scared me into it.
So what was I going to do? I wasn’t even old enough to get a job!!! I couldn’t tell anyone, not even my best friends. I tried to tell the father and he just blew me off. I didn’t know how to go get an abortion and since I was only 14, I thought I’d have to have my mom with me. So I didn’t do anything. I pushed it out of my mind…well as far as I could, I guess. It was still on my mind everyday. My mom even noticed that I hadn’t been getting my period but I guess she was too afraid to ask me, afraid to hear that her little girl was going to have a little one of her own.
Then I caught a cold. My mom took me to a doctor and mentioned to the doctor that I had stopped my period and she wanted to have me checked out, to see if there was anything wrong. Well, of course she learned that I was pregnant. Eight months pregnant at this point. And I couldn’t even admit that I had known this whole time. I was in so much denial that I thought it would have just gone away. My mom was so upset, but not with me. She was upset with herself, I imagine for not taking action earlier, for doing the same thing I did…hope it wasn’t true. But there we were in this situation with only about four weeks to figure out what I was going to do.
I decided it would be best for my baby to give him or her up for adoption. I was lucky and found a beautiful, hardworking single mother. She had adopted a little girl two years prior. This small family looked like they were part of mine! It was amazing how much this woman and her daughter resembled the biracial women in my family! I met her and knew she was the perfect person to take care of my baby. Exactly one week after deciding to have Mary adopt my baby, Olivia Danielle was born. It was January 23rd 1994, three days before my fifteenth birthday.
She is healthy (Thank God), and beautiful.
It took several years for me to understand that even though it hurt more than anything to give her up, she is so much better off with her adopted family. Mary is able to provide for Olivia in ways that I to this day would not be able to provide for her. I know there are greater chances of Olivia being successful because of the support of her adopted family. This is much better for her than living with her birthmother who would have probably been on welfare and unable to buy the things she wanted or needed. I love Olivia more than anyone or anything in the universe. I wouldn’t wish for the hard times she would have had growing up in near poverty with me. I can only move on and learn from what happened.
Nearly eleven years later, I am able to say that I am satisfied with the decision that I made. I have minimal communication with Mary and Olivia, but I do know they are well, happy and enjoying life. I know Olivia knows she is adopted and wonders about her birthparents. I hope one day, I will be able to explain to her in person why I made my decision. I also hope she will tell me how that makes her feel.
I think you ladies are doing a great thing for the young women in the world that don’t know what to do if they’re pregnant. It’s good to know there are options and people that are willing to help them make the best decision for themselves and their baby.
Thank you!
Shiloh
Dearest Shiloh – when I read your e-mail it made tears come to my eyes. What a beautiful love and a beautiful thing you did for a family and for your baby! I am so proud and touched by your wonderful heart.
May I share something with you? I have some very close friends that adopted a baby boy. He is now 3 years old and he is the happiest little baby boy that you could ever know.
Truly a baby doesn’t necessarily know or care of the material things that you can give. Just the heart of love that you have is sufficient. You are a very wonderful warm heated woman and it would seem that people are
blessed just by knowing you and hearing your experience.
